Chapter Text
Neteyam Sully was your secret. You can’t really tell when your feelings started, having known the oldest Sully since childhood, the two of you never got too close, keeping a safe distance, leaning on rare moments alone and exchanges of looks that you hoped to carry some meaning.
Your courage was never enough for you to express what you felt, Neteyam carried multiple obligations as a future leader, one of them being choosing a partner that would be the next Tsa’hik, something that, in your opinion, several clan members could do better than you.
So you buried the words you most wanted to say and promised that one day this love would be gone. It didn’t, but it was just yours, and as selfish as it seemed, it was enough.
___
Neteyam was sitting while you patched up his wounds, his eyebrows furred, seeming lost in thought. This would usually be a moment where you shared a comfortable silence, but something seemed wrong. He arrived much later than usual and didn’t say anything since.
“What is bothering you?” He looked at you for the first time, eyes full of an emotion you couldn’t quite read.
“It is nothing.”
“Please, I know there is something. You can talk to me.”
But how could he? The truth is that Neteyam had just came out a conversation with his parents, receiving the news that he was now promised to another woman, the best hunter in the clan. It was excepted to him to be already mated, and since people were growing impatient it seemed the best solution. He felt his stomach drop, his face turning pale, but couldn’t say anything to his family, getting out of there as fast as possible and running to you.
Neteyam adored you. No, he loved you dearly. You were the one person he felt most comfortable with, the one he knew that would accept him for who he is and that didn’t expect him to meet any impossible and tiring standards. Every memory you shared meant everything to him. He collected your interactions and details as treasures, always trying to memorize your likings, fears, dreams, looking for you in every room he entered and hoping to one day verbalize a feeling that made his chest feel like it was going to explode. Waiting for the right moment made him loose his chance, and now he would never know if you felt the same. His eyes watered, avoiding your gaze, feeling your soft hands now resting in his shoulders.
“I am promised.” He let out as a whisper, hoping that you wouldn’t hear.
Your ears turned, tail switching nervously. Focusing now on finishing the bandages and trying to seem indifferent.
“It is decided?”
“Yes. Both families agreed. I was informed today.”
“Have they set a date yet?”
“Next month.”
Your breath hitched, hands now trembling nervously and vision blurred by tears you tried to avoid. The air thick with all the unspoken feelings that both didn’t dare to expose.
“I see. I…” You opened and closed your mouth, not knowing what to say, instead focusing in finishing everything quickly and quietly, not talking at all. Then mumbled “I have to go, we can talk later.” as you ran out. Leaving a heartbroken and confused Neteyam.
___
Two weeks have now passed since your last meeting. You were avoiding Neteyam but trying to be discreet about it, giving him quick greetings and fake smiles. Waking up was painful and everything felt like a blur in your mind. How could you miss something, someone, that was never yours? He wasn’t yours to lose.
Maybe you should go back, maybe you should scream your lungs out and tell the world how you have always wanted him. But you couldn’t, you shouldn’t. Neteyam gave his life trying to be the perfect son, the perfect leader, and he would be. You weren’t going to take this away from him. If you confessed now what could change? The rejection would be painful, and knowing it was mutual would have a price. He was your secret to keep, he have always been.
You looked blankly at the sky while preparing for another day. Taking a deep breath while trying to accept what happened. Knowing the kind, caring and responsible boy you had with you is out of reach.
If you only knew that Neteyam Sully wasn’t sleeping or eating either, wondering if he could be selfish for once. Fighting the urge of storming into your tent and pouring his heart out. Knowing that he would prefer a life alone than one with someone that wasn’t you. Feeling ready to go against everything he taught himself, to disappoint everyone and fight for his happiness, to be brave. However, you wouldn’t even look at his face anymore, completely distancing yourself. Perhaps these were feelings he was destined to bear alone, cursed to always love you from a distance. And maybe if one thing had been different, then everything would be different today.
“But it would've been fun,
If you would've been the one.”