Chapter Text
Hitori Gotou, lead guitarist of Kessoku Band, had a problem.
She was huddled against the wall of her dark, cramped closet, the only place she could properly think in peace. She shakily lifted pen to paper, allowing her emotions to flow freely from her mind into the physical realm.
The only problem? She was dead set on writing a song in a genre completely foreign to her.
My feelings for you can’t be described...? No, that’s totally stupid! She berated herself.
But it was the complete truth, the feelings in question were something that she couldn’t explain in mere words. Those feelings were...
“Love...” She whispered, the mention of the word tightening her chest to what might usually be considered an alarming degree.
Hitori was someone who managed to fall in love easily, or at least, that’s what she thought . However, none of the crushes she had ever had before made her feel quite like this.
As a loner- no, a lonely person ( there’s a huge difference! ), she always managed to convince herself that she was into any guy or girl who had given her the time of day. Whether they would greet her at school or simply acknowledge her presence, she always felt herself forming some kind of feelings for that individual. However, having no prior friendships to compare it to, she easily went as far as calling those basic feelings of benevolence “love.”
Nijika inviting her to join Kessoku band, Ryo connecting with her about her lyrics... She was sure that she had acquired feelings for both of them along the way as well. But, those moments couldn’t have possibly compared to the consistent expansion of adoration, affection, infatuation, and yearning that had taken place in her heart ever since she met her .
She could still remember her every interaction with the red-haired vocalist perfectly.
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Oh, what a fool she was.
Seriously, what was she thinking, stalking the girl right from her classroom’s door? Of course she was going to be noticed and called out! She could imagine it now...
Kita frantically pulled out her phone and her finger raced to the emergency call button, “Someone, help me! There’s this freaky weirdo standing outside my classroom!” She would exclaim.
An entire team of policemen would pull up to the school, “Hitori Gotou, you are being arrested for creeping out the school star. Your sentence shall be...” He would slap handcuffs on her and shove her into the police-car, “A thousand deaths!”
They probably wouldn’t even give her a trial, she’d just be sent straight to the gallows to meet her fate, but not before being ostracized by her entire family and (few) friends!
Before she could even think, she’d found herself back in her favorite empty storage closet. She was strumming away on her guitar, singing a poetic song about her traumatic past.
“Wishing someday, to just laugh it all away...” With one final chord slowly fading out, she finished what she could only assume was her last performance before she was sent to the afterlife.
“Wow, that was so cool!” An unexpected, cheery voice exclaimed from behind her.
Hitori whipped around, her face contorting in several ways before choking out, “K-Kita-san?!”
“I was worried when you ran off like that, but you’re really good at guitar!” Kita praised.
That simple compliment was all it took for the lonely guitarist to feel her heart rate beginning to skyrocket as she became a blushing, needy mess.
She’s such a nice person, saying all these nice things about me! And so, her cycle of love had begun anew.
However, this one would endure for much longer than she ever could have expected.
The extroverted rhythm guitarist, after some mending, joined Kessoku band. Being aware of her own unstable sense of affection, she figured that she would settle into simpler, less obsessive feelings about the girl soon enough. However, she ended up having to come to terms with an emotion she had never felt before...
“Ryo-senpai is so cool!” Kita gushed over the blue-haired bassist yet again.
Hitori’s non-reaction was internal and external. Which is to say, it didn’t affect her that much.
After all, this is just a little crush. Kita has actual, developed feelings for Ryo, so I shouldn’t get in her way. She told herself, and it wasn’t necessarily wrong at the time.
Eventually, that changed.
“Abandoning what makes you unique is equivalent to dying. There’s no point in being alive if you aren’t living .” Ryo told her.
Hitori breathed out shakily, Ryo-san is actually really cool.
“I-I’ll make sure to write lyrics about how I really feel!” She could already sense her usual affection building its way up. But this one collapsed before it could even form a foundation.
This is the person Kita-san is in love with... I can’t possibly compare to Ryo! And it was at that moment that she truly began to re-evaluate her feelings about her fellow guitarist.
But... when did I start caring about that?
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And then, the two of them started practicing the guitar together. Hitori had the responsibility of teaching their non-comprehensive rhythm guitarist how to master the instrument. Having all of that alone time together... it only managed to leave her more confused about the way she felt!
These feelings... should have gone away by now, right?
But every time the vocalist would fawn over the blue-haired member, she could feel her heart cracking, bit by bit, ever so slowly as time went on.
And that was only the starting line of confusion.
They practiced as hard as they could for the audition for Seika’s approval, to secure a spot in Starry’s concert. “Guitar, Loneliness, and the Blue Planet” had never sounded better than when they played it for the audition. Seeing the fruits of their labor was more than enough for her, but there was just one inconsistency that had left her in her own head more so than usual.
Nijika’s consistent, fast-paced snare hits stopped abruptly, and Ryo’s bass strings were being restrained purposefully, allowing Bocchi and Kita to hit a most satisfying end riff. And, after an unintentional bait and switch from the older Ijichi sister, they were allowed to celebrate their victory!
You mean... we did it? Hitori thought in disbelief.
And to defy her pessimistic expectations even further, she found herself entangled in the arms of Kita almost instantly.
“Did you hear that? She says we passed!” Kita exclaimed.
“Y-yeah!” She replied excitedly, albeit with a blush having formed on her face.
For once, she didn’t wear her heart on her sleeve when she wondered, Did she really just hug me, wouldn’t it have made more sense for her to latch onto Ryo?!
As for the rhythm guitarist’s own, internal input, she had no idea. It was just... what she felt like doing in the moment.
And to keep balance in the world, the next day, “Guitar, Loneliness, and the Blue Planet” had never sounded worse than when it was being played in the midst of that typhoon. Kita’s nervous breath was shaky, and she couldn’t keep her voice in pitch to save her life. Nijika and Ryo were struggling to keep pace with each other, and Hitori was struggling to pick one of them to play alongside with, constantly changing her pace to try and bring them all together.
The song ended before those holes could be patched, and all Hitori could think about was her blowing her chance again .
The fans she had met in the city looked at her worriedly, and someone among the crowd had made a negative comment, making Kita even more nervous to the point that Nijika had to remind her to introduce the next song.
I don’t want the memory of our first real concert to be another failure. She tightened her grip on the neck of her guitar.
I know we still have a long way to go... She held her pick firmly in her other hand.
But...! She quickly swiped the pick across the strings. After confirming that she was mentally prepared for what she was about to do, she slowly ran the pick along the strings, and with one final breath, she slammed her foot onto the distortion pedal!
Her solo was completely made up on the fly, she took whatever sounded good in her head and rolled with it. Her pick repeatably ran up and down the strings, and her fingers took whatever formations were required for her playing to sound as hype as possible.
I won’t let it end like this!
Everyone, including the audience, looked at her in shock. Some made realizations about the pink-haired guitarist, some spectated in awe, and others were simply proud of her.
Kita’s shock quickly transformed into pure admiration.
And then, they started playing “That Band,” and their show transformed into a success. Throughout the entire song, Kita only had one thought running circles in her mind as she constantly glanced over to the other guitarist, who was most certainly setting the pace for them after a move like that.
Gotou-san is the coolest!
It was the first time she had ever thought that about someone other than her senpai.
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A few weeks later, the four of them went on an outing to Enoshima. Before that, however, they had to deal with their lead guitarist collapsing to the floor.
“Tropical love... forever...” She groaned out.
Thankfully, her support (guitarist) caught her before she met the cement.
She had been out for a while, but not as long as her bandmates might have believed...
She remembered returning to the mortal realm at the sound of a train stopping. Being confused by her surroundings left her stunned speechless, and she was being dragged around by Kita before she knew it.
She was leaning on her shoulder, thinking, Maybe I can just enjoy this a bit longer. After all, it’s just a little crush.
And eventually, she gave up the act, allowing the four of them to have an exciting, memorable trip, something she would hold onto for the rest of her life.
At the end of the trip, when Ryo and Nijika were taking their turns to live in the world of dreams...
“Let’s make memories together every single day!“ Kita promised to take her out every day during winter break. While she wasn’t all that excited about spending her entire winter break away from her room, the idea of spending all of that time with Kita...
It made her heart thump in a way it had never done so before.
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The festival had given Hitori plenty of opportunities to grow closer to the vocalist. And perhaps, reasons to think she might have felt the same...?
Kita returned to the nurse’s office to check on the lead guitarist, who had another episode and collapsed outside of the student council office. When she got there, Hitori was already gone. However, something in her mind had pointed out a small, insignificant change in the environment compared to before.
The trash bin that was empty before had a crumpled, folded piece of paper in it. She didn’t know what compelled her to go mini-dumpster diving, but the unusual action had brought an idea out of her.
A... culture festival stage application? Was she planning to have our band perform at the festival? That’d be so fun! She thought, but the rational side of her brain had made itself known.
If she threw it away... She’s probably too nervous to perform in front of the entire school. She (correctly) guessed.
But... Their first concert flashed in her mind.
Her solo was completely made up on the fly, she took whatever sounded good in her head and rolled with it. Her pick repeatably ran up and down the strings, and her fingers took whatever formations were required for her playing to sound as hype as possible.
And not only that, but all of their solo practices as well. She thought that Hitori was simply too awesome to not show off at the festival!
I really want everyone to see how cool my Gotou-san is! She thought. The questioning of herself that came after was barely even registered in her own mind.
My Gotou-san?
She ended up turning in the application, passing it off with her “kit-aura” by saying she thought Hitori accidentally misplaced it. She knew that Hitori would have a miniature episode after her revelation, but she wasn’t expecting it to be so bad.
She stood over the casket that Hitori had placed herself in, suddenly overridden with guilt.
I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would be this bad for you! She found herself beginning to walk down a trail of dark thoughts.
I’m so stupid, so inconsiderate. I knew she was too nervous to do it, and now I’m forcing her! She couldn’t keep it contained any longer. As soon as the two were alone, she cried out.
“Gotou-san, I’m sorry!”
Hitori blinked, “K-Kita-san?”
“A-about the application, I lied. I knew you threw it away on purpose, but...” She was too busy berating herself internally to finish her sentence.
Thankfully, she didn’t have to.
“I-I was really nervous at first... b-but I’m glad you did it!” Hitori reassured.
Kita’s eyes shone with relief and admiration, Sh-she doesn’t hate me! And... she said she’ll do it!
She lunged at the shy teenager, clasping her hands over Hitori’s, “I promise I’ll practice hard every day, so I can support you!”
Hitori smiled awkwardly, “Y-yeah!”
She’s holding my hand!
Without letting go, Kita continued to walk.
She isn’t letting go!?
Not even thinking about it, the vocalist just walked hand in hand with her.
I really want to perform with you, Gotou-san. I want to be by your side when you show everyone how cool you are!
And she made good on her promise, practicing for hours every single day to make sure she didn’t drag the others down.
When they finished their final practice run, Hitori could hear the rhythm guitarist’s exhausted breath for a moment.
Kita-san seems...
Kita turned to her with a smile, her expression changing to one of confusion when she caught her perceptive stare.
“Is something wrong, Gotou-san?” She asked.
“No, umm... I was just hoping that everyone enjoys our performance-”
“They will!” Kita interrupted.
“Love the confidence.” Ryo added.
“We’re counting on you for the solo, Bocchi-chan!” Nijika encouraged.
“I just hope I don’t mess it up...” Hitori’s low self-esteem leaked through her words.
“You won’t! After all, you’re...” Kita didn’t know why, but she just couldn’t finish that sentence out loud.
So amazing. Thankfully, she was easily able to explain away the red on her face as simple exhaustion.
But Hitori caught on to the other details. The way Kita’s eyes shone at her, yet wavered with the slightest sense of hesitation.
She didn’t understand exactly why, but she accepted that the vocalist admired her ability to play the guitar. That explained the shine, however...
That look almost felt like... something more... She was too frozen in place to do anything, effectively hiding her incoming self-doubt.
No way, right? I mean, she likes Ryo-san!
“H-huh?” She asked nervously.
Kita shook her head with an equally confusing smile, “Never mind, don’t worry about it! Let’s do our best!”
Hitori felt like the gears in her brain had ceased all function, “Uh, y-yeah!” She managed to reply.
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This is bad, this is bad this is bad thisisbadthisisbadthisisbadthisisbad- Everything was going so well before. Their first song was played as perfectly as possible, and the same could be said for the second until just a few moments ago. She took such good care of her father’s guitar, so how in the world did the thing decide that it would start falling apart! It started with the first string refusing to stay in tune, before snapping altogether. Then, the second peg just broke on her for whatever reason!
Kita quickly noticed the absence of their lead guitar’s sound. Her eyes darted to Hitori, instantly noticing the problem.
Her string! It took everything in her to keep playing. She didn’t know what else to do, but she hoped that things could be figured out with just a little time.
What do I do what do I do what do I do- Hitori's train of panic crashed as she heard their song transforming into something completely outside of the bounds it was composed in.
She looked to the band; everyone gave her an encouraging smile.
In particular, she noticed Kita giving what she could only have assumed was two-hundred percent effort as she and the others made up a transition to give her just a few moments.
Kita’s ad-libbing the part of lead guitar on the fly, I can’t let their efforts go to waste! Think, think!
Meanwhile, Kita was hunched over, slicing up and down the strings of her guitar and whipping her body around in the most noticeable, yet acceptable way possible.
I have to draw their attention away from Gotou-san! At worst, it was damage control.
Hitori looked around, praying for a replacement guitar to miraculously appear in front of her.
What she found wasn’t quite that, but it was an acceptable alternative.
A glass of Hiroi’s alcohol laying near her on the stage. It felt wrong to touch the adult-labeled glass, but she had no choice.
The rest of the band was falling out of sync, they obviously couldn’t keep making stuff up on the spot. Kita’s fingers were slipping, she couldn’t keep this up for any longer!
Damnit! Gotou-san, I’m sorry... However, her worries were quelled when the missing guitar suddenly roared back to life! A distorted, smooth version of Hitori’s solo echoed throughout the gymnasium.
“Who thinks to start playing bottleneck at a time like this?” She heard Seika comment amusedly.
“She doesn’t have to worry about being a little out of tune now!” Hiroi slurred.
Kita’s gaze shot to her lead guitarist, noticing her alternative playing method.
How does that even work? She wondered. That confusion was instantly replaced with admiration and an affectionate glance.
She actually managed to play the solo, somehow! She had no idea how or why the glass allowed her out-of-tune guitar to sound so smooth and full of life, but she didn’t care!
“What’s that guitarist doing?” A spectator asked.
“I don’t know, but it sounds really cool!” Another viewer exclaimed.
Show them how cool you are! Kita smiled.
Despite having not practiced sliding her guitar in quite some time, Hitori managed to get through the solo with minimal mistakes. Kita found herself almost staring too long, nearly forgetting that they still had a good portion of the song left.
She gripped her guitar gratefully, thanking any gods out there for making things work out. They played the rest of the song without issue, and with that, they could officially call their culture festival performance a success!
Thank you, everyone. Bocchi thought as the song ended.
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She then proceeded to put everyone’s efforts to waste by throwing herself off the stage in an attempt to replicate what her drunk senior had done at a concert nights prior.
When she woke up in the nurse’s office, she was there again.
“Are you okay, Gotou-san?” Kita asked worriedly.
“Ah, y-yes.” The memory of her stage-dive instantly flashed in her mind. “I-I’m sorry for ruining your guys’ hard work by doing something stupid like that.” She apologized.
The vocalist stifled a laugh, “Don’t worry, everyone actually seemed to enjoy it.”
Bocchi groaned and buried her face in the pillow, “That’s probably still not good...” Another one of her temporarily lost memories replayed in her mind.
Meanwhile, Kita was hunched over, slicing up and down the strings of her guitar and whipping her body around in the most noticeable, yet acceptable way possible.
“By the way...” She lifted her face up.
“Hmm?” Kita hummed.
“Your p-playing, it’s improved a lot in such a short time.” Hitori finished.
She was shocked by the genuine comment from the person she looked up to the most, “Only as the second guitar. I could never do the kind of playing that draws people in. Not like you.”
It was Hitori’s turn to be shocked by a genuinely admiration-filled compliment, “Huh?”
“Though, it’s really easy to support someone when it’s... you.” Kita averted her gaze.
The shy guitarist’s previous statement repeated, thrice as loud as before, “Huh?!”
Kita shook her head, “I’ll keep doing my best so I can support you, Gotou-” Her face suddenly coated itself in a light pink, “Hitori-chan!”
The sudden, intimate use of her first name left Hitori with a similar, but amplified coating of color all over her face. “H-huh? Oh, y-yeah!” She stammered.
“I’ll get going now, come join us for the afterparty when you’re ready!” Kita waved and left the nurse’s office, leaving Bocchi alone with her own thoughts, her own earthquake level heartbeat.
Her heart pounded with even stronger ferocity than it had when she was freaking out moments before their performance. Such strong feelings had already developed and made themselves at home in her heart, and she was only now just beginning to separate these from her usual crushes.
My first name... I want to hear her say it again... and again... and again, and again and again and again-
Forever.
Uh oh.
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She was in love with Kita Ikuyo. It wasn’t just a simple crush, like she thought before. No, this was the culmination of something she couldn’t begin to explain.
And that left her with a problem.
If I tell her and she rejects me, I don’t know if I could play with them all again... She didn’t want her own silly little feelings to break up Kessoku Band as a whole. However, she knew that she couldn’t keep these feelings bottled up for too much longer, or she would spontaneously combust, erupting the “needy Bocchi” volcano and taking out everyone and everything in its path.
She needed an alternative method to vent out her feelings.
So, she decided to write a love song. Obviously, the lyrics couldn’t be too personal, or she’d be found out. She just had to keep the lyrics vague enough so that their non-comprehensive rhythm guitarist would be left in the dark.
She knew that the extroverted, bright, cheery Kita usually failed to connect with her introverted, dark, and gloomy lyrics. One could say that this inability to connect with the lyrics she was singing was a negative for their music, but she saw it as the perfect chance to have her feelings reach the world and move past them!
One can, and one did say that.
That one person was Kita Ikuyo.
The next day when they were on their way home, Kita suddenly said, “For the sake of our band... I need to have a deeper understanding of your lyrics, Hitori-chan.” She suddenly shot up in an excited, bubbly fashion, “If you explain your lyrics to me personally, I might figure it out! So, let’s have a sleepover together!”
Hitori’s non-reaction was not because she had no particularly strong feelings on the subject, she just didn’t understand what the vocalist was saying at all. At least, it took her brain a minute to catch up.
H-huh?!