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Ich höre dich rufen.
I hear you calling.
Falke had not had a dream before tonight. The moment she closed her eyes to let herself rest, she felt herself pulled to a place she did not belong. Her mind felt fragmented as the tendrils of dreams pulled at her mind, as if they had tentacles stuck to her skin, pulling her deeper and deeper.
The red eye watched her as she sunk deeper into sleep, staring down at her. She felt her skin begin to crawl with discomfort, a feeling that was previously alien to her until she had crossed the boundary of the gate.
It watched her and taunted her. She knew it would never leave her, not until she was dead.
Falke took a breath in, and let herself fall into the embrace that surrounded her.
Zieh mich aus dem Meer.
Drag me from the sea.
When her senses returned, Falke found herself standing on a beach.
Her legs were in the water- a sensation that was new to her, yet felt so familiar. It was cold and soft against her, lapping gently in a steady rhythm.
The memories of the life that was not hers had no recollection of this sensation either, as far as she knew.
The chill of the water seeped into her body, causing a sensation of numbness to trail up her legs. She did not understand dreams in any way they had been described to her, and in the past, Falke had no care for the idea of them. One such explanation was that they were the mind's way of rationalizing events that had happened in an individual's life, to soothe fears and anxieties, to enlighten the heart, and to provide an escape from the reality of one's life.
Falke did not believe she had anything to run from, so why was she here?
Ich bin hier allein.
I am here alone.
Despite the chill in her body, Falke attempted to force herself to take slow steps to get out of the water. The tide was pulling at her, and there was an urge to step deeper into its pull, to let the sea consume her whole.
Despite how hard she tried, her legs would not move.
There was a commotion further out in the water, kilometers away if she had to guess, and the white froth of it drew her attention in.
Come to me
, it seemed to say. It begged her to join the maelstrom, to reach out to the vortex and let it take her. She knew she must refuse, and knew she must resist its call. The pull of the unknown must not corrupt her mind and her systems, lest her post fall to chaos.
She knew if she let the tide take her, nobody would save her. It was her job to be the supporting pillar of her post, to hold her people up and be their commander. It was her duty to protect them and keep them safe.
If not her, who would they have to turn to?
Ohne deine Hilfe verliere ich mich in diesem Ort.
Without your help I am lost in this place.
As she watched the maelstrom on the horizon, her body alerted her to the presence of someone standing behind her. Someone was watching her.
It was an advantage in most cases to be keenly aware of presences around her, but this time there was no scratching at the back of her mind to tell her who was there. It was entirely unknown.
She did not like the unknown.
“Who are you?” Her voice was unsteady, and Falke wanted to crush her voice box for betraying her weakness. This person did not have any right to comprehend the fear she felt.
“Do you not remember, my dear?”
The voice felt like coming home.
Falke did not want to turn around, to see just who was speaking to her, but at the same time was desperate for more of the comfort that their voice provided her. Desperate to feel safe and in control again in this nightmare. She clenched her jaw, feeling her teeth slide against one another, and took a breath to steady herself.
The woman standing before her was beautiful .
Gib mir wieder etwas Schönes.
Give me something beautiful again.
She was smiling at Falke, an expression she was not used to seeing- not with the woman’s visible level of joy and relief. The woman’s hands quickly came to Falke’s body, fingertips dancing across her arm to pull her close. She had never felt smaller than she did in that moment.
Like a child lost from their mother, she wanted to cry. She wanted to fall into this woman’s arms and let herself be held. Falke wanted to be loved in the way she
knew
the LSTR in her memories was loved. She wanted to be cherished like they were, and this woman in front of her… She was the key. She was the one who loved Elster.
“What’s wrong? You look troubled…”
Her voice was soft, nearly angelic. As Falke looked down at her, she felt her hands begin to tremble in a way they had not before.
“I… I am not yours, I am not the one you seek.”
The woman’s expression shifted, concern painting her face. She stood taller, trying to get closer to Falke’s height, so she shifted to kneel. It was an act that felt all too similar to the act of supplication in the face of a merciful god- something that felt right in the moment. To kneel before this woman who smiled so warmly at her and stroked Falke’s cheek, brushing her hair away.
“Of course you are, don’t ever think I don’t want you, I love you.”
Falke knew those words were not meant for her, but she shook nonetheless under the weight of them. A weight no one had put on her before, she was a worshiper before her god.
Was ich kann und was ich könnte.
What I can and what I could do.
She was reminded of her Adler, of his devotion to her.
Was this what he felt like?
Falke felt her brow furrow as she pressed her cheek into the woman’s palm, memories of her own life and the life of Elster flooding her senses. She knew her life was the proper one, that it was what was meant for her, what she was created for, but… There was hesitation painting her mind.
This woman- her name amongst the memories- Ariane , she loved them both. At least, that was what it felt like. If this sensation was what love was, Falke never wanted to be unloved again. It was intoxicating, the way that Ariane moved closer to her, to pull Falke’s body closer again until she was made to rest on Ariane.
Ariane pulled her closer until they were embracing one another.
Falke could hear her body thrum with life, and she let herself close her eyes. In Ariane’s arms, the eye could not reach her, she was safe in the arms of someone who loved her.
Her mind went to Adler again, how he loved her in his own way. His unyielding devotion and dedication, how he was more than likely at her side as she slept, the corners of his mouth betraying his thoughts and restlessness. He had spent so long trying to find something to make her feel better, something to fix her, and still he tirelessly and relentlessly searched for something to bring Falke back to him in her fullness. She knew she could not abandon him, not for this woman in her dream.
“You know I must leave you, this is not my place..” She said, attempting to steady herself and pull away, but the grip on her torso only got tighter.
Weiss ich gar nicht mehr.
I just don't know anymore.
“Stay with me, please? It’s so lonely here, and I miss you.” Ariane’s voice sounded pained, and Falke wanted to soothe her suffering, but there was nothing she could do. She reminded herself that this was, after all, only a dream. Nothing here was real.
She shook her head, trying to will herself awake, when the waves behind her began to roar and the wind howled over the sea. In the split second she turned to glance behind at the water, the figure in front of her had changed.
No longer was Ariane standing before her, but it was her dear Adler. His body was trembling in the cold, and Falke felt fear begin to creep up the corners of her mind. His presence felt wrong. He should not be here.
“What are you doing here?” She knew the concern was flooding her voice, and for once she welcomed the show of emotion and vulnerability.
“Please don’t leave, commander… Don’t leave me- don’t leave us…”
The words clicked in her head, and realization began to dawn on her.
Of course he would not be free of the influence of memories, he had been at the gate with her. He may not have crossed, but Adler had been close enough to feel its pull and influence. He was tainted as well, but not poisoned by it as she had been. He was tied to these two like she was.
“You do not get to take him from me, do you understand? He is not yours to claim.” Her voice shook with anger as she turned away from the body that was neither Ariane nor Adler. “He is not yours.”
She knew that no matter what she said, it would not matter. The eye boring down at her did not care for her words or her thoughts, it simply watched and observed. Whatever had cursed them like this did not care for what it had done to them, they did not matter to it.
“Please,” She whispered, looking back towards the figure that had shaped itself as Adler, putting her hand to his cheek. “If you take either of us, have it be me. Do not take him from me while I still live.”
Kannst du mich schreien hören?
Can you hear me screaming?
“Thy will be done.”