Chapter Text
"Andrew!" Mother Mary called one day. "Matthew has been looking for you. He's by the river..."
Andrew sighed and looked up from the wood he was chopping. He'd been keeping himself busy, avoiding the publicanus ...ex-publicanus since the night by the fire where his brother had raged and he himself had lost his temper.
"Go to him... hear him out."
Putting down his axe, Andrew looked at her and ran his hand through his unruly hair. Simon was off on an errand with Big James and John. He would have to do this alone.
"Please."
Andrew knew when Mary said please he'd already lost the battle. He nodded and walked off with another deep sigh. He really didn't need this right now.
Down by the river Matthew was pacing, distracted and anxious.
"What do you want Matthew?"
Matthew stopped and stared at him, unsure what to say for a moment. He had scripted this out in his head and nowhere had he thought Andrew would speak first. People...didn't usually speak to him...first. Except to ...tell him to go away. He ran through all the behaviours Andrew normally presented and realised his error. This was normal. Andrew asked what he wanted before telling him to go away.
'I...I'm sorry."
"What?"
"I ...what you said. At the fire. That night. You were right. Simon says it is not enough and I know you agree with him but I wanted you to know that I am sorry."
Matthew nodded slightly to show he'd finished and waited anxiously for the fisherman's reply. Would he laugh at him? Hit him like Simon tried to? Tell him just how despicable he was?
"You're sorry?"
Matthew gave a little shrug. "It is inadequate...I know. I am not good at apologising. Perhaps Thomas has a point."
"Thomas? What he got to do with..."
"He called me arrogant. Which ...I did not believe. Mainly because he also accused me of liking Ramah...I mean of course I *like* Ramah. She is kind to me. But he thought I liked her in the same way he does which is completely illogical when...when I was not even looking at her but..."
Andrew shook his head clear of the onslaught of words. "He was right. You are... you can be arrogant. Selfish. Cruel even. Matthew you turned your back on your people. And if Jesus hadn't shown up you'd still be happy behind your bars and your walls with your money and your escort and your luxury."
Matthew nodded, sadly. "I know. I thought I was...superior. That was WRONG. I was WRONG. And I'm SORRY. But he DID show up. And I DID choose to follow him. And I am trying to learn. To change."
"Yeah. That's what Philip said. You're learning Torah to help Mary and Ramah?"
Matthew nodded quickly. "Philip is helping me. He gives me things to memorise then I tell Mary and she writes them. Or I do. And she helps Ramah. To read. Its efficient. And..." he looked up shyly. "I want to know these things...like you. And...the others."
"Okay. This will take time but I'm not my brother. I love Simon but he is stubborn and he can be ...unkind. I can't easily forgive the past but I will try. If John taught me anything he taught me that what a man WAS doesn't matter. And...I will try to be nicer to you."
Matthew looked at him astonished. He had come here expecting ...rejection and hatred. Maybe even violence. To be met with a sincere attempt at understanding instead was...unbelievable.
"Thank you." Huh. Maybe Philip was right after all. He didn't expect to become best friends with the other man but Andrew was smart. He asked interesting questions and gave unexpected answers. Perhaps they could actually talk sometime.
"Its not worth it, by the way" he surprised himself by saying.
"What? Being kind to you?"
"Money. You...asked the question what would you give up? I...gave up my...family. my faith. Everything. For money. Its not worth it."