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- I want to clarify this outright – it is just sex, right? We aren’t in a relationship, we’re more like.. friends, whose level of relationship is somewhere between “let’s have a beer tomorrow” and “I want you to fuck me, right here and now”. They’re not fuck buddies, that’ll be too lame. They aren’t a lovers too, for sure, as love not only makes you feel different, but usually changes something in your head. When it happened for the first time, nothing has changed. As hasn’t it for the second one and even the eighth time. But it definitely felt wrong for him – he didn’t know exactly, why – was it because of a risk of becoming emotionally dependent or that look Wrench was giving him every time after.. oh, Christ, that’s so pathetic. It was hope. He tried to convince himself, it’s anything, but the fucking hope ‘till and he was too uncomfortable to talk properly about it.
How long has this been going on? About a year, maybe even more. The first time happened after 6 months since they've met – in a car, being drunk enough not to feel guilty about anything they said or did, they were kissing and blushing, like fucking schoolboys. And then he had the best sex in his life. Not that he could complain about the insufficient number of sexual partners, but that time was truly memorable. They both tried to avoid that memory, assuming it was a simple drunk sex, that doesn’t leave any memories about itself, however, both of them also realized, it wasn’t just a one-time thing.
When it happened a second time, he caught himself feeling absolutely happy. He was unsure about what did Wrench feel at that moment and it was scary.
He suddenly realized he feels tactile hunger more and more often. That frightened and annoyed him at the same time. Perhaps he always felt it, but without Wrench his life was more.. simple, he thought. Before they met, he knew shamefully little about himself. No self-knowledge, no wasting time, no problem. And now he felt as if he loses control of himself. He was angry when waking up, he found himself snuggled close to his partner, he was pulling himself, if noticed, that he stares at Wrench too often, he was trying to persuade himself that it's just a period and that it’s only like this because he hadn’t allowed anyone to get closer than a few meters for a very long time, it was just .. yes, it was always so easy, compared to the shit that's happening now.
And now he decided to ask this question. Wrench looked at him, as if unable to believe what he had just seen.
- Yes or no?
Wrench narrowed his eyes. Does he have the same doubts or simply doesn’t want to upset him?
- Yes or no?
- I'm not going to answer your question. It’s insulting.
- I just need clarity.
Wrench, to be honest, was far more surprised than upset, when Numbers asked him this question - it was so unlike him to bother about such things.
- It’s up to you. I will take any decision you’ll make.
Numbers sighed in exasperation.
- It is necessary to set boundaries. This complicates our work. It is generally complicates everything.
- Since this is such a problem, make yourself a reminder – a tattoo or any shit you’d like, preferably on the forehead or else on any conspicuous place of your body. Just to make sure, that, when you come to me and tell me you want to fuck, I’ll point at it, so we both can be sure, we have clarity and fucking boundaries. - snapped Wrench.
When on the next evening Numbers returned with a tattoo, Wrench wasn’t quite surprised.
- Why not on the forehead?
- I was thinking a lot recently and found out, it was you, who started this relationship.
- Are we seriously going to find out, who initiated the first kiss? And wait a minute, did you just called our ‘just sex’ a relationship? Numbers, is that really you?
- This is a reminder to YOU for the next time, when you’ll be staring at me like you usually love to do with that fucking hope in your eyes. A reminder that there are boundaries that cannot be crossed.
Wrench lowered his head. Why the hell are they even still discussing it.
Looking up, he saw Numbers’s still waiting for him to continue.
- If you get killed, I will not be bothered. Is that what you want to hear? – Wrench asked irritably
- I just wan..
- No one has feelings to anyone and everything is simple and easy. Is that what you need?
- Maybe.
- Then, man, we're in deep shit, because I personally feel as a fucking schoolgirl who discovered the miracle of love and now is gripping of the desire to write about their feelings in the diary.
Numbers froze, trying to figure out if Wrench is joking or did he actually said he loves him. Finally, he chuckled.
- What’s more shitty is that I actually feel the same.
- Then, why the hell did you bring this up? Stop stepping on your own throat.
- I would like you to get off it too.
- And what about your ‘boundaries’? – asked Wrench after a pause.
- They’ll stay – shrugged Numbers. - But only for you, I’ll try to extend them.
Wrench couldn’t help but smile.