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The room was more generous than she had expected.
A double bed lay square in the center, swaddled in a white sheet that smelt slightly of smoke. A few shelves jittered out of the steel walls, holding only a thin layer of dust and a single coffee cup. There was a dresser wedged between wall and bed, and a metallic chair in the corner, but otherwise the room was barren of furniture. Still, with the prisons and camps Rose and the Doctor tended to sleep in when outside the TARDIS, clean bedding seemed like a four-star hotel.
Rose swallowed hard as the Doctor clicked the door shut. They’d each been thrown loosely fitting sleep wear and given ample time in the base’s restrooms to change. Again, Rose thought, compared to the usual overnight stays the service here was lovely. Save for the blackhole above them, of course.
Rose slowly inched towards the bed. For all of a second, she considered finding one of the ship’s crew and asking for a separate room, but she knew it would be pointless. Even if they had a room to spare, there was no way the Doctor was leaving her sights tonight, despite how claustrophobic the sleeping arrangements had started to feel. Besides, they’d shared a bed plenty of times before.
Rose swallowed. Tonight was different.
The mattress groaned as Rose sat, her back bumping against the wall. She half-expected the Doctor to join her, though she had no clue what she was supposed to say. I’m sorry our home is gone? No, too subtle, too emotionless. We’ll figure something out? Too optimistic, she doubted she had it in her. It’s not your fault we’re stuck here, and I don’t blame you? Perfect, but he wouldn’t believe her.
The Doctor started to pace.
It took him three steps to fully cross the room. Step, step, step, stop, turn, deep breath, then cross again. Rose couldn't bring herself to watch him, instead she stared down at her own hands.
She was shaking.
Rose scooted her palms underneath her, praying that the trembling will stop. The worst part was the echo- she could still feel the ghost of the TARDIS, like it was a fly buzzing just out of sight. The Doctor told her that after Bad Wolf she was more connected to his ship than most humans, and it was moments like this that proved it. Rose tilted her head back, feeling the cool metal of the wall and praying it would block out a headache.
Step, step, step.
She refused to think about mum. About poor Jackie Tyler, who would be sitting at home, convinced that they’d only miss their monthly visit by a few hours. At worse, days. She’d have set out mugs an hour early, cleared out her washing to make space for the dirty clothing Rose was sure to bring, and purchased the banana bread the Doctor loved. She’d be telling all of her neighbors about them: the travelling duo that brought her back riches from other lands.
Step, step, step.
She had to stop thinking about her.
Step, step, step.
Finally, she looked to her Doctor. His hair stuck up on a strange angle, and his hands were a messy knot by his stomach. There was a blank look on his face- Rose knew it well. It meant his mind was wiring with a plan, usually involving a lot of running. Today, though, it made him look like the neighbor's kids she used to babysit. Lost, scared, and in need of a hug.
Step, step, step.
“Doctor,” she finally blurted.
The time-lord skidded to a halt, and looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. In the, what, three years they’d been travelling together, Rose had become a bit of an expert on his face. Once you knew the Doctor, she’d discovered, his face was the easiest language in the universe to read. All she saw behind the confusion was unbridled, furious panic. It made her throat close over.
“C’mere,” She murmured, dropping his gaze and patting the bed next to her.
“Rose-”
“Please?” She half whispered. It was unfair, because Rose knew about the sway she had over him. She hadn’t realized until they went to the parallel universe: all she had to do was wiggle her eyebrows and pout a little to convince him to chase after Pete Tyler. Tonight, however, she’d use her unique power for good.
Step, step, step. The Doctor slowly sat on the edge of the bed, before flicking his legs over and mimicking her position. The space between them suddenly felt like a crater, and in a desperate bid to hold onto him, Rose grabbed his hand like it was a lifeline.
This was all common place. Before the parallel world, they’d often shared a bed whenever caught out of the TARDIS, or worse, when the nightmares were too bad to be alone. But sometime after Micky leaving (Rose felt a pang in her heart), the weekly affair had become almost nightly. Sleep meant a single bed, and if the Doctor was to do it, Rose was to be there. Rose almost laughed- they had even claimed their own sides, almost completely unconsciously.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Rose finally asked.
The Doctor offered her a tight smile. “Nah, I’m all good. Honest. Just figuring out what our next move is gonna be. Shouldn’t take long.”
Rose licked her lips. She knew this game- when the Doctor’s old walls built up again and she was desperately left on the outside. But not tonight. They were both scared out of their minds, and she’d be loathed if they were alone together.
“Look,” Rose said carefully. “I know- I know she was only a little inside of my head. But even I can feel how much it hurts to be separated from the TARDIS.”
The Doctor’s eyes widened. “Rose, are you-”
“M’ fine. But you’re not. I know I’m no expert in timelords, but I am, well, here. And if you want me- if you want to talk to me,” Rose quickly corrected, “I’m not going anywhere.”
The Doctor looked down at their hands, and slowly started to massage her wrist with his thumb. Rose had an age-old urge to run her hands through his hair, and bit down on it. Stupid human feelings.
“I don’t have a plan, Rose,” The Doctor finally murmured, and it sounded like a confession. “For getting us out of here, I mean. Nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. Thought I’d have thought of something by now, pretty good at the last-minute ideas, me. But I’m empty.”
“We’ll think of something.”
“Yeah?” The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”
“I don’t know,” Rose floundered, suddenly reminded of their conversation earlier. He’d seemed so panicked at the idea of normality; it made her heart ache. “I don’t know. But we will think of something. Stuff of legends, we are. We’ve made it out of worse.”
“Ha,” The Doctor bit. “Really know how to treat a girl, don’t I? Nine-hundred years of time and space and you’d think I’d know a better vacation spot than underneath a black hole.”
Rose almost shivered at the mention of black holes. “Well, our first date was watching my planet blow up, so…”
“Hey, I brought you chips!”
“Which I paid for.”
The Doctor nudged her shoulder with his. “Spoilt.”
Rose nudged back. Somewhere between their bumping, her head ended up on his shoulder, and his face half turned into her hair. The warmth from his cloth-laden arm seeped into her side, a worthy contender for the rooms otherwise cold chill. The Doctor let out a long sigh, and Rose waited.
“She was the only other thing left from Galifrey,” The Doctor half whispered. “Relics, me and her. I thought I could take care of the last bit of the Timelords, but I suppose I destroyed that too. She trusted me, Rose. It took her ages to, but she trusted me, and I cared about her. She was… she.. was…”
“Home?”
The Doctor barked a stiff laugh, “I suppose I’ve become good at destroying my homes.”
Rose pushed herself closer, half laying on her side. “You didn’t destroy her, Doctor.”
“I brought-”
“She came willingly. We both did. None of this- none of it- is your fault. I’m just,” Rose sighed into his neck. “M’ sorry. I know how much you meant to each other.”
“You do, don’t you,” The Doctor turned his head, and laid a kiss on her hair. Then another. Rose’s heartbeat increased, and she firmly pushed down and inappropriate thoughts- something that became expediently hard when the Doctor nuzzled her forehead. “Thank you.”
“Don’t. I didn’t do anything.”
“Yeah, you did,” The Doctor pulled back enough to catch her eye, and frowned. “Your exhausted. Cmon, sleep time.”
Rose shimmied down the bed and the Doctor collapsed along with her, flipping onto his back. His arm went straight to her waist, pressing at her spine until she was snuggled into his side- their preferred position for nightly cuddles. His other arm looped underneath her head as a solid barrier against the itchy pillows. Rose instinctively flattened a palm against his chest, finding a purchase for her head underneath his chin.
If anyone walked in on them now, Rose was sure they’d think they were shagging. It wasn’t like she didn’t think about it (a lot, if she was being entirely honest). But the sort of desperate night-hugs weren’t anything sexual. Just intimate. The Doctors breath fanned against her head, and she swore his double heartbeats sped up a little as she exhaled, though it may have been wishful thinking.
“Talk to me,” he said softly.
Rose blinked against his neck, watching the smallest patch of gooseflesh rise. “What?”
The Doctor nudged a foot between her legs, and Rose complied. After a few seconds their limbs were a tangled knot. “Your voice is soothing. Talk to me, please?”
Heat brushed Rose’s cheeks, which was stupid, because out of anything that could excite her about their current position the Doctor complimenting her voice was the least of her worries. “Bout what?”
The Doctor lifted a bit of her hair with the hand underneath her head. She could almost hear him silently inspect it, running the strands through his fingers like a seamstress judging their craftsmanship. “About what we’ll do when we’ve found a planet. Tell me about it.”
Rose swallowed. Hard. He said it so nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t been asking him to live with her not hours ago. She was sure it would become one of those things they’d forget, because it toed the precious line between best-mates and something more. Forgotten, like the Game Station, or Rome, or their nightly cuddles. Rose gritted her teeth- she was underneath a black hole, miles away from her home. If she could brave that, she could brave talking to her Doctor.
“We… we have an old house.”
“Old?” The Doctor queried.
“Yeah. Very old. Like those ones you’d seen on vintage shows. Very big bricks and steel gates, that sort of thing. Preferably in the middle of nowhere, because I know you like your space, but close enough to a little town so I’ve got somewhere to shop,” Rose moved her hand to his waist, and started to fiddle with the cotton shirt. “It’d have a huge library too.”
“And a tearoom.”
Rose furrowed her brows. “Like the ones in Downton Abbey or a room full of tea?”
“Both,” He replied. Rose’s lips twitched, as did his. A way to forget, Rose decided. That’s what he needed. A way for them both to forget.
“You’d be a teacher,” Rose added after a moment. “Or maybe a professor at a uni. Something where you get to talk a lot, cos we both know you’ve got a thing for you own voice.”
“Oi!” The Doctor mockingly pinched her side, then added, “You’d help people. Maybe we find a planet with a revolution or something for you to lead, or a king to overthrow. You’d be right at the front of the action, defending the world and all that.”
“I think that’s a very generous judge of my character,” Rose murmured, stretching out her fingers so she could feel both his hearts flutter.
“S’ accurate,” The Doctor replied warmly to the top of her head. “We’d have dark blue carpets, the sort that you can properly burry your feet in like their worms,” The Doctor flailed his toes for emphasis.
Rose actually giggled, and the Doctor drummed his fingers against her waist. “I’d love to live near a pond. That way we’d have somewhere to cool of when it’s hot,” She replied dreamily.
“A poker table, that way I could finally teach you how to play.”
“One of them really fancy closets that are so big you can stand inside.”
“A room just for Shakespeare novels.”
“Course, we’d have to have a chippy just down the road.”
“Oh! Can we have a car? I used to have a car, a big yellow one,” Rose stifled a laugh, and the Doctor pulled back his head to send her a mocking glare. “Don’t judge the car, Rose Tyler. Yellow is a fantastic colour, very close to gold, which is the colour of that money you humans like so much.”
“Hmm. Okay, we can have a yellow car,” Rose paused, and found his eyes. “Only if you let me have a cat.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Rose.”
“Doctor.”
“Cats have tried to kill us. We’re not getting a cat.”
“Only three cats tried to kill us. We’ve been poisoned more than that, yet you still stick your fingers everywhere.”
The Doctor seemed to still, then shuffled onto his side and took Rose with him, practically looming over her. A mischievous glint landed in his eyes. “We can have a cat if I can have a horse.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Doctor.”
“Rose.”
Rose let out a sigh as the Doctor smirked, triumphant. Apparently, her sway on him wasn’t enough to earn a fluffy pet. “Fine. But a pretty horse- like the one out of black beauty.”
“Course!” The Doctor wrinkled his nose, and touched the back of her head, urging her to find his neck again. Rose paused, building up a little more nerve, until she gently used the hand on his back to encourage him closer. To her surprise, the Doctor obeyed, and after a second of shuffling found a perch between her legs, blanketing her completely. Enwoven, closer than the fibers of their blanket. Warmth blossomed from his mouth hovering just over her neckline.
Best-mates, Rose reminded herself in a sing-song voice. Best-mates who just so happen to sleep in the same bed and didn’t understand personal space. Very, very close friends.
“You know, I recon Jackie would actually approve of me if I told her I have my license, not just for horse riding either,” The Doctor continued, twisting his head so that it was snuggled next to hers.
Jackie.
As the Doctor started to ramble, something about driving tests back in the 80’s, Rose felt the same prickliness building in her throat. Jackie sitting alone in her flat. Inviting Rose’s friends over: Shareen, Kirste, their various boyfriends. Each of them swapping stories about where they’d seen Rose last. Assuming she’d just missed their catch-up window. Shareen’s disappointed face- she’d promised they’d go clubbing, but Rose is obviously busy, and Rose clearly has more important things to be doing. Rose has outgrown her- so smart, up there in the stars. Very capable. Rose will come home soon.
How long would they wait? Weeks? Months? Years?
How many days before you realize: you’re loved ones aren’t coming back?
“Rose?” The Doctor suddenly asked. The blonde realized her eyes had betrayed her, and that a fat, wet, tear was sneaking down her cheek. She went to grab it, but they were such a mess of limbs that she could reach her hand up.
The Doctor pulled himself upright, his forearms coming to rest on the side of her head, accidently pushing their hips together. If it didn’t look like they were shagging before, Rose considered instead of meeting the Doctors eyes, it certainly did now.
She was meant to be strong. She was meant to be powerful. She was the Bad Wolf, not some scared little girl missing her planet.
A soft, warm thing touched the space between her eyes and hairline, and Rose quickly realized it was the Doctor. Using his own forehead, he carefully nudged her head back, until they were eye-level. This close, Rose could see the universe that was the freckles across his face, and the slight yellow ring in his iris. She tried to focus on that, instead of his intense expression, and the tears etched morbidly onto her cheeks.
“Rose,” The Doctor whispered, raising a hand to ghost along her tear-track. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“Stop,” Rose said. “It’s fine. Honest. I’m just… I’m just…”
“I know. I’m here.” The Doctor nodded, somehow shuffling closer. Rose wasn’t sure what she should ignore: the feeling of grief fluttering around her chest, or the sharp angle of the Doctor’s hipbones against her own.
“Mickey did this,” Rose suddenly said, the words surprising her. “Left everything behind, I mean. Locked himself out of Earth and all that. I always thought he was just being stupid and running away from everything, which is awful, I know. But he was so much braver than I thought. Leaving it all, leaving them all-”
“Yeah, but Micky had a choice,” The doctor murmured, his head rubbing against hers. “And I’m beyond sorry Rose, but you don’t.”
“I know. Doctor?”
“Yeah?”
“M’ scared.”
The Doctor leant back just enough to fit his lips against the bridge of her nose. “I know. Rose?”
“Yeah?”
“I am too.”
“I know,” She whispered as his forehead found hers again.
Suddenly the space between their mouths seemed so stupidly large, that it only made sense to inch a little closer.
Just a little.
If you asked her later who had moved first, Rose wouldn’t be able to tell you. One moment they were staring at each other, the next their mouths were softly fitted together- barely a kiss, more of a caress. His lips were warm and gentle, and tasted of something metallic and distinctly him. They moved like they had all of the time in the world, and Rose responded in kind, her hand coming up to fiddle with his gorgeous hair. In those few seconds, everything was golden and perfect, as soft as the man’s lips as they slid over her own.
One kiss turned to two. When his tongue traced her bottom lip, it only made sense to open her mouth a little- truly, the only polite way to respond. The sharp intact of breath from the Doctor told her that he agreed. Their tongues met nervously with the softest caresses, the kiss featherlight despite how smushed their faces were. The smallest noise whimpered out of his mouth when her teeth scrapped his bottom lip.
Were his hips moving? Hers certainly were. Legs tangled together, something electric lit when his hand tugged gently in her hair, his nails scraping the back of her scalp. That was kiss number three. She let out a high whine as his nose gently nudged hers and his hips grinded down in just the right spot-
They both seemed to come into consciousness at the same time.
And then they were pulling back. Rose’s face was flushed with blush and panic. Lines, she recalled, they had for a reason. Suddenly the lack of space between their bodies, entwined like a particularly strong rope, was less of a comfort and more of a question. Lines. They had to have them, because they were Rose and the Doctor, stuff of legends, stuck on different timelines. Too stubborn to let go, too afraid to bring closer.
“Right,” Rose said loudly, because whatever was going to come out of the Doctor’s mouth wasn’t something she wanted to hear right now.
“Yes,” The Doctor replied. Rose finally met his eyes, to find something emotional just flickering away, something she’d caught him staring at her with once or twice now. Nothing, she reminded herself. Nothing, because anything would be crossing the lines. “Right.”
He seemed to catch himself then, hovered above her as he was. Slowly, he rolled back onto his side, but their firmly entangled legs brought Rose along for the ride. She scrambled to find purchase, eventually seeking out his waist, where the cotton had ridden up enough to show the briefest expanse of skin.
“I’m sorry I-”
“Rose I-”
They both closed their mouths. Paused. Then opened them again.
“Doctor-”
“I didn’t mean to-”
This time it ended in laughter. The Doctor’s arms naturally engulfed her- one for her waist, the other around her shoulders. His chin rested favorably on her head as Rose squeezed his side. He made a humming sound, like the cats he hated so much. Forget, Rose reminded herself. They were good at forgetting. The Game Station, Rome, nightly cuddles, and kisses underneath a black hole. Forget, forget, forget, forget.
“M’ tired,” Rose said. Blame it on sleep. She could do that.
“Get some sleep, Rose,” The Doctor finally whispered.
“I can stay awake for a bit, if you want,” Rose offered, although tiredness was already tugging at her.
“Nah,” The Doctor said. “Still need to think of a plan, remember? Can’t do that with a Rose Tyler talking off my ear.”
“Oi! Thought you liked my voice.”
The Doctor’s reply was a gravely whisper, “Oh, I love your voice.”
Silence.
“You know,” The Doctor quickly added, and Rose swore his heartbeat increased. “Compared to other things. Like, like cybermen. Much nicer voice than a cyberman. Not that you sound anything like a cyberman, mind you. I mean-”
Rose patted his side, “Digging quite the hole there, mate.”
“Mate! Yes, good,” The Doctor made a popping sound with his mouth, clearly unsure of what to do with it. “You’re my best mate, Rose. You know that, right? Bestiest best.”
Silence.
“Sleep,” Rose finally agreed. “Sleep sounds good.”
“Nothing quite like it,” The Doctor yawned into her hair, and the warmth air made her toes twitch.
“Right. Goodnight, Doctor.”
“Goodnight my Rose,” The Doctor sighed instantly. “Not my- I’m really not doing very well here, am I?”
“Not in the slightest my bestiest best mate,” Rose buried her face in further. On the plus side, it had been a full few minutes since she thought about Jackie, or since he mentioned the TARDIS, so maybe they did well after all.
“Rose?” The Doctor asked after a heartbeat.
“What?”
“Still scared?” His voice was a slight murmur. Rose could almost hear all nine-hundred years of time and space behind it.
“Yeah,” Rose finally admitted. “You?”
“Yes.”
“We’re gonna stick together, right?” Rose asked softly. “You won’t… you won’t…”
“Rose Marion Tyler,” The Doctor whispered fiercely. “I will never leave you. Never. Doesn’t matter if it’s a blackhole or a mortgage. We’re stuck together.”
Rose swallowed hard, and in spite of their bestiest-best-mate status, placed a final kiss to the spot between his collarbones, before nuzzling into his neck. Her mum, her friends, those were tomorrow’s problems, waiting just outside the door. Instead, Rose focused on the steady drumming of the Doctors hearts, and let it carry her to sleep.
She dreamed of an old house, a bright yellow car, and a strange couple with stars in their eyes. And, of course, a ginger cat.