Work Text:
What is this that the leader feels?
Maybe everything’s just too surreal
Becoming accustomed to the lonely nights
With only he himself, who he fights
Hidden away so the rest can’t see
He lets out his cries quietly
Wanting to forget all that he lacks
Longing to lean on his beloved's back
Oh, how he wishes to be embraced
By his love, with arms wrapped around his waist
Yet, he does not know if his love is waiting
He does not know if his love is yearning
He does know that he’s slowly breaking
He does know he’s not all that good at hiding
The others watch him wearily
Mostly out of love and concern for him
He can't help but think that it was all an act
“It’s okay hyung! We’ve got your back”
Although, really, he knew they meant well,
He couldn’t help it. His heart fell.
Having no one but himself to blame,
Deep down, he knew it wasn’t the same.
He felt the need to be strong
Or else it would all feel wrong
He was what they needed but never felt wanted
They always felt wanted but not what he needed
What he needed was his beloved
His beloved had already departed
With words that were said like a fact
“It’s okay Sikie! I’ll come back”
He did return but only for fleeting moments
Afraid he’d disappear with just the slightest movements
He’s happy for his love! Getting along with his comrades
But his insides churn in ways he can only describe as bad
Maybe all he really needed was reassurance
Yet, hesitated that it would create some distance
Days turn into weeks that turn into months
He hasn't asked for help… okay maybe once
Things were getting hard
Too hard for his heart
On his members, he lashed out
They’ve never heard him shout that loud
Screaming and yelling
Followed by sobbing
He was a wreck
Out of shock, they were taken aback
Not knowing what to do with their precious leader
They hesitated to take a few steps closer
Not wanting to overwhelm their love
Just wanting to give all the love he deserves
If only they could rewind time,
Pay more attention to the warning signs,
Not fall for all of his lies,
Then maybe everything would have been just fine
They blame themselves as much as he blames himself
For him not looking strong and them for not looking after his health
He was like a broken vase bearing all it’s cracks
Carefully holding the pieces, they tried to put it back
The youngest gets him to play some video games
An attempt to relax, to cool down the raging flames
His other roommate gets him to go outside
To breath in, to even out the roaring tide
His friend makes him laugh, a sweet melodious sound
Makes him stand firmly on uneven ground
The shy yet concerned one makes him the world
Gives him the peace despite the winds that whirl
The tallest, provides many yummy snacks
Makes sure he eats, watching from the back
Is this what home feels like?
He can't really remember
Was there any dislike?
No, there was no need to pretend here
Yet, there was still a piece missing
A hole that couldn’t be patched up, always aching
Oh! How he felt so fully empty
Oh- how he wished he’d stop feeling lonely
Maybe if it were to be filled one day
Then this would be a home where he would stay
These feelings, there’s a lot to unpack
For now, these feelings he shall hold back
As that day drew nearer and nearer
It seemed all the more clearer
When he had finally learned
The missing piece was soon to return
Although he has been waiting and waiting,
Nothing could have prepared him
When he went all the way back to Seoul
Standing at the entrance, anxiety grows
“What if he doesn't like the surprise…”
Bouquet in his hand, which may have been overpriced
“What if he didn’t want me to come…”
Maybe he should head back, maybe this was dumb
It was too late,
Figure emerging from the gate
A sudden burst of emotion’s attack
There was no going back
Disappointed when his love initially avoided
Him and his three managers when they proceeded
Only to find out his fears were for nothing
“You thought we were paparazzi?!?” he couldn’t stop laughing
How long has it been since he felt this light
How quickly it was when everything just felt this right
World finding colours from pitch black
His beloved, a pat on his back
He learned to be truthful with all his emotions
Afraid he’d explode and cause a commotion
His beloved, with big eyes, listened attentively
No blaming, just guilt and full of apologies
For he had thought his feelings were obvious
Or maybe they were just both completely oblivious
The leader unsure of the love he receives
The older so sure of the love he believes
Never once confirming with one another
They just had to second guess each other
They were always by each other's side
However they each had different minds
The same perspective is what they lacked
Just like a pair, standing back to back
That night he laid, not alone anymore
Beloved by his side, just like before
Recounting stories they were not a part of
Head on his back, sturdy yet soft
It may take some time again getting used to
Nothing’s ever really that easy to do
The empty hole now filled with love
It's times like this that he wishes to preserve
He thinks he's finally got the answer
Gently, his love lets out a whisper
A whisper that held so much power
“I’m home, my love, my beautiful flower”
His back,
That’s home.
He’s back.
Back home.