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Daniel had felt the motions of the other man as Jack performed the tasks that got the cabin ready for them to go to bed. He continued to lie quietly on the couch, thinking about his feelings and what they meant to him.
Ever since his office, when Jack had come to check on him, he had disturbing emotions about his friend. He was confused by them. They drew him to Jack. Daniel knew that as a Colonel, that the older man lived in a world that was comprised of rules. Rules that only allowed certain types of relationships with other people.
They were a close team. He knew that Jack and Sam were not allowed to have a romantic relationship because he was her commanding officer. He had memories of events that belied this fact, but now, after watching the two Air Force members, he saw no sign of it in their treatment of each other. Now, they appeared to be only teammates and friends.
So, where did that leave him? He also remembered times in his relationship with Jack that perplexed him. There were times when the two of them were very close. He had spent time in Jack's home, and he knew that these times had been precious to him. Then, there were other times when they had fought with each other. Now, since his return, Jack had been only helpful and supportive. Much more then he had expected the other man to be with just an acquaintance. It was very confusing to him. It made him feel like he wanted, needed more.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and he opened his eyes and looked up at Jack.
"Hey, sleepyhead, time to hit the sack." Jack was smiling down at him.
"Oh, okay." Daniel tried to stand but he was stiff and had trouble getting to his feet.
Jack chuckled and offered him a hand, "Come on, Danny, lets get you to bed."
"I'm sorry," He started to apologize.
"Hey, it's okay." A smile stopped him. "You're not used to all this hard relaxation. Come on, you'll feel better in the morning."
He nodded, and took Jack's hand. "I guess I am more tired than I thought."
"Yeah, I guess Ascended types don't sleep much. You act like you're making up for lost time."
Daniel followed Jack into the bedroom. There were two single beds on opposite sides of the room. He sat down on the one closest to the window and looked up at the full moon. He sighed.
Jack was sitting on the other bed, pulling his boots off. "What?"
"Oh, nothing." He shrugged. "You keep telling me I was an Ascended One. I wish I could remember."
"You'll remember when you need too." Jack said comfortingly. "We know it's all there, it's probably just a matter of time."
Daniel flashed him a quick grin. Jack returned it and slipped off his jeans and sweatshirt then climbed into bed. He turned off the light that was by his bed. "Night, Danny."
Daniel did the same. "Good night, Jack"
His dreams began with the desert. At first he thought it was the desert of his childhood, of Egypt and the pyramids, but soon he knew it was of Abydos. He could see the Cartouche Temple, the golden symbols on the wall that had fascinated him. Daniel walked through the corridors to the room where he had thought the Eye of Ra was hidden. Then he saw SG-1, only he wasn't with them, Jonas was. He was separate, alone. Then a familiar voice spoke. "My husband, you have come back."
Daniel turned to see Sha'uri. His beautiful wife was standing in the doorway to a room; the room was filled with ancient Egyptian artifacts. "I will always come back to you, Sha'uri." He replied.
She looked at him sadly. "But you should not, my Dan-yel. You must go and never return here."
Her expression broke his heart. "Why not?"
"Because, my love, there is no longer anything here for you. Everything is gone. Abydos is destroyed."
He knew it was true. Everything he had known, everything he had loved was gone, destroyed, and...it was his fault. "Sha'uri!" He didn't want to believe it, but he knew it was true. Daniel fell to his knees, grasping at his pounding head. It was his fault. Skaara was gone, Kasuf was gone, Sha'uri's grave was gone, the people were gone, Abydos was gone...and it was his fault. He had failed them, all of them, everyone, and it was his fault...his fault...his fault.
"DANIEL! DANIEL! DANNY! Wake up, Danny."
Daniel fought against the hands that held him, the arms that gripped his. He had failed, they were gone, it was his fault, he had failed...failed...failed...again.
The arms that held him wrapped around him, holding on to him, pulling him close. "Danny, love, wake up! Please, wake up. Daniel!
Someone was shaking him and finally, someone slapped him. "Daniel, wake up!"
Daniel lifted his head and opened his eyes. Jack had him in his arms, holding him close, rocking him, hugging him, and looking at him worriedly. "Jack?"
"Yeah, it's me. Thank God, you're finally awake." He looked at Daniel worriedly. "Are you okay?"
Daniel stared up at him with despondency. "Abydos?"
Jack enfolded him in his arms again. "Awe, Danny...its gone, love. Do you remember?"
"No, Sha'uri told me." He looked up at Jack, "It's my fault, isn't it?"
"No, you didn't do it...Anubis did." Jack was adamant. "You tried to prevent him, but... well, I guess you lost."
"It's gone..."
"Yeah, Danny, it's gone."
"And, Skaara, Kasuf?"
"They were ascended, Danny. They're not dead...Oma ascended them all."
"All of them?" He looked up at Jack disbelievingly.
"That's what Skaara said." Jack loosened his hold on Daniel. "He came to us and told us when we tried to go back." He stroked Daniel's hair. "I thought you were really dead then." He hugged Daniel back to his chest. "I thought I'd lost you for good."
Tears made their way unbidden and uncontrolled to his eyes. "They're gone, Sha'uri told me. She said there was nothing there for me anymore, and to never come back."
"If she did, Danny, it was to protect you. Sha'uri would never do anything to hurt you...she loved you." Jack's voice broke and his own tears came then. "She probably wanted you to be safe, not to try to go back to someplace that wasn't there anymore."
"But...where will I go?" Daniel looked up at him, "I don't have any place to go."
Jack looked at him in anguish. "Danny, you don't have to go anywhere. Stay here with me. Please, stay with me."
Daniel knew that it wouldn't work, that he would do something wrong, that he was afraid of losing Jack, too. "I can't."
"Why?"
Daniel looked at his friend. For some reason, Jack looked devastated. He pulled back out of the older man's arms. "I can't, Jack. Something will happen. I'll screw it up."
"What? How can you do that?" O'Neill shook his head. "I don't understand, what will happen?"
"I can't stay with you, Jack." He took a deep breath, then said it. "Jack, I can't stay with you because...I love you...and it's not allowed." Daniel looked away. "I know that you... we can't. That you don't love me like that. I'll do something stupid, and you'll hate me for it."
"What?" Jack looked at him dumbfounded.
"I'm sorry, Jack. I'll..." He shook his head. "l started remembering things, and they didn't make any sense." Daniel pulled back, out of Jack's arms. "l don't know what to do anymore."
"First, let me clear something up for you." Jack pulled him close again, and tucked him under his chin. When he spoke, his voice was rough with tears. "Danny, I love you. I've loved you for years. When you left I didn't know what to do...how to act, where to go. But I kept on going, I didn't know why at the time, but I did." He took a moment to kiss the soft brown hair. "When Ball had me, I just about died, but you came for me. You kept me sane, you kept me alive. Then I saw you in the elevator...and I knew there was a reason for it." He laughed harshly. "Do you know, no one ever doubted that I'd seen you? Even George, just, oh, Doctor Jackson said so then it must be true. Then I lost you again, you were just gone." Jack hugged him closer, held him harder. "God, I was so afraid that you'd really died then, but we had the tablet...so I kept hoping, praying you'd be back...and, we found you...again. But you didn't know me, us, you were so lost. I couldn't just walk up and say, oh, by the way, You and me, hey, we're lovers." Jack shook his head and looked down at Daniel's unbelieving face. "You needed time; I owed you that...time to remember on your own. So, here we are. All alone. Tell me what you want, please, just tell me. I promise. If you want me to back off, I will." He stroked the beard-roughened cheek with a tentative hand. "Just, don't leave me, Danny. I only want to be near you, to see you. Don't leave me alone."
Daniel was lying against Jack, feeling his heart beat beneath him. It was too good to be true, too unbelievable. Jack O'Neill loved him. Him! Geek, four eyes, klutz, Daniel Jackson.
Jack...loved...him! "But, the rules...Jack, the rules say..."
"The rules? Fuck the rules! Since when did I pay attention to the rules...Danny, I love you, have for two years now." The older man shook his head. "You're more important that any damned rules."
"But..."
"Look, Danny, I know this is kind of a shock." Jack released him and pushed him back down into the bed. "Let's just let it all settle, okay." He stroked the younger man's face, ran his fingers through the tousled hair. "Just sleep, it's only two AM. We can talk about it in the morning." Jack made as if to get up.
Daniel grabbed his hand. "Don't go, Jack, please." He looked pleadingly up at the older man.
Jack looked down at him for a moment. "Okay, shove over."
Daniel scooted over against the wall. Jack slipped into the small bed, crowding his cold body up against Daniel's warm one. They lay side by side, looking at each other in the moonlight. The older man pulled the sheet up over his love's shoulder. The younger man shyly wrapped his arm around the others waist.
"Night, Danny."
"Good night, Jack."