Chapter Text
Shota was crushed. He should have known that something bad was going to happen. Dust was not settled down and he already knew that he had lost his lover forever. He was never going to see a bright smile or get the warm hugs any more. There was never going to be another person who would love him as much as his Oboro.
Shota was shutting down. He does not any more acknowledge anything that is happening around him. Last thing he hears is a heart wrenching scream. He can’t feel anything any more. It was like going underwater. All the noises quiet down and it was like time slowed. He did not care how long he was in an unresponsive state. He simply did not care any more.
At some point something yellow and black came to his view, and warm hands appeared to hold him by his shoulders.
“Shota!”
“Shota!”
“Shota, I need you to come back to me. Please, I don’t wanna lose you too.”
“It should have been me, Hizashi. Why him, why not me?”
“Sho, this isn’t your fault. It was the villain's fault. I don’t want to hear you say anything like that ever again.”
Shota did not answer any more. He was gone under the water again.
Shota lived one day at a time. He lost all senses, it was not like it mattered any more anyway.
UA didn't feel the same any more.
His dream as a hero didn't feel the same as before.
He didn't feel the same as before. He had struggled so many years to feel useful. To feel like his quirk is useful. Oboro made him feel useful. Made him think that his quirk was useful, and he could not even save him. Shota was useless.
He wanted to say that therapy provided by UA was helping him, but it wasn’t.
His parents could not look into his eyes anymore and mostly just ignored him. Like that was anything new.
Shota was staring at the lock of his house, finally remembering how to use his hands, he took his key to open the door. The house was cold and quiet. His parents are probably still at work. Not that they cared if he was home or not. Wave of sadness rolled over him, and the darkness of the house was more and more suffocating. Shota steps inside, closing the door allowing the darkness to surround him.
He walks through the house feeling like an intruder. Quietness of the house feels overwhelming. He did not belong here.
Not having energy to do his homework, he just falls to his bed and closes his eyes.
However he can't sleep or he would be trapped inside one of his nightmares failing to save Oboro.
Maybe, he deserves it. After all, he did fail to save his lover.
Nemuri and Hizashi probably hate him. How could they still want to be his friends, when he failed to save their friend?
They probably leave him as everyone else.
Beep. Beep.
Sound of a text message arriving wakes Shota from his thoughts.
Hizashi
| Hey, I know that u aren't feeling well, but I think that you should not be alone, so come open the door.
What?
Slowly he rose from his bed and quietly walked to open the front door. And there he was soaked by the rain, carrying a backpack and a pillow. Shota did not even realize that it had started to rain. However, it was not like he had even noticed how much time had gone while he was in his thoughts.
“What are you doing here?”
“I am here to keep you company.”
“I don’t need someone to keep me company.”
“Sho, you are isolating yourself from us. I know that you are devastated by Oboro’s death, but so are we. Don’t make me go away, I can’t lose two of my friends."
"I- I’m not isolating myself.”
“Yes you are! You don’t talk to us anymore, and you are keeping it all inside of you. It is not healthy.”
“But-”
“No buts, and now let me inside it is getting cold here.”
“Fine. Come inside”, Shota said as he stepped aside to let Hizashi inside.
Next hours they spent in the living room bundled together having a movie marathon.
“What is the next movie that you are making me watch?” Shota asked as Hizashi was looking for something in his backpack.
“Found it! This masterpiece. It’s called Dead Poets Society, and it is pre quirk era’s movie.”
“Okay, what is it about?”
“You will see.” As he said it he took a handkerchief packet from his backpack and placed it on the table.
When the movie had finished, tears were falling from Shota’s eyes and Hizashi had almost used all handkerchiefs.
“It is not fair. He deserves to be happy”, Hizashi cried on Shota’s shoulder.
After that it became a weekly tradition with Hizashi to have a movie marathon, and sometimes Nemuri would also join them. Shota learnt really fast that Hizashi loved romance movies, because they made him feel something, where Nemuri’s favorite movies were those artistic ones that went over his head. He however loved to watch horror movies.
As the time went on, Shota started to move from Oboro, even though he still held a special place in his heart. Hizashi and Nemuri were a great help in moving on. Kayama was a great listener and giving advice, where Hizashi could give silent support and take his mind off Oboro.
After Shota stopped isolating himself he also started to see how his friends were affected after losing their friend. Nemuri becomes more calm and thinks about her decisions before making them. However there were still times when she was loud and bold. Hizashi seemed on the surface as if everything were fine, but he wasn’t as loud as before and sometimes he would watch clouds in the sky and have tears in his eyes. In conclusion they weren’t fine, but dealt with the grief in their own way.
Shota and Hizashi started to spend more time together. First it was just to distract themselves from the empty space that Oboro’s death left behind and to comfort each other, when the grief was the biggest. However they tried to focus on their school and continue their life, because it was something that Oboro would have wanted.
That is how they ended up in Hizashi's room watching Titanic from a laptop.
“Why do you like this movie it’s so…” Shota said as the movie ended.
“Amaizing? A masterpiece? Romantic?” Hizashi suggested.
“Stupid. There was space on that door, so why did the boy need to die? It doesn’t make any sense.” Shota exlaimed.
“Well, because two people would probably sink the door, and then both of them would die.”
“No, they would not have, because they both could have fit on it”, Shota inisted.
Hizashi just smiled at him, clearly not wanting to argue with him and started to look for a new movie. Shota liked when Hizashi smiled, because his smile was warm like the sun and it brought these funny feelings to the bottom of Shota’s stomach. Hizashi was such a great friend.
In the end they watched Hamilton, which took hours because Hizashi wanted to re-act some of the scenes.
Oboro’s death anniversary came and went. Whole day Shota could not get up from his bed and spent the day as a caterpillar. His phone was ringing almost the whole day, because Hizashi and Kayama sent him messages asking how he was doing. Shota however could not care about answering any of the messages. They were the only ones to check on him during the whole day. Well, Shota’s dad did come to his room, but only to tell him to put his phone on silent, because it's ringing was giving him a headache. As he put his phone on silent, he noticed a new message from Hizashi.
Hizashi
| Hey, I know that u aren’t feeling like talkin to us, but I just wanted to tell u that we are here to listen, when u are ready.
Reading the messages made Shota feel warm. It was nice to know that someone still cared about him.
Shota could not stop thinking about Hizashi. He could not stop thinking how Hizashi’s laughter was the most beautiful noice on earth or how he looked like an angel when the sun was shining on his blond hair making it shine like a halo. He especially could not stop thinking about the warm feeling and butterflies that he gets when Hizashi would show him any kind of affection or being too close to him. These feelings were confusing him. So, he turned on the only person who could understand his feelings and translate them to him.
Nemuri was watching him like a hawk, when Shota proceeded to tell her about his new feelings towards Hizashi. When he came to the end of his explanation Kayama was looking at him like she was going to explain something to him like he was five years old.
“Shota, during this one and half hour that you have explained to me 60 shades of eye colors that Hizashi has and how he looks like an angel, you haven’t once stopped to think that you might be in love with him.”
“Well, now did you mention it…”, Shota said blussing. How did he not realize that by himself?
“When are you thinking of confessing to him?”
“Isn’t it too soon after…after Oboro?”
“Honey it has been over a year and he would want you to move on and be happy with somebody else.”
“What if Hizashi will reject me? I can’t lose him over this.”
“He isn’t going to reject you, and if he does he would still be your friend.”
Even though Nemuri was trying to resure him, Shota could not stop thinking that if Hizashi rejected him, how it would hurt him just to be friends with him. But losing Hizashi forever would hurt him even more, So he was going to just suck it up.
“I guess so.”
After talking with Nemuri, Shota was thinking of ways to confess to Hizashi. However, every idea he came up with sounded silly. He also wasn’t going to anything in public in fear of rejecton. But doing something cheesy felt unnatural to him. He also thought about just writing a love letter to Hizashi, but the thought of someone else reading it made him shudder.
All of this made him nervous when he was around the other boy. Sitting in class next to him made it impossible for Shota to concentrate on what their teacher was saying.
In the end Shota just blurted it out, when Hizashi had their weekly movie night.
“I like you.”
“I like you too Sho,” Hizashi said back in puzzlement.
“No, I like you more than just a friend way.” Shota explained futher, even more butterflies in his stomach than last week.
“Oh.” Hizashi looked like he was trying to say something, but did not find the words. With a sigh he sat down on the Shota’s bed putting his head in his hands. After a long pause Hizashi broke the silence.
“Sho, I like you as a friend, but I can’t return your feelings. I don’t feel romantic attraction towards anyone. It’s like having a thick glass between you and romantic feelings. I can see how couples look at each other and I can see the love between them, and I want to have it too, but I just don’t experience it. All my feelings towards other people are just platonic.”
“Oh. I- um… I understand.” Shota’s heart was shattered and tears were threatening falling from his eyes.
“I think it’s best for me to go for now. I will see you later.”
Hizashi stood up and walked out of the room. After a while Shota could hear the front door opening and closing. Hizashi was gone.
It took two hours of crying before Shota could call Nemuri.
“He doesn’t feel the same way,” Shota said immediately when Nemuri answered his phone.
“I am so sorry Sho.”
“H- He said that he doesn’t get romantic feelings towards anyone, b- but it still hurts you know.”
“I understand, and you have every right to feel that way.”
“What is the point of love, if it is only meant to hurt you.”
“I don’t have an answer to that. Would you like me to come over?”
“ That would be great.”
That night Shota cried himself asleep on Nemuri’s arms.