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It's hard to believe, but Majima Goro has always been an altruist.
It's much easier to realize other people's desires when your own scare the shit out of you.
Although, maybe it's not even that, but those unforgettable times when your every breath was controlled by someone's power-hungry hand and your whole existence was reduced to only one goal: to obey. Who knows, what if it suddenly turned into a kind of strange fetish? Do you like to tighten the collar around your neck so much? Does that turn you on? If they tell you to bring a stick, how will you carry it: in your hands or in your mouth?
The truth is, those times will never end. Even if all the members of the Tojo Clan die, you will remain sitting in place waiting for a new person who is ready to take your leash in hand.
Unhealthy bullshit.
You can tell yourself as much as you want that you just respect the power, that you respect some kind of sacred code of honor, but deep down you know that you just need someone giving orders. Someone you're willing to dedicate your life to. Someone pulling your strings.
If this someone says that white is black, and black is white, you will not just believe it, but you will make sure that everyone believes it.
Maybe that's why you, slightly crazy idiot, are still kept in the clan. You're just loyal. That's it.
And it's not like you've never tried to indulge your own whims. Your eye is proof of that. Makimura Makoto's life is proof of that. It's just that every time it turns out that you either beaten to a pulp, or you think that you're acting in your own interests, but in fact you're playing the role of a pawn in someone's very fucking thoughtful game. Even now you, a well-known psycho who allegedly plays by his own rules and does not give a shit about authorities, still obey someone. In the nickname Mad Dog, the main word is "dog".
And here you are again trying to do what you want. And you want someone to trample your head into the ground. Smeared your too noisy brain on the asphalt.
It's fun. It's just that one day you wake up, go to the mirror and see that the mask that you once put on is tightly glued to the skin. And the old you are quietly decomposing somewhere in the Sotenbori area.
It's fun. They hate your mask. They hate what lies underneath. You don't need more than that. Just to know where the line lies. Just to know when it was erased.
The human brain adapts, learns to deal with stress. Comes up with something to fixate on in order to not worry. Kind of a hobby. Like self-torture. You just want to wake up. Do something for yourself. Have fun.
Your coping mechanism — Kiryu Kazuma.
It is extremely interesting to watch how he turns into a real diamond. It's not every day that someone comes into your life who can dispel deadly boredom. It's not every day that someone comes into your life who makes your heart beat against your chest like crazy.
If you went to a shrink, you'd have interesting shit to tell. You know, Doctor, I really want to be fucked with my head against the wall, to be hit so hard that all my teeth will fall to the floor like mints from an opened pack. I'm literally hard when I imagine that someone can break my spine in half with one kick. I really want someone to turn me into a pile of meat.
And here it turns out again that you are doing someone a favor, because this Kiryu, the reason for your ten-year stagnation, after prison does not look at all like a man whose fists are capable of sending you to your forefathers. You're training him anew. You're molding him into a new shape. You create the perfect opponent for yourself. Of course, without receiving a drop of gratitude in return.
You like to think that you're not doing it for him, but for yourself. You like to realize that your battles with him annoy him. That you're pissing him off to the point of squeaking in his teeth. You help him, but on your own terms. The way YOU want. Cruelly, obsessively, completely insane. Even with the kidnapping of his kid.
But you're making the mistake of trying to help again. Because Majima Goro has always been an altruist.
With a bullet inside, drowning in muddy river waters, you keep hoping for something. That your efforts will not be in vain. That Kiryu Kazuma will now appear above the surface of the water and dive after you. That someone will save you.
As you go deeper and deeper, you really regret that you allowed this part of yourself, pathetic and helpless, to leak out. Being selfish is easier. It's easier to watch from the side how others suffer. It's easier to kill the old self and never dig up his grave again. Just become a Mad Dog. A dog that bites off its master's hand.
Looking at how the trickle of blood from the wound smoothly rises up, you think that you will never help anyone again. You'll wait until everything burns down, and then you'll dance on the ashes. You will become the best version of yourself. You'll take everything you're owed, and then you'll explode like the most fucking bright star. You will be free.
The truth is that you don't know how to learn from your mistakes.