Work Text:
“Hey Toms!” Tubbo said as Tommy answered his call.
“Hey Tubs, what’s up?”
“Oh! I was just wondering what you were doing, I just got home and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out since it’s been too long. Before I went to France and After. Both times we just talked on the phone a lot and I know you wanted to hang out I-r-l so here I am.”
“Oh uhm I’m free today, I’m just making travel plans right now so it might be too late when I’m free. Maybe another time?” Tommy tugged his lower lip between his teeth.
“Travel plans? You’re going somewhere? You never mentioned that.”
Tommy let out a breath, “it’s not just one place, Toby, I’m heading all over. I’ll be visiting multiple places and people in America first then I’ll be in other countries.”
“Tom.. I thought you were happy here.” With me.
“It’s time I go do something else, you know?” With other people.
Tubbo was at a loss for words. He certainly wasn’t expecting this. “How long?”
“A year.. or more.” Tommy spoke softly.
“Who else besides your parents know about this?”
“Toby.”
“Tommy.” Tubbo’s voice grew stern. “Who knew?”
“You know.” Tommy spoke softly, “You were having fun in France. And I needed to get a plan set up before he came back here.. I didn’t want to ruin your trip.”
“This year or so apart might not be good for us.”
Tommy hummed, “I know that.”
“So why take the risk this could all end?” Tubbo asked with a shaky breath.
“Because Toby.. you’re my Atlantis. And I just don’t know how to save us.” Tommy ended the call abruptly and tossed his phone away from himself covering his mouth with his hands as he bit back a scream. The scream that was trying to tear from his heart.
Tommy and Tubbo had been strictly reserved to only talking over the phone for a while, for no real reason. They weren’t hours apart anymore. Only a few minutes. But they never tried hard enough to see each other.
And Tommy knew they honesty didn’t call enough but he knew if he had called, Tubbo wouldn’t always answer. Not after knowing what they both knew and tried to hide away.
But right as Tommy had time for his best friend, Tubbo left. He went to France on Tommy’s birthday. Something you can’t accidentally plan like that. Something Tubbo waited weeks before telling Tommy and Tommy almost found out through someone else. Instead he found out the day before when Tubbo knew for over a month.
But Tommy has never missed on of his birthdays. It did hurt and even if Tommy thought the beer tasted like piss he still drank it after he ended the stream. It helped with the pain as he got to see pictures of his friends all having fun.
With the wedding and snowboarding.. he just had to sit in his small apartment studying white walls as loneliness took place in his heart. So that night he made a plan. A plan to travel the world and not have to be alone again.
He thought with Tubbo being in his life he wouldn’t ever have to be alone again. He thought Tubbo would always get to be enough. But Tommy needed more than a lousy attempt. Tubbo tried with Freddie and he tried with Ranboo and he tried with Bill and Aimsey and Serena. He tried to be their friend and to be there for them and to stay in their lives all the time. Tubbo was kind and loving and oh so pretty.
But he wasn’t ever there for Tommy. He wasn’t ever trying . So Tommy knew he needed people who would try. He needed better than this.
Tommy > can I come over?
Wil > ofc
Tommy pocketed his phone, not sure when he grabbed it and got up. He pulled a hoodie on over his t-shirt and he put headphones in, starting a walk to Wilbur’s.
It took a good minute to arrive but he let himself in and kicked his shoes off, greeting James and walking to Wilbur’s office space.
Wilbur looked at the door and muted to the stream, standing up and walking over, taking a very distraught Tommy into a hug. “What’s wrong?”
“I think I love him.” Tommy whispered and Wilbur swore he could feel Tommy’s heart shatter behind his sternum.
Wilbur nodded. “Okay. What’s wrong with that?”
“He’s not a good friend.” Tommy gripped Wilbur’s shirt. “Not to me.. Wil. He doesn’t- he doesn’t try to be my friend anymore but when I told him about my trip he was upset.”
“You are his best friend and you’ll be gone for a year or more, of course he’s upset.” Wilbur rubbed Tommy’s back and Tommy sniffled. James peeked his head to see the two of them and Wilbur offered a sad look.
“But I don’t know how to save us , Wil.” Tommy was crying now. “I love him so much and he couldn’t give a shit about it. He couldn’t give a shit about me lately! And it hurts.. I can’t- I can’t get it to stop hurting. How do I make the pain go away?” Wilbur held Tommy tighter as Tommy started sobbing.
Wilbur was tearing up as Tommy kept repeating the question through sobs as his body grew weak. Wilbur had never seen Tommy like this. James walked away and came back with a blanket wrapping it around Tommy. “He promised.. he promised I wouldn’t have to suffer.. he promised he wouldn’t abandon me.”
“I know, Tom.” Wilbur kept his voice soft and led Tommy to the couch, getting him to lay down with the blanket. “Get some rest now, okay?”
Tommy shut his eyes and nodded, pulling the blanket around himself more. Wilbur went back to his office with tears still in his eyes and he ended the stream without words. He met James in James’ office. “This isn’t good, James.”
James hugged Wilbur, “we’ll get him through this. But you should call Phil.”
Wilbur nodded and parted from the hug doing just that.
*
Tommy sat up confused about where he was and why his face felt gross and sticky from dried tears. He looked around and noticed he was in the office complex. Wilbur was asleep propped up on the front of the couch, looking very uncomfortable.
“Hey, mate.” Phil greeted, walking through the door and handing a doughnut to the blonde.
“I’m embarrassed for how I acted last night.” Tommy said softly. “I shouldn’t have bothered Wil like that.”
Phil’s brows furrowed, “What?”
“I should have left or just not come. I could have stayed at my apartment alone. Free from burdening anyone.. I mean look, you and James are now also involved.”
Phil set everything down and sat next to Tommy, “Tom, stop talking like that. You aren’t a burden to us. Your feelings are valid and I’m not sure any of us would have reacted as strongly as you did. You seeked out support and help. That was a good thing.”
Tommy leaned his head on Phil’s shoulder and Phil let out a soft breath, “You love him?”
“With all my heart.” Tommy admitted and Phil nodded, resting his head on Tommy’s.
“But?”
“He doesn’t.”
Phil hummed, “go on the trip. If he loves you then he’ll realize it when you’re gone and when you come back you guys can act on it.. because you won’t lose those feelings for him, not really. No one will ever be like him, Tom.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Before Kris and I got together I tried dating someone. But it wasn’t right. I thought Kris didn’t like me back and I was trying to move on but everyone I came across could never be her.” Phil let out a breath, “so I spent some time away.. I distanced us. And turns out we had mutual feelings that we figured out after some space and thinking room.”
Tommy let out a shaky breath, “I’ll go.”
“Good.”
*
Tommy went to Tubbo’s and asked Tubbo to meet him outside before he left. Tommy had his luggage with him and everything.
It started sprinkling and Tubbo approached. “It’ll be a few months.”
“Promise me you’ll be safe?” Tubbo asked and Tommy nodded.
“Promise me you won’t forget me?”
“I could never forget you, Tom.” Tubbo spoke softly and the rain picked up.
“Can I tell you something.. before I go.” Tommy said, uncrossing his arms and letting his hoodie fully drench in the rain.
“Sure, anything you need.” Tubbo said, brushing the hair from his face and looking at Tommy’s soaked luggage.
Tommy stepped closer with a sad but honest look on his face and embraced Tubbo into a hug. Tubbo hugged him back instantly with a tight grip.
Tommy only let out a breath as he squeezed Tubbo tighter, letting Tubbo rest his head in the crook of Tommy’s neck. Tommy didn’t have to say anything, his actions said enough, I love you. “I know Toms..” Tubbo’s voice cracked.
Tommy sniffled, “Good.. because I will never not mean it, Toby.” Their tears melted into the salty rain that was trailing down their faces, causing a reminder of the mess they made.
They pulled away and Tommy grabbed his luggage, sparing Tubbo a glance before he walked past him and into the night.
Tubbo fell to his knees in the rain and just kept his head low as he cried.
————-
“Tommy?” Tubbo asked, approaching the blonde in the middle of Brighton. It had been a year and 7 months since Tommy and Tubbo had seen each other in person.
The blonde turned to face Tubbo and offered a soft smile, “Toby, hey.” He spoke with careful words and a mature smile. Everything about him seemed more mature, Tubbo noticed.
“You uhm.. you look great, man!” Tubbo smiled at Tommy’s well dressed person and fresh haircut. It pained Tubbo to know he missed watching Tommy grow up.
He missed Tommy.
“Ranboo said you were coming to the city today, I’m glad we ran into each other. It would suck if we didn’t and I went home and streamed.”
“You and Ranboo kept in touch?” Tubbo asked.
Tommy nodded, “of course we did.” Tommy was looking at Tubbo like he had 5 heads. “He is my best friend too.”
“He never mentioned you guys were still in touch. I thought you only stayed in touch with your parents and SBI.” Tubbo said softly.
“Well, Ranboo can do what he wants, yeah? He stuck around as a friend before and after I left. If we checked chat history I believe the last text in there is ‘I might be home for my birthday.’ Which you left me on read. That was 7- almost 8 months ago.”
“I didn’t know what you wanted from me.”
“I just wanted you to be here, Toby. Just to be in my life and show me you actually fucking cared.” Tommy wasn’t getting loud like he would before. Tommy wasn’t angry. Tommy was sad, he was hurt. Tubbo did that. Tubbo hurt him. And it took him this long to figure that out.
“I was a bad friend.” Tubbo mumbled and Tommy nodded. “But you know how I felt.”
“Yeah I remember.” Tommy looked into Tubbo’s eyes, “Please lie to me again. Just one more time.”
Tubbo felt his eyes starting to tear up, “Tom-”
“Please, Toby.” Tommy begged . “Please lie to me one more time so we can move on.”
“I love you, Tom Simons.” Tubbo whispered and they both turned their attention to a brunette woman calling Tommy’s name. She had a foreign accident and Tubbo watched as Tommy smiled at her with those newly acquired smile lines.
“Did you get what you needed?” Tommy asked, wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek.
“I did, who‘s this?” She asked.
“Oh this is-”
“I’m just a fan of Tommy’s.” Tubbo said. “It was nice meeting you finally! Thanks for the picture!” Tubbo patted his arm and stepped back.
Their eyes met again and they watched each other break as Tubbo turned in his heels and left. Tommy linked his hand to the girl’s and they started walking in the opposite direction.
Tommy’s arm burned where Tubbo’s touch had landed. It was a burn that healed months of what he’s been missing. Of what he’s wanted.
“Tom..” The girl spoke softly, stopping their walk.
“Jess.” Tommy said back and she offered a polite smile.
“Was that who you’ve been in love with this whole time?”
“How did you-”
Jess just chuckled, “I’ve known since I met you. And I’m giving you permission to go after him. We can stay friends.” Tommy waited to see if she was joking and once he realized she wasn’t, he hugged her and bolted after Tubbo.
“Toby!”
Tubbo stopped and turned to Tommy, letting Tommy take him into a hug. Tubbo hugged back. “I love you. No joke, no lie. No nothing. Jess called us off.” Tommy said.
“I love you too, Tom. 100% authentic.” Tommy pulled away just enough to press their lips together and Tubbo didn’t hesitate to reciprocate.
Tommy’s hand found his waist and another found his hair. Tubbo wrapped his arms around Tommy’s neck and they could feel each other’s racing hearts.
They wouldn’t have to face heartbreak any longer.