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When Eijiro realizes he's in love with his best friend, it doesn't come like fireworks. There's no shift in the sky. The clouds don't part. The stars shine all the same. Instead, it's like a boil, simmering in his chest until it bubbles over. And when it did, when he looked into Katsuki's eyes and realized? Everything came rushing forward.
It all started so slowly. Small moments that someone else might see as insignificant. But, they played over and over in Eijiro’s mind.
Like, the first time Katsuki sat next to him in the stairwell by the lunchroom. He didn't really feel up to interacting in the lunchroom that day, so he had taken his lunch and found somewhere hidden away. He watched as Katsuki walked around, his eyes darting everywhere until they met his own. His worried look had flipped into a glare.
“Can't believe you left me alone with fucking Dunce Face.”
Katsuki plopped down next to him, opening his lunch with as much force he could manage,
Eijiro laughed, not minding Katsuki's company at all.
They started their little routine then. He never had to say that it was a stairwell day, but Katsuki somehow always knew.
One time, Katsuki didn't even bring lunch. He simply sat there, subtly scooting closer until he rested his head on his shoulder. Eijiro’s heart jumped to his throat and he was surprised he didn't choke on the meat he had just shoveled into his mouth.
“Move and I'll kick your ass.” Katsuki had mumbled, closing his eyes and settling even further.
Eijiro took a look at the jacket for his uniform he had taken off, placed next to his lap. Very carefully he had placed his food down, grabbed the jacket, and placed it over Katsuki. It was a cold day after all.
“You're not gonna—”
“Ate a big breakfast. Shut up.” Katsuki mumbled, bringing his jacket over his shoulders and staying that way until lunch ended. His jacket smelled like Katsuki all day. Like spiced vanilla and just that hint of sweetness.
The next time, Katsuki had caught him in a good mood. His mom had sent over a care package filled to the brim with baked goods, batches of his favorite cookies.
He was feeling kind of selfish, so he hadn't shared with anyone else like his mom had said, but he found himself giddy when Katsuki came along.
Katsuki noticed, a small smile on his face as he poked his cheek.
“What's up with you, smiley?”
He grinned even wider, “My mom sent over all my favorites! Wanna try one?”
He held up a cookie to offer and Katsuki nodded.
Before he could place it in his hand, Katsuki leaned forward with his mouth slightly open, and his brain rebooted for a second before he realized that Katsuki wanted him to…feed him?
With a hand that was more shaky than he'd like it to be, he placed the cookie as best as he could in Katsuki’s mouth. And when he felt the small brush of Katsuki's lips against his fingers, he swore his heart skipped a beat.
He locked onto the view of Katsuki licking his lips clean of crumbs, and without a word, he put another in Katsuki’s mouth.
Nothing prepared his heart then for the small rumble of Katsuki’s laugh.
Then one day, Katsuki kept staring at him. It started in the morning, when he kept catching his eyes darting away from him while walking to school.
At school, right across the classroom with a furrow in his brow. He didn't turn away then, with his chin resting in his palm.
Eijiro grinned, kept grinning every time he'd turn to Katsuki and he'd be looking. Hoping he'd get a smile back. But all he got was an intense stare, a bit of sadness hidden in those eyes.
He sat in the stairwell, hoping Katsuki would come and tell him what's with all the staring. Not that he minded of course. But, it was hard to see Katsuki so torn about something.
He was almost convinced he wasn't gonna come until he sat down quietly next to him halfway right before lunch was over.
“Hey, man.” He smiled.
Katsuki was usually quiet, but this silence felt different. Heavy. Scared .
“You okay?”
He didn't respond. He just sat there, his eyes now glued to the floor.
“Katsuki?” He asked again.
Eijiro felt his stomach jump as Katsuki looked right at him, the look so intense he felt a chill in his veins.
“Eijiro. Can I try something?”
He gulped as he nodded, waiting for Katsuki to do whatever it was. It felt like he was waiting for hours, with the static in his veins, sparking on his fingers. Bubbling up to the surface as his heart beat like the tick of a clock.
As soft as a whisper, Katsuki let his fingers intertwine with his, their hands falling between them. His best friend looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, biting at his bottom lip.
“You okay?” He asked again.
Katsuki blinked at him, “Is this okay?”
Eijiro tried his best not to look confused himself, “Yeah, man. I don't mind.” He gave Katsuki a grin, squeezing his hand just that much.
“Cause of like…a stupid bro thing?”
“No. Boys can hold hands too, you know?” He joked.
But, Katsuki didn't seem to take it as a joke. The color rushed from his face, his lips now in a frown.
“They can, right?”
“Yeah, man!”
Eijiro tried his best to be subtle, knowing in his heart that his answer might hurt him, but, “Do you want to…hold another boy’s hand?”
Katsuki blushed bright red, and the color of crimson never looked so heartbreakingly pretty, “Maybe,”
“Well,” Eijiro swallowed, his brain telling himself not to get his hopes up that that boy was him, “You should try, Katsuki. It would be super manly!”
He tossed him his first smile of the day, “You would say some idiotic shit like that.”
After that day everything had seemed normal. They had their stairwell days. Shared their lunch. Katsuki even brought his switch one time, an act of rebellion from Mr. Secret Goody Two Shoes if he's ever seen one. It was his turn to rest his head on his shoulder then, Katsuki getting that much closer as he became intrigued.
He couldn't help but chuckle at Katsuki tossing around a ball and bathing his Pokémon, doing that more than the battling itself.
“Why do you keep petting and bathing that one?”
Katsuki looked at him shyly, a smirk hidden in his features.
“Little spoiled fucker needs high friendship to evolve.” He explained.
Eijiro chuckled, “That's cute! What does he evolve into?”
“Lucario.”
He laughed again, his stomach jumping when Katsuki got even closer and tapped him on the arm.
“Hmm?” He asked.
Katsuki’s face spilled with the cutest crooked smile as he linked their arms together, worming his way between the crook of his elbow and his torso, the console now in the middle of them.
Eijiro felt so warm. So safe and giddy in the little bubble they found themselves in. He could almost fall asleep from how much he felt. Relaxed. Calm from Katsuki's touch. And maybe partially from the tiring morning he had and the big lunch he ate.
“Don't fall asleep on me, Ei.” Katsuki whispered, now in the middle of a trainer battle.
“You're just warm.” He decided to say.
“You're just dumb.”
Eijiro laughed out of his nose, settling further on Katsuki's shoulder.
He watched as Katsuki played, the battle ending and Katsuki becoming more focused moment by moment.
When the battle ended, he felt Katsuki jolt in surprise when the screen stated that one of his pokemon was evolving.
“Ha! No fucking way! Took that little shit long enough!” Katsuki uncharacteristically beamed, the excitement on his face and the joy in his eyes as he looked at him too much to handle.
Just as quick as the feeling left him, he took Katsuki's face in hand, cupping his cheek as he kissed him lightly.
And just as quick as he pressed his lips against everything he loved, Katsuki left him close to falling.
As soon as Eijiro stretches awake, he's hit with everything all at once. His heart starts racing, tears start pouring down his cheeks, and he feels the crust of his old ones on the corners of his eyes.
He sniffs, swallowing down the lump in his throat before deciding to just lay down again.
He hears a buzz come from his phone, but decides to ignore it. Then, a knock on his wall. Adamant.
But he doesn't want to see him. Doesn't want to hear the explanation of why he ran away yesterday. Why his eyes grew wide and he left with a furrow in his brow.
He doesn't want to see his kind face, the kind face that made him fall in the first place.
That made him want to kiss him outside of the dorms every time the day ended. How much he wanted to hold his hand going anywhere. How his heart swooned at the thought of being like this after high school. Being roommates, hero partners, each other’s.
Eijiro was so confused. Why had he gotten everything so wrong? What did all of that mean if it wasn’t Katsuki liking him back?
All the soft looks. The late night talks where Katsuki would roll into his arms and fall asleep soundly. Those moments where he'd look into his eyes, every pretty color spilling on his cheeks, sparkling. When he swore Katsuki wanted exactly what he had done.
But he was wrong.
He was heartbroken. Defeated.
He knows it isn't…manly. But he doesn't want to see Katsuki, at least for a little bit. He can't. Not without breaking into tears and going over everything he got wrong.
His phone buzzed again and he felt his stomach drop.
Why?
Why did he want to talk to him?
He didn't want to hear about his lack of feelings. How they were just friends.
Eijiro doesn't know how much he could cry before his tear ducts dry out. He doesn't know if this headache from the hours of it would ever go away.
It had been days now. Days since he did the most stupid thing he could've done. Ruined the only thing in his life he knew was safe and secure and strong. Just because he let his feelings get in the way. Just because he was so desperately in love with his best friend.
Katsuki hadn't looked at him in days. Hadn't talked to him in days. He never came to the stairwell. It was Sunday night and he hadn't even seen Katsuki around. His dorm was empty. The common room kitchen not filled with the sound of him pretending to begrudgingly cook them dinner.
Eijiro hasn't stopped crying. He hasn't gotten out of bed all day.
He just laid there, thinking of everything he ruined.
It's close to the middle of the night when he hears a knock on his door. He's usually one to always invite people in. But today? He just sniffed, burying his head underneath the blanket and hoping that whoever got the hint or thought he was asleep.
Eijiro, however , was just doing all things stupid as he heard his door click open. Of course he had forgotten to lock it in the midst of all his emotions.
He didn't budge. He didn't want to budge. Because he knew full well the only person who'd come in so quietly. The only person who'd come into his room without an invitation even though he always berated Eijiro for it.
“Eijiro. You awake?” He heard muffled at his door.
“Eijiro.” Katsuki said again.
He wasn't gonna look.
Instead, he rolled to the wall, burying his face in his blankets.
He felt the tears pounding at this throat and he…he just needed to go back to sleep.
“Of course you're asleep. You're such a heavy sleeper.” Katsuki mumbled.
The sound of his voice made him sting all over.
He couldn't open his eyes, even though his heart was begging him to.
The bed dipped beside him, and then he felt an arm around his waist, Katsuki giving him a one armed hug. He hated how warm and comforting it felt. How his heart didn't get the memo of how he shouldn't be feeling as it skipped. His brain being even worse and telling him he should melt into his embrace and kiss and kiss and kiss him.
“I know you're pissed at me. And, Eijiro. I feel like crap.” Katsuki sniffed, his voice muddled with tears.
“You just—I've been trying to sort out all this shit in my head, you know? And I know it's not shit. It's…real. It's feelings . Shit— stuff I've never felt before. Especially not for a…”
Katsuki gave him a hard squeeze, and he could feel him shaking. All he wanted to do was turn around and sooth him until the shaking stopped. To tell Katsuki not to worry about his stupid feelings and just forget about it and be his best friend.
“But with you, ‘Shima? I feel everything. It's fuckin’ terrifying.” He let out a shaky sigh, “I had to work things out in my head. I had to make sure all this was real before I…”
Katsuki started to rub his nose on his back, and he knew he was wiping away tears.
“And ignoring you? Being without you, Ei? It hurts. I can't stand it.”
Katsuki was silent for a minute, fully wrapping his arms around him to bring him closer.
“Eijiro? Can you turn around? Talk to me at least? Tell me fuck off?”
He took a second, now feeling like he shouldn't turn. That he should stay in his hurt and selfishly let Katsuki feel as terrible as he was. But, how could he? With the person he loved the most sounding so broken? Being so vulnerable? Right there to hold.
The tears tickled at his nose when he felt Katsuki press his back against his, and now that he's closer, he could hear the slight shakes in his breaths.
He wanted to turn, to comfort him, but he couldn't.
And then, his whole world turned as Katsuki wrapped his arms around his waist, a sob coming out of his throat.
He had to face him then, he couldn't stand it. Even if he was upset with him, even though he was heartbroken, how could he not comfort the person he loves?
He turned in Katsuki’s arms slowly, finally looking at him. And, despite it all, he couldn’t help but feel enchanted by being this close. He could see the curtain of silk that were Katsuki’s eyelashes, the plush pink of his lips. The tears around his eyes like beads of rain, puddling at his reddened cheeks. If he would let himself, he’d count and trace every freckle he could find on his face.
Katsuki pressed their foreheads together, their noses squishing with the force.
“I’m so sorry, Eijiro.”
He couldn’t stop himself as he reached forward to wipe a falling tear from his cheek. Katsuki’s pain splashing in his own heart. How could he be upset? How could he stay upset? He loves him so much.
“Please don’t be pissed at me anymore, I can’t fucking stand it.”
Eijiro sighed, feeling the tears tickle at his throat.
“You hurt me, Katsuki.”
“I know, Ei. I’m sorry.”
He closed his eyes, breathing heavily as he leaned his forehead into Katsuki’s.
“I forgive you.”
Katsuki melted, the tension from his body leaving almost immediately.
“I'm so sorry, Eijiro. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.” Katsuki said through heavy breaths.
“Hey. Hey. Shh.” He cooed, hugging Katsuki lightly.
“I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.” Katsuki said again.
“Hey. No. It's okay.”
“No. I'm so sorry Eijiro.”
Eijiro couldn't help it, tears poured out of his eyes with Katsuki's, hot and messy.
“It's okay. We're okay, okay?”
“No. I fucked up. I fucked up so much, Eijiro. You don’t even want…” Katsuki cut himself off with a cry.
“Katsuki, ” He whispered, bringing him closer. “It's okay that you didn’t kiss me back. I am sad about it, but I can’t be upset with you for not having feelings for me.”
Katsuki shook his head rapidly, mumbling something he couldn’t hear.
“Hmm?”
“I do. I do have feelings for you. I did want to kiss you. And now you just hate me.”
“What? Of course not! I could never, Katsuki. I have been upset with you just a little. But it's…I’m just confused.”
“You’ve been avoiding me. You don’t even answer my texts. You always do. How the hell am I supposed to believe you don’t hate me?”
Eijiro felt his heart pang, “I’m sorry, Katsuki. It hurts to see you.”
“It hurts to not see you.”
He quickly pulled Katsuki into a hug, holding him as close as he could.
“I'm confused, Katsuki. Just—why did you run away?”
There was a beat of silence, Katsuki coming from the crook of his neck to face him.
“I'm confused too, Ei. I've never…before you? I've never wanted to kiss anyone. I've never wanted to…like anyone. And I got scared. It was so much. I didn't realize what was happening until you tried to kiss me. And I wanted to, so bad. But then you…”
Katsuki scooted closer, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.
“Then I what, Kats?”
Katsuki didn't say anything. And the silence around them felt calm, like the storm was settling.
“Can I try this time?” Katsuki asked, his voice so quiet in the stillness.
Eijiro didn't know if he wanted him to. If Katsuki pulled away this time, he didn’t know how he’d handle it.
Eijiro nodded, looking at Katsuki who had his eyes shut tightly. He closed his eyes too, waiting for the tug of the pain.
And in a split second, he felt the warmth of Katsuki’s lips against his, the slight tremble of them. The hiccuping breaths of his shakes. He kissed Katsuki back right away, cupping his cheeks and wiping the tears that were still falling with his thumb.
Katsuki pulled away just to kiss him again and he fell into it, kissing Katsuki’s face all over. He placed a kiss on his nose, and Katsuki paused to do the same. Then his cheek, his forehead, his chin. His lips again.
“I think…kissing. It’ll take a while to get used to. Is that okay?”
Eijiro grinned, “Yeah, that's okay.”
“I do like kissing you like this.” Katsuki kissed his nose again, placing small kisses over his face. “Is it…is it okay if I kiss you first all the time?”
Eijiro could feel tears springing in his eyes again, “That’s okay, too.”
“I might…you can kiss my cheek and stuff. That’s okay. Just…let me—I…” Katsuki’s eyes started welling up with tears again.
“Hey, it's okay.” He whispered, grabbing the blanket between them to wipe down Katsuki’s cheeks.
“Katsuki, can I kiss your forehead?”
Katsuki’s eyes bloomed with everything beautiful, “Yeah.”
He kissed Katsuki’s forehead without hesitation, letting his lips linger.
“I’m sorry, Eijiro.” Katsuki said, the words so close they laced in his heart.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
And he didn’t. Not when he got to care for a heart so sweet, be kissed by someone so wonderful.
They just laid there for a bit, their breaths steadying with each other’s. Their foreheads coming back together. Eijiro’s heart was still taking control as he rubbed his nose against Katsuki’s lightly.
“Wanna know what I figured out?” Katsuki said after a while.
Eijiro nodded, moving his head to the crook of Katsuki’s neck.
“I like you. I know I like you. I don't know if it's supposed to feel this…fucking intense and shit? But I know that.”
Katsuki somehow pulled him closer, tangling their legs together.
“And I might be stupid to say this but…” Katsuki sighed, and he could feel the tension form on his back, the shake in his voice.
“It's okay.” He assured, giving Katsuki a light hug.
“Eijiro? I think I love you.”
Eijiro’s tears fell without prompt, soaking Katsuki’s t-shirt as he held him so close. He felt like his heart was on fire. His love for Katsuki spilling out and bubbling.
He pulled back to see Katsuki’s tears falling, his lips trembling.
“I love you too, Katsuki.” He whispered.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah!” He grinned.
Katsuki let out a watery laugh, “And here I thought I was crazy.”
“What? Why?”
“I run away like a damn coward and then realize I love you? And just tell you this shit?”
Eijiro laughs, “It's not crazy.”
“I'm sorry. I just—-I've never been kissed. I've never wanted to kiss anyone before. It freaked me out. It's always kinda grossed me out. Thinking about kissing and shit. Like…how could anyone want to do that? You know? So, I freaked out. And I didn't want to…” Katsuki clenched his eyes, “I wanted to be sure.”
“And you're sure?”
“Yeah. Never been more sure of anything, Ei. I—I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Katsuki tossed him a beautiful smile, a tear falling to his lips.
“Can you kiss me again?” Katsuki asked, moving their noses together.
Eijiro nodded, grabbing Katsuki’s red, tear-streaked cheeks and kissing him softly.
He could feel his smile, and to his surprise, Katsuki kissed him back.
“I'm sorry.” Katsuki said again, and he doesn't think he's ever heard him say that so much.
“It's okay.”
And it was okay. As long as Katsuki told him the truth. As long as he got his lips to kiss. As long as he got his best friend to be in love with.
Eijiro smiled as he saw Katsuki coming towards him, a small container in hand.
“Hey, Katsuki.” He said, holding open his arms for a hug.
“Hey, Ei.”
“You got your lunch today?”
“Yeah.”
Katsuki met him in an embrace, wrapping his arms around his waist.
He sat down beside him, and he didn’t stop himself from giving Katsuki a small kiss on his neck.
“That one felt fucking weird.” Katsuki snorted. He came forward, puckering his lips slightly before kissing him quietly.
Eijiro smiled, kissing his nose, “That better?”
Katsuki shook his head, grabbing his cheeks and squeezing them.
He took his time to look into Katsuki’s eyes then, and his heart swam in the joy he felt. Katsuki is beautiful. So beautiful. He couldn’t think of any other word to describe him perfectly.
Katsuki let go, still smirking as he opened his lunch and poked at it.
“I’ve been thinking, we’re not really friends and shit anymore, right?”
Eijiro’s heart jolted, “Hmm?”
“Yeah. We’re not.”
“Yeah?” He asked, warily.
“Yeah. I was thinking, maybe…I can call you my boyfriend now?”
His face felt on fire, and he was sure Katsuki could see the small tears in his eyes as he said, “Boyfriend?”
Katsuki shrugged, and from the outside, anyone would say he didn’t seem to care. But, Eijiro knew him from inside and out. He knew he was hiding his fear behind indifference. His shyness behind his pout.
Eijiro nudged him, “Yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.”
Though, absolutely nothing could hide that radiant joy that he held within, so ready to boil at the surface.
“Fuck. Okay. You’re my boyfriend.” Katsuki let out a small laugh.
Boyfriend. He really likes the sound of that. Bakugo Katsuki’s boyfriend. What a wonderful thought.
It felt like as soon as it started, lunch came to an end.
He frowned as the bell rang, closing up his lunch and putting his jacket back over his shoulders. But, before he could get up fully, Katsuki did first. With a bright, pink blush he couldn’t help but want to kiss, he offered his hand. Eijiro couldn’t think of any other hand he wanted to take.
“Lets go, Ei. We’re gonna be late to class.” He mumbled, still not meeting his gaze, but squeezing his hand tight.
“But the bell just rang?” He teased.
“Yeah, whatever.” Katsuki said, leading him from the stairwell and outside where the rest of the world could see they were each other’s.
