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"Say." Marianne started abruptly, her mouth still partially full of food - likely a senbei1 or a similarly baked good. "Why d'ya think the boss doesn't have haki?"
The crunching of her rice cracker was the only reply she received, with the rest of the Officer Agents looking nervously between each other.
"What?" She asked before taking a sip of her green tea. "He doesn't, right? Don't you guys think that's weird?" She set her teacup down before finishing her thought. "I think that's weird."
"Goldenweek, I'd advise you to shut up right about now." Gem muttered, his eyes presumably shooting daggers at the girl (although it was impossible to tell through his thickly tinted sunglasses). He went to place his palm on her shoulder, but his advance was quickly rebuked by a firm slap from Drophy.
"Leave her alone, she's just a little girl! Fool!" The rotund woman shot back, her hands already shifting to sport her characteristic claws. "Mr. 4, tell him what for!"
"What? What's… haki?"
"I don't know, I think she's got a point." Galdino stated, his attention divided between his newspaper and the conversation. "He's one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea, right? That'd mean…" He took a moment to count to seven on his fingers. "Yeah, that'd mean he's the only one who can't use any form of haki."
"Whatever." Gem mumbled as he withdrew back to his corner of the room. "I'm not one for idle gossip, especially about the boss."
"Oh, but I am!" Bentham chimed in as he flamboyantly tiptoed into the room. The room audibly groaned at his entrance, although he either didn't notice or didn't care. "I think it's because he's too heart-broken over his defeat at the hands of-"
"Don't say his name!" Drophy interrupted. "It's bad luck, don't ya' know? Fool!"
"Kyahahaha!" Mikita chortled, her legs dangling from the rafters above. "Can you imagine that - Mr. Zero so angsty that he can't get off his butt to play with the big boys?"
"Get down from there, Valentine." Gem demanded, although Mikita simply laughed again in response. "Damn woman… Besides, it's not like we're any better."
"Yeah, but we're not one of the Seven Warlords." Galdino retorted. "We're just part of his crew."
Without saying a word, Zala stood and walked over to Galdino before swiftly blowing out the small ember in his hair.
"Hey!" He whined, his newspaper now discarded to the floor as he began feeling around for his lighter. "What was that for?!"
"He doesn't like it when we call it a 'crew'." She responded, before returning to her seat.
"Whatever…" He grumbled as he fiddled with his lighter. "How the hell do you work this damn thing… Marianne, come over here and help me!"
"No."
The room once again grew silent, as each of the Officer Agents went back to their regular activities - all of them except for Marianne. She continued to eat, but her mind was still racing as she attempted to concoct a satisfactory answer to the question she had posed.
"Maybe it's not that he can't learn haki, but that he doesn't want to."
"You're still on this?" Gem asked, his eyebrows raised slightly in surprise. "Can't you let it go?"
"No, no." Galdino interrupted, setting his newspaper to the ground once more. "Elaborate on that. Why would he not want to?"
"Well…" Marianne started, setting aside her senbei as well. "Haki is like your will or whatever, right?" Nobody responded verbally, but Daz Bones gave an affirming nod. "And it allows you to affect devil fruit users, yeah?" He gave another nod. "Well… what if it works the other way around, too. Like… it prevents devil fruit powers from working on you."
Most of the room nodded in agreement (or at least understanding), although Galdino, Gem, Zala and Daz Bones still seemed unconvinced.
"Even if we assume that's true, that still leaves the question of why he wouldn't want that ability." Galdino smugly stated. "Got an answer for that one?"
Marianne didn't speak for a while, her eyes staring into the distance as she thought. Why would he intentionally choose to not be able to negate the effects of devil fruits?
"Goldenweek?" He asked again, slightly worried at her apparent disassociation.
"What if he's under the effects of a devil fruit all the time and doesn't want it to go away?"
"Kyahahaha!" Mikita chuckled, her legs swinging to and fro. "What kind of devil fruit would that be, exactly? I doubt there's a devil fruit that allows you to make someone stronger!"
The room grew silent for a moment, as they all began to speculate in their minds as to what kind of devil fruit it could be.
"Maybe… it… allows… you… to… change… how… you… look…" Babe stuttered, his eyes slowly looking around the room at each of the other Officer Agents.
"Change your appearance?" Galdino asked as he sat forward in his chair. "What, like… make yourself taller or something?"
"Maybe." Marianne said with a shrug. "It's possible."
As the conversation died down once again, a noticeable rattling sound filled the room - it was Bentham shaking in his seat. Sweat beaded on his face, smearing his mascara slightly as he tried his best to look inconspicuous. It wasn't working.
"You got something to say, Bon Kurei?" Gem asked. "Seeming awfully shaky there."
"No, I just remembered that I have to go do something!" He exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "Bye!" He threw his body towards the door, but was blocked by a quick wall of wax courtesy of Galdino.
"Not so fast." He said, entrapping Bentham's legs. "You've got something you're hiding, and we're all dying to find out."
"I-I don't know what you're talking about!" Bentham stuttered, as he struggled desperately to break free. "I don't know any secrets about Sir Crocodile- eep, I mean Mr. Zero!"
"You'd better come clean, Kurei." Mikita said as she slowly floated down to rest upon his head. "I would hate to have to torture it out of you."
"I could just use Colors Trap on him." Marianne suggested, although she was quickly ignored by the rest of the group.
"Fine, fine!" Bentham exclaimed. "I'll tell you! Just… let go of my beautiful legs, first."
"Sure." Galdino snarkily replied, as he shifted the wax restraints from Bentham's legs to his arms. "Now talk."
"I… know of a wonderful person." He started, his eyes growing moist as he spoke. "They're said to be the king and queen of all okamas, with the most powerful eyelashes and the most gorgeous legs. They say that-"
"Get to the good part." Marianne interrupted.
"I WAS GETTING THERE! Anyway, to summarize… he has the ability to change your body. More specifically… your sex."
…
"Oooooooh!" The whole room exclaimed, each looking to each other with both shock and understanding.
"Do you think that means-"
"Yeah, I mean - SIR Crocodile, Desert KING."
"MISTER Zero, too!"
"No wonder he hates my jokes about him giving birth!"
"No, I think anyone would hate those."
"I'm surprised we didn't realize it sooner! Fools! Fools!"
"I… don't… get… it…"
"There!" Bentham exclaimed, interrupting the chatter. "Will you let me go now! And get off my head!" Galdino snapped his fingers, releasing the wax grip on the involuntary informant. Mikita, in turn, leaped down to the floor with a satisfying thud. "I swear, I don't know what he sees in you people…" Bentham muttered as he stormed off.
The room was quiet for a long while, with everybody thinking but nobody speaking - even Drophy found it difficult to break the silence.
"This speculation does not leave this room." Daz Bones stated, before standing up to face the door. "Understand?"
The room unanimously agreed, each of them unwilling to discuss the subject any further.
"Good. Now get to work - Operation Utopia won't make itself happen." He quickly left the room, with Zala following close behind him.
"So…" Galdino trailed off, his voice unusually quiet.
"We all know what we have to do, right?" Marianne asked, with each of the remaining Officer Agents (minus Babe, of course) giving a firm nod. "Alright, let's get to work."
"All-Sunday, get in here!" Crocodile exclaimed, as he chewed on his cigar.
"Yes, Mr. Zero?" She inquired, as she quickly made her way to his side. "Is there an issue?"
"What… is this?"
On Crocodile's desk sat a large poorly-decorated cake. It sat awkwardly, with several important documents squished and compressed at odd angles under its weight. It appeared that whoever had put it there had little care for bureaucracy. Adorning the cake were the letters "C" and "T" that had been skillfully placed using what appeared to be a paintbrush. He hesitantly dipped his finger into it, before taking a small taste. Yup, it was just paint.
"Oh, this is, um… a gift." Robin replied, retrieving a card from underneath the cake. It had icing smearing parts of it, but it was still fairly legible. "It's from some of the Officer Agents. I haven't screened the card, so I'm unsure of what it says - my apologies."
"It's fine." He said, waving his hook. "You're dismissed." The woman nodded, before quickly slinking away.
Crocodile took a seat, before slowly prying open the pages of the card that were now sticky with icing.
The card had two sentences written hastily in what appeared to be pencil crayon. "You're our favourite male boss! We're honoured to serve you, Sir Crocodile!" Below the words was a crude depiction of Crocodile… shirtless… with large pectoral muscles.
Crocodile opened the bottom drawer of his desk, tossing the card into it before quickly closing it once again.
"I don't know what I'm going to do with them…" He murmured as he put out his cigar onto the desk.
"Maybe I can trick one of the Frontier Agents into eating this."