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JUNE: hi karkat! come in!
KARKAT: JUNE ARE YOU SURE THIS IS YOUR HIVE? THERE IS A SUSPICIOUS LACK OF DEPRESSINGLY THICK CURTAINS AND NICOLAS CAGE FILMS OFFENDING EVERYONE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO EXIST IN THEIR VICINITY.
JUNE: i can only promise that one of those things will stay true :B
KARKAT: I’D MUCH RATHER MOPE AROUND IN THE DARK FOR THE NEXT 3 SWEEPS THAN LISTEN TO THAT HIDEOUS MISCREANT BABBLE OUT ONE-LINERS ABOUT HIS FAMILY FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME.
JUNE: you already spend most of your time in the dark anyways!
KARKAT: WHEN YOU GROW UP IN A WORLD WHERE THE SUN IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO MELT YOU, YOU GET USED TO OPERATING IN THE DARK VERY QUICKLY.
KARKAT: JUST BECAUSE EARTH C’S SUN IS “NOT D34DLY” AND “1T WOULDN’T K1LL YOU TO GO OUTS1D3 ONC3 1N A WH1L3” DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T ENJOY SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED ALONE TIME IN THE DIM RECESSES OF MY OWN HIVE.
JUNE: and yet somehow, you still managed to end up here.
KARKAT: ONLY TO SHUT UP TEREZI'S INCESSANT PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE COMMENTS.
JUNE: has she really been getting on your case?
KARKAT: TEREZI WOULD TAKE THE CASE OF A BARKBEAST TRYING TO SUE ITS OWNER FOR NOT REALLY THROWING THE BALL EVEN THOUGH THEY CLEARLY SAW IT LEAVE THEIR PRONGS.
KARKAT: HAVING SOMEONE AS EASY TO FIND GUILTY AS ME IS A FUCKING PAID VACATION FOR HER.
KARKAT: DON’T TELL ME SHE NEVER OFFERED YOU ANY PRO BONO LEGAL ADVICE WHILE YOU WERE BEING A SAD SACK.
JUNE: she definitely had her choice of words after learning about my more...
JUNE: karkat-esque tendencies.
JUNE: but in my defense, i wasn’t just moping around for all those years.
KARKAT: YOU’RE RIGHT, I’M SORRY. YOU WERE MOPING WITH A SIDE OF CONFUSION OVER HUMAN GENDER.
KARKAT: SPEAKING OF WHICH, WELCOME TO THE FUCKING CLUB, JUNE. WE MEET EVERY OTHER TUESDAY TO DISCUSS THE WAYS IN WHICH YOUR INFURIATING CULTURE PEEKS OUR MORBID CURIOSITY AND TO COLLECTIVELY LAUGH AT YOUR CONTINUED IDIOCY. NEXT WEEK IS YOUR TURN TO BRING SNACKS, BUT MAKE SURE NOTHING HAS WHEAT BECAUSE JACK IS ALLERGIC.
JUNE: does carapacian society even have gender for jack to be confused about?
KARKAT: THAT IS EXACTLY MY POINT. POOR JACK IS LOST IN A WORLD FULL OF HUMAN GENDER POTHOLES THAT ANYONE COULD FALL DOWN IN AN INSTANT. THE LOCAL GODS SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR RESURFACING THE ROADS BUT THEY’RE ALL TOO BUSY GETTING STUCK IN EACH OTHER’S GENDER HOLES.
JUNE: phrasing.
JUNE: but if you had told me earlier about your club i would have loved to join! i could’ve given a gender 101 presentation, since i consider myself somewhat of an expert now.
KARKAT: ON SECOND THOUGHT WE AREN’T CURRENTLY ACCEPTING NEW MEMBERS. IF YOUR LECTURING STYLE IS ANYTHING LIKE DAVE’S WHEN HE EXPLAINED THE UNDERLYING HOMOEROTIC TENSION BETWEEN SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF I WOULD PREFER MY HEAR DUCTS BE TORTURED BY CAGE AFTER ALL.
JUNE: that’s ok, we’ll just skip straight to the qna then!
JUNE: any burning questions about this human emotion called gender, karkat?
KARKAT: I WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. LET ME BRING OUT THE FILE HOLDER I’VE BEEN SAVING FOR THIS VERY OCCASION, WHERE I’VE BEEN ORGANIZING ALL OUR CLUB’S MUSINGS ON THIS VERY TOPIC.
KARKAT: LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A CLEAR FRONTRUNNER IN THE “WHAT TO ASK A HUMAN IN THE EVENT SHE DEEMS IT NECESSARY TO HOLD A FORUM ON GENDER” SECTION.
KARKAT: WHY?
JUNE: why what?
KARKAT: WHY BOTHER WITH GENDER IN THE FIRST PLACE? WE DEFEATED THE MOST POWERFUL BEINGS IN PARADOX SPACE AND CREATED A WHOLE NEW UNIVERSE, AND YOU’RE STILL GETTING HUNG UP ON WHAT YOUR LUSUS DECIDED YOU SHOULD’VE BEEN WHEN YOU WERE A GRUB?
JUNE: none of us are “bothering” with gender. it’s just a part of who we are!
JUNE: figuring out i was trans just made me realize how much gender affected me throughout my life. everyone around me expected me to grow up into a man and corralled me into only doing things that boys should do.
JUNE: not to say that all of my gender experiences up until recently have been negative. i didn’t hate everything about being a guy. i just like everything about being a girl way more!
JUNE: earth was so fixated on gender being this rigid thing that no one could change. now that we’ve made our own world, gender can be whatever we want it to be! so i’ve decided that being a girl is pretty cool right now, and that it’s worth all the bother that comes with it :B
KARKAT: OH SORRY WOULD YOU REMIND REPEATING THAT LAST PART. I’VE BEEN TAKING HUMAN CORNELL NOTES TO MAKE SURE I DON’T MISS ANY OF THE JUICY DETAILS FROM THIS PREMIUM ONE ON ONE STUDY TIME.
JUNE: this is all still in the syllabus, you can review after class.
JUNE: surely you and your club have a better question than that? i hate to say it karkat, but that was a little disappointing. i know you could do better if you applied yourself.
KARKAT: SWEEPS OF STUDYING TROLL HEGEL’S DIALECTICS WASTED AFTER A LOCAL PROFESSOR DEEMS HER ASPIRING STUDENT’S QUERY “DISAPPOINTING” . I WILL LEAVE ACADEMIA FOREVER AND GET INTO SCREAMING MATCHES WITH MY LUSUS EVERY TIME HE BRINGS UP FINISHING MY DEGREE.
KARKAT: IF THAT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH, THEN HERE’S ONE STRAIGHT FROM THE BLOOD PUSHER.
KARKAT: YOU HAVE RETCON POWERS, SO WHY NOT MAKE SURE THERE ISN’T A PROBLEM TO FIX? YOU COULD GO BACK TO WHEN YOU WERE A WIGGLER AND TELL YOUR LUSUS, “THIS ONE IS A GIRL ACTUALLY”, AND BE HAPPY RIGHT AWAY WITHOUT ANY SOCIETAL GENDER RULES WEIGHING YOU DOWN.
JUNE: i actually thought about doing that right after i came out.
JUNE: i even got all the way to knocking on my dad’s door just after he took me in!
JUNE: but being a girl is as much a part of me as all the years it took to realize it. all the hardships and hiding parts of myself made me who i am.
JUNE: if i took that away from kid me, who knows what kind of person i would be? i might never have played sburb and met our ectobiological parents. i might never have met you, the other trolls, dave, rose, or jade!
JUNE: the way society treated me was not okay. but accepting the parts of myself that i was told were wrong or dangerous and healing from those wounds is more important to me than some hypothetical reality where i could have been “normal” from the start.
KARKAT: HUH.
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: THAT MAKES A SURPRISING AMOUNT OF SENSE CONSIDERING THE SUBJECT MATTER. THANK YOU, JUNE.
JUNE: always happy to help!
JUNE: i would still love to come visit your club some time, for educational purposes of course.
KARKAT: I’LL PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR YOU AT THE NEXT MEETING.
JUNE: i can’t wait!
JUNE: speaking of things i can’t wait for, are you ready for our movie selection this evening?
KARKAT: NO ONE IS EVER READY FOR CAGE ARE THEY?
JUNE: don’t worry, i picked out a romantic comedy just for you.
KARKAT: THIS IS JUST ADDING INSULT TO INJURY. YOU’RE KICKING A TROLL WHILE HE’S DOWN, JUNE. RIGHT HOOK WITH GENDER AND HUMAN ROMANCE FOR THE KNOCKOUT PUNCH.
JUNE: but i love hearing your analysis of romance movies! you somehow always manage to make even the most mundane relationships into a thesis worthy of a doctorate.
JUNE: maybe that time with troll hegel wasn’t wasted after all.
KARKAT: SO YOU ONLY INVITED ME OVER SO I COULD GRACE YOU WITH MY QUADRANT EXPERTISE? REALLY JUNE, YOU SHOULD’VE JUST ASKED UPFRONT. WE COULD HAVE HAD A PLEASANT EXCHANGE OF INFORMATION WITHOUT THE PRETENSE OF A PROFESSOR-STUDENT RELATIONSHIP.
JUNE: if that’s what you want to believe, i’m not going to stop you.
JUNE: and to be honest i kind of enjoyed getting to be your teacher! being your peer is fun and all, but there’s something even better about making you hang on my every word like you’re really trying to get the most out of your education.
JUNE: hopefully i’ll get to do it again some time. i’d love to explain all the little gender details to you, since i know you’re so willing to listen to me :B
KARKAT:
KARKAT: LET’S JUST GET THIS MOVIE OVER WITH.