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Over the last ten months, Eric has gotten used to his time alone with Leia. He watches her by himself in the evenings most weeknights so that Donna can go to her writing workshops, and throughout the day, when Leia doesn’t need both of them, they split responsibilities evenly. Right now, Eric is flipping through the TV channels , when Leia suddenly wakes up from her late afternoon nap, screaming at the top of her lungs. Poor baby has been cutting two new teeth, so Eric assumes her gums must be bothering her. Once he makes his way into her room, Eric scoops Leia up into his arms.
“Shhh, it’s okay, let’s go get you a teething ring from the fridge, huh? That’ll make you feel better.” He says, kissing the top of Leia’s head.
Once he hands Leia the teething ring, she immediately sticks it in her mouth, instantly calming down.
“There, that’s much better, isn’t it? You poor thing, it’s hard work cutting teeth, huh?”
After a few moments, Leia curls up into Eric’s arms “Oh, you want to snuggle? That’s so sweet.” Eric coos, kissing her forehead.
Leia sleeps in his arms for about forty-five minutes before she wakes up, incredibly fussy
“What’s wrong, my little buddy? What’s got you so worked up?” He asks, bouncing her gently because it usually gets her to stop crying. When he goes to kiss her forehead, he realizes how warm she is.
“Oh no, you’re really warm. No wonder you’re so fussy.” He says, and then he’s fumbling for the baby thermometer, struggling to get it under Leia’s little arm as she squirms and screams “I’m so sorry, baby girl, just give me a couple seconds and then I’ll be done, okay, I promise.”
Leia eventually settles in Eric’s arms, long enough for him to hold the thermometer, and when it beeps, he looks at the reading and sighs “A hundred point five, shit.” He says. Now trying to comfort a crying Leia and simultaneously fix her a bottle so he can give her the baby Tylenol.
When he’s finished making the bottle, Leia is screaming again.
“Shhhh, shhh, I know you’re miserable, but you’ve gotta take the bottle, Sweetheart, it’s got your medicine in it.”
It takes a lot of coaxing but Leia eventually takes the bottle, and Eric smiles, relieved. “There we go, oh you’re so big.”
He watches as her eyes get droopy, and she eventually falls asleep again. Unable to let himself relax he counts the rises and falls of her chest. Still a nervous wreck, he picks up the phone and dials his parents’ house, praying his mom picks up. When she does, all Eric can do is sigh from relief. His mother must pick up on this because the first thing Kitty says “Eric, Honey, what’s wrong? You never call during the week.”
“Hi Mom, I’m fine, it’s just that Leia’s sick, and Donna’s not home and it’s kind of freaking me out.”
“Oh no, what’s wrong with her?”
“She’s been teething, so she’s running a fever.”
“Poor thing. I always hated that when you and your sister were babies.”
“It’s the worst, she’s usually so happy, and today when she’s been awake she’s done nothing but scream. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.”
“Did you give her baby Tylenol?”
“Yeah.”
“Well then, you did nothing wrong. You’re a good father Eric, don’t beat yourself up too much, I raised you, I know how worried you can get sometimes.”
“Geez, I’m that bad, huh?”
“Oh honey, in the case that you’re worried about Leia, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, it just means you care.”
“Thanks Mom, I think I’m gonna go now, just in case she wakes up again. I love you.”
“I love you too, Eric. Don’t worry yourself to death and remember to give Leia a kiss for me.”
“I will, Mom. I promise. Bye.”
Surprisingly, Leia sleeps for a long stretch of about an hour and a half, but unfortunately when she wakes up she’s screaming again, and still warm.
“Oh no, shhhh, come here, my little buddy, it’s okay, shhhh.” Eric coos, bouncing Leia up and down again.
“I can’t give you any more medicine, so we’re gonna try the teething ring again, okay?” He says, and Leia immediately sticks it in her mouth, her other hand reaching out to touch Eric’s cheek.
“Oh, that is very, very sweet, you are just the sweetest little girl in the whole world. You wanna watch your Elmo tape? Let’s go watch your Elmo tape?” He says, and for a while Leia’s sore gums and fever are forgotten as she keeps giving him gummy smiles, and snuggling against him. God, he loves being her dad, she really is such a sweet little thing, and he hates seeing her so fussy and miserable.
“You’re getting too big for my liking, you know that, Kiddo?”
Leia just looks at him, and he melts. Donna was right, Leia definitely has him wrapped around her little finger. Somehow, the little girl had managed to stick the remote in her mouth without him noticing.
“No no, baby. I know your teething and you wanna stick everything in your mouth, but you can’t eat the remote, silly.”
She makes it through the tape before getting fussy again, and this time it’s relentless. Her screams are nonstop no matter what Eric tries.
“Shhhh, shhhh, it’s okay, Leia.” He coos, trying the bouncing thing she likes again, but it’s no use
Eric is exhausted from being alone with her all evening and he’s honestly struggling to keep it together and he can feel his eyes welling with tears.
“Leia, please, please, please stop crying. I hate it when you cry, especially when I can’t get you to stop. I’m trying, okay, Daddy’s trying.” He says, the tears finally falling.
Eventually he gives up, he knows Leia will scream herself to sleep eventually so he just holds her, hating the sound of her crying, knowing he can’t do anything to stop it.
“Shhhh, it’s okay, you’re okay, I’m right here, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this.” He says, kissing her forehead, praying it’ll stop soon, or that she’ll fall asleep, knowing if it goes on for too much longer he might break. God he hated feeling so inadequate. All Donna asked him to do was watch Leia alone, which he’s done dozens of times, and yet here he was, failing miserably.
He closes his eyes, desperate for all of this to be over.
XXX
Donna comes home to find both Eric and Leia asleep on the couch, Leia sprawled out on Eric’s chest, and it might be the sweetest thing she’s ever seen. She hates to wake him, but knows if she doesn’t, he’ll be up half the night.
“Hey Eric, wake up.” She says softly, just loud enough to wake him.
Eric rubs at his eyes “Oh, hi babe.” He says, and suddenly his eyes go wide. “Oh shit, Leia.” He says frantically.
“She’s fine Eric, she’s asleep.”
“Oh. Good. I was watching her, but she was screaming and nothing I was doing was working so I closed my eyes for a second and I guess I fell asleep, I’m so sorry. I-“
“Eric, you didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t have to apologize to me.”
“Okay.”
“Eric, is there something wrong?”
Eric sighs. “Yes, no, maybe. I don’t know.”
“Hey, talk to me. What happened?”
“Leia’s been running a fever since she woke up from her afternoon nap and when she wasn’t asleep, she was screaming. So much. And for most of the afternoon I couldn’t get her to stop.”
“That’s okay, she’s teething, she’s going to be inconsolable sometimes, at least that’s what her pediatrician said.”
“I know, it’s just that when I’m alone with her, and I can’t get her to stop crying, I guess I just feel so…inadequate.”
Donna looks at Eric, taking his hands in hers. “Hey, look at me. You are the furthest thing from inadequate. I need you to know that.”
Eric sighs. “You promise you’re not just saying that to shut me up?”
“Of course not. I’m pretty sure you’re Leia’s favorite person in the world.”
“You really think so?”
“Yeah, she loves you. And it’s okay if you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing, because you know what? This parenting shit is hard and we’ve never done it before.”
“God, Donna, I hate it when she cries, I really, really hate it.”
“Me too. She’s usually pretty happy. We got lucky.”
“We really did. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”
“I feel the same way. She’s incredible.”
A moment later, Leia opens her eyes, adorably stretching her arms above her head.
Eric beams at her “Hi there, Angel. Did you have a good nap?” He coos, and Leia just flashes him a gummy smile.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Eric says, and Donna smiles at the sight in front of her
Donna reaches over and quickly feels Leia’s forehead. “Oh, good, her fever’s broken.”
“Thank god, no wonder she’s so smiley right now.”
“You did a good job today, Eric. I’m proud of you for handling our sick kid all by yourself. I know it wasn’t easy.”
“Thank you. I don’t think I noticed until now that I needed to hear that.”
“You are an incredible dad, but it’s okay to have doubts. I doubt my parenting more than you would think.”
“I guess that’s why I’m glad we’re a team. But don’t stop going to your writing classes because I panicked.”
“I wouldn’t, I trust you, fully and completely.”
“Thank you for saying that. It’s been quite the day.”
“But our little girl made it out alive and relatively unscathed, so you can stop holding yourself to an impossible standard.”
“I don’t do that.”
Donna chuckles, “Yes you do.”
“Okay fine. But only because Leia deserves the best.”
“She does, but the best is really just two happy parents who love her and each other. Everything else is just technicalities, Eric.”
“When did you get to be so wise?”
“Motherhood will do that to you. Plus, I know you.”
Eric smiles “Yeah, you do.”
“Did I tell you how much I missed you and Leia while I was gone? Sure, I like my classes, but watching you be a dad, Eric, that’s my favorite thing ever.”
“Being a dad is my favorite.”
Donna picks up Leia and smiles “God, I really, really missed my sweet baby girl, you’re getting so big, Lei Lei, what’s up with that?”
“Unfortunately for us, she’s just gonna get bigger.”
“I wish we could keep her this little forever.”
“Me too, but I know she’ll always be my little buddy, right Leia?” Eric says, tickling his daughter until she erupts into giggles.
Donna grins “God, her laugh is infectious and the two of you are adorable.”
“I love you. So damn much.”
“I love you too, Eric.”
“I feel like the luckiest guy in the world when I’m with you and Leia, I’m serious.”
“Well, the feeling is mutual.” Donna says, kissing Eric softly.
“Good.”
“How about I do the bedtime routine by myself tonight? You’re exhausted.”
“I would appreciate that, just don’t read her a bedtime story without me, okay? That’s my favorite.”
“I wouldn’t dare.”
“Good.”
Donna picks up Leia and smiles “Okay Leia, time for your bath big girl.” Donna says.
“I’ll see you in a bit, my little buddy, have fun with Mama.” Eric says, kissing Leia on the cheek.
Today may have been an incredibly difficult day, but he and Leia survived, and that was something to be proud of. She was back to her normal self, and Eric was beginning to feel a little more confident in his parenting. Like Donna said, the most important thing was that Leia was happy, and she was the happiest little girl he’d ever met. God, did he feel so lucky to be her dad, and as much as thinking about it made his chest ache, he couldn’t wait to watch her grow up.