Work Text:
Leone had no idea how long it had been since the argument. He could have sworn it must have been no more than an hour since he stormed off the restaurant near its closing hours, but now the sun is already slowly rising over the horizon. He purposefully left his phone behind, so that he wouldn’t break and call Bruno in tears like some kind of dog that just had been abandoned by its owners. He was now hanging out at a construction site he broke into, it had to be at least over two kilometers away from said restaurant. Still occupied with all of the thoughts about the situation, Leone did want to call Bruno though. But then he would have to apologize to him and painfully agree with every single word his lover said about him in that argument- and after that admit to being even more broken than he believed himself to be.
It all started with Bruno and Narancia returning from the mission earlier in the day. They promised it would only take them a few hours at best- all that they were tasked with was locating some guy who picked some fights with the gang. So why the hell did it take them the majority of the day to return?! And who the hell was that guy to wound them that badly?! Leone had a full right to panic! He wasn’t even the only one to immediately jump to questions fueled by stress!
The moment Leone joined Bruno’s team, he immediately picked up on his new leader’s tendency in putting his own life in danger if it meant getting the results he desired. At the beginning that didn’t bother him, but as the time passed and so his feelings for Bruno bloomed, he couldn’t stand it any more.
What was it that ticked Bruno off?‘Think about how it impacts us!’, right?
Well, okay- it didn’t tick him off right there, but when everyone else left, that was the first thing Bruno mentioned as Leone tried to talk about that whole situation in more detail.
He’s not able to recall the exact moment the conversation went as south as it did, but Leone just remembers being angry enough at Bruno’s accusations that he stormed off, not being able to hear Bruno’s shouts as his own thoughts were loud enough for him.
***
“Abbacchio!” Suddenly the sound of someone crying out his last name reached his ears and brought him back on earth. There was only one person who it could be and the one Leone feared to see the most right now at that.
What the hell?! Leone specifically came here as he believed no one would ever think of looking for him on a damn construction site and yet-
“Buccellati?! How the fuck did you find this place?!” as his heartbeat sped up, Leone had to mentally force himself to turn towards where he heard the scream from.
And there he was: Bruno Buccellati in all of his glory. The distance between two men made it hard for Leone to read the expression the other one could possibly wear in this very moment, not to mention lack of any real light besides first rays of the morning sun- however, the way Bruno walked towards him, it showed worry and concern due to its slow undecided pace. It’s as if he wants to run and grab me at this very moment though he is aware of the awkwardness that would end up making. Leone just sighed. At the very least he’s giving a fuck about the tension now. About damn time.
Bruno was about to open his lips, utter something, probably respond to the question, however Leone cutted him off:
“Actually, I don’t give a damn. Get the fuck out of here, I ain’t coming back yet.” He was still angry. And if he’s going to have to explain himself to Bruno (as if he needs to explain anything at all!) right now or even worse, be forced to be the one to admit guilt, he’s definitely going to snap.
Bruno stopped in his tracks, clenched his fists as well, not out of any anger - frustration might be a wrong word here as well. In a paradoxical way, he clenched his fists, for he felt a wave of relief come upon him, combined with a pinch of shock. The shock came from the vulgarity of Leone’s response - it is not rare for him to get vulgar, but Bruno was struggling to think of the last time said profanities would be directed at him.
The relief however, that one came from the word as simple as yet . It brought a good deal of needed comfort. Leone himself implying he is not quitting the team nor attempting to do anything worse… Yeah, Bruno sought this reassurance for the entire night he spent looking for him.
“That’s okay. We do not have to go back anywhere. I’m fine with us conversing here.”
“I believe we conversed enough, Buccellati. You made it extremely clear what you think of me,” and Leone snapped as he knew he would do; Bruno barely had a chance to say much nevertheless that was enough to spark the anger anew. “Lacking agency, was it? Codependent, passive to my own self, that shit, sure. I’ve heard ya well enough the first time around - unless you’re here just to add even more insults to my name?”
“Leone! For once, please!” Bruno was on the edge of his emotions as well.
Bruno using his first name actually reinjured him. Leone had to break their eye contact, because of that, seeking instead literally anything else to focus the gaze on.
“Oh, I do remember what you said- You said… The worst one, yeah-” Leone wasn’t strong enough. Not strong enough to even quote Bruno, despite disagreeing with his words. Maybe because, in truth, he wasn’t disagreeing with them? Leone feared that they were true and repeating them would mean accepting them. He wasn’t strong enough to accept them to be true. He wasn’t capable. He wasn’t-
“I said,” Bruno knows he is only aggravating the situation, immediately recognizing concern in Leone’s voice. “I said that you cannot rely on me to be your sole reason to keep going in life.”
“...You said that if I do, I am not really my own person.”
“No. I said you will stop really being your own person, one that you can even call ‘ you’, if it stays the way your mindset is now. You see me as the only light and happiness in your life, I can’t be that.”
“Same thing recited wordier.”
“I’m just one guy myself! Leone, do not neglect that fact, please!”
Bruno made a step again, he needs to be next to Leone; he has to.
“I have my own anxieties, all of my fears and countless insecurities. Every and each day I dread it being my last. Though, it is not the death itself that I dread. It’s everything that may happen to everyone in my life afterwards.”
Leone hardly moved his eyes. Bruno bit his lip, he needs to see his gaze again.
“Leone, let’s say… Let’s say I didn’t return today. What would you do then? Where would you go?”
That one did work and Leone moved his head, he was now looking directly at Bruno. His stare… Not exactly angry, but not welcoming either. That was not about to deter Bruno when he’s got this far.
“You keep on saying- Keep on thanking me for saving you and for being your comfort. But I can’t be that, leastwise not the only one. Again, I’m just a person myself. Just one , who is already preoccupied with all the worries my own life has to offer. I don’t want one of them to be: What would Leone Abbacchio do if I were to leave him? What would he end up doing to others? What would he end up doing to himself ?”
“I wouldn’t harm myself. Definitely would never harm anyone else on the team either, just ‘cause you’re dead.”
“That is not what I intended to imply… Nevertheless, what would you do then? How certain am I to be, that if the worst were to come true, that you’re going to move on and live peacefully?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know, okay?! ” Leone raised his voice on impulse again. The pitch made it sound as if he was now on the verge of tears. “But also I do not feel the fuckin’ need to find that one out! And for god’s sake, sure! Let’s say you are right in me being as codependent as you say I am- is that meant to be some kind of senseless and tone-deaf excuse?! In a different reality, one when I am not a part of your team; Hell, one where you’re all working on your own without worries about us all- regardless of any of these factors, you are still a reckless idiot! You are an idiot who has value for everything but his one and only life! You keep on taking all the risks in the world without a damn care! And what the fuck for? In the name of some hell-ass mafia work?! Passione ain’t as important as you yourself would ever be to any of us - not just me! None of us would have ever considered joining this shitty field, if it wasn’t for you! Get that one through your dumb thick skull: you barely act as your own person as much here!”
me
Bruno’s expression turned into a puzzled one. He kept trying to articulate something- anything. No words felt right at the moment.
“Left ya fuckin’ speechless or what?! Has Mister Self-Righteous decided to listen at long last? Define my life as nothing without yours; Me not being my own person and just assuming how much I am going to struggle when you’re gone! At the same time you go being a stupid hypocrite, an insincere martyr jumping into the next whirlpool of near-death there is. All of it makes me ponder, that maybe you fuckin’ want one of them to finally drown you, well do you?!”
It was a challenge of itself for Leone to be this brutally honest to Bruno as it was for Bruno to listen. The number of times when Leone would go out of his way to be like that was near nonexistent in their usual dynamic.
“How about, if you claim to care about my wellbeing so much! How about you go and change that ‘when I’m gone’ into a damn ‘if’?’ Preferably remove the ‘gone’ part likewise. Just try to value your life, how hard is that for you? Worry about what they write in your biography, I’ll worry about mine.”
…
How is it that all of the sweetest moments in life seem so brief but those that break your spirit feel like eons…
Bruno, for once meek and not knowing any words that would sound correct to say at that moment. Any statement, comment or remark… Yeah, it’s impossible to contradict that description of him, isn’t it?
“Leone- Maybe- How about we go home? The sun’s already high on the horizon, so please-”
“I don’t care about that light orb nor what time it is now.”
“Leone-”
“Bruno, look-! From one stubborn ass to the other but you can’t expect me, or anyone else at that, to just keep on being tested by you that way. Can’t have it both ways; Either both parties realize their own mistakes or the relationship they have is beyond redemption.”
By the time Leone said his last line, Bruno was standing by his side, looking directly at his face. Leone studied the face of the other man; He concentrated on how red Bruno’s cheeks were - he must have cried, either now or even before this confrontation.
In contrast to that, Bruno was preoccupied with his inner dilemma. ‘ I am overthinking it, am I not?’ - his thoughts flooded with all the ways he could respond. He has to respond with anything . ‘Maybe the simplest answer is in fact the correct one’ .
“I’m sorry, Leone.” Bruno meant it and he needed Leone to know just how much he meant it. In addition to that, he needed to take action and so embraced his love as well. “I am a hypocrite and a fool, yeah… I doubt one apology could heal even the wounds of tonight, but… But if it means we both will grow and heal, then I plan on more than just words.”
“Buccellati- Bruno, I need to apologize as well. ‘Cause… Yeah, you’re right about me caring about you way more than I take care of myself and how I ignore my needs in favor of you.”He returned the embrace, keeping Bruno as close to his chest as he could. “I suppose, codependent is a good way to put it. I am sorry for bearing the burden on you as my only source of light in life. I need to work on that.”
“I do not plan on leaving you with this problem on your own, though- I still want to be there for you. Leone, I do see you as my light as well; I’ve always considered you an equal to me, you’re not just a subordinate. Hence my want for you to see the beauty life has to offer; In everything, in everyone - especially in yourself.”
Leone couldn’t help himself and chuckled at the poetic way Bruno tried to frame his words.
“And how am I to do that?”
“Mmm… There are many ways, I’m sure. We could explore them together, though- I think it is finally time for us to leave, go home. Gonna be awkward if the construction workers on their way to start their morning work routines, saw us being all cuddly and intimate~”
“For once, I don’t think I would mind, ya’know?” Both of them returned to cracking cheesy silly jokes. They both could never help themselves with that, it is one way to lighten the atmosphere. “But yeah, let’s go home. I do feel exhausted- it’s gonna be one long nap,” he said while loosening their hug.
Bruno however didn’t want to lose the feeling of the warm touch of his beloved. As such, he instinctively grasped Leone’s hand. Leone let another chuckle, but didn’t let go. They both, hand in hand, went on their way back home.