Work Text:
'Love is so short , forgetting is so long.'
Pablo Neruda —
September 2025
Fuck Kim Seungmin.
Scratch that, Minho doesn’t want to fuck his arch-nemesis Kim Seungmin. He wants to burn him alive.
It has been an exhausting day for Minho, he had been at his dance studio the whole morning trying out new choreography for a girl group and then hosting an afternoon show at Minkira (also known as Min Kiss the Radio).
Minho is already packing his bag to go home, call it a day but that was until his colleague, unfortunately, also best friend, Kim Seungmin comes running to him, giving him the puppiest eyes pleading him to cover the night shift for him.
And boom, Seungmin is gone from the studio in an instant, bolting away at the speed of light.
So here Minho is, back in the MinKira studio room, spinning mindlessly on his studio chair with his eyes shut while waiting for his radio broadcast assistant to bring him the script for the interview with the special guest of the night.
Seungmin briefly told him that one of the members of an idol group will be guesting tonight and all Minho had to do is entertain the guest and the radio listeners, going along with the script given to him.
Minho shakes his head, letting out a long sigh. He hates working shifts that aren’t his especially after working the whole day, he takes a mental note to make Seungmin pay for this. Spiking Seungmin's daily morning coffee with some pepper sounds brilliant.
While waiting for the special guest, Minho has been nodding his head along to B.I's comeback song ‘Keep me up' that is currently being played on the radio as the clock tick-tocks to 10:30pm.
As soon as he hears the door to the studio being pushed open he looks up to greet the special guest of the day.
Maybe he should have checked his script first instead of just vibing to songs on the radio because the surprise guest surprises him instead. A familiar face stands a few feet away in front of him, pale-faced, wide-eyed, looking as shocked as Minho is, hands constantly fidgeting.
He still looks the same as he did three years ago. Except his blonde hair has now turned into chocolate brown and bangs cover his forehead making his round face more adorable, almost like a cute walking acorn; unlike the scary rapper aura he gives off on stage.
A face which Minho tried so hard to forget for the past three years. He's actually lying; He never really tried to forget him. But then again, how could he when his face is plastered all over the LED screens in South Korea all year round, especially now that it’s September, he sees his birthday ads everywhere, the billboards on the way to his studio, the bus stops, even at some cafés and definitely a lot at the subway stations – especially at the subway station he frequents. It’s like going inside his photo exhibition whenever he walks through the subway station.
As soon as Jisung’s eyes meet Minho, his eyes widen at the sight of Minho in front of him and despite his hands and body shaking like an unstable roof during a storm Jisung tries his best to compose himself. “Hello,” Jisung bows at Minho, and when he notices Minho still looking at him with a blank face Jisung continues, shooting a nervous smile, “Long time no see.”
Minho’s a firm believer that time heals everything but now he’s questioning his beliefs when Han Jisung is right in front of him in flesh and giving him a heartquake despite the fact that the last time they saw each other was when Minho left Jisung’s apartment, slamming the door shut in Jisung’s face, never looking back.
“Nice to meet you too, Han Jisung-ssi.” Minho gives a polite nod at Jisung’s direction. And if Minho sees a visible frown on Jisung’s face after being greeted formally, he looks away not wishing to acknowledge it.
It’s your job to be professional. You’re just doing your job. Minho encourages himself.
The intro song of the radio show starts and Jisung is forced to go to his designated chair. As Jisung walks to the chair he’s supposed to sit on, Minho can smell a breeze of his perfume and almost crumbles at the nostalgia. Dior Sauvage. It's the same scent that Minho used to tease Jisung for smelling like a fuckboy but now it's the scent that he can't inhale without a thousand memories of Jisung flashing on his mind.
Jisung still has the same taste as he did three years ago. But you aren’t his taste anymore , Minho’s brain mocks himself.
The silence between them is deafening and it’s making Minho feel restless. His palms are sweating and his heart is threatening to leave his ribcage. There's too much awkward silence clouding the air in the studio.
Unlike the kind of comfortable silence between them that they were used to, Minho feels claustrophobic despite the fact that they are the only ones in the studio.
As the clock strikes 10:30, the show is on air and Minho sighs in relief; The past five minutes waiting for the show to start felt like it was two hours long with the awkward atmosphere.
Just one more hour and it’ll be over. He just needs to act professionally. He glances at Jisung who can’t stop bouncing his knees under the table. He wishes he could reach out and calm him down. (No, not a good thought). They are strangers. Just strangers.
Okay, Lee Minho. Let’s try to make things go smoothly. The show must go on.
“Welcome to MinKira! Today, we have a special guest with us. His group just had a comeback and became a triple million seller with this album, isn’t it amazing? Let’s welcome Han from 3racha!”
“Hello everyone, it’s your cute boy Han!”
Minho scorns at Jisung’s cringey aegyo and Jisung side-eyes him but he doesn’t look that offended – but then again, why would he look offended when he was used to this kind of reaction from Minho for years in the past whenever he did aegyo for Minho. And Minho doesn’t know if this makes his heart flutter or hurts more.
“Also, we still have one more thing to celebrate,” Minho clears his throat, “Han-ssi, your birthday is coming Sunday so our team has prepared a birthday cake for you!”
Minho’s assistant brings them a cake with a happy squirrel face on it before handing it to Minho so he can give it to Jisung, maybe take a photo together to post on the MinKira instagram. He feels deja vu from that one time he tries to surprise Jisung on his birthday.
September 14th 2020🔙⏪
Jisung’s 20th birthday was also the first birthday Minho and Jisung spent as a couple.
They had become friends easily since Jisung came into the JYP entertainment to train to be an idol, Minho being one of the choreographers already there and when 3racha – the group that included Bang Chan, Seo Changbin and Han Jisung were set to debut in March 2020, Minho had been the assigned choreographer to guide and help the team.
Before being assigned as 3racha's choreographer, 3racha had been friends with Minho; Bang Chan, Changbin and Jisung being a rap trio since the start, already quite famous among the other trainees. Jisung was one of the trainees that Minho taught dance to and somewhere along the lines, they ended up becoming best friends, the instructor-trainee dynamic between them all disappeared into thin air.
It was also Jisung who introduced Minho to Chan and Changbin, all four of them fitted so well since day one and Minho was immediately adopted into the friend group.
Being a rookie group where all the members self-produced hadn’t been an easy journey. Most of the time, 3racha would hole up in their studio, working on their songs. It had been the same on Jisung’s birthday – birthday long forgotten while Jisung’s overworked in his little studio with his members. Jisung had always been a workaholic but he was also an amazing boyfriend for Minho. As much as he loved working, he always tried his best to make time for Minho and Minho knew that. Being in the same industry, it wasn’t like Minho was less busy than Jisung either.
Minho had gone to 3racha’s studio, bringing the cheesecake that he baked, ready to surprise his boyfriend’s 20th birthday. Jisung, who had lost track of time, didn't remember it was his birthday and when he saw Minho at the doorstep of the studio with a cheesecake, he had cried happy tears in Minho’s embrace.
September 2025
Jisung accepts the birthday cake from Minho, face blank and Minho feels a twist inside his stomach – what was Minho even expecting? To see Jisung break into tears, drowning in nostalgia? Of course not.
It's been three long years. Minho may still be stuck in the past, memories haunting him and killing him alive; Jisung, on the other hand, has moved on, Minho scolds himself.
Plus, he’s a professional, so is Minho, which is why Minho needs to put on his professional mask tonight. Just tonight. Just one hour. He can wallow in his sorrow when he gets back to his apartment.
But it still doesn’t mean Minho’s hands won't be sweating desperately when throwing a quick peace sign as Minho’s assistant captures a photo of them together during photo time.
The first photo together in three years. And it will end up forever on the MinKira instagram feed, haunting his every breath. Great.
It isn’t how Minho had pictured for their first meeting after their breakup. Even if he won’t admit that he has fantasized about meeting Jisung again – at least once… or twice or even more. After all, he still has so many unanswered questions to ask Jisung.
Minho doesn’t even know if he should laugh or cry.
After a quick photo time, they both go back to their respective seats to start their Q&A session while reading the comments from the listeners.
“So, Han-ssi, 3racha’s comeback with the ‘Maxident’ album has been a success so far. Congratulations! Can you tell us about how you guys came up with the title ‘Maxident’? It’s such a unique word.”
Jisung nods at Minho, “Well, the word Maxident is a combination of Maximum and Accident, all of us brain-stormed together for the name. And our title track is ‘Case 143’, a love song!”
“Hmm,” Minho hums, “a love song? Case 143? It sounds more like a murder case.”
This brings a chuckle out of Jisung; his lips curl into a smile as he shakes his head in amusement.
“It’s the confusion a person would feel when they fall in love, an unsolved case, if you may. 143 means I love you so our title track is an unsolved case about falling in love.”
“Interesting.”
“Falling in love is a maximum accident, Minho-ssi.”
Us falling in love, was it a maximum accident too, Han Jisung?
Minho thinks back about their relationship and how it ended. Was it really an accident to fall in love with Jisung?
Minho likes to think it had been a phenomenal experience for having the chance to fall in love with Jisung, finding the soulmate in Jisung, he was his other half, even if it ended up with him losing his soulmate, the half of him when Jisung broke his heart.
When Minho gazes at Jisung, Jisung shies away, cheeks dusted in pink, being caught staring at him. Minho somehow feels exposed as if Jisung was staring at him because he can understand the chaos inside his mind.
He wouldn’t be surprised if Jisung understood his thoughts, they had always declared each other as soulmates who understands everything without any verbal confirmation.
But what he couldn't understand was Jisung's reason when he left so why would Jisung understand that Minho still has lingering feelings now? Fuck soulmates. Fuck Jisung. Fuck love. It wasn’t even real in the first place. Why bother?
It's been three years. You need to move on. You need to stop waiting for the closure to come. Are you even sure you want closure from him? He broke your fucking heart. He angrily reminds himself again.
Minho averts his eyes from Jisung, stares at the screen in front of him instead.
"User jiwon9898 said, "3racha fighting! Let's win double crowns at the music shows."
Jisung throws his fist in the air and yells, "Yeah! Let's do this!"
God, his loud ass is still the cutest boy ever.
"User channielover19 said, "My favorite song of the album is Chill written by Jisung!"
"Ah, thank you so much, it means a lot." Jisung bows his head, scratching the back of his neck shyly.
"Can you tell us about the song "Chill" too, Han-ssi?" Minho requests.
"Sure," Jisung nods, "it’s a love song but it’s not actually a love song either. It’s a song about separation of people, be it lovers, friends or coworkers even. The lyrics might seem cold at a first glance but I wanted to emphasize in the lyrics that we fight with the people we love only because we love them and I hope everyone who listens to Chill gets my hidden message. At the end of the day, we always have a big sadness deep down in our hearts.”
Jisung continues, laughing softly, “It’s not just a cold-hearted song, everyone. So please give the song Chill a chance. A spoiler is that we’re also filming a really cool MV for Chill so please look forward to it!”
“We fight with the people we love only because we love them,” Minho nods his head knowingly, staring at his script paper but deep down he grimaces at Jisung’s explanation, "put on your professional mask!” Minho tells himself for the 100th time again, “that’s a nice concept, Han-ssi.”
Jisung looks shocked at Minho’s compliment, his gaze full of joy lingers onto Minho but also goes speechless for at least two good minutes, before blurting out a quick, “Thank you, Minho-ssi.”
If we fought because we love each other, then why did we end up here? Why aren’t you beside me anymore? Are you really sure it’s not about feelings turning cold like what you told me back then?
December 2022 🔙⏪
Minho and Jisung had been fighting alot. Both of them are overworked, barely had the time for each other despite trying so hard to find the time. When Jisung was free, Minho was needed in the studio and when Minho was free, Jisung had schedules to attend to.
Even when they had the time to come over to each other’s apartments for a late night movie date or a dinner date, either one of them was always in a bad mood, the pressure of being in the kpop industry weighing them down.
Minho was always busy coming up with choreography for new groups ever since 3racha went viral with the choreography he made, he was booked left and right. Jisung loved the fame he got from 3racha but it also led him to produce more songs non-stop, pushing him to work long hours after his regular idol schedules were finished.
Maybe that was how the break up slowly crept behind them. Maybe it was inevitable.
That one Christmas night was a memorable one for both of them. Minho would like to argue that that day traumatized him for life.
Since they had a break for the whole day of Christmas, Minho had slept over at Jisung’s apartment the night before and they had woken up in each other’s arms, stealing lazy morning kisses, everything felt perfect for the first time in months. A little too perfect even. Maybe that was the universe's way of foreshadowing the breakup.
The day went on as if they were back to their honeymoon phase. Jisung had helped Minho make Christmas chocolate log cake, giggles were shared as Minho took a finger full of chocolate cream from the bowl to teasingly spread it on Jisung’s cheeks only for him to lick it off, leaving a wet kiss after Jisung whined at him for being playful.
They loved cooking together but they haven’t had time to do that during the past weeks.
He had missed the feeling of Jisung sneaking up on him to hug him from behind while Minho’s cooking, leaving a trail of kisses at the nape of his neck because he knows how ticklish Minho is. Minho would chase him around the kitchen with his spatula, squeezing him till Jisung surrendered as soon as he got caught by Minho.
He had missed the feeling of watching movies in Jisung’s living room, Minho’s head on Jisung’s lap and Jisung’s hands finding their way into Minho’s hair, playing with it till Minho complained because he was starting to doze off.
He had missed Jisung so much that getting those moments with Jisung back that day felt like winning a lottery for Minho. He was a happy man. Except that the happiness didn't even last till the end of the day.
To this day, Minho still couldn’t find the missing puzzle of why and how Jisung decided to call their relationship off right after they finished a romantic candle lit Christmas dinner. Minho had been washing the dishes while Jisung was walking back and forth in the kitchen.
“Hyung, I need a break.”
“Are you feeling alright, Jisungie?” Minho asked, worried because he had seen Jisung going through his really bad days especially in his predebut days. He remembered feeling relief when he saw an obvious improvement in Jisung after he had taken things slow with his idol career.
“I’m,” Jisung paused as if he was choosing what to say carefully, “okay. But we’re not. Us. Hyung. Let’s take a break.”
Minho's face crumpled as he dropped the plate into the sink – the plate may not have broken from the drop but his heart did.
He could feel his pulse spiking up in his veins, his face red with rage but deep down he was so sure Jisung was just playing a prank on him. Yeah, a prank. No way it’s real. Not when they had the best day today.
It can’t be real.
“Why?”
“Just because.” Jisung shrugged.
“Han Jisung. Stop kidding. This isn’t fun.”
Jisung visibly flinched at Minho for calling him by his full name. He bit his lip nervously but the next words that came out of his mouth was the last nail in the coffin for Minho.
“I just don’t feel the spark for you anymore.”
Jisung’s words stabbed Minho’s heart until it bled out, sucking the life out of Minho in one go.
Anger flared inside Minho. His whole body burnt in temper and Minho wasn't usually someone who cried out of anger but this time hot tears streamed down his face as his heart got burned into ashes.
If Jisung didn’t feel the spark anymore, was today a lie? Minho remembered the sweet taste on Jisung’s lips from today, he couldn’t remember his lips being bitter against his, so why were those bitter words coming out right now?
They were happy today. Weren’t they? Or was Minho being delusional? Has today been a big delusion?
“Jisung-ah,” Minho wiped his tears with the back of his hand and swallowed the choking feeling into the back of his tightening throat.
He was left speechless. He let out a long sigh, running his hand through his sweaty hair, not sure what he was supposed to reply back. He still felt so much for Jisung. He was still in love with him.
Sparks? It had been two years together with Jisung and Minho still felt a whole tornado inside him whenever he was with Jisung.
But the awful reality sank in him because if Jisung said that he no longer felt things for Minho, why should Minho continue staying in this living hell where his love was no longer reciprocated? Minho’s pride wouldn’t let him do that to himself.
So he did what he thought he should.
He left.
No words. Nothing.
He took his apron off, sent a hurtful glare at Jisung and walked out of Jisung’s apartment and life, never looking back. He blocked Jisung off everywhere and left the company so he wouldn’t need to see Jisung on a daily basis.
He wasn’t a strong person.
Not when it came to Jisung.
2025⏸
Three long years since then. And Minho is still here, his heart still Han Jisung shaped.
Moving on hasn’t been easy for Minho. It doesn't mean he never tried though. He has tried going on dates with people he found attractive, has been on blind dates set up by his friends and even been on a date with his best friend Seungmin before. At the end of the day, none of the dates worked out. He tries so hard but he can't escape from still being painfully in love with his ex-boyfriend.
Every time he tries to sleep, Jisung’s ghost still haunts him, memories replaying so that they can torture Minho alive. Memories were the deadliest weapons against him. He still calls out for Jisung in the dead of the night when it’s too quiet for his liking, he spills his feelings into the darkness.
He wonders if Jisung ever feels anything. Hurt? It should be normal to feel hurt after a relationship is over even if one no longer feels the sparks anymore, right? He hopes so. He hopes the two years he spent with Jisung meant at least something for Jisung. Or did Jisung feel relief washing over him when Minho left that day? The latter scares him more.
He wishes Jisung is hurting at least. Maybe not for three years like him, he wouldn’t wish that for Jisung. He’d be happy just to know Jisung felt some pain at least when the wound was still fresh. Minho though? The wound wasn’t fresh anymore, he knows how to live with it now but the scars that Jisung left him, it’ll be tattooed in every corner of his heart forever.
Sometimes, Minho feels embarrassed at himself. Him and Jisung, they were best friends before they dated, Changbin even called them as evenly split chopsticks because of the way they fit like missing puzzle pieces but they were together for only two years. Yet, he's still right where Jisung left him even after three years have passed.
September 2025
“User spearbunny said, “Case 143 reminds me of how I felt when I was falling for my then best friend who’s my girlfriend now. Why do I keep getting attracted was literally the question I asked myself the whole time hahaha. I wonder if 3racha wrote Case143 based on my experience.”
“Awwn,” Jisung coos, “this is a cute story. I wonder if Channie hyung and Changbin hyung stole your story haha! I only had a small portion in writing the title track, Case 143 this time so you can’t blame me hehe.”
“Do you have someone to experience the Case 143 lyrics too though, Han-ssi?” Minho raised an eyebrow at Jisung tauntingly.
Jisung laughs aririly, “Nah, Minho-ssi. I have no romance in my life. I’m a pro idol.”
Minho wants to punch himself for the lump in his throat disappearing in an instant at Jisung’s answer. But Jisung is an idol. He’s supposed to give this answer even if he has a partner behind the scenes. Minho wants to bang his head against his table for his own thoughts.
The radio show gradually comes to an end. The tension between them isn’t that existent anymore with the way Jisung answers everything easily during their Q & A. He looks brighter than the first moment when he met Minho tonight; maybe he has gotten used to Minho’s presence during this one hour.
But that still doesn’t stop Minho from wanting to run away. He wants to be away from here as soon as possible even though it’s laughable how desperate he also wants to be near Jisung despite it shattering his already broken heart.
As soon as the radio show ends, Jisung stands up and gives Minho an album signed by 3racha and they are asked to take a photo together again before Jisung goes back. Minho’s stupid heart still races as Jisung stands so close next to him, making silly poses for the photo.
So close yet so far. I want to hold you at least one more time, Han Jisung.
They exchange their polite farewells, Minho already turning his back to Jisung, on his way to go back to his seat to retrieve his jacket hanging on the chair until he feels Jisung’s hands grabbing onto his wrist.
Minho’s breath hitches at the contact; he turns around to Jisung, holding his breath.
Jisung looks …. terrified. His eyes look unsure with his gaze averted from Minho; he's looking everywhere except Minho, he keeps biting his lower lip that's slightly trembling, he seems like he’s been holding his breath with the way he lets out a long exhale as soon as Minho opens his mouth to talk.
“Do you need anything, Han-ssi?” Minho asks politely, not being able to read Jisung’s weird expression.
“Hyung…”
The one word he hasn’t heard from Jisung for years. Jisung hasn’t slipped his tongue and called him hyung when they first met tonight either. Why now? What does Jisung want? Wasn’t breaking his heart 3 years ago enough already? Minho wants to dig a hole and never come back.
Minho swallows the lump in his throat and wills himself to stray away from Jisung, trying to pull his hand away from Jisung’s hold.
“Hyung, please.”
“What do you want?” Minho sternly asks, putting on his best poker face.
“Can we talk?” Jisung requests with pleading eyes that pushes Minho on a nostalgic train . Jisung used to give the same pleading eyes whenever they fought in the past.
"Why? The radio show's over. I'm afraid we don't have anything else to talk about."
"Hyung please. Just one chance to talk to you. I need to tell you something. Please ." Jisung's eyes are watering as he begs Minho.
“Fine." Minho gives in.
"But not now.” Minho adds calmly and he can see the disappointment flashing on Jisung’s face so he continues, “I’ll be free in like 15 minutes though, I need to close the studio first. We can talk after that if you have that much to say.”
Jisung's face lights up like a happy kid that finally got the toy he has been wanting so much. “Okay, hyung. I’ll be waiting at the parking lot.”
Minho nods at Jisung and gestures to him to go back so he can spare himself some time alone before facing Jisung; He’s going to be having a conversation with the Han Jisung he knew, not the idol Han, but the one who broke his heart three years ago.
Maybe he’ll get the closure he’s been craving for years. Maybe this way he’ll be able to move on for good. He sure hopes so even though he knows that deep down moving on from Jisung has never been an option for him.
Maybe someday in the future, he’ll heal from the wounds but he’ll always remember Han Jisung; the boy with the prettiest gummy smile, the one who managed to walk inside his heart and molded it into his shape.
When Minho reaches the parking lot, Jisung’s still there waiting for him like he promised. Minho takes a deep breath as he walks towards Jisung, putting on a brave front despite his heart experiencing a blend of joy and misery at the same time.
Fuck. Here goes nothing.
“Hi,” Minho greets Jisung by poking his shoulder lightly and he can’t help but chuckle at the string of curses that comes out of Jisung’s mouth.
“Fuck, sorry. I thought you were a stalker or something.”
“You would be so easy to kill with the way you’re distracted on your phone.” Minho clicks his tongue jokingly which eases the tension inside him a little bit.
“Talking about killing me already, hyung? That’s not nice.” Jisung pouts at Minho and Minho can feel his heart clenching because the banter between them right now is almost like experiencing a time travel when he and Jisung were still happy.
Minho clears his throat, “So, you have something to say?” It comes out more like an unsure question and honestly, Minho isn’t feeling so sure too so it isn’t far fetched.
“Oh, right, yeah, yeah.”
“Hmm…” Minho waits patiently as he gives Jisung the time to think about what to say because he is like a gaping fish out of water at the moment – trying to open his mouth but closing again, as if he doesn’t know what the right words should come out.
“Do you want to sit in my car and talk? Will that be easier?” Minho suggests.
“Yeah, I’d like that. Thank you, hyung.”
Minho shows Jisung the way to his car and when they are both inside, he finds himself feeling more at ease that they aren’t in the public with the chance of their conversation being eavesdropped.
“I’m sorry, hyung.” Jisung blurts out, brows furrowed in frustration.
“For breaking my heart? Isn’t it a little too late already, Jisung-ah?” Minho winces at the way he sounds petty towards Jisung even though he hasn’t been planning to. Or maybe he wanted to be petty.
“I.. I’m not trying to excuse myself for being an asshole towards you. I fucked up, hyung. I had my reasons but that doesn’t strip away the fact that I hurt you. I just… it kept me up all night when we broke up.” Jisung laughs bitterly, “I was the one who hurt you yet I don’t know, hyung. It felt miserable.”
“I’m glad you felt miserable. I’d hate it if you didn’t.” Minho scoffs at Jisung.
“You still haven’t changed, Lee Minho.” Jisung laughs weakly but shakes his head in delight.
“So, you just wanted to apologize and tell me that you felt bad for breaking up with me? It hurt me, sure, but don’t worry, I wouldn’t want to see you being miserable by choosing to stay with me even though you’ve already lost feelings. I understand.” Minho adds, breaking the short-lived silence between them.
“It’s not.”
“Huh?”
“It’s not okay, hyung. It’s not. It’ll never be.”
Minho tries to watch Jisung’s face, hoping to understand what Jisung’s trying to say but he still doesn’t get any answers.
What does it mean? What does Jisung mean by saying it’s not okay?
“But you were the one who ended us, Jisung. I don’t think you get to say that when you’re not the one who got the short end of the stick. I was the one who had to leave everything behind while being in love with you. It should have been easier for you.”
“I’m just,” Jisung groans, putting his face into his hands, “I didn’t want to, hyung.”
“But it happened, Jisung-ah. You broke my heart. But like I said already, I won’t blame you for losing feelings. It happens. It feels like shit but hey, at least I didn’t die.”
Jisung leans back to the car seat, exhaling shakily. He has his eyes shut as if he’s trying to will away the tears that were already on the way. He has always been the cry baby between them.
“I still love you.”
Minho’s jaw tightens – has Jisung gone mad?
“You’re crazy.”
“I wish I was crazy.” Jisung replies softly.
“Jisung-ah, stop fucking with my mind. We just met again after three years and now you're being like this. Am I that easy to play with?”
All of Minho's energy is all gone, sucked away by Jisung’s words, he feels light-headed because none of this sounds real. Is this one of those dreams where Jisung appears again? His heart hurts, his head hurts, everything hurts.
“I-I didn’t mean to play with your feelings, hyung-ah,” Jisung reaches for Minho’s quivering hand and Minho flinches at the touch but decides to not do anything about it as Jisung places his hand on top of his.
“Let me explain everything to you, okay? It’s okay if you decide to never talk to me again after this or if you allow me to be your friend again at least, I’d be happy with any decision you make, hyung. Just… let me explain everything.”
Minho just nods at Jisung, giving him the green light instead of replying anything back because he knows his croaked voice will betray him.
“Remember when 3racha went viral with your choreography? The fame was amazing, we managed to get a lot of new domestic fans but also the bad thing about getting more fans is that, it also included the bad ones.”
Minho hums in acknowledgement. It was a great time, a great opportunity for both 3racha and him. They were booked and busy, everyone wanted a piece of them. But 3racha also got a handful of antis trying to defame them, he remembered Jisung confiding in him whenever he felt insecure from the harsh words on the internet thrown at him.
“We had sasengs following us around too. Sometimes we knew their presence but sometimes we didn’t. The manager hyungs tried their best to protect us. But it doesn’t stop them from getting our phone numbers and sending us horrendous death threats, especially to me.” Jisung lets out a long sigh.
“The worst thing is it’s not even everything. I don’t know how but they found out about us, hyung. I received death threats from them daily, they threatened with violence, even said they'd kill you and they kept telling me that they’d expose our relationship to the media. Honestly, I could care less about being outed but I’d blame myself for the rest of my life if something happened to you because of me, hyung. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“You should have told me that. You could have.” Minho says blankly, retrieving his hand that was under Jisung’s.
He’s angry at Jisung. Jisung was just trying to protect him. Yet it still hurts him so bad till this day. The way Jisung broke his heart, at least the wound wouldn’t be as deep as it is if Jisung gave him this truth instead of stepping on his heart so that it crumbles into pieces.
“I wanted you to hate me so it’d hurt less. And I'm right, isn’t it? It worked. You hate me.” Jisung puts on a smile despite his sniffles giving away that he has started crying silently.
Minho sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re being delusional. I could never hate you, Jisung-ah. I just wish you were honest with me instead of breaking us apart for some creepy stalkers.”
“I'm so sorry, hyung."
Minho hums understandingly. He can acknowledge Jisung's apology but he's not sure if he can fully accept it yet.
“I’m not asking you to take me back, hyung. I think I’ve already given up on that,” Jisung laughs darkly, “It’d just be nice to be your friend again. Channie hyung and Changbin hyung miss you too.”
“But of course, it’s okay if you want to continue staying as strangers too. I’m sorry.” JIsung says, as an afterthought.
“I need some time to process… all of this,” Minho gestures his hands between him and Jisung, “But yeah, I think I can put you in the friend zone again.” Minho shrugs, pretending he’s chill with the proposition, ignoring how fast his heart is beating at the thought of letting Jisung in again.
You never learn your lesson, do you? He blames himself.
“Thanks, hyung,” Jisung immediately brightens up and smiles at him blushing hard that Minho can even make out the pink cheeks even in the dim parking lot, “I’ll text you? Is your number still the same?”
“I have you blocked.” Minho blurts out, remembering that he has Jisung blocked everywhere, maybe except the 3racha official instagram account.
“Right,” Jisung replies, scratching the back of his neck, “unblock me, please?”
“I’ll think about it,” Minho teases him and Jisung giggles at his answer.
They will be fine again. Right?
“I should go, my manager hyung’s going to scold me for taking so long,” Jisung complains as if he still wants to stay with Minho. Minho wishes he can steal Jisung for a bit longer even if he’s the reason his head is spinning right now.
“Okay, Jisung-ah. I’ll see you around?”
“I’ll see you around, hyung.”
Jisung unlocks the car door and gets out of the car. But before he’s entirely out of the car, he adds, with a failed attempt at winking, “is that the promised ring I gave you dangling down the handle of your car rear mirror?”
“Shut up and go away already!”
He could hear Jisung laughing loudly as it echoed through the whole car parking area. The death flowers inside Minho’s heart revive and bloom again at the sound of Jisung’s laughs. Minho shakes his head in delight. His laughter is still as beautiful as it was.
On the way home, he unblocks Jisung’s number, but it only leads to his thoughts running a mile per minute in Minho's mind.
Sure, he just got the closure he has been craving for years but where do they go from here? He’s still bitter at Jisung for not being honest with them, they could have gone through the trouble together. He didn’t need to be protected, he’s a grown man, thank you!
The '‘I still love you” confession he got from Jisung is still so unreal. Did it actually happen? It is like Minho’s wildest dreams coming true. Does that mean Jisung still loves him? But he’d be lying if he doesn’t have the ability to trust Jisung fully yet because the words “I just don’t feel the spark for you anymore.” from Jisung three years ago can't stop ringing in his mind yet.
Friends? Can they really be back to square one after realizing there are still feelings involved between them? Can they really put their past behind and start over again?
Minho lets out a long sigh. He’s going to need a drink when he gets home.
Once he gets back home, he immediately opens his fridge, wanting nothing to do but to drink until he blacks out.
Minho thinks about dialing Seungmin while he’s drowning himself with his second soju bottle. Seungmin is an amazing best friend even though Minho would rather eat bricks than admit the truth. That’s just how their friendship works.
Seungmin is a friend he made after he joined his current company. They were a brilliant duo at the company, their colleagues shipped them so much that it even clouded his mind that they would work out as a couple but Seungmin brought him back the rational sense when they tried to go out on a date a few years ago.
At least he got a new best friend out of that shitty date. But Seungmin hasn't seen the worst state of Minho because he met Minho one year after the break up when Minho was back on his feet, looking a little bit more human than he was after the break up.
So, Seungmin doesn't know about his past between him and Jisung. He doesn't like talking to new people about getting dumped by his ex-boyfriend.
His other options would be Hyunjin or Felix, his dance partners and also best friends from JYPE from when he was still a choreographer there; they are still working in JYPE but they never stopped reaching out to Minho even after he left the company.
They know his history with Jisung. They would be the best choice for a drunk call right now but he’s having second thoughts as he’d already told them that he’s long moved on from Jisung when they asked how he was doing just a few months ago.
He’s sure his friends wouldn’t mind him crying over Jisung on the phone after saying he has moved on for good but he doesn’t like the idea. It makes him feel weak.
Maybe he should just sleep it off. The thoughts about starting over with Jisung – future Minho will deal with it.
The future Minho really has to deal with it because as soon as he wakes up to check the time on his phone, he notices a new message notification from a familiar number.
[unknown contact] 7:15am
Knock knock.
Hi hyung, just checking if i’m still blocked :]
Minho rolls his eyes at Jisung’s text. He needs to wash his face and come to his senses before dealing with Han Jisung.
Right now, his head feels like one second away from exploding from the hangover, the pressure behind his eyes unbearable and he’s soaked in sweat; he’s pretty sure he looks like he just got hit by a bus too.
He checks his phone again after washing his face and feeling a tad bit better and frankly, he still has a hard time believing that Jisung’s text is real like Han Jisung really texted him again. Everything’s real. Wow.
Before he can send a text back to Jisung, staring at his phone screen, he hears a notification ping.
[unknown contact] 10:30am
I see you’ve read my message so I’m unblocked I guess?
[Minho] 10:35am
Hey
Minho changed [unknown contact] to [Han Jisung]
[Han Jisung] 10:31am
Yo, you actually replied hyung
[ Minho ] 10:32am
I just woke up
[Han Jisung] 10:32am
Who are you and what have you done to Lee Minho who wakes up at 7am to go jogging?
Minho scoffs at Jisung’s text.
[Minho] 10:33am
I’ve changed. You don’t know me anymore, Jisung.
He reads his own message again and frowns at it. It sounded more teasing in his head than in his message. Oh well. But he sees Jisung’s chat bubble appearing and disappearing again and again for five minutes straight and now he wishes he added some emojis in his text.
[Han Jisung] 10:40am
Oops
Umm, I was going to invite you to my birthday party
It’s on the 14th @ my place
Sooo, you’re invited but it’s okay if you don’t wanna come too
No worries
Yeahh
[Minho] 10:42am
14th… that’s Sunday
I think I’m free
[Han Jisung] 10:43am
… is that a yes??? :o
[Minho] 10:44am
I don’t know. You tell me.
[Han Jisung] 10:45am
I’ll take it as a yes :D
Should I send you my address?
[Minho] 10:47am
You don’t need to if you’re still living at the same apartment
[Han Jisung] 10:48am
Right yea
Still the same place hyung
See you :D
I’d be really happy if you come hyung
Minho closes his phone screen and slumps on to his mattress, staring lifelessly at his ceiling. He still has three more days to prepare himself mentally. Three days. That’s long enough.
The drive to Jisung’s apartment is still familiar to Minho even after all these years since he last was there.
He has done too much thinking for the past three days but now that he’s on the way to Jisung’s apartment he can’t stop himself from thinking about all those times he drove to Jisung’s apartment, whether to surprise him with food because cooking for the person he loves is his love language or just going there so he can cuddle with him after a bad, bad day at work.
Jisung’s neighborhood still looks exactly the same as he remembers. Even the building still smells the same. Nothing has changed just like his feelings for Jisung. Minho swallows down his nostalgic feelings into the deepest, darkest part of his heart.
He takes a deep breath when he finally stands in front of Jisung’s apartment door, reaching out for the door bell with his shaky hands.
It is Chan who opens the door, the older’s smile lighting up as soon as he sees Minho, pulling him into a warm hug and Minho wants to sob like a little baby on Chan’s shoulders.
He misses his friends so much. It’s partially his fault for this mess too because it was never Chan and Changbin who chose sides after the break up; Minho was the one who pushed them away, not responding to texts and calls even after they keep reaching out for months.
“Hey, hyung.” Minho greets when Chan finally pulls away from the hug, eyes watery with his hands still on Minho’s shoulder.
“Minho-yah, it’s really nice to see you again. Come inside, come, come.” Chan grabs Minho’s hand and ushers the way inside Jisung’s apartment.
There’s Jisung, Changbin, Felix, Hyunjin and another person he’s not familiar with sitting in a circle on the floor, playing UNO. They are all so engrossed in the game that they don’t notice Chan and Minho walking towards them hand in hand.
Chan clears his throat to get attention from the group and Jisung is the first one to turn his head towards Chan, a smile immediately appearing on his face as soon as he sees Minho beside Chan.
“Hey, hyung.”
“Minho-hyung?!” Hyunjin yelps, mouth hanging open as he stares at Minho, “How did you come here?”
“By car.” Minho deadpans and it's enough to bring laughter out of everyone.
“Your humor’s still the same hyung.” Changbin joins the conversation.
“Come sit with us, hyung.” Felix offers Minho a seat, patting the space beside him.
“Right, sit, sit, hyung. Now that everyone’s here, I will go bring some pizza so we can start with our appetizers before lunch. Also, someone please introduce him to Jeongin.”
And Jisung runs to the kitchen, followed by Chan. Minho thinks Jisung’s reaction comes off a little as weird but it’s still early and he just arrived here. It’ll be okay, Minho cheers himself up mentally.
“What happened? Last time I checked, you haven’t talked to each other since the day you guys broke up,” Hyunjin squishes in between Felix and Minho, asking him curiously.
“We made up.” Minho shrugs, really not wanting to have this conversation where Jisung can hear them.
“You said you were over him?” Hyunjin whispers, giving him a knowing glance.
“I am over him.”
“You know that’s bullshit.” Hyunjin scoffs at Minho.
“If you don’t shut up right now, I will feed you tissues, Hwang Hyunjin.”
“Jeez, fine, grumpy old man. You gotta facetime me tonight and spill the tea though.”
“Ahem, so, Minho-hyung, this is Jeongin. Jeongin, this is Minho-hyung.” Felix pulls Hyunjin away from Minho, trying to move on to another topic.
Jeongin nods at Minho and Minho does the same, acknowledging each other.
“Isn’t he a cutie?” Hyunjin ruffles Jeongin’s hair at which Jeongin sends the older a dead glare.
“He’s a solo vocalist from our company, you probably haven’t met him before because he started training at the company only after you left. He’s collabed a lot with us for the albums.” Changbin gestures Jeongin to Minho.
“I see,” Minho replies. He wouldn’t know who Jeongin is because he usually avoids 3racha’s music like a plague ever since Jisung and him broke up.
Speaking of the devil, Jisung comes back with boxes of pizza and Chan with a dozen Cola cans.
“Jisung ordered like twenty different kinds of pizza toppings so we ended up with lots of pizzas,” Chan laughs as he places the soda cans on the floor, “we can order lunch later when you guys get hungry again.”
“Hey, I bought it only because y’all are monsters at eating. This will be gone in a second.” Jisung pouts at Chan and chooses to sit right beside Minho as soon as he is done putting the pizza boxes down.
Both Minho and Jisung are sitting cross legged on the floor and Minho is now painfully aware at how Jisung’s knees are touching his. They aren’t even touching skin-to-skin, both their knees covered in fabric from their trousers but it still sends electric shocks down Minho’s spine.
“I ordered Hawaiian pizza too, hopefully it’s still your favorite?” Jisung tells Minho and hands him a slice. Minho hums and accepts it from Jisung.
Han Jisung still remembers his favorite pizza. What does he do with this information?
“Yuck, pineapples suck.” Chan comments when he sees Minho biting his Hawaiian pizza slice.
“It tastes good! It balances the greasy pizza,” Jisung exclaims, at which Chan just makes a disgusted face.
“That’s why your height is stunted, Chan-hyung. You need to eat your veggies and fruits,” Minho joins the conversation, happy with his reply when everyone bursts into laughter.
“God, I forgot how insufferable you both are,” Chan groans, munching on his pepperoni pizza.
“I know right, it’s a curse from the universe by letting them make up again,” Hyunjin complains but ends up choking on his pizza. “See! The universe is evil! No one is on my side!”
The conversation never gets boring with all seven of them jumping from one topic to another, one gossip to another.
Minho thinks he made the right decision coming here. Rather than a birthday party of an ex-boyfriend, this feels more like a casual meet up with old friends and he feels all warm and tender inside his heart.
“Ugh, I need to pee,” Minho stands up. He drank too much Cola for his own good and now his bladder is killing him.
“The bathroom is there,” Jisung points to the left and then he looks like realization finally dawned on him, nodding his head, “but you already know that.”
“Yeah,” Minho chuckles as he goes straight to the bathroom. He strangely doesn’t feel the awkwardness but maybe he’s just too focused on his bladder business at the moment.
Everything has been going so well so far, Minho’s already ready to go back to the living room until he had to double check a familiar four-cut photo strip on the wall.
He remembers this one. It was taken on his and Jisung’s one year anniversary at Lotte World – both of them with their silly poses. His favorite is the third one on the photo strip, he has his hands in a flying pose but his lips on Jisung’s cheeks with Jisung blushing so red it’s even obvious on the low quality photo.
Minho doesn’t even realize the energy is his lower limbs are all gone as his body gives out and falls down on his knees with a loud thump. His knees hurt as it meets the ceramic bathroom floor but his heart hurts more.
He lets out a sob and he can feel the hot tears streaming down his face, his fists clenching, nails digging his own palms to ground himself. His heart is beating dangerously and his throat feels closed. He couldn’t breathe. He’s drowning in a sea of his emotions and he doesn’t know what to do to save himself.
He can’t break down right now. Not in Jisung’s house. But he can’t stop his quivering body and the pathetic sobs that won’t stop coming even if he tries to bring his palm onto his mouth in an attempt to not make a noise.
But his wishes don’t come true because he hears a knock on the bathroom door, followed by Jisung’s voice. “Hey, hyung, is everything okay? Did you trip and fall down or something?”
Minho lets out a dry chuckle at Jisung’s question. That would have hurt less.
When Jisung opens the door and peeps inside, Minho can’t even try to hide his breakdown anymore. He’s really crying and losing it on the bathroom floor in his ex-boyfriend’s apartment just because he saw a four-cut photo strip of them on the wall. Fucking pathetic.
“Omg are you okay, hyung?” Jisung crouches down in front of Minho, pulling the older’s chin up with his hand.
Minho looks up at Jisung with his red-rimmed eyes and he feels like throwing up when Jisung gently caresses his cheeks to wipe away the tears.
“I fucking hate you.”
“Huh?” Jisung looks taken back at Minho’s answer.
“I fucking hate you. Hate you. Hate you so much.” The words start spilling out of Minho's mouth. He throws fists against Jisung's chest, unable to halt the sobs; he hates himself for acting like a child throwing a tantrum.
Jisung grabs both of Minho’s wrist to hold him steady, “What’s going on hyung?”
Jisung looks so puzzled it’s somewhat cute but Minho’s mind is flooded with memories and all he wants to do is go back home so he can cry more. But the thing is, he doesn’t even have the energy to stand up right now.
“The four-cut photo we took at Lotte World,” Minho mumbles quietly.
“What?”
“Stop playing dumb, Han Jisung,” Minho yells, “Why do you still have that?” Minho points at the photo strip like it’s an illegal item.
“Oh shit, I forgot to remove it before you come,” Jisung retrieves his hand from holding Minho's wrist, distancing himself from Minho a little.
“Is that why you are so angry, hyung? I’m sorry. I will remove it now,” Jisung tries to stand up but is stopped by Minho pulling him into his chest, hugging him so tight.
“I hate you so much. Fuck. I fucking hate you. I miss you so fucking much. Why are you so near yet so far, Jisung-ah? It’s killing me inside.”
Minho can’t seem to stop the tears falling down again, ruining Jisung’s shirt. He feels Jisung’s warm breath against his neck, followed by a long exhale he lets out. Jisung reaches his hands around Minho’s waist, hugging him back tight.
“I missed you so much too, hyung.”
Minho feels wetness on his shoulder but he’s too scared to check if Jisung is crying or not. “You hurt me so much, do you know that? I couldn’t sleep for months. I couldn’t eat well for months. I was like a zombie after you gave up on us. I fucking hate you.”
“I’m so sorry, hyung. I will make things right again. Please. Give me a chance again.”
“I can’t trust you again. Not yet.”
“I know. It’s okay, hyung. We can take baby steps. I will try my best. I promise.” Jisung pulls away from the hug and Minho immediately misses his body warmth. Jisung looks into his eyes, giving him the most genuine expression.
Jisung holds Minho’s hand, swinging their arms together slowly. Minho realizes Jisung’s eyes are getting watery too.
“What happens next then? What do we do?” Minho asks in a small voice.
“We’ll figure it out. But I’m not letting you go again. Pinky promise, hyung.” Jisung surges forward, planting a kiss on Minho’s forehead at which Minho melts into Jisung touch.
Jisung is touching Minho’s face so tenderly, looking at him with the softest gaze, Minho wants this moment to never stop. He needs the world to stop spinning so he can live in this moment for eternity.
"Come on, let's go back to the living room. The bathroom floor's too cold."
Jisung stands up, giving Minho a hand to help him stand, going back to the living room together only to find out that there aren't any of their friends or the pizza boxes there anymore. All that is left is a note with Chan’s handwriting that says, “Didn’t want to interrupt so we’ll be heading out early. Hope you guys figure things out. Also, we stole all of your pizza, it's for us anyways so HA sorry not sorry! Happy birthday again, Sungie!”
Minho feels a bit guilty for making their friends leave in the middle of a birthday party because of course he had to go through a mental breakdown but he’s also relieved he doesn’t have to deal with his friends. He doubts his friends would ask him anything if they were still here but they would surely be giving him pitying glances and it will just make him feel worse than he already is.
“Hey,” Minho sits down on the couch as he calls Jisung and when Jisung turns around Minho reaches out to pull the younger’s hand, “I’m sorry for ruining your birthday.”
“You can still save it,” Jisung chuckles, sitting down, resting his palm on Minho’s knee.
“How?”
“What if.. I ask for a kiss for my birthday present?”
“You’d want that?” Minho asks, voice laced with insecurity. "When you told me you lost all the feelings for me that day, I think I really felt like I didn't do enough as a boyfriend for you." Minho sighs.
He still has a hard time believing Jisung still has feelings for him especially because during the three years he’d hated himself for thinking of what could have been the reason Jisung fell out of love for him. Even after the closure he got, after Jisung came clean about the reason why he had to bring up the break up, the insecurity in Minho is still alive and never faded.
"Hyung-ah.” Jisung says to Minho. “Hey, look at me, hyung,” Jisung grabs Minho’s chin so he won’t avert his gaze from the younger, “I’m not lying. I still love you, hyung. Whatever bullshit I said when we broke up, it wasn’t the truth, okay?”
Minho nods. “Okay.”
“So, can I kiss you, Jisung-ah?”
Instead of giving Minho a verbal answer, Jisung just leans towards Minho, tilting his head so it would land perfectly on Minho’s lips.
Jisung tastes like pizza and Cola combined but Minho wouldn’t trade this for anything. The kiss is slow and soft, as if they are making up for all the time they’ve lost.
Their lips still fit like puzzle pieces that have always been meant to fit perfectly. Rather than the fireworks and butterflies, Minho believes the kiss feels more like coming home to a warm meal and loving cuddles from your beloved.
Jisung ends up straddling Minho, the older’s hands finding his way home to Jisung’s waist pulling him as close as he possibly can, but the kiss doesn’t get hungrier either.
They take their sweet time savoring each other's taste they have missed so much. When Jisung pulls away to catch his breath, both their lips are swollen and slick in spit, but seeing Jisung’s face glowing in utter happiness, Minho can’t help but stare at him fondly.
“Are we moving too fast?” Jisung asks, hands cradling Minho’s face at which Minho’s melting into like the cutest cat.
“Maybe a little bit,” Minho cackles, “it’s okay, today’s a cheat day. We can go back to taking baby steps starting tomorrow.”
Jisung laughs at Minho’s statement, “Alright, then. Kiss me more.”
“You kiss me.” Minho puckers his lips to Jisung and he can only smile fondly against Jisung’s lips as soon as he feels Jisung’s soft lips on his.
1 year later
“Chan-hyung told me that it’s best we turned off our phones today,” Jisung says, taking a seat beside Minho on the couch, leaning his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.
“Right, it’s coming out today.” Minho lets out a shaky exhale.
“More like we’re coming out,” Jisung comments. Minho laughs, slapping Jisung’s chest lightly. Whatever their friends always say is true – Han Jisung does know how to calm him down.
Minho leans his head on top of Jisung’s and kisses the crown of the younger’s head. “We could watch movies or cook something to distract ourselves.” Minho suggests.
“Or you could fuck me all day,” Jisung giggles, making Minho rolls his eyes.
“Pervert! I hate you!”
“You love me though.”
“Yeah, unfortunately, I do,” Minho replies, lacing their fingers together tightly, their matching promise rings cooling against their warm skin. I’m glad you’re mine again, words left unspoken. But he’s sure Jisung understands.
