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“Words were different when they lived inside of you.”
Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe
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A cold draft comes through Jisung’s slightly ajar window, accompanied by the sound of the glass being tapped on. Jisung, as per usual, is huddled on his bed fighting off sleep as valiantly as he can while a random YouTube video cycles through on his phone. Jisung doesn’t notice the noise at first, still too enthralled by the interesting behind the scenes videos from one of his favorite movies, but eventually it gets too loud to ignore.
Grumbling to himself, he waddles over to the window across his room, blinking as he realizes that tiny stones are hitting the window and threatening to leave chips in the glass.
Jisung frowns, leaning as close to the glass as he can without his forehead pressing against the cool surface, and scans the ground below his window.
The frown slowly smooths out from his face as he sees the perpetrator of nearly cracking his window, and he rolls his eyes instead.
Of course, Minho.
Minho, his hot neighbor, and just a weird guy in general. Jisung and Minho haven’t really talked enough to be called friends, but once in a while, Minho will come get Jisung at odd times in the night to go on silent adventures. They never really speak to one-another, but it has always been their “thing”.
Just like Minho’s thing is to blink quickly whenever he’s confused or taken off-guard or pulls a disgusted face whenever Jisung acts too friendly. Or even when he brings Jisung his favorite drink, after swearing up and down that he doesn’t have it memorized.
It seems like Minho is back at his antics again, as he stands beneath Jisung’s window, winding up to chuck another stone at Jisung’s poor abused window. Jisung grips the lip of the window and shoves it open, just enough so he can stick his head out and glare down at Minho.
“One day you’re going to break my window, you know that right?”
Minho simply shrugs, which Jisung barely makes out in the cover of night engulfing them, and gives Jisung an expectant look.
Jisung only has to contemplate it for a split second before narrowing his eyebrows and running a hand through his disheveled hair.
“Give me like, five minutes.”
Minho grins mischievously before popping two thumbs up and shuffling over to a tree stump Jisung’s family never bothered getting rid of properly, to sit himself down and scroll through his phone as he waits.
While Minho absentmindedly scrolls through his social media, Jisung stumbles around his room tugging on more appropriate clothes for their outing. The only thing running through Jisung’s mind is How dare my effortlessly attractive crush catch me off guard but that doesn’t stop him from pulling on his favorite comfy sweatpants and hoodie (read: Minho’s hoodie that Minho silently gave to Jisung one cold night).
After tugging on his well-loved beanie, because taming his hair was too much of a hassle, Jisung creeps downstairs through his silent home, avoiding the creaky stairs and floorboards, and slips on his white sneakers. He leaves through the back door leading to the garden where Minho waits for him, and wraps his arms around himself as the sudden cold seeps through his thin clothes.
Despite the cold though, Jisung only feels warmth when he takes in Minho’s sharp face, only illuminated by the light from his phone.
“So, what’s the plan, baby?”
Minho immediately looks up from his phone, grimacing at Jisung, before standing up and shoving his hands in the pockets of his hoodie that swallows his figure.
With no reply, Minho simply gestures his head in a Follow me motion, and heads towards the gate along the side of Jisung’s house leading out front to the drive way.
Jisung pouts silently, but follows nonetheless because he is nothing but a fool for Minho. Standing in the middle of the gravel driveway is Minho’s beat up sedan that has definitely seen better days, but now offers itself as some sort of vessel for Jisung and Minho’s scarce, midnight escapades. Jisung fondly remembers the day Minho got the car; the younger boy had been walking home from his part-time job at the record shop further in town when Minho had driven up beside him as he walked. Minho had driven at a steady 10 km/h until Jisung finally noticed who was driving along side him and ignored his anxiety enough to look. After Jisung had realized and Minho had stopped the car for him to climb inside, Minho had scolded him because he insisted Jisung could’ve been kidnapped.
Minho still bought him an ice-cream that day, though. Jisung can’t complain.
So, just like any other once-in-a-blue-moon day, they climb into the car wordlessly and Jisung plugs the aux cord into his phone. He loads up the playlist he created just for these nightly drives they have occasionally and pulls the hood of his sweater over his head.
The car starts with a slight sputter, but soon Minho is pulling them out of the drive way and onto the dark street. Jisung leans back in passenger seat, allowing the sound of the playlist and the car’s tires on the asphalt to fill his ears. Rarely, Minho will hum along to the songs Jisung plays for him, and it always seems to lull Jisung off into a different plane of relaxation. There had been a time when Jisung had insisted Minho sing for him, but Minho would always promptly stop humming or singing, and flick him in the forehead.
Now, Jisung just takes what he can get.
Once again, Jisung is fighting off sleep, trying to focus on the digital clock that signals 3:37 am at him. The rumble of the car around him and Minho’s tapping finger on the steering wheel barely keep him coherent, and Jisung decides to speak even though he knows a reply would be unlikely.
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Jisung turns his head to ogle at Minho, his heart skipping an embarrassing number of beats at how attractive Minho’s side profile is.
Well, that’s new.
“A surprise? So, I’m not allowed to know?”
“Well, that’s kind of the whole point of a surprise, isn’t it?”
Jisung swears that’s the most amount of words Minho has said to him in the last month total. Unfortunately, his brain is going too haywire to formulate a reply, so he hums lamely in response, and turns his head back to the road feeling way more awake than he was a few moments ago.
The houses and shops pass by quickly, like watching scenes from a movie in two times speed. The soft glow of street lamps against the night sky erase all traces of stars, but it doesn’t matter to Jisung because they will never be as bright as the stars in Minho’s eyes.
Jisung can still recall the time Minho took him to a skatepark a town over. It had taken them forty-five minutes of driving and through some countryside to get to, but it was one of the best nights of his life. Minho had snagged some paint cans from his friend, and they spent the entire night until sunrise tagging and drawing random images on the broken concrete around the skatepark. That night, Minho had told Jisung to talk and keep going until he couldn’t anymore. So, Jisung had talked. He talked about his favorite movies, his favorite foods, and talked about his dreams and aspirations. Jisung was a bit awkward at first, having this one sided conversation with someone who could reply but chose not to, but eventually it was therapeutic. He let his wildest thoughts out into the air and allowed them to drift off to the hidden stars. It was like vocalizing every thought he ever had and feeling them escape from him just as quickly; he didn’t have to hold on to everything anymore.
At the end of that night, when Minho had dropped him off sometime around breakfast, Minho had said Thank you and pulled Jisung into a hug. Nothing like that has ever happened again.
As they drive further from their small city, Jisung feels a wave of nostalgia crash over him, and he can’t help but feel the same as he did that night when they painted the skatepark.
But it’s somewhat different now. Minho is talking.
After some twenty minutes of driving, and ten minutes of shut eye for Jisung, Minho’s smooth voice whispers, “We’re here.”
Jisung rubs his eye with the heel of his hand, looking around blearily before his pupils finally focus. From the appearance of it, they’re in an empty parking lot, with only one lamp post lighting up a portion of the empty lot. Jisung looks over to Minho, completely confused, but Minho is grinning like a child and Jisung doesn’t want to ruin whatever Minho is thinking right now so he smiles back albeit a little more timid.
Minho turns in his seat, reaching into the back seats to pull out a blanket, before climbing out of the car. Jisung hurries to follow, not wanting to be left behind.
After stepping out of the car, with further inspection Jisung realizes they’re on top of a tall hill that overlooks the surrounding towns. The hill is steep and large, with dewy grass covering the entire surface of the hill past the parking lot. There are park benches and a clear designated spot for people to sit on the grass, and Minho is already walking confidently towards the open area. The town lights are visible below from the hill, and because of the height they can see the stars much better without the light pollution in the way.
Jisung jogs a bit to catch up with Minho, shivering at the lower temperature with the new elevation.
They eventually fall in step with each other and walk for a few meters, just for Minho to stop suddenly, causing Jisung to stumble a bit. Before he can trip fully and eat shit on the ground, a hand is coming around Jisung’s elbow and pulling him back. Jisung collides backwards with Minho from the force, and they end up back to chest.
“Oh-,” Jisung chuckles awkwardly, “thanks, haha…”
Minho smirks back at Jisung, almost like he fully understands why Jisung can’t seem to get a coherent sentence out, and-
-says nothing. All Minho does is let go of Jisung’s elbow once Jisung has his footing in the soft grass and allow his hand to find the small of Jisung’s back to steady him a bit more before fully letting go.
Jisung has to take a beat to compose himself again, and in that moment, Minho takes the opportunity to spread the blanket out over the grass and lay down, folding his hands behind his head. Jisung stands there for a stale moment longer until Minho breaks the silence yet again, a personal record at this point.
“You coming?”
After staring at Minho for maybe too long, Jisung nods sporadically, dropping himself with a little oof onto the blanket a few inches away from Minho.
Jisung chooses to sit up, leaning back on his hands as he gazes up at the sky trying to find constellations or make up his own in his head.
“You’re really quiet tonight.”
Jisung’s heart stutters, and he feels his skin crawl. He doesn’t know why those words make him anxious, like they trigger some Pavlovian response for him to start talking, but he catches himself before he can be an embarrassment and chuckles shyly instead.
“I guess. You’re being pretty talkative tonight,” it almost comes off wrong, like Jisung is accusing Minho of talking too much, but Minho snorts and giggles, and he sounds really happy, so Jisung looks down at him and smiles.
“What’s so funny, Hyung? Are you makin’ fun of me or something, huh?” Jisung teases weakly.
Minho sighs with a hint of contentment before speaking again.
“I really envy you; you know? I feel like you can put whatever is on your mind into words so effortlessly. The words inside my head never seem to… come out right?”
Jisung squints down at Minho and then redirects his line of sight back up at the twinkling lights strung up in the sky.
“You don’t need to envy me, Minho. You can do it too. I know you can do it. You’re fearless, you know? Even the most simple words can be enough, you don’t need to make it complicated.”
The blanket moves a bit as Minho shuffles to sit up, slumping over with worse posture than the hunchback of Notre-Dame, and Jisung spares him another glance.
They lock eyes for a second as Minho’s intense look pierces Jisung right through his soul.
“Can I be really honest with you then, Jisung?”
Jisung’s heart is pounding so loud at this point he wouldn’t be surprised if Minho can hear it- not sure of what he should say or do. Is Minho about to tell him that they should stop hanging out or something? Why does the energy feel so electric?
“Of course, anything.”
Jisung looks back up at the stars, sitting up to pull the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands to create sweater paws. He can’t stand prolonged eye contact during serious conversations, especially not when it comes to Minho where he can barely stand any eye contact period.
“I think you’re really pretty.”
It’s like a bomb is dropped.
Jisung’s eyes widen, and he snaps his head to look directly at Minho.
“You what?”
Minho scowls, looking up at the sky to have something to distract himself, “Don’t make me say it again.”
Jisung turns his body to face Minho fully, crossing his legs so he can lean closer.
“Wait, wait, wait, you can’t do that! I think you’re really pretty too! I mean- I think you’re more than pretty, like, hot or whatever. You’re like, otherworldly.”
The air is heavy with tension now, as Jisung’s eyes search Minho’s face desperately, and Jisung can’t stop the smile that spreads on his cheeks at noticing Minho’s ears are a shade darker than the rest of his face.
Minho finally looks back, and his eyes also move rapidly, like they’re looking for something on Jisung’s face too.
“Jisung.”
“Yes, Minho?”
“Can I kiss you?”
“Yes, Minho.”
Minho’s hand lifts to take Jisung’s soft cheek into his palm, and Minho handles it like he’s holding the most precious gem in the entire world. Jisung leans into the touch, feeling the same warmth he felt earlier take over his entire body, starting at his face. Minho’s touch is cold and calloused against his skin, but Jisung doesn’t care. He knows what comes next. Jisung’s tongue darts out between his lips to wet them quickly, and Minho smiles slightly before finally leaning in and joining their mouths together.
You know how in books; they always describe it as fireworks going off when two people who are meant to be with each other kiss?
Well, Jisung wouldn’t describe it like that. To Jisung, it’s more like hot lava swallowing him up whole. He feels like his entire body is in flames from the attention Minho is giving his lips. There is fire licking at his limbs and he loves every second of his. His bones are vibrating just beneath the surface, and Jisung wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Minho’s other arm wraps around Jisung’s waist to pull him closer until Jisung collapses on top of Minho, pushing Minho down to lay back on the blanket. Jisung is half on top of Minho now, bracing himself with one arm folded on Minho’s chest, feeling the strong muscle that ripples under his clothing.
Their mouths move in sync with one another, wet lips moving against each other slowly and relaxed, like they have all the time in the universe. They push and pull, chasing after the other’s lips to keep feeling each other. Minho nips at Jisung’s lower lip playfully, rubbing his hand over Jisung’s back affectionately, and slipping his tongue against the seam of their lips to coax more out of the kiss.
Jisung opens for him easily, sliding his tongue equally towards Minho’s mouth and mingling their spit together.
They pull away from the kiss to look each other in the eye, and Jisung decides that Minho tastes sweeter than any chocolate he’s ever tried, or any cake he’s ever tasted. If there’s one feeling he could ever get hooked on and never get bored of, it would be kissing Minho.
Jisung decides it’s better than any of the times he has imagined doing it.
“Hmm… If I knew you would respond like that, I would’ve called you prettier much sooner.”
Jisung rolls his eyes for a second time that night, but doesn’t bother trying to diminish the cheesy smile on his face.
“It’s not like you’ve said much to me at all the whole time we’ve known each other.”
Minho is quiet for a beat longer than Jisung would like, but Minho is simply studying the shorter boy’s face, deciding what to say next.
“I know. I didn’t want to mess it up with you. I’m not good at the whole friendship thing.”
Jisung rolls off Minho’s chest to his side to cuddle up next to him on the blanket, snuggling his head into the crook of Minho’s neck and chest with one leg thrown over Minho’s.
“So, you opted to drag me out of bed at odd hours of the morning to show you like me, instead?”
“You came along every time, didn’t you? I don’t see the problem.”
Jisung scoffs half-heartedly but can’t find a retort. It’s true, he never put up a fight, even after the first time Minho showed up at 12:00 am on the dot and said the three words, Wanna come with?
Minho and Jisung are quiet again for a while, easily watching the stars as the blue of the night sky deepens to a nearly black hue.
“Do you remember that night at the skatepark?” Minho says, his voice so low that Jisung nearly doesn’t catch it.
“How could I forget? That’s one of the best nights of my life.”
Minho smiles, full and authentic, before continuing, “Mine too. I think I got addicted to your voice and smile that night.”
A tiny whine escapes Jisung’s throat, and he presses his face into the comfort of Minho’s hoodie, clutching onto the other boy tighter.
“Hyung, you can’t just say things like that! I’m not used to it!”
“Would you rather I go back to being silent?”
“No! I love your voice, too, you know…”
Minho giggles and presses a soft kiss onto the top of Jisung’s head, which Jisung barely feels through the fabric of his beanie and hood, but he keens at the attention anyways.
Jisung can feel himself begin to drift off to sleep again, the slight rise and fall of Minho’s chest rocking him off to slumber. His thoughts begin to haze as Minho holds him close, and the cold air doesn’t even bother him anymore with the shared warmth coming from Minho.
It’s not until Minho’s voice is breaking through the atmosphere to wake him up, that Jisung notices how freezing it is.
“Hey, Sungie, we should head back. It’s getting late, and I’m freezing my ass off.”
Jisung cackles a laugh at the unexpected bluntness, his whole body shaking with hysterics as he pushes himself to sit up again.
“Minho!” Jisung’s mouth creates a heart shape as he laughs, his gums on full display, and Minho simply looks at him like he’s crazy.
“What?” Minho tries to stay serious but now he is laughing too, and Jisung hugs him as they giggle together.
“Nothing, you’re just very cute.”
Minho stands up first as Jisung’s arms fall away from where they were wrapped around Minho. Jisung ambles up as well, helping Minho fold the blanket, and they begin to head back to Minho’s car. As they walk, their knuckles and shoulders brush against each other, too shy to hold hands but still craving that sense of warmth they were sharing just moments prior.
After Minho unlocks the car, they hop back inside, and Jisung doesn’t bother connecting his phone to the aux cord this time. They let the silence settle between them and it’s comfortable. They listen to each other’s breaths and soft exhales, and Minho hums along to the tune in his own head, shamelessly letting Jisung listen.
Jisung feels more present now, even with the clock showing the early morning hours. He feels at peace with his heartbeat in his chest.
They retrace their path from Jisung’s house before finding themselves getting closer to the residential neighborhood they both live within.
As they pull up to a red light, which seems to drag on forever with the completely deserted roads, Minho’s voice fills the air.
“Hey, lean in for a second.”
Jisung looks over at him and meets Minho already staring in his direction, but obeys anyways, because of course he would never stop being a fool for Minho.
“Yeah?” Jisung leans in closer to Minho, like he’s about to hear a secret.
Catching Jisung completely off guard, Minho reaches up with a hand, gripping Jisung’s chin firmly and plants a soft kiss on Jisung’s forehead, before turning his attention back to the traffic and pulling away from the intersection at the green light.
“You’re beautiful.”
Jisung gapes at Minho, sort of like a fish out of water, before closing his mouth. He opens it again to find the right words but closes it once more. Jisung’s entire face is hot with embarrassment but he’s smiling like a lovesick fool as he sinks further into his seat.
“God, Minho, you’re insufferably sweet.”
Minho laughs and flicks his eyes over to Jisung.
“Yeah, but you like it.”
Jisung blows air through his nose in amusement before concurring.
“You’re right, I do.”
They finally arrive upon the familiar houses lining quiet streets and Minho smoothly pulls into Jisung’s driveway, like a memorized practice. Minho, unlike every other time they’ve done this, climbs out of the car with Jisung and walks him to the front door. They look at each other, somewhat unsure of what to do until Jisung wraps his arms around Minho’s body. Minho responds with latency and yet he hesitantly wraps his arms around Jisung’s waist to pull him closer.
“Thank you, Minho.”
“No, thank you, Jisung. For showing me how to allow my words to exist outside of my mind.”