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Panic.
That was all that was there.
Heavy breathing, sweat, tears.
Angel felt like he was dying. The way his throat tightened was unbearable. Everything was unbearable. He clawed at his hair, not knowing what else to do except that and sob. He didn’t know how to make it stop despite how badly he wanted to. He wanted it to stop. Wanted the thoughts to go away. God, they were awful thoughts. Memories flooding his head. Words being repeated so loud they were deafening.
“You’re worthless,” the voice screamed. An all too familiar voice. The voice he loathed. “You’d be nothing if I hadn’t picked you up off the street,” it yelled again.
Images of the face the voice belonged to flashed in Angel's head. Those sharp teeth glistened as they spewed insults.
“Val, please,” the arachnid whimpered. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to be safe in his bed, with nothing to worry about.
“You’re hopeless. All you’re good for is making me money,” Valentino growled. “You’re even dumber than I thought if you actually think a slut like you could ever be redeemed.”
Angel’s breath quickened, if that was even possible. He felt like he was suffocating. His eyes widened, though his vision was so blurry he couldn’t even tell where he was. Insult upon insult repeated in his mind, echoing with no end in sight. Every word sounded louder than the last and he felt like screaming.
He clutched his arms around his body, curling into a fetal position and screaming for the voices to go away. Angel screamed and screamed, not caring if his throat would be sore after. The only thing he cared about was the voices stopping. His heart raced as he cried.
Angel suddenly felt hands on him and he screamed even louder, pushing himself away from the touch violently. He kicked and flailed.
“Don’t touch me!” His voice was broken, but he didn’t care. His eyes shot in the direction of whatever had touched him. All he could see was someone wearing red, his tears making it hard to make any other feature out. Red. Valentino wore red. Had he come for Angel?
The spider kicked himself further away from the figure, screaming “no” over and over again. He shook his head violently as he watched the figure attempt to get closer. When it stopped, Angel stopped. He curled back into a ball and sobbed, panicking harder at the thought of Valentino finding him.
“Please don’t take me away,” he begged, though he couldn’t tell if he had said that out loud or in his head. If he had spoken it couldn’t have been much louder than a whisper.
“Please,” he repeated, over and over. “I’ll be good. I’ll get you your money.”
“Angel,” sounded a voice. Angel barely heard it over his own cries and pleas.
“Angel,” repeated the voice, sounding a little louder than last time. This time it got the spider’s attention. That’s not Val, he thought, feeling himself calm down a little bit. He sniffled and lifted his head, looking toward the figure from before.
Angel wiped his eyes and let them focus. He first recognized his room before his eyes focused on his primary target. Blinking a few times, the blob of red slowly formed into something, or rather someone, more recognizable. It was Alastor. Alastor was the one calling his name. This had made Angel cry again. Had the radio demon come to ridicule him? Laugh at him? Use his pain as a form of entertainment? Angel wouldn’t put it past him.
“Angel, look at me,” spoke the deer. Angel only burrowed his head back into his knees.
“Go away,” he growled. “Go get your sick entertainment elsewhere.”
“Entertainment? Whatever do you mean, my dear?” Alastor inquired, though Angel couldn’t tell if it was a genuine question or if he was mocking him. Angel shot up and glared at him, grabbing and throwing the nearest object he could toward Alastor.
“I said go away, you smiling piece of shit,” Angel spat. Panic had turned into anger, though the tears didn’t stop. “I know you don’t give a rat's ass about me so why don’t you just go ‘n bother somebody else.”
Alastor stared. Throwing something toward the radio demon was something no one did, especially insulting him on top of it. Lucky for Angel, the deer had seemed to grow an affection towards him. This is why, despite being hit with a slipper, he decided to take a deep breath and compose himself. He needed to be patient with this. Angel clearly wasn't in the right state of mind.
After a long moment of silence, Alastor opened his mouth to speak,” I am simply trying to figure out what is wrong, Angel. You sound distraught and I wish to help.
However, if you’d truly like me to leave I can.”
Angel continued to glare. Alastor sounded genuine, but he didn’t know if he trusted it. The last overlord he trusted sold him for money repeatedly. However, he didn’t open his mouth to tell the other to leave again. Instead, he just looked at Alastor. He studied him, trying to figure out if there was a hidden motive.
His breath hitched when he saw Alastor take a small step forward. He could feel his heart quicken again. The deer could see the anxiety that filled the spider’s eyes. Normally, he’d take joy out of it. Normally. This time, though, all he felt was concern. He wanted to hold the other, tell him that everything would be alright. Ask what was wrong and how he could make it all go away. Such pitiful and weak thoughts, Alastor said to himself. Still, he thought them. He took another step and all Angel did was tense up.
Alastor was never really good with this whole comfort thing. He didn’t know if he should stop or not. He took the lack of protest as a sign to keep going, and so he did. Ever so carefully he continued to move forward, slowly moving downward in order to be on the floor beside Angel. Only when he was on his knees in front of the shaking and panicked demon did he stop.
He looks like a doe in headlights, Alastor thought to himself, feeling a tinge of amusement. Angel looked so fragile. He made sure to soften the smile that was constantly showing in order to hopefully lessen the spider’s anxiety.
“Why are you still here,” Angel mumbled, his voice sounding weak.
“I told you. I wish to help,” Alastor repeated, his voice unusually gentle. The tone took Angel aback.
“But.. why?” he tilted his head, though he still remained tense.
“Well, what good are you to the hotel if you’re in such a state like this? It simply won’t do! No, our guests must be in great health at all times in order to maintain success!” Alastor exclaimed in an upbeat tune, trying to cheer the other up even a little bit.
This seemed to have the exact opposite effect Alastor wanted, for Angel curled up to himself even tighter than before.
“So ya only came here to keep up the positive reviews, not because ya actually give a damn... Got it,” Angel rolled his eyes. Of course Alastor didn’t care. Why would he? Sure, they talked once in a while and have had a few laughs. But that’s all they were. Two demons that had passing conversations every now and again.
Alastor opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, not really knowing what to say. He wasn’t good with feelings or expressing them, either. He was arguably worse at that than he was comfort. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth again,” I do, Angel.”
Angel looked up at him again in confusion,” Do what?”
“‘Give a damn’, as you put it,” Alastor replied. His face was unreadable, but Angel could hear in his voice that he meant it.
“Oh," Angel sounded so weak. So frail and ready to break. Alastor almost didn't hear the reply.
There was a moment of silence. They stared at each other until Alastor decided to reach his hand out, offering for Angel to take it. He did.
“Come here, my dear. I know just what will make you feel better!” Alastor gently tugged at his hand. Hesitantly, he let himself be pulled. Alastor stood, leading Angel up with him. He took the other over to his bed, laying him down on the mattress. Angel curled up to his pillows almost immediately.
“Would you like to tell me what you were panicking about earlier, darling? You do not have to if it is a sensitive topic for you” Alastor questioned gently, not wanting to send him into another episode of any sort.
“It…” Angel started, wondering if he should even be contemplating trusting one of Hell's most powerful entities. “It was about Valentino,” Angel confessed, deciding to just spit it out.
“What about him?” Alastor sat next to Angel, tilting his head in curiosity. He made sure to have his ears tilted towards the spider so that he knew he was being listened to.
“The thing’s he used to say to me.. the things he does say to me. I don’t see him nearly as often now as I used to, but still - the way he touches me…” Angel trailed off. He could feel his eyes getting teary again. He let out a sob and threw himself onto Alastor, wrapping his arms around the demon.
Alastor tensed, having to stop himself from hurting Angel out of habit. He wasn't used to people touching him, after all. However, he couldn’t stop the static noises in the air from getting louder. Angel seemed to have noticed this, immediately backing off and spewing apologies.
“I’m sorry, Al, I’m so sorry I forgot about your touch thing I’m sorry I-“ He was cut off by Alastor pushing a clawed finger to the spider’s lips.
“Hush, my dear. While I ask that you refrain from doing that again so suddenly, you are welcome to lay back down,” Alastor reassured, gently pulling him back down. Angel followed, laying his head back onto the deer’s thigh and wrapping his arms around his body.
“I’m sorry. And I’m sorry if ya heard me outside my room and that’s why you came in and I’m sorry if it was annoying. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. I’m really sorry,” Angel ranted, beginning to cry. Alastor placed a hand on the other’s head, gently running his fingers through his hair.
“Angel, my dear, you have nothing to be sorry for,” He spoke softly. The hand in Angel’s hair went down to his chin, lifting his head up so that he was making eye contact with the radio demon. “Next time you feel this way, I want you to come to my room. Don’t worry about what I’m doing or if I’m busy. The last thing I want is for you to be in bad health. You're safe with me."
Angel felt his heart skip a beat at the promise. Safe. Outside of Charlie he never felt safe near another demon before. However, looking at Alastor and feeling his touch on him made him feel the safest he ever has. All he could do was nod, unsure if what was happening right now was real or not. After all, this was the radio demon he was talking to. The radio demon that was showing him compassion and care. He felt his cheeks heat up, laying his head back down in Alastor’s lap in an attempt to hide his flustered state.
“Will you come to my room if you ever require my assistance, Angel?” Alastor asked.
“I will, smiles... I will,” Angel confirmed. “But for now, can I just lay here for a while?”
“Of course, my darling. Lay here for as long as you need to,” Alastor smiled fondly down at the other, even though he knew it couldn’t be seen. His hand returned to the top of Angel’s head, stroking his hair until he had drifted off into sleep. Alastor tucked Angel into bed, giving the demon a gentle kiss on the head. He studied the spider for a few moments longer before shutting the lights to the room off and leaving him to sleep.