Chapter Text
You sat down in the mess hall to eat your evening meal. It's been months since you’ve interacted with the Batch seeing as how they defected from the Empire…and you didn’t. Well, most of them anyway. You still saw Crosshair here and there when he wasn’t off on some mission. You spent time with him and ate with him when he was on base but otherwise, you ate your meals alone. It didn’t start out that way. You ate with your friends, like in the days of the Republic. You enjoyed each other’s company and found a reason to laugh and smile even if there was a war on. But the longer you worked with the Empire, the fewer your friends got. They either moved away, were killed…or went AWOL. The new people who came in…you didn’t share quite the same ideologies. They never served in the Clone War so they didn’t share your appreciation of the clones…also, your passionate service of helping people wasn’t shared. Most of these new officers were more about making their lives powerful than helping people, like you were.
At first, you didn’t understand why the Batch ran away. You always wished you could have asked them their reasons. Why couldn’t they just fight for the Empire? It was making the galaxy better. The Republic just evolved. That’s all. Same job, different uniform.
That’s what you thought at first.
The longer you stayed, the more you realized just how wrong you were.
The Empire was hurting people. Not helping. You sighed and picked at your food.
If only you could have asked them. Asked him. Maybe you wouldn’t still be there, fighting for a cause you didn’t believe in or sign up for. Maybe you could be with them. With him .
The resident genius must have seen coming what you didn’t. You always did like listening to Tech talk. You saw now they were smart to get out while they still could. You wished you would have gone with them or met up with them or something. You were sure if Tech would have explained it to you, you would have understood and even agreed all that time ago. Tech always had evidence for what he thought. Never whims with him. His decisions were always well thought out and backed up. You trusted him completely.
Oh why couldn’t you have trusted him that one last time without evidence?
You sighed again and grumbled at the same time. The picking at your food got a little more aggressive the more you thought. You felt yourself grow warm with agitation toward yourself but you couldn’t help the spiral of thoughts. They just kept coming.
You worked with the Bad Batch on many missions and became really good friends with all of them. What you shared with Tech, well, that was a little more complicated. Being an intelligence officer, you spoke more to him. First for work…then because you enjoyed it. You really wanted to believe he did too, seeing as he sought you out for your opinion on things, even if they were trivial, but you didn’t know for sure so you just took the friendship for what it was, not wanting to touch or ruin it. The longer you knew him, the more you denied how you increasingly began to feel, convinced he didn’t feel the same; but when news of the Batch’s death on Kamino reached you…You finally came clean with yourself and admitted what you wouldn’t before. You loved him.
Realizing you loved him, and that he was now gone with his wonderful brothers, your friends…was crippling. You cried yourself to sleep for a long time wishing that you had told him how you felt, that maybe the information was wrong, that maybe they could somehow be alive still. You saw the video of the destruction though. No one could have survived that. He died, never knowing your secret and now you were burdened with regret and the might have beens.
When Crosshair was saved, you visited him in the hospital every day, just grateful to have one of them back. One particularly tough day where everything went wrong, you couldn’t help but to miss Tech even more. He always knew what to do when you were in a jam or how to make you feel better—not because he was great with emotions but because he knew the real you. Your emotions bubbled to the surface. Not being able to share your grief with anyone for so long made your chest feel like lead.
“So what’s wrong?” Crosshair had asked. You had been sitting there with a grumpy look on your face and not saying hardly anything. You usually did most of the talking when visiting him. Being mostly silent, Crosshair knew something was up (as if the sour look on your face wasn’t an indication already.)
You looked around cautiously, not wanting anyone to hear you say you wished you were with a group of men once wanted by the Empire. It was treasonous to be sure.
You were sad, angry, depressed and annoyed. At yourself, the galaxy, the Batch, the Empire…You wanted to tell everything to Crosshair but you didn’t know how much you could trust him. Thinking you couldn’t just spill everything like the old days hurt you, but every day in the Empire taught you to be more and more cautious. How much did Crosshair believe in the Empire, you wondered? Cross was still Cross but he was … different. Sadder? Angrier? You couldn’t put your finger on it exactly. If you got more time with him, you were sure you could figure it out. But you didn’t, so trust was fragile, and oh how you hated that. Maybe he was more along your line of thinking than you thought…but you couldn’t know for sure unless you had more data. After all, he could have escaped the Empire and left with his brothers if he had wanted. But he had chosen the Empire after all…
You hesitated. Instead, you turned pink and only told Crosshair about your feelings for Tech (and nothing else) he merely rolled his eyes.
“‘Bout time one of you finally admitted it to yourselves. It was so obvious.”
You chuckled sadly. “Doesn’t matter much now, does it.” You look away all pink faced and blue mood. “They’re all dead.”
Crosshair’s playfulness disappeared and was replaced with a deep soberness. It was Crosshair’s turn to look both ways, and consider something before sharing it with you.
“He’s not dead.”
That one sentence changed everything.
“W-what do you mean…he’s not dead?!?”
Crosshair couldn’t quite look at you, and you didn’t know why. Perhaps he felt guilty for not realizing how the news of their deaths was affecting you and that they were related to the dark circles under your eyes. But you suspected there was more to it as well. You didn’t press him.
“It means he’s not dead. They made it off Kamino alive.”
Your mind reeled. Were you given a second chance?
“Just thought you should know.”
After you learned the true events of Kamino from Crosshair, you spent every spare moment looking for them. You used your advanced and massive skills to try to track them down. You had more knowledge about them than anyone else next to Crosshair and Cody. You tried to use that to your advantage.
At first you were full of energy and enthusiasm with your new found chance but now, sitting in the cafeteria surrounded in a sea of faceless, personalityless gray, you felt your energy waning. That day in the infirmary with Crosshair felt like ages ago and you were starting to give up. You didn’t want to give up, but right now, your heart couldn’t handle any more disappointment. Day after day of no results…who could blame you. You had to give them that though, at least they were well hidden and hopefully safe.
You stopped meddling with your unappetizing food and looked down at the gray uniform you wore on a daily basis. It was neat, tidy, impeccable, just how you liked things. In fact, some say it could have defined you. Back in the day, everyone always joked that you were so much like Crosshair because next to him, you would have been the neatest one in the squad (if you belonged with them). But it was so devoid of life. Somehow when the Batch wore gray, it was exciting. When you wore it, it felt meaningless. Your heart thudded a little harder, causing your chest to ache. If Wrecker was here, surely he’d slap you on the back like he always did. He’d cause you to throw your soup off balance and spill it on the spotless clothes. You’d scrunch up your face in false anger, complaining how long it’d take you to get the stain out and he’d laugh…
You got tired of your thinking and picked up your datapad, flipping through the channels for a distraction. You found yourself going through some unusual channels, ones the Empire didn’t approve of (you bypassed those codes so you could access any information you could—just one of many things Tech taught you) and ones you never really cared about. You also widened the range so you could gather information and watch things from all the Rims. You just hoped to come across something distracting enough to get your mind off this for a bit. Then you could start your search again with a fresh mind. You turned down the volume so you wouldn’t be detected or bothersome to the quickly filling cafeteria. No one came to your table in the corner yet. That suited you fine. You didn’t feel like being bothered.
One channel offered cooking. Not interesting enough for right now. Ring fights. You quickly turned that off. Riot racing…you almost switched the channel but your hand hovered for a minute, reluctantly curious. Might be interesting. When you served some time with General Skywalker, he mentioned pod-racing a few times and how fun it was. Maybe this was like that.
You set the datapad down, leaning it against your water capsule and propping it up with the tray and soon you were sucked into the world of racing. It was enthralling. Spellbound, you were glued to your screen and your chair, losing all interest in the happenings around you. The track was dangerous and unpredictable. The contestants even more so as it seemed anything could go in this game. You knew Safa Toma was sketchy. A lot of the Outer-Rim planets were dangerous this way. Not to mention all the behind the scenes gambling to add to the pressure. Your mind started turning wheels, thinking about the contestants and why they were racing.
You had to admit, you understood the attraction. You were having fun yourself watching the races, trying to predict the unpredictable, and rooting for a racer. Your eyes went wide and a smile started to form at the corners of your lips. This was just what you needed. You missed the first race but the recaps served you well. You were able to catch up in no time. TAY-O was a new racer but very keen. He won the first, but you watched him crash in the second. That was too bad. You sort of felt sorry for him even though he was a droid. Being double teamed was such a rude move! You decided you wanted to root for him in the next race.
There was a brief intermission, so you started to search details about the place and the racers and their sponsors for fun. Seeing as how this was live, it was pretty exciting. You shifted in your seat and put your legs up on the chair in front of you to get more comfortable. Then you relaxed against the wall. There were a few races left and your shift ended for the day. You could sit here all evening if you wanted to…
The announcements started for the new race which called your attention back to the games. You switched the screen back to the track. Your stomach rumbled and you realized you hadn’t touched your food in the first race. Somehow, it looked so much more appealing now than before. You eagerly rearranged your tray so it was closer. A stupid grin started to form on your face. This race was going to be good, you could just feel it!
“All right! Place your bets! Our racers are ready. Safa Toma’s Riot Champion, Jet Venim! Bosco, “the Mad Bomber” Brix….” The announcer’s voice boomed into the microphone, excitedly listing off the names.
Spooning your soup, you let your mind wander, having already read about all them during the break. You wondered if TAY-O would win again. His strategy seemed…flawed, you couldn’t help but notice. After all, he was nearly destroyed in the last race. No doubt this Cid person had him put back together. The animosity between TAY-O and Venim would be big this game. Something had to be between the gamblers themselves for those two racers. They singled out each other too much.
You reached for your cup of juice and brought it to your lips. You wanted to be fully attentive when the racing started. Then the announcer hit you with:
“And finally, Teeeeeeeeech!”
You nearly jumped out of your seat, spitting out your juice, dangerously close to tipping your soup and coughing as bad as General Grievous. Tears sprung to your eyes and adrenaline started to course through your veins.
Excuse me? What? It couldn’t be?! You wanted to squeal.
You grabbed your datapad and brought it close to your face so you wouldn’t miss a thing.
The crowd went silent, you noticed, and so did your heart. It seemed to have stopped.
“Tech? Anything else on this guy?” the announcer continued, “No? Guess he’s a late arrival. Is that his name? Tech? Just Tech?”
“Oh leave him alone!” You said out loud. Too loud. A few people looked over to you and you rolled your eyes, gluing them back to the screen. You didn’t even know if it was your Tech but the idea of anyone making fun of that name just bothered you. Tech is a brilliant name, you ignoramus. You growled and liked the announcer a little less. It had to be a coincidence. Tech could be short for a lot of things. Technically, technology, Techno… It couldn’t be…..
Then the screen panned to a man preparing his racer, looking up a little annoyed at the camera. There you saw the familiar goggled eyes, the helmet, and the unmistakable expression you knew so well…
There he was. The man you’d been searching for…
Tech.
Tech in a racer.
Tech in a racer on Safa Toma.
But why was he racing? Where were the others? What was going on? Why was he there, in a gambling pit and not even using an alias!?! Sure it was a backwater planet…could hide there…maybe he felt safe using his real name for that reason. You’d have to sort that out later.
“Okay, and here we go!”
You nearly stood from your seat as the racers went off but you forced yourself to stay down and you held your breath.
“Go get ‘em, Tech, you can do this.” you whispered to yourself.
It wasn’t lost on you that TAY-O was no longer racing, and Tech was in the same racer. Your heart started to beat faster the more the gravity started to pull on you. Tech was racing for a racer who was out. Was TAY-O beyond repair? Surely the team had time to fix him before the race. You noticed there was animosity between that Venim person and TAY-O…were you right about the people they were racing for… were they enemies? What had Tech gotten himself into…
“And they’re off!”
It was barely seconds into the race when one of the racers started firing on the others. Everyone was fighting for the lead…except Tech, who stayed in the back.
You’re last?!?! You’re losing! You can’t lose, Tech! You were afraid of the consequences if he didn’t win…yet, he did seem safer back there for now, letting the other racers fight it out and thin themselves a little. You knew Tech knew what he was doing so you decided to trust him. You had to. You always did before. And you had to admit, that was actually pretty strategic for a game like this.
Sure enough, the other racers were destroying each other—and you saw it all. Whenever you’d see Tech’s racer on the screen you’d get excited and nervous. You couldn’t tell if it was better to see him or not seeing him. Not seeing him, you knew he was safe, but seeing him…well, you got to see him and his genius flying but you couldn’t help but wonder if something bad was going to happen since they seemed to show every accident victim on the screen.
You started groaning when he was getting shot at.
His shields are overheating. If you’re not going to use your weapons, divert the power!
The next moment, he dropped all his weapons at the pit.
Your jaw dropped as well. Not what I meant, Tech. You need those!!!!
The camera stayed on the shocked faces of the race crew. You smiled when you recognized Wrecker, a small worrying feeling shot threw you not seeing the others …but there could be a million reasons why they weren’t there; they weren’t necessarily gone…like that. Maybe they went to get food? Hunter would probably die if he saw Tech doing this , you thought. You saw Wrecker shyly wave at the camera. Something warm bloomed in your chest and your throat started to tighten. You couldn’t help but to wave back, even though you knew he couldn’t see you. You smiled looking at him all flustered. Trust me, Wreck, I know the feeling. You chuckled.
Wrecker went from shy to concerned, plastered all over his face. A small, blond girl stood next to him, the same concern reflected on hers. It was interesting to see how deep her connection to Tech seemed to be. Her time on the screen was brief, but you couldn’t mistake the look on her face because you knew the feeling well.
You wondered who the kid was and how long she’d known them. Maybe she could help you find them. She might be easier to locate than them if she was involved in the races there. You took a quick screen image to study later.
“Looks like Tech has got a vaporization wish! And has removed all his weapons!”
“Oh shut up.” You mumbled.
You bit your lip, that bubble of anxiety starting to nest in your stomach again, but you immediately recognized why Tech did what he did.
His speed. He’s a lot faster now.
You watched as he zipped along the track. You could almost see the focus in his eyes. You knew it was there of course, from experience. You could picture what his face under his helmet was.
Lips drawn in determination and clamped shut, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
Your heart was thumping as fast as his speeder. He was catching up…
Then the two that wrecked TAY-O last race started to box Tech in.
Oh no. You knew what was coming…it was as if you were given a snippet of the future through the eyes of someone else. A sense of deja vu. You bit your lip harder. You vaguely tasted blood in your mouth and your lip swell. But it was all numb. Tears sprung up again and your breath hitched. An image of the accident flashing across your memory.
Please don’t get caught! Please don’t get caught!
You watched the two racers fire on Tech, closing in. They were lining up…he was losing his shields!
You wanted to scream but you had no air in your lungs.
You saw the razer leave the ship in front and your eyes went wide.
Tech! Your heart made one last agonizing plea as the next seconds went way too fast and way too slow.
You watched the ship behind Tech prepare the clamper. You wanted to look away but you couldn’t. If something happened to Tech, you had to know. Then, just as the ship reached out for Tech, Tech made his move. He swiftly turned out of the way and dropped back, letting the two plotters destroy themselves. At the last moment, he sped ahead and crossed the finish line.
“Aaaand the winner iiiiissssss! Teeeeeech!”
You watched as the crowd rallied and cheered Tech on, chanting his name over and over again. Tears filled your eyes again but they were good tears. Relief flooded your body and you didn’t realize how tight you were holding your datapad. Your fingers hurt from clutching it so hard, not to mention your jaw that had been clenched tight the whole race. You rubbed your cheeks to try to loosen the muscles stiff and sore.
Pride took root next. The smile from your mouth spread to your eyes. You were glad he was getting the attention he deserved. His skills deserved to be recognized.
He did the lazy salute you were always so fond of and the crowd went wild.
You crazy idiot. You chuckled to yourself and fell back against the wall, winded and exhausted as if you were racing yourself.
You sat there dazed. What had you just seen? Was this real? You had to get more information on the racers…who they were racing for…their backgrounds. That would lead you to him. You’d find him. You were so close now, you could taste it! You’d have to get a replay of the race, just in case there were clues you missed. You were sure you could find it. You were still salty he used his own name and was on the holoshow, ruining his cover but as long as this didn’t exist in Empire data, he’d be safe. You’d make sure of that. Maybe you could…
Your train of thought was interrupted by a TK-trooper, who seated himself at your table.
“What’s got you all smiling pretty, hey there gorgeous?”
You smiled the brightest smile you could. “My man was just making me proud.” You waved your datapad, careful not to show the screen.
He got the idea and got up. “Uh, I think I forgot something.”
There ya go. Then a thought hit you. What if he liked someone else? You could easily see someone with more confidence than yourself flirting with him. He was an amazing guy…and now that he was a racing hero as well…you sighed. One thing at a time.
But now you had hope, hope you could see him again and finally tell him how you felt, how you didn’t want to leave him again, how you would help him survive against the Empire and fight against it if it came to that. Being by his side again in the field would be enough for you even if your other hopes weren’t realized.
You couldn’t stop smiling. You couldn’t believe it. You’d found him.
The world around you kept moving. Trays clanked against tables, people’s talk kept getting louder, troopers were moving too and fro, coming in after their shifts to finish the day with a tasteless meal and the nightshifters rushing in to get their fill before reporting to their posts.
All of them living unaware of the adventure you just had in the same cafeteria. A few minutes which could change the course of your life. That made the last few months worthwhile. So you continued sitting there, unmoving in the churning rainbow of white, gray and black.
But now what? So much information was still missing…you could deal with that. After all, hope had been restored. Anything was possible now. Your head buzzed. You now had a lead and you wanted to follow it…
“Food’s going to get cold if you keep staring.” a familiar, snakelike voice said, not unfriendly. You’d know the jest in that voice anywhere.
“Hey Crosshair!”
“What’s got you smiling all pretty and in a daydream?”
You opened your mouth to say more but stopped.
You wanted to tell him. You wanted to tell him so bad. You wanted to see him proud of his brother. After all, he did have a right to know he was safe, right? But was it a good idea? Perhaps…Tech would be safer if you didn’t. If you kept this to yourself. If you just snuck away and found him…You didn’t know what to do. Crosshair did stay loyal to the Empire. He returned instead of leaving with his brothers. Yet he lied for their safety.
You heard a slight cough and looked up. Crosshair had one eyebrow raised curiously, almost teasingly.
“So?”
You realized you hadn’t answered. He was still waiting for a response.
So you had to give him one.
Trust or not to trust. That was the question.