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Why am I thinking bout’ dis now?
It’s the damnedest thing with men. Most don’t wear their emotions on their sleeve, or at least that’s what we’d like you to believe. It’s not uncommon for us to privately dwell on the mistakes of yesteryear. The issue is – we don’t often control when it happens. An errant memory can strike at just about any moment. Walking to the store, working out, or in Remy LeBeau’s case, in the middle of the night. Trying to sleep next to his slightly snoring, beautiful wife.
Damn you, Jo…
This particular memory managed to pull him right out of his sleep. A nagging recollection of a half-drunken conversation with Joanna – a fellow X-Man better known by her last name, Cargill, or to those that found themselves on the wrong side of her steely fist, Frenzy. She was also a former lover, of sorts. Not the romantic kind. More of a sure thing that’d sooner run a boot through his face than threaten to attach strings to their relationship. But that was ancient history. Before Rogue. Before the X-Men.
Remy’s ex' did tend to be that way. Seemed to work the best for all that were concerned. Funny enough, the conversation that had clawed its way from the deepest trenches of his subconscious was a relatively innocent one. Hard to swallow and soul-wrenching – but innocent.
Absolutely, positively sexless.
It all went down while they were still residents of Utopia, just before it was reduced to rubble. Again. Sometime between Legion’s latest reality-shattering event and Cyclops’ and Wolverine’s public fallout. Remy and Joanna were sharing a patch of shore and what appeared to be their fifth bottle of overpriced wine on the far side of the isle. Keeping each other company as they steadily drank themselves into a comatose state had become a post-op ritual for them.
They both had their reasons.
Thanks to Joanna’s nigh-invulnerability – she never got quite as lit-up as Remy but it was always enough to loosen her tongue and drop her guard. Spending so much time together, Remy had seen her without the armor others had to endure. He’d seen her tears, as sparing as those were. Like a few others, they both chose to keep the memories they made in Legion’s pocket universe. Remy knew what Joanna left behind there and what it did to her every time she even heard Scott’s voice.
The love affair between Gambit and Rogue was no secret. Especially after Rogue uploaded half of their sexual history into the minds of every inhabitant of Utopia a few weeks prior. In Remy’s unrestricted, liquored-up ramblings – Joanna had ingested all she could stand about the two. He’d gone through everything from their first meeting on Muir Island to some overly confident speech that may have sent her into the arms of Joanna’s old boss – Magneto.
Gambit didn’t enjoy having to witness that. Not one bit. But at the end of the day, it’s what was necessary. Not just to ensure she wasn’t going to use him as an emotional security blanket, but for his sense of pride and self-worth. He loved her but it didn’t take Professor X to see that she wasn’t ready to commit to him. Seeing how things ultimately turned out with Magneto, not the next man either.
The whole thing didn’t make any sense to her. How could this girl be so enveloped with him one moment and in the next sharing sheets with someone that’s caused her worlds of hurt? It’s almost as if she’s of two completely different minds. That’s when Joanna blurted it out.
“You ever thought that maybe it wasn’t Rogue that was into you...?”
As drunk as Remy was at that moment – the statement managed to sober him up enough to assume Frenzy had gotten lost at some point.
“What’chu talkin’, Jo-jo?” Remy inquired sobering up.
Joanna took another healthy swig from their latest bottle of wine while holding up a single finger with her free hand. Finishing the bottle, she pitched it into the night sky, her superhuman strength guaranteeing that it’d never be seen again. Joanna wiped her mouth, belched, and finally acknowledged her drinking buddy. She began to explain herself with a somewhat raspy voice and glassy eyes.
“Ok, hear me out… and don’t ever call me that again. She doesn’t just take their powers when Rogue touches someone, right?”
Remy confirmed with the slightest of nods.
“She takes pieces of them too. Memories, thoughts, and what have you… but all that fades after a while. Unless she holds on a little longer than she’s supposed to. Ain’t that what happened with Danvers?”
“Spit it out…” Remy growled. “…if ya got somethin' t’say, say it an’ be done.”
Joanna felt his shortness and wasn’t at all amused. At first, she intended to find a way to speak her peace without irking him. Now, she wanted to get under his skin for the hell of it. That, or beat his skinny, bayou-bred ass.
“What if the girl that fell in love with you, was erased when she touched that kid? You met her after she perma-sapped Marvel, right? In a way… you never knew pure Rogue. Your entire relationship – she’s been an amalgamation of at least two people. What if the piece of her that was head over heels for you, was washed away?”
If Joanna wanted to push some of his buttons – mission accomplished. The notion sent Gambit’s inebriated brain into a tizzy. He’d never thought about it before – not like that. He’d experienced Rogue’s temporary personality imprinting before, more times than he’d like to recollect. Up close. Hell, he’d seen his disposition in her more than once.
Gambit knew how drastic of a change it made in her. The first time she absorbed him, it sent her on a cross-country road trip with Iceman. The last left Remy stranded in the middle of Antarctica. It took him a month to gain back the weight he lost from the ordeal. Still working through the emotional damage.
Washed away?
Having to swallow that while sitting on a beach was almost fitting. The sound of the ocean changing the shape and order of the landscape with each wave was a perfect soundtrack for Gambit’s twisting thoughts. It wasn’t something he wanted to consider – but it did line up. Rogue, almost immediately after getting wiped, it was like she couldn’t get away fast enough. Matter of fact, she crossed an entire ocean.
Other than the singular kiss they shared some weeks later – her taste in men went from suave lady’s man to the silver-haired geriatric wing. Going forward, making time with her was like trying to pull teeth out of Wolverine at an all-you-can-eat barbeque. If she wasn’t tip-toeing out of Magneto’s quarters, she was off running point on a mission. The truth hurts, but drunken wondering is pure agony.
“Just a thought…” Joanna smirked, barely holding back laughter. With a satisfied sigh, Joanna redirected her gaze to the full moon that hung overhead. She then quietly studied Remy’s dumbfounded, yet handsome, face and immediately knew she’d struck a nerve. Knowing just where to hit someone to make it hurt for the foreseeable future was always a gift of hers.
Remy wasn’t the type to let things he couldn’t change bother him – but he also knew the past could come back to kick him in the backside when he least expected it. As time went on, he pushed the thought into the back of his consciousness. Being separated from Rogue for long stretches helped. The years of crap between Scott and Logan hit the fan a couple of weeks later.
Some stayed on Utopia, and some went back east to open the Jean Grey School, aka the "#%#$ Cyclops" Institute. Remy was part of the latter contingent. With the X-Men all but disbanded for some time following the release of the Terrigen Mist Clouds, Gambit got back into some common thievery to pass the time. Even took on an apprentice for a hot minute.
What didn’t help was constantly getting updates about Rogue’s love life. For two months, a week didn’t go by without someone sending him a text. You’d think two mutant killing clouds would keep those types preoccupied, but getting Gambit’s reaction to his ex’ conquests seemed to be something of a hobby for those sadists.
As for her taste in men, Remy could sort of understand why she hooked up with the Human Torch – but Deadpool? That rocked him and knowing Wade’s propensities towards fixation, it’s something he’ll hold over Gambit’s head until the sun goes dark. Which in their preposterous world could happen on any Tuesday, so thank God for world-ending events.
D'ghoul doesn’t even have lips…
With each new wildly different suitor, Frenzy’s words would claw their way free from the deepest reaches of Remy’s mind. A younger version of himself would have acted out. He would have spread himself thin from New York down to New Orleans and back with nothing but a smile and a pack of cigarettes.
Still, he wasn’t that guy anymore. Remy had changed and he was proud of the man he’d become. Ironically, it was mostly due to the love and encouragement of a singular woman. A woman he’d thought at least fell in love with him unfettered by the influence of an acquired personality.
It is one thing to wonder about your partner’s past. Sometimes you bump into them at the movie theater – other times they crash picnics and hurl fireballs at the guests. Happens to everyone. What is less common is wondering if your first kiss was because of her feelings, or an attraction fueled by the taste of a blonde former Airforce pilot.
To be continued...