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break it to me softly

Summary:

“A tale has been passed down from generation to generation in my family of a god trapped in a temple, and a choice between our death or the gods death. My family committed the unspeakable and—“ Here the young official faltered, the stone mask slipping to reveal despair and shame. “And killed the god with their own weapon.”

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Feng Xin has never heard this story before. He’s not sure he wants to either.

Notes:

Count my annual fic done.

 

Oh and title is from softly by arlo parks.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

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Feng Xin was bored. Completely, utterly bored. Coming up with truly outrageous scenarios that definitely did not include Mu Qing kind of bored.


It had been a long day to say the least. And it had only gotten longer.

 

In an act of support, Feng Xin had volunteered to keep Xie Lian company while answering the requests of the many heavenly officials that sought out his wisdom. And of course, Mu Qing had refused to be outdone, so now they were both seated side by side each refusing to leave before the other. Feng Xin would not lose, not when it had been him to suggest attending these daily meetings.

 

He had, however, forgotten how mind numbing these meetings were.

 

Most officials only showed for the first month after ascending, when doing voluntary civic duties appears good for the soul and mind. Most don’t even last the month, Feng Xin himself had only lasted two weeks before deciding that sleeping in had the bigger priority. Poor Xie Lian had no chose though, the emperor was the only one required to show.

 

That’s not to say there weren’t days Xie Lian didn’t appear, but despite Crimson Rain Sought Flowers best wishes, the prince refused to fail those who needed his help.

 

And so here they all were, suffering in silence. Even Hua Cheng who sporadically appeared in the heavens, supposedly because he missed his ‘beloved gege’. Feng Xin didn’t buy it for a second.

 

Neither did Mu Qing for that matter. But that was neither here nor there.

 

Regardless, Xie Lian sat upon the throne with Hua Cheng standing beside him playing with his little butterflies acting with no care in the world and the new little eager officials sat on either side on the main hall excited to catch a glimpse of the emperor in action. It was all very cute really, reminded Feng Xin of himself back when all three of them had ascended the first time and were convinced in the idea that nothing could break them apart—that nothing bad could happen. For those moments, it had truly felt like they were invincible.

 

But like all things in life, and death, it had come crashing down above their heads and they had not come out of the rubble together or untouched.

 

And it was with these melancholic thoughts in mind that Feng Xin finally tuned in to the official kneeling to Xie Lian with a request held on his tongue.

 

“This humble servant of yours wonders if the emperor would release my family of a curse that has been passed on for generations. I have ascended to request atonement for our crimes committed against the heavens in order for the offspring of my family to know their kin before they pass early.” The official had obviously practiced this speech in the mirror for this exact moment, and with their practice, the emotion had faded from their request.

 

It still somehow the most intriguing one this morning which Feng Xin bemoaned in his head. For how could this have been the highlight of the past five hours? Oh, how he despised Mu Qing for accompanying along! If not for him, he could have escaped this torturous hell long ago. But Mu Qing showed no signs of leaving till it was adjourned, thus neither could Feng Xin.

 

“What crimes do you speak of official?” Xie Liam said calmly, a well of infinite patience. Feng Xin wondered if he ever ran out; since his disappearance for 800 years, he had mellowed out considerably.

 

“A tale has been passed down from generation to generation in my family of a god trapped in a temple, and a choice between our death or the gods death. My family committed the unspeakable and—“ Here the young official faltered, the stone mask slipping to reveal despair and shame. “And killed the god with their own weapon.”

 

For all that Feng Xin had spent the passing time imagining exciting revelations or even a ghost with too much resentment causing havoc in the mortal world, nothing had prepared him for this confession.

 

A mortal? Killing a god? With the god’s own weapon of choice?

 

It was unheard of.

 

He turned to Xie Lian to see how he might proceed as this was truly unprecedented. He was surprised to find his highness as pale as a ghost with his mouth parted just slightly in shock. Hua Cheng’s butterfly had disappeared.

 

Mu Qing met his eyes and both found themselves agreeing there was more to the story. Too much was missing and who knew how long it had been since this god had been released from the world for good. The chances of the god remaining if they had been so easily killed were slim.

 

“I—“ Feng Xin did not think he had seen Xie Lian so uncertain and lost before. There was something eyes that seemed to be searching for answers that were not visible to him, or to Feng Xin for that matter. “I see, is there anything more to this tale that can be told so we may determine which god was wronged at that time?”

 

“Only that it was said there was a demon ghost present weaving lies to convince those in the temple to commit the murder. This ghost wore a white mask that smiled continuously throughout the night until everyone had run the god through at least once with his sword. I know nothing more however.” At this he bowed his head once more against the floor, seeking the results of his judgement.   

 

For all Feng Xin had been observing the boy, Mu Qing had been observing Xie Lian, and he quickly nudged Feng Xin who flicked his head around.

 

Xie Lian might as well have been a statue from Hua Cheng’s collection for how little he moved. His finger were clenched tight around the throne arms, but most noticeably, rouye had snuck out and was patting his hand in quick little motions. Hua Cheng’s remained just as still as his husband. This was also not a good sign in Feng Xin’s book about Hua Cheng’s many moods. (He had written two chapters before admitting defeat and hoping that Xie Lian would save him from his mildly terrifying husband.)

 

Time could not simply pause however, and eventually, Crimson Rain Sought Flowers opened his mouth. The words that were heard were not his though, they were Xie Lian’s.

 

“Well, that certainly sounds like Jun Wu, doesn’t it?” He scratched his chin before laughing awkwardly. All signs of his previous  shock were carefully hidden now. “No doubt your family fell for his deceptions and we cannot blame them as the heavens are still attempting to correct the work he corrupted.”

 

Feng Xin felt a burst of frustration threaten to weasel its way out in a flurry of sharp words, but he pushed it down. He had come here to show Xie Lian they could be friends who came together for support, and he could not afford to fail.

 

A quick glance at Mu Qing released some of the tension from his shoulders as he saw that Mu Qing was also struggling not to call out his highness on his bullshit.

 

Even now Xie Lian diminished the hurt Jun Wu had enacted on him. Feng Xin had longed for the day the Xie Lian came to rely on them once more like he had before everything had crumbled into ruins much like their home country.

 

“So you will uplift the curse?” The hope in the officials voice was practically tangible.

 

It was only a shame as Hua Cheng chose this moment to speak up.

 

“Do you truly mean to let him go free, gege?” His voice was raw with emotion Feng Xin had never thought to associate with the devious ghost king. “Do you truly mean to have me watch yet another walk away with no wounds after you have been left for dead?”

 

And. Well. That changed things didn’t it?

 

Feng Xin had never felt his world turned upside so fast before as he heard an ocean roar in his overwhelm his hearing as disbelief threatened to tear apart his senses. He came back to with the familiar baggage of guilt he had carried for hundred of years. He should have known it had been too early to shed them after everything. He should have known that Xie Lian would keep his friends close but his secrets closer.

 

He would never trust them like he did Hua Cheng, and why should he? They had done nothing but let him down time and time again.

 

The ever familiar ache crept back around his heart like a vine with thorns and squeezed. Oh, how he wished that Xie Lian confided in them.

 

“How else would you have me deal with him?” Xie Lian challenged Hua Cheng with only the slightest tremble of despair underlying the strong facade of anger.

 

“Allow me to seek retribution in a matter most fitting for those who have harmed you,” Feng Xin found himself unconsciously leaning away as the hatred and resentment poured out of the ghost in waves. He could not look away, however, as Xie Lian seemed to lose his footing and Hua Cheng grew, thrumming with power.

 

“If I let you do as you will, I will be no different than him!” The desperation in Xie Lian’s voice seemed to carry to every god and goddess, who shuffled feet and exchanged glances among those near.

 

Fengxin had never seen his highness look so torn before with his arms up as though to block words from reaching his ears. He seemed to sway as his body caught up with his rapid rise from the throne after hours of sitting.

 

The him in question could be no other than Jun Wu. Feng Xin had often wondered the relationship between the two but had never gathered the courage to ask. 


To think that even now, Xie Lian was terrified.

 

“You’ve already proved you’re nothing like him!” Here Hua Cheng paused and took a breath, running his finger through his hair. His expression softened as he lowered his voice back to a gentle tone. “You proved that 800 years ago.”

 

Xie Lian flinched. Throughout the exchange he had been avoiding Hua Cheng’s gaze, but with this, he slowly turned to face him once more. “And I will prove it once more today.”

 

“Why must I constantly be tormented by those who have wronged you, gege? Why must we continue to live among those who have no honor?”

 

Feng Xin had never seen Hua Cheng plead. He hoped he never had too again.

 

His face, typically adorned with an arrogant smirk, seemed out of place with the pain and grief emitted from the downturned mouth and sloped eye framed by the disheveled hair. His hands were spread out as though his pain needed more space than he could give it.

 

It was a saddening thing to see the great ghost king be amounted to a pleading lover.

 

“It was bound to have happened, this boy’s ancestors were just as wronged as I was that day, just like everyone trapped in that temple.” Xie lian reaches out a tender hand to sooth the trembling ghost. “I regret it unfolded like that, with you watching, but it helped me later in those 800 years. I never reached that low again. And for that, I am— I am grateful to them.”

 

And with those words, Hua Cheng stiffened and pushed away the heavenly emperor for the first time.

 

“How can you say that?” He shook his head with a harsh laugh. “They stabbed you! Stabbed you a hundred times! All with the intention to kill you until you were nothing but pile of flesh and bones! And you’re grateful?”

 

Here the gods titter uncertainly, because surely this hadn’t happened. Surely their kind and powerful emperor hadn’t been the one to experience this horror. Surely the ghost king exaggerated in his grief.

 

Surely his highness would have more care for himself.

 

But Feng Xin knew better— of course, he wouldn’t. Feng Xin had walked out of his life and a new Xie Lian he had hardly recognized had come back. And this Xie Lian had no respect for himself or his life  

 

“Of course I am, if I wasn’t, if I couldn’t tell myself I was, if I— if I couldn’t pretend it had some sort of greater meaning, then I would have stopped all those years ago! I would have never made it here today, I would’ve kneeled over in defeat to Jun Wu in hopes of meeting my own death!” His arms were raised, but they were shaking, and each breath came louder than the next with his chest rattling. His eyes shone with unshed tears.

 

“So— so I told myself it happened for a reason, and I moved on. I didn’t let myself think about it.” His arms sagged back to his side, lifeless.

 

The court was quiet as if everyone knew the severity of what was happening, Xie Lian was sharing what he never had, not even 800 years after to his two closest friends. Feng Xin himself felt as though someone had exchanged his body for a puppet and he had no ability to control it for all he wanted to shout and shake his highness and ask why hadn’t he come to him for help, he could not even lift himself up from his seat.

 

Hua Cheng grasped the limp hand across from his and gave it a light squeeze. “That night made me into what I am today. That night I swore no other would harm you. And that night became a nightmare that I could never escape, my own uselessness on replay behind my own damn eye.”

 

“I know, and I would’ve never wished for you, for anyone, to witness me like that.” He pulled Hua Cheng’s hand close to his chest, “but I’m asking you to put your faith in me once more as I release this official from his curse. He has not harmed me like his ancestors have. Let him not pay the price for their mistakes.”

 

Hua Cheng sags, the anger gone from his body, and nods imperceptibly.

 

Xie Lian releases his hand to frame both of his around Hua Cheng’s face which lowers until their foreheads are touching. The great hall is silent and the sun seems to have returned to grant a shining shadow to the two most powerful beings.

“Thank you,” he whispers before stepping back and seemingly collecting himself with a small shake of his head.

 

He strides forward until he stands only a few paces away from the official. He pauses for only a moment. “I think you’ll find the curse is gone now, I hope your family lives well for many more generations.”

 

“I— I thank you sincerely, this one pledges to one day serve his highness and repair the the grief my family has committed against you and Crimson Rain Sought Flowers.” He bowed twice to said beings before turning and leaving the imperial hall.

 

The towering doors swung open then shut with a bang that echoed like a shot of a gun before settling back in the eerie silence that was rarely present in the hall.

 

Xie Lian had yet to move from the center with only a strange expression on his face. No official wanted to be the one to disturb this unnatural peace, not even Feng Xin or Mu Qing that had simply stood in shock as words were thrown between the two husbands. Neither had ever seen them argue, and now one could only wish that they never had.

 

For when one knows the other like the back of their hand, hurting the other becomes a child’s game with no wins in sight.

 

“Court is closed for today, we will adjourn tomorrow.” It was not Xie Lian who spoke, but for once, the officials hurried to obey the ghost king.

 

Soon the chamber was empty save for the two who had not moved once throughout the rush to escape the oppressive silence.

 

They knew there was no escape from the mass that threatened to swallow them both under crashing waves of grief and anger and helplessness. They had withstood them like great stone towers for the past 800 years and they would continue to stand tall for the following years. As long as they had the other, they would not fall no matter how they eroded under the unruly sea of emotions.

 

(And if they were stone towers, Feng Xin and Mu Qing were the ruins of a long submerged city in the treasonous waters below with no hopes of being discovered.)


In the end, Feng Xin could not say that the session had been boring, even if he wished it had been.

 

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Notes:

One day I won’t write angst. That day isn’t today though.