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Growing up both of Boris' parents were alcoholics, maybe it was that reason that Boris had so much access to it to become addicted. Though if you'd ask him he'd say it wasn't an addiction, or a bad one at least. He didn't always rely on alcohol and drugs. Sure they made everything better but he wasn't doing it 24/7 or anything. Some days he'd go without them. As long as he had them when he needed them then he didn't have to be high or drunk. Not like his father.
The downside was that if he didn't have them when he was feeling awful then he'd spiral. And then looked like an actual addict. Because when bad memories came along he needed the drugs and alcohol to numb it away.
He didn't have them. He surprisingly didn't have any drugs with him. Time with Theo had distracted him too much to get some more and be on top of his refills. He didn't have any alcohol either, well..not really. Of course they had alcohol, his father was a certified alcoholic, of course they'd have that. But his father had also been getting a suspicious feeling and hid the bottles away. Maybe Boris could've gone to the nearby store and smuggled some but in all honesty he wasn't thinking straight. Very far from it. He woke up from a nightmare, stumbling upon the sight of his mother carelessly falling out a window, she stayed laid on the grass until his father came home. Boris had been too young to use the phone, but he stayed by his mother's corpse the whole time, unsure if she was dead or not.
Well, wasn't that a way to get the blood pumping in the morning? His in-dream father's cries had woken him up to the silent house. He was partially aware of his body trembling. Stupid really, to get so worked up over this. It wasn't even anything new. Oh well, he stumbled around for his stash,
empty.
His hands were still shaking, or maybe it was his whole body? Thinking about it, it kind of felt like his whole body. But he pretended it was okay and was just his hands. He couldn't find anything to cloud his mind. His heart was racing and he felt his body continue to twitch on its own. Fuck. He needed something. Anything at this point.
He found some cigarettes and wasted no time lighting one. Nicotine wasn't as good as cocaine or alcohol. It was far from the same relief. Maybe past Boris would've felt slightly better with the cigarette. But right now, he was not. He finished it far too soon and lit another one immediately after. Then following two more. Only halfway during the fourth one had he felt the familiar tingles of his body relaxing slightly. He also heard a knock. Now that he wasn't itching for a substance, he calmly got up and opened the door. Ignoring his own stumbling movements as he did so.
"Oh Potter! Hello" Boris greeted as he would any other time. He stepped asidenfor Theo to enter, having done this many times already. This time though, Theo seemed a bit skeptical, eyebrows furrowed with concern that Boris wasn't sure for. But Theo was just like that sometimes, worrying or hurting silently.
"Boris, are you okay? You seem sickly" oh. Did he? Boris hadn't even realized. Which seemed silly considering his hair was matted down with sweat in some places and his body was still faintly shaking, this time it definitely was just his hands. Oh and his red rimmed eyes from where he'd been crying himself better.
"I'm fine, Potter, no need to worry so much" They went to Boris' room, something the teen was starting to regret. His room was messed up, not in the subtle-not actually messy Boris way, and not in a classic teenage way either. It was like someone just ransacked his room. Because in a way he did. On top of that his room was fogged and thick with smoke. Theo coughed upon entering, squinting his eyes to see through the steady haze.
"Boris, how much have you been smoking? Open a window next time, you'll suffocate yourself" he scolded, already opening the window. Okay, he had a good point there. But Boris' anxiety was still too much on edge for him to really care about that. "Jesus, are you sure you're okay? You really don't seem fine. How much have you taken? Don't you think it's a bit ear-"
"That's the problem! I haven't taken anything. Everything hurts and I haven't taken everything. It hurts worse than it has, and I just- I don't know what to do" Boris was crying. It was a foreign sight. Actually the whole lash out was an odd sight. Boris was always calm, sometimes chaotic but had only ever been in a good way. Sometimes he'd be angsty but those were usually the days after his father beat him. So it was justified and expected, Theodore wasn't expecting this though. His mouth stayed gaped for a moment, recollecting his thoughts and pulling Boris into a hug.
Withdrawal. Boris was going through withdrawal.
"It's okay, it's okay…Boris everything will be okay. Can you talk to me? What happened?"
And then Boris went on to wetly explain the situation with the drugs and how he wouldn't be able to get them for two days and how his dad has been keeping a strict eye on the alcohol and until he could find a way around it, getting drunk wouldn't be an option. Theo listened patiently, arms wrapped securely around him and rubbed his back, one hand slipping into his hair. Boris did stop crying at some point while he was speaking.
"A part of me thinks this may be a good thing, y'know? Like taking a break..but I don't want you hurting. How about you come over? They're gone and they're careless where they leave their alcohol, we can go get drunk at my place" Theo smiled reassuringly and Boris felt a genuine one slipping onto his lips. How could he forget that Potter's parents were just as bad as them?
They went on the journey between their houses, Boris held the umbrella for them as they walked, sometimes Theo would do it and he wanted to but Boris needed to have something to do with his shaky hands. Like always it didn't look even close to raining. But ever since that time walking home from the school bus, Theo learnt how much nicer it was without the sun beating down on you. Even if people gave them weird looks for it.
Theo sighed as he handed the cup over, holding one with considerably less for his own. He still thought it was a bit too early to be doing this. "Do you ever think this is becoming a problem?" It wasn't judgmental, just a genuine question. Boris answered after taking a long sip from the glass.
((Please 'love you like an alcoholic' just started playing))
"Yeah, probably..I don't really care though, it helps it helps. ти повинен знати, ні?" He finished in a language he didn't understand. Which wasn't all too uncommon. Boris would often switch between languages. Mainly English and Russian but this one sounded considerably different. Theo had been secretly learning Russian, but which one was this? He ended up asking,
"Ukrainian"
"Ugh! I should've known. Dammit stop knowing so many languages" he playfully shoved Boris who shoved equally as hard back.
They had fun the rest of the day, causing havoc to those around them and just embracing each other's presence. Boris was able to calm the symptoms. He made it to the next two days pretty well. He didn't really need the drugs during those two days, yet Theo and Boris indulged in the ones in Theo's kitchen anyways.
The next time Boris went through withdrawal it was a bit more severe. He couldn't go to Theos' because it was his fault. Theo noticed that they've been getting intoxicated too frequently. He didn't want to become overly addicted and even if Boris had been doing it a lot longer than he has, he was still worried for him as well. Because Boris often forgot to take care of himself, especially when it comes to eating and (mainly) drinking water. Theo felt like he had to take care of both of them in the sense of limiting it.
So he did. He hid the substances Boris had and his own.
Boris was having a breakdown. He called Theo who was on his way, in the meantime he was crying, hand tugging on his curl as he tried to calm himself. Everything was burning and aching, he was way too aware of every little pulse of his heart and flow of his blood. He felt overly exposed. Which was stupid, right? He's had no problem being sober other times, why was this one different? What pushed him over the edge? Boris wished he knew.
He felt awfully dizzy, going to Theo's house wasn't going to be an option even if he wanted to, so he asked Theo if he could bring something. Maybe his dizziness was coming from dehydration, soberness, or the fact he vomited the nonexistent food in his stomach.
Theo wanted to give in, hearing Boris' broken voice over the receiver pained him. He wanted to screw it and bring back all the toxic content he had hidden. Let Boris make himself feel better.
No, no this is good. For the better. He needs to be clean, it's a problem if he can't stay clean for long. Theo was doing something good.
Boris could only pretend he was fine for so long. Not that he'd been doing a good job. Whatever made him spiral must've been serious to get him like this and so emotional. His expression faltered when Theo admitted he didn't bring any on purpose. But he didn't seem mad. No he was that type. He just seemed saddened, and went back to trying to self soothe. Theo helped him though…tried to.
Nothing was working. The best he could do was give him water and tried to get him to eat what little food that was in the house. Boris was clearly in pain the whole time. Even if they tried to make conversation as a distraction, there was always a part of him that seemed out of it. Unresponsive. Theo's heart was breaking.
"Potter, пожалуйста, я не могу" his voice was a bit above a whisper. Tears pooling in his eyes. Theo wished he didn't understand Russian anymore.
"I'm sorry Boris..it's- I just..I want to help, I also want to just give you them but it's not good it's not healthy. I know I do it too but you do it a dangerous amount. I'm just worried. I-I don't want anything bad to happen, what if you become too dependent on them?"
"Think is too late," Boris muttered bitterly, hugging himself.
Theo frowned, leaning against him. "Can you drink some more water please? It'll help," he gestured to the still mostly filled cup.
"Drugs would also help," it was said as a joke but not intended as one. He just didn't want to seem mean. Boris refused to be a angry drunk or an angry…angry person in withdrawal. He didn't think there was really a fitting work for it. Angry withdrawal, was that a thing?
Still, despite his depressed state when Theo brought the cup to his lips he started drinking it, one hand instinctively holding it despite Theo doing it.
"If you promise to start taking better care of yourself I'll give them back,"
манипулятивное дерьмо, Boris thought amused. Genuinely amused.
"Fine.. deal"
Apparently Theo hid it in his house. Boris could've been better a long time ago if he actually looked. Okay well no, it was way too hidden and in a spot he didn't think he'd even consider. He actually wasn't sure how Theo knew of it but maybe he had been too high to have been paying attention. Whatever, he really didn't care about the logistics. He needed to not be so incredibly sober.
"Thank you, Potter" Boris said, kissing his cheek as he smashed the pills. What was he being thanked for? For attempting to help him recover or for giving back the drugs?
Theo shook his head with a sigh. There was no winning with this kid.