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With great power comes great responsibility, and all that shit.
Youngeun learned the hard way how much controlling time was not just something handed to her on a silver platter.
It gave her brain-splitting headaches if used too much within a short timespan.
It could change the trajectory of fate itself.
It could help to save a life.
Standing amidst the small crowd of students on the ground, Youngeun saw her up there all alone. Soaked to the bone by the heavy rain. Sunken and dejected.
There were no other options.
She raised her hand and everything came to a grounding halt.
She endured the endless pounding in her head to buy valuable time to get up to the dormitory rooftop. It was all worth it in the end; to pull Jia away from the darkness. To envelope her tightly in her arms. To shield her from the things which gave her misery. To assure her that everything would be alright and this wasn’t the end.
They took Jia to the hospital after that.
Youngeun kept in touch closely with her, always texting and sharing links of funny cat videos to her.
Jia responded in return with appreciation and heart emojis.
When Youngeun came to visit her friend a few days afterwards, she couldn't help the hard frown on her face when she eyed the "Get well soon" balloons, baskets of flowers, and small pile of postcards on the side table.
Frankly, it baffled her.
Where were these people when Jia needed help?
Her friend seemed fine with the sudden influx of kindness though. Youngeun didn't want to blurt out anything lest it would ruin the serenity of watching Jia regaining the light in her eyes as she read through all the messages.
Youngeun silently vowed to do anything for Jia to have a reason to smile again.
A week passed since the incident.
Jia had to return to school.
The trip back to the dormitory was filled with stares and hushed whispers.
It was the talk of the whole damn campus for obvious reasons. Gossipers and rumour-mongers alike spread it like wildfire, bearing no ounce of respect for the one they were chatting about. As long as they weren't directly involved, people stuck their noses in any way they please.
Youngeun stuck by her side the whole time.
Thankfully, some of their peers from various classes were there to make the atmosphere less tense. Youngeun helped to unlock Jia’s room while some girls who seemed to be on good terms with her friend gave her hugs and offered assistance if she needed it. Jia politely accepted them, though it looked like she was having difficulties handling all the unwanted attention.
Youngeun reached out to grab Jia’s wrist and tugged her towards the room.
That was enough for today.
The light of early dawn was peeking in through a gap between the curtains, helping to slightly brighten up the dark room. The two girls were wide awake on the small bed, neither of them not getting much sleep throughout the night. Youngeun ended up joining Jia on her bed halfway through after tossing and turning on the couch. She should have heeded Jia’s warning about it being bad for her back the first time instead of being stubborn.
There was barely enough space for the two of them on the bed. Half of Youngeun’s butt was practically floating above the edge.
“Come closer, you’re going to fall off at this rate,” Jia beckoned her.
“But I’ll squish you against the wall.”
“I don’t mind. C’mere already.”
Youngeun didn’t have much choice, really. It was either get up close and personal with her friend, or risk falling off the bed with an aching butt. One was much more preferable than the other.
She scooted an inch. Barely an inch.
Jia shot her an unsatisfied frown. With a sigh, she glided her arm across Youngeun’s waist and pulled her up against herself, leaving no room for doubt in between them.
The smaller girl yelped. This was the closest they had ever physically been, and Youngeun might combust into flames at this rate.
“Sorry,” Jia quickly apologised and removed her arm, almost as if she scalded herself. “That was too much.”
“N-no,” Youngeun stuttered. “It just caught me by surprise!” Pulling back a little to give a bit of breathing space between them, Youngeun reached out for the retreating hand and laced them together. “Are you ready for school later?” She traced small patterns with her thumb as she waited for the answer. The gesture always helped to coax Jia out of her shell, even if it was just a nudge.
Jia heaved a heavy sigh. “I’m dreading it, but at least it’ll be in the afternoon.”
“Wish I could be there with you. Screw my 8am class.”
The light giggle from her friend was like music to her ears. It had been way too long since she last heard it.
“You’ve done plenty for me and so much more,” Jia softly uttered, gently squeezing Youngeun's hand. “Hey, can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
“It’s regarding that day…”
The air turned cold between them. Youngeun knew that much. She disliked replaying that day—how everything was just so bleak and heavy as the rain that came down upon them when they stood on that rooftop.
How, if things went the way she didn't intend, or if the wrong words were spoken, she would have lost someone near and dear to her.
"Nothing can ever change how much I feel indebted to you," Jia continued. "I will always be forever grateful for what you did. But there's something that's been weighing on my mind since that day. No matter how much I rattle my brain around it, it still doesn't make any sense and the only one who has the answer is you."
Youngeun's heart spiked up.
Wait, was she seriously going to—
"Youngeun," Jia uttered her name, staring back at her with such intensity. "How did you get up to the roof so quickly? You weren't at the dorm—I know because I checked the building before I…decided to go."
This wasn't what Youngeun expected the rest of their sleepover to turn out to be.
The truth was at the tip of her tongue. She could just reveal it all now.
Didn't Jia deserve to know the truth about that fateful day?
Of course, she deserved to know.
"It's complicated."
A pregnant silence filled the air.
A knot formed in her throat. Her mouth dried out after she said it. She didn’t dare to look at Jia in the eyes.
She couldn’t do it.
Not now.
Not even to the one who deserved to know the truth the most.
She was just a coward.
A lowly coward.
"I'm not sure why,” Jia broke the silence, “but I feel like I'm seeing two sides of you."
Youngeun slowly craned her neck up and finally looked at her. "What do you mean?"
She watched her troubled friend carefully; her sharp, downcast eyes stared emptily at their intertwined hands.
"Sometimes I see the brave and kind Youngeun," Jia began, "the one who stands up to the bullies, the one who isn't scared to call out anyone if they hurt them." She paused for a moment, closing her eyes, and pressed her forehead against the smaller girl. "The only one who came to me when I was on the roof."
"But other times, I see the distant Youngeun," Jia continued, a frown crossing her face. "She seems aloof and hard to reach out to. As if there's a wall between me and her despite us being close." She then pulled back slightly, a pained expression on her complexion. "I wish I could do something— anything —to break down that wall."
A dull ache crawled its way up into Youngeun’s chest.
Did she always seem that way in Jia's eyes?
Jia, who had been nothing but supportive of her?
How long had she been feeling this way?
Was keeping this a secret all worth it if it was going to create a rift between herself and the people that mattered most to her?
“I…” the time-traveler trailed, trying desperately to find the words to say. “I will tell you, but now is not the right time. I’m sorry that I seem that way to you, Jia. But please, believe me when I say that I’ll explain everything to you soon.”
That wasn’t the answer Jia wanted. If anything, Youngeun wanted to rewind up to when she was back on the sofa.
But no, not for this.
Jia deserved better. So much better.
A hand pushed back the strands of hair by the side of Youngeun’s face to her ear.
“I’ll hold you to that,” Jia said as she gently caressed her cheek. “Tell me when you’re ready. Waiting is the least I can do for the one who saved my life.”
The warm palm on her cheek mixed in with those uttered words sent a wave of relief through her being.
Youngeun would tell her one day. Definitely.
She was going to be late for her 8am class.
After begrudgingly peeling herself away from a very warm Jia and her comfy bed, Youngeun packed up her belongings and changed into a fresh set of clothes.
"I gotta go," Youngeun reluctantly said. "But know that I'm always a text or a phone call away. Say the word, and I'll come running."
"Youngeun…"
"I'm serious, Jia. Let me be there for you because you matter."
The taller girl visibly softened over the sincerity of her words. Youngeun didn't even get a chance to say anything more before Jia strode over and enveloped her in a warm, tight hug.
"You're way too sweet sometimes," Jia murmured into her ear.
"Am I really?" Youngeun chuckled, returning the embrace with equal intensity. "I meant what I said, though. They're not just sweet nothings. "
And in Youngeun's heart, that held true. At least for the one who needs her most right now.
They eventually eased apart with Jia playfully shoving Youngeun out the door, much to the latter's dismay.
"Hey, no need to push! At least give me a peck on the cheek or something before I leave," the younger girl jokingly whined, scrunching her nose for added effect.
Ask and you shall receive.
When she felt a soft pair of lips landing on her cheek and removed just as quickly as it came, Youngeun was left stunned yet again but for completely different reasons.
"Anything else?" Jia asked, a hint of slyness in her voice as she leaned against the doorframe.
Damn, since when did she become so bold? Not that Youngeun was complaining or anything, but her heart wouldn't be able to handle much more of this.
"Um," she stammered a reply, "that will do just nicely."
And as she watched her friend laugh so jovially without a care in the world, Youngeun silently prayed that she would see more of Jia’s happiness for a long time.
She would treasure these moments forever, even if she didn’t have this power.