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The car ride was silent, they both already shed their tears the night before.
Yambo didn't understand, despite his mother desperately trying to explain it to him he still couldn't understand.
Why.
His mother took a breath in, her eyes darting between her son and the road. "..it's gonna be okay.." she reached over and gently caressed the back of his head.
Yambo turned his head away, looking out the window. He couldn't stand seeing her any longer, even if he wished she wouldn't go he felt betrayed in a way.
"Do you know i love you?"
Yambo didn't respond for some time, it took a lot of energy out of him just to mumble out, "i love you too" under his breath.
He was getting frustrated the more he thought about it, never has he felt so alone in his life to know his dad was dead, his mom was leaving, he had no family to cling onto and he was going to be on his own for a long, long time.
He wanted to scream, cry and punch anything, he wanted to jump out of the moving car and just law in the road. Not to be hit or anything, but just to be alone on cold concrete.
He was dissociating for the situation, and he knew he needed to ground himself, so just anything cold he craved for.
But instead of letting his emotions out, he let them fester and eat at his chest as he sat in the car in silence.
When they reached to the university, this was supposed to be something exciting, a new chapter to his life, having already been funded by the last remaining money his parents had to offer, and a job hes secured near by. He knew he was never going home again, and he knew this was never going to be his home.
It was far away from the chaos back home, he wanted his mom to come with him desperately but for reasons she could not say she refused.
Yambos mother pulled up to the lot, they both stayed in the car silently for a few minutes. Trying to lighten the situation, she turned to Yambo and spoke softly, "this is like taking you to your first day of pre-school all over again, huh?"
Yambo huffed, he looked at his mom with tears in his eyes. They both looked at each other for some time knowing it was gonna be their last, they hugged and held onto each other tightly.
She rubbed his back and whispered into his ear, "Please don't hate me, i know this is hard on both of us but i know it'll be for the best. You'll become a cop, get a partner, settle down, own a home and you could forget all ab-"
"But i dont want to forget you guys is what you don't understand!" Yambo cried out, "This isn't fair, why can't i just have my own family with me where ever i go, why does everyone have to leave me! Why why why, who will i go to now? Who can i rely on? I have nobody!"
His mother rubbed his back, "i know, i understand, but it'll be okay. You will have someone, you will gain friends, you will have your own family, even if we're absent we'll still be there for you."
Yambo wiped at his tears, "I don't want you to go, i wish dad never died, i wish i wasn't too weak to go into war"
"But if you went into war, what will i have? You've made me a proud mother thus far, you have so many things to live for and to do than to just fight for a pointless and endless war." She pulled away and pet away his tears, "I love you, your father loves you, don't you ever, ever forget that."
Yambo looked up at his mother, there was no use in arguing now, she was dead set on what needed to happen.
He nodded, "...okay mom. I love you, i hope one day we can meet again."
His mother kissed his cheek before standing up straight, "Don't worry, we will, even if it means we meet in the stars."