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Once in Sam’s room, Shepard took a moment to look around properly. At first glance it was a completely normal girl’s room, nothing pink and fluffy though but still easily recognizable as a girl’s room. Taking a moment and a more thorough look around the room, Shepard noticed there were some things one wouldn’t find from every girl’s room. Like the vertical chess board that was mounted to the wall. A star chart of the Milky Way and a poster of the periodic system. Another poster, blue background with white letters: KEEP CALM and DO THE MATHS. Ah she’s such a Nerd! I love her so much!
A shelf right next to her window sported several trophies. All chess related? No. Taking a closer look at them one read: spelling bee champion 2169, another one: Mathematics Master 2171.
Leaning to glance at the photos placed on the bookshelf, one of Sam wearing a t-shirt piqued her interest. “Where’s that?”
“The Bod,” Sam chuckled as memories of old times surfaced but sighed with a heavy heart as the realization that this place probably wasn’t anymore hit her. Oxford was close to London which has been almost completely destroyed during the war, the odds were it had suffered the same fate in the Reapers’ hands… or claws… or tentacles, whatever they had. “It’s part of the Bodleian Library at Oxford. The buildings were five hundred years and older. I loved spending time in the libraries. The smell of old books and wooden furniture, the silence and so many other nerds. I loved this place, ” Sam bubbled over in excitement as she walked down the memory lane. “Sometimes we pulled books out in hopes to activate a hidden door.”
Shepard’s eyes wandered to another photo, reading the title of the banner in the background outloud “Winner of the Queen’s Gambit?” She couldn’t keep herself from laughing lightheartedly at the picture of little Samantha smiling broadly as she held up what had to be a chess trophy judging from the shape; it was obviously a king.
“Aww, you had to wear braces? So adorable,” Shepard commented.
“Don’t mock the braces, if I hadn’t worn them my teeth could be used as a warning example to frighten reluctant children into loving having braces,” Sam proclaimed.
“I wasn’t mocking, I was saying how adorable you were with the braces. Vani,” Shepard acknowledged turning to face Sam with a roguish smirk after she added her second first name.
“There you have it, I’ve always been adorable. And don’t you Vani me.” Sam smiled and leaned to kiss Shepard, her hand running up along the Commander’s strong arms.
“It’s a lovely name. Vani,” Shepard repeated the name again.
“No it’s not. It sounds like something you put in your mouth and then-”
“I like putting you into my mouth.” the redhead quipped.
“Mmmm, well in that case…” Sam hummed. When her fingers reached to brush over Jane’s breast, she gripped Sam’s hand and stopped the movement, awkwardly pulling back from the kiss.
“What’s wrong?” Sam frowned at the unusual behavior.
“Nothing, I’m just tired," the redhead lied.
Sam backed away immediately with a frightened expression. Eyes wide open in shock she demanded “Who are you and what have you done to my girlfriend?”
Shepard wasn’t in the mood for playing along so she decided to tell Sam the truth. “I... honestly... don’t think I have what it would take to do perform knowing your parents are sleeping in the room right next to us," the Commander admitted in a low voice and slightly embarassed as she slid both her hands into her pockets.
“Oh don’t be silly, they know we’re in a relationship, I’m pretty sure they also know we do more than brush each other’s hair.” Sam laughed softly and kissed Shepard again.
“I can’t, I’m sorry. I’m just expecting your dad to burst into the room asking if you’re okay the moment he hears the slightest moan," Shepard shook her head.
“You do realize you’re being ridiculous?” Sam whispered and went to the bed, taking off her shirt on the way. She sat on the edge and beckoned Shepard to follow, taking her hand when in reach, guiding the other woman to straddle her thighs. Sighing deeply, Shepard followed along, finding it increasingly difficult to resist even under the circumstances. Sam reached to nibble on Shepard’s neck and began tugging on the edge of her shirt and pulling it off the other woman when there was a knock on the door. Shepard jumped at the sound, the shirt still over her face, her arms tangled in it. As she tried to frantically free herself or at the very least get off of Sam’s lap before Michael would enter and see the compromising position, the only thing she managed to do was to fall off the bed.
“Is Raja there?” was Michael’s first question, and after hearing the loud thud as Shepard fell to the floor, he asked “Is everything okay in there?”
“Yes, Raja’s here, and everything’s okay.” Sam managed to respond, chuckling silently at the sight of Shepard who was lying on the floor, her legs on the edge of the bed, arms up above her head. Raja was sniffing her curiously, his tail going back and forth as he checked to see if the human was still alive.
“All right then... good night.”
“Good night, dad.”
“Owww...” Shepard let out a long groan.
“Do you need help, oh mighty Commander?”
“No, I’m completely comfortable here,” Shepard muttered through the fabric of her shirt and Raja let out a quiet whimper.
Act five: Dress to impress
Shepard was woken up by a heavy weight pressing on her chest. The only bodyparts she was able to move were her head and arms. Samantha was lying ontop of her, possessively hugging her with her arms and entangled legs, still in a deep sleep.
Shepard looked around trying to see what time it was but couldn’t locate a clock anywhere. Instead she noticed the door was ajar and the dog was gone. Apparently Raja knew how to open doors. She was glad she’d managed to convince Sam to just get some sleep, she didn’t even want to think about the possibility of having fallen asleep after sex and the dog opening the door later offering Sam’s parents the chance to see the naked Commander cuddling their daughter.
Damn. Her plan to sneak out of bed before Sam would wake up had just gotten a lot more complicated. Carefully Shepard turned Sam over, holding her back with one arm and lying her down very slowly and gently. Sam mumbled something but kept her eyes closed. Shepard let out a relieved breath after Samantha didn’t show any signs of waking up.
I’d better get out of bed before she wakes up and suggests morning sex... because I don’t know if I’d be able to turn her down, Shepard thought as she snuck out of bed and began to get dressed.
After getting dressed in her jogging clothes, she stuck her head out the door to check the hallway. It was empty and the house was silent, apparently she was the first one awake.
Splendid, no grumpy dad ruining my morning. She began to make her way downstairs quietly and stopped in her tracks when she saw Raja. He was eagerly chewing on what was left of Shepard’s running shoes.
“Why you little fucker, I’m gonna —” Shepard began but shut up when Michael and Khira appeared from behind the corner.
“Good morning!” she greeted then, standing up straight, almost saluting.
“Good morning Jane, did you sleep well?” Khira asked.
“I did, thank you.” Shepard nodded.
“Morning,” Michael simply muttered and went to take out his own running shoes from a foot locker with a smug smile directed at Jane before making his way toward the kitchen with his wife. As she inspected the damage Raja had done to her shoes, she heard Michael mutter to Khira: “Did you see her shirt?”
Sam had paid attention to the shirt Shepard had worn yesterday but she hadn’t gone through the ones Shepard had already packed prior to that. Likewise Shepard hadn’t bothered paying attention to them, for some reason it had never even occurred to her that someone might consider her humorous shirts offensive.
I hope it’s not the one that says “I have massive balls!” she silently prayed as she slowly turned to look at her shirt. It read “ G—spot tracker ”.
Well... it’s... not much better but... she thought. Her musings were interrupted by Michael who returned from the kitchen with a water bottle in hand and walked up to her.
“What do you say we talk about that petty grudge of mine,” he asked but his tone wasn’t hostile, and neither was his gaze. Shepard’s eyebrows rose in surprise at that.
“Uh... sure?” she shrugged.
They jogged along a path next to a cornfield. Usually Shepard jogged at a faster pace but today she adjusted her speed to Michael’s. Several minutes passed without talking until Shepard couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
“Are you making sure we are far enough away from any populated areas so no one can hear my scream when you shoot me?”
The man chuckled lightly, “How are your shoes doing?”
Shepard looked down at the chewed up fabric, her big toe poked out of a hole and she could feel the soles getting looser with every step. “I’m not sure they’ll survive the next ten minutes.”
“I guess the pebbles on this path are not an obstacle for a barefeet N7?”
“The N7 training was held in Rio de Janeiro. Sometimes they commanded us to jog without boots through the jungle. The first time we went barefeet through hostile terrain my feet were the size of an elephant’s foot afterward. So yeah, this path is a walk in the park.”
“Look I’m sorry for my cock up yesterday,” Michael blurted out.
Shepard’s eyes got wide and then shut tight to avoid looking down his shorts. “Your what?”
The man smirked “Obviously you still have to learn more british slang. My behaviour and what I said yesterday was totally out of character. You are right. I acted like an arse but only because I‘m worried about Sam’s well being. You’ve made a lot of enemies Shepard. Some might want to hurt you. What if they hurt Sam to achieve that?”
“Samantha is not four years old anymore. You can’t protect your kids forever.”
Michael shook his head. “You don’t understand. You will when you have children of your own.”
“Don’t underestimate your daughter. She was taught how to defend herself when she became a part of my crew.” reassured Shepard.
“Did your mother ever stop worrying about you despite knowing you’re a highly trained special ops soldier and one of the best human biotics?”
“I don’t know. I guess not.”
Michael stopped and Shepard followed suit.
“We never know the love of our parents for us until we have become parents. Your mother brought you upon this world, she has seen how fragile and small you have been, she taught you to walk, to speak. Nursed you when you were sick, gave you comfort when you were hurt, saw you grow up. Taught you the things that made you the person you are today. No matter what you achieve, you’ll always be her little girl.”
Shepard scratched the back of her head uncomfortably. He was good at making valid points when he wasn’t angry. “Look, I wanted to apologize again for calling you a coward back then. I should have never asked for your help in the first place, it was stupid of me. It wouldn’t have been safe for you. I don’t know why I even asked for it.”
“You might have some rough edges and a big ego but you have a good heart, otherwise Sam would have never fallen in love with you.”
Shepard hoped the heat she felt on her face was from running and not from what he’d said.
“I apologize for my hostile behaviour.” He stretched out his arm offering his hand “Welcome to the family Jane.”
Shepard took the offered handshake. When Mr. Traynor smiled at her she smiled back.
“All right. Am I allowed to call you Michael or do I have to slay a dragon first to earn it?”
“No, but do me a favor and stop praising my wife’s cooking more than once during dinner; otherwise she’ll expect me to do the same.”
Upon entering the prefab Raja barked a short “hello,” and vanished back into the kitchen. Samantha’s head poked around the kitchen door. “Good timing, we just finished setting the breakfast table.”
“You mean your mother set the table while you where sipping your coffee and playing the usual morning grouch daughter.” Khira reproached.
“Oh shut up.” Sam quipped and took a seat at the table. “Where’s my lemon curd, maid?”
“I’m sorry dear, the cheeky-monkey-daughter lemon curd is out, I only have the well-behaved-daughter lemon curd left. And the latter is definitely not for you.”
“I volunteer to play the well behaved daughter in law.” Shepard tossed in cheerfully. She leaned down to Sam and gave her a peck on the cheek. “Good morning my love.”
Being that close to Shepard, Sam was offered the odor of her armpit. “Eewww, don’t touch me, you are all sweaty.”
Shepard laughed. “I love you too.”
“No more kisses until you smell good again. Take a shower. Shoo, shoo," Sam gestured theatrically with her arms when her glance fell on her girlfriend’s t-shirt. Her eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open before her gaze met Shepard’s.
Shepard shrugged and with a sheepish smile she whispered “I realised too late what I was wearing, they saw it before me.”
“Well at least it’s not the massive balls one,” Sam muttered, somewhat relieved.
Shepard chuckled “I had the same thought upon realizing.” Shepard straightened up and turned around when she heard Michael speak.
“The gentleman I am, I’ll let you shower first while I enjoy the title of the dirty smelling person in the kitchen.” Michael joked. Jane excused herself and left for the shower.
“ What happened during this jog? Have you become best buddies now?” Sam wondered. “Not that I’m displeased by it; yesterday it just didn’t seem like you two would become best buddies any time soon.”
“ She passed the Daddy test, Princess.”
“What? Just like that?” Sam wondered, wanting to know what had happened. . “How was she able to change your mind so fast.”
“She threatened to send a seven foot Krogan to visit me if I keep disliking her.”
“So not funny Dad.”
“We just talked, about you, my worries, that you’ll always be my little princess and about what happened during the Collector’s attack.” He leaned at the kitchenette and sighed, looking at the floor. “She had every right to be calling me a coward because I acted like one.”
“What happened?” Sam sat the coffee mug down and turned around in her seat.
“I was about to get to you but the fear overwhelmed me and I couldn’t go any further so I hid in a garage. I was bloody scared.”
“We all were Darling.” His wife reasoned and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder rubbing it gently.
“She asked me to come with them, show them the way to the defense tower main transmitters. I declined. That’s when Shepard called me a coward.”
“You did the right thing. It would had been to dangerous for you dad. I’m sure Jane feels the same way now.”
“Yes. That’s what she said after apologizing again today. I guess I saw her as the perfect medium to vent my anger about the Alliance and what had happend to us, losing all these people and our friends.”
“The shower is free.” Shepard shouted from the upper level of the house before vanishing into Samantha’s room.
Shepard made sure the fresh t-shirt she picked had a decent slogan. It read: I’m Commander Shepard and this is my favorite t-shirt
As she dried her hair in front of the mirror, she noticed a photo of Sam and her parents attached between the mirror and the frame.
Shepard’s eyes wandered over the bountiful table before she sat down next to Samantha.
She had a hard time deciding what to put on her plate first. There was bacon and eggs, pancakes, toast, scones, several jams and sausages.
She thanked Samantha who filled her coffee cup while she reached for a piece of toast.
Khira offered Jane the lemon curd that she had kept hidden from her daughter until now.
Sam eagerly snatched the jar out of Jane’s hand before she’d barely had a chance to even hold it. “I’m sorry darling but after a whole year without lemon curd this jar is more precious than you right now. Mum pretty please tell me you’ve made enough so I can take some with me.”
“I think one jar is enough to make sure you two come visit us again soon.”
“As a toddler I used to call it lemon turt,” Sam told Jane and handed the jar over after smearing a generous amount of it on her buttered toast. She closed her eyes and took a big bite off, moaning in pleasure. “Mmmmmh, god this is bloody marvellous.”
Shepard watched her girlfriend in amusement and wonder. “Now I really wanna know if that stuff truly is worth all the swooning you’ve done over it.”
"It's the best flavour your tastebuds will ever discover or ever have discovered prior to tasting it." Samantha assured her.
"Why is she so crazy about that stuff?" Shepard asked Khira who sat opposite of her.
"That is all my fault," Michael admitted as he took the seat next to his wife on the round table. "I dipped her pacifier into the lemon curd to silence her when I wanted some quiet time playing chess against her mother."
“Do you want to hear some funny stories about young Sammy?” Khira asked Jane who nodded eagerly.
“When she was seven years old, we sat in the waiting room of the paediatrician. She was reading an, animal magazine and she asked me what testicles were, in the middle of this crowded room. She truly had a talent for embarassing me in front of others when she was small. Not that this has changed much now that she's grown up.” Khira teased.
“You could’ve just been an adult about it and explained to me they’re a part of the male reproductive system, no need to be so coy,” Samantha spluttered, her mouth still full of toast.
“I’m sorry Jane but I really have to ask. How did the rumor about Commander Shepard owning four testicles come into existence?” Michael wanted to know.
“Mike!” Khira exclaimed and tried to hide her embarassment behind her coffee mug.
"I'm so glad I'm not the only one embarassing you mum," Sam remarked.
Shepard just laughed and told them about helping her Krogan friend Grunt completing his rite of passage that also included fighting a huge Tresher Maw. Upon managing to even kill the Tresher Maw she had gained the respect of the Krogan. One of them acted out of conviction and spread the word that she must have four testicles just like every Krogan does. “I even received a mating request from said Krogan.”
“That Krogan obviously didn’t know much about human anatomy,” Samantha scoffed, looked at her girlfriend from head to toe, raised an eyebrow and added “Unless he knows something that I’ve missed every time I’ve seen you naked.”
“Speaking of human anatomy I remember a story when Sam was three, or four? Nevermind. She told the cashier at the store that she was going to grow a penis just like her daddy when she got older. To preface this, earlier in the day she had walked in while my husband was peeing. I turned all kinds of red and the lady just said, that's nice sweetheart .”
“Yes because when I saw dad I realised it is way easier to take a pee having a willy. And I still think that. I can’t recall how often I peed on my trousers or panties while taking a pee outside.” Samantha held up a hand with one finger pointing upward. “When I was small of course. I don’t pee outside anymore.”
“Except from that one time when the police caught you driving drunk.” Michael remarked.
“Oh really? I never expected there’d be a bad girl hiding underneath that innocent nerd you come across as,” Shepard admitted, astounded by the newly received information.
"There's a lot you still don't know about me darling," Sam quipped dryly, and sipped her coffee.
The redhead just looked at Sam, her expression neutral but her eyes bespoke a tit-for-tat response was on the way “I’m starting to worry. Maybe it would be wise to make a marriage contract. You know, don’t wanna buy a pig in a poke.”
“Fine, let’s make a contract but the lemon curd is all mine,” Samantha grabed the jar and hugged it possesively. “You can keep the house, the kids, even the hot tub.”
“Wow.” Shepard deadpanned.
“Hey, you got to have your priorities straight,” proclaimed Sam sternly. “Mum no more embarrasing stories please,” she begged.
“All right darling,” Khira reached over the table patting her daughter’s forearm. Leaning back again with an impish smile she continued nevertheless “When she was about five we had a young boy in the neighbourhood referring to his "private parts" with all types of slang. After setting his mother straight, I explained to her that we use the word penis for boys and vagina for girls. It seemed to go well,” Khira went on and judging from the way Sam covered her reddening face with her hand, Shepard knew this would be a good story.
“A couple of months later we were having our backyard professionally reconstructed and painted, and Sam really took a liking to the foreman, an older grandfather type of man who let her carry brushes and towels around and be a "helper". At the end of one day, she was trying to get his attention by tapping his leg and repeating "Mister, Mister, Mister!" He bent down and said "Sweetheart, I'm going to be here for a few days and we are friends so you can call me Dick." She looked him straight in the eye and said "OH NO! My Mum says I have to call you a penis!" I was mortified and wanted to melt into the ground but fortunately he had five grand children of his own so he knew how kids can be.”
Shepard burst out laughing. “For someone who’s not even into penises, you certainly had them on your mind often!”
Even Michael and Khira laughed at that.
Sam grunted “I hate you all,” as she looked deep into her empty coffee mug.
Raja nudged her arm and whimpered to gain her attention. Samantha set the mug down and stroked his head before taking it in both hands and planting a kiss on his forehead. “Except you of course. My cute baby boy.” She pulled a face when he licked her. “Eeew thank you, if you wouldn’t have such a hairy face I’d do the same to you Raja. Blimey, your breath smells like you’ve eaten dead fish.” Samantha got up and went to the sink to wash her face. “Did you feed him with flavoured meat again mum?” Sam questioned while eyeing her mother accusatively.
Casually peeling an egg Khira lied without even blushing “Of course not.”
Sam continued. “Then why was he farting like a pro last night? I had to throw him out of my room.”
“It was just a small piece.” Khira finally confessed. “You can ask Jane, it was really just a small piece.”
Sam stood her arms akimbo and looked darkly at her girlfriend who put both her hands up in a defensive gesture. “It was smaller than Lil’ Dude, honest.”
“Lil’ Dude?” Michael asked.
“My spacehamster,” Shepard explained proudly. “It’s a special breed from Illium. They are social, intelligent and playful. They tend to seek interaction a lot.”
Samantha still stood at the sink, leaning casually against the countertop “I was jealous at first that Jane spend so much time with him, talking to him like to a real person, “ Sam chuckled thinking back to the time when she first watched Shepard doing it “Until I understood that he really isn’t a normal Hamster. He’s more like a mixture of a cat and dog just in the convenient, tiny form of a hamster.”
“Aha, and who’s taking care of him now?” Michael wondered.
“Oh!” Shepard froze. Due to her nervousness of meeting Sam’s parents she’d totally forgotten to ask someone to look after Lil’ Dude.
“Don’t worry I asked James to look after him while we are gone.” Samantha soothed her girlfriend’s worries.
The Commander blew out the panicky breath she’d held in. “Thank god.”
“No thank me,” Sam quipped as she watched her girlfriend getting up and carrying her dishes to the sink.
Shepard placed a soft kiss onto Samantha’s cheek “Thanks Babe. What would I just do without you?”
“Fuck everything up? Or at the very least find yourself having to arrange a funeral for your precious hamster after it starved to death due to your negligence,” Sam whispered and smiled cheekily then kneeled down to Raja giving him some dog treats.
Hearing Sam use that word, Shepard had to wonder why she’d told her not to use it in front of her parents. They’d shared some dirty stories… granted, the F-word hadn’t been used but still, it didn’t seem like they really were the type who would have a meltdown over a word.
"Sorry to ask this so straightforward. Why is the word fuck frowned upon on in this house?"
Samantha’s parents looked confused, not certain what the Commander was going on about exactly. "Sam said I should refrain from cursing and especially using the F-word in front of you. Like at dinner yesterday when I almost blurted it out and you looked at each other like I just broke the biggest tabu,” Shepard tried to clarify.
"I just wondered about your weird behaviour and pronunciation." Michael chuckled "I think someone messed with you. Probably the same someone who is about to sneak out of the kitchen at this very moment." Michael gestured with his head toward the entrance of the kitchen.
When Shepard turned her head to where Sam had stood just seconds ago she saw Sam vanishing around the corner and out of the kitchen.
The Commander bolted after her so fast that Khira and Michael just saw a streak of red hair and a blue aura. Suddenly Sam squeaked when Shepard caught up and lifted her over her shoulder easily. Raja barked excitedly and watched Shepard carry Samantha back into the kitchen.
“Let me down. Please,” Sam begged hanging helplessly over Shepard’s strong shoulders. "I'm sorry.”
When Shepard put her girlfriend down Sam admitted “I was worried that you might scare them off with your usual colorful language, especially dad. That's why I made this up." Sam blew a strand of hair out of her face and adjusted her tousled hair.
“What the fucking fuck?” Shepard blurted out in surprise. “You really are a bad girl Traynor.”
Samantha shrugged “I learned from the best.”
“Touchè.” Shepard admitted
Michael placed an almost empty bottle of whiskey on the table that called for Shepard’s attention. “Sit down you two,” he called.
Shepard raised both eyebrows at the label as she sat down, it read: Macallan single malt, 2112
“Family heirloom.” Michael stated proudly. “The last time we opened that bottle was when Sam graduated from Oxford.”
“And what’s so special today?” Sam wondered.
Michael put four glasses next to the bottle and filled them with ice and whiskey before holding his glass up as he proceeded to make a toast. “To Commander Shepard who has saved my family twice.”
Everyone else held up their glasses as well to meet in the middle, simultaneously saying “Cheers.” as the glasses clinked together.
“We have been thinking about leaving Horizon and moving closer to earth. After everything that has happend here, too much bad memories and most people we knew are either dead or have moved away. We were lucky that Sanctuary was far away from our residence. Otherwise I don’t know what could have happened,” Michael lamented with a low voice. "But enough of the past. Tell us about the house you purchased," He inquired interested. “Where is it?”
Sam activated her omni-tool and showed her parents pictures of the house. "Outside of Pineville in Minnesota, it comes with a large property of mostly farmland and not far away from woodland and several lakes. It’s beautiful but I told her she’s crazy spending so much money on a Ranch."
"Considering that there are not much undestroyed areas left on earth it was worth it. After the owner realized who I am he even went down with the price. It’s pretty remote, exactly what I prefer to raise a family. Surrounded by nothing but nature but not too far away from a small town."
“It’s lovely.” Khira said. She and her daughter marveled together over the pool, the kitchen and the other gimmicks the house offered as Sam browsed through all the pictures.
“There’s plenty of space. If you want to come for a visit, it has two guest rooms. One for each of you,” Shepard joked looking at Michael who rolled his eyes.
"Such a big property must have cost a fortune. How are you even able to pull that off?" Michael asked cautiously not wanting to sound rude.
“I never really had a chance to spend much of the money I earned while working for the Alliance, so essentially I was left with more money than one would need in a lifetime.
“When are you moving in?”
“In about a week. There are a few things that need to be fixed, the house was empty for some time. It’s also missing the white picket fence which is important to Sam so I’ll build that one myself."
Shepard’s omitool chirped as she recieved a message. Raising her left arm to activate it she saw the message was from Vega.
She tapped the holo-screen and a short message appeared with a picture attached.
Yo Lola, furball and me are doing fine. We were about to search for some hamster porn on your computer when the search engine showed us your latest results.
Meeting the parents? loooooool
ps: Furrynator drank all your beer. He’s a mean drunk. In case you wonder who took the picture. Ash is with me and will confirm your extranet research in case you’ll try to deny it to your fellow crewmen.
By the way, your Asari porn collection is quite impressive, almost as impressive as mine.
James
