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You wake up startled trying to grab anything in your reach. You’re usually met with a hard chest but your hand only landed on the empty cold space next to you. You let out a faint groan. Remembering you had no one anymore. It was just…you.
You rest your head on the pillow looking at the white ceiling above you. Your eyes wondered all around. Not staying in one place for more than a few seconds.
So many questions ran through your mind. And no one was there to answer them.
What am I?
Why can’t I see the Winchesters?
How long do I have to live like this?
No one answered. No one cared that you were lonely. No one even made sure you were alive. It’s been only a few months since you ‘died’. But to you, it seemed like forever.
Cas never stops by. Maybe too scared or ashamed for what he did.
You breath in through your nose and out through your mouth with a loud groan. You have to gather up the courage to get out of bed and ready for another boring day, in your now boring life.
Truth is…you loved being a hunter. Even though sometimes it was tough and you got beat up. You found it rather exciting. You used to get out of bed in the morning ready to conquer the next that awaited you. Dean would probably be happy if he knew you were alive and you got out of the hunter’s lifestyle.
But now, it was like you have nothing to do. Nothing to look forward too. Even though you could probably go out and hunt, you decided it would be best not to. Death, Crowley, or Cas would try to stop you. But worst of all, what if you run into Dean. How would you explain yourself?
Everything in your brain was a gamble. You stared blankly at your open door, hoping someone would walk in and make everything okay. But the truth was, you weren’t okay. You never will be okay, EVER! Because you didn’t have Dean.
Dean was the one person who you knew would protect you and always be there for you. And now, you can’t be there for him. You can’t make sure he’s alright. No one will tell you anything because to every one you are dead. And that hurts more than actually being died.
The days were always long and boring. You woke up, brushed your teeth, fixed your hair a little bit, and changed into your work clothes. You looked decent enough to go out into the world. But bad enough to where no one would try and hit on you. You didn’t want any one in your life except your friends...your family.
Before you walked out the door you grabbed your purse and keys. Traveled door your apartment building stairs. You walked about a block and a half before being whistled at. You shook it off and kept your head down.
You got into work 10 minutes early. You work at the little dinner, that doesn’t get much business since the big food restaurants came into the city. But it paid well and you were out of site. No need to hid every time you hear a car past by with a low grumble. No need to worry about hiding from 2 nice looking men. No need to face Dean. Finally at peace.
Your shift started out pretty easily. You get the same old people who have been coming here for years. And occasionally get the young college students looking for a good time. You hated working one of those days.
You wish Cas could move you to a small town, out of the way. But it would be too much of a high risk since Sam and Dean travel more in small towns and not big cities.
You sighed as you see three college boys walk into the diner around lunch time. Sadly, they sit in your section of the diner and you couldn’t really ask to switch at lunch rush. You made your way over to the boys as they giggled a little and playfully hit one another. As you got there they stiffened up and let out loud coughed.
“What can I get for you boys?” you asked rolling your eyes.
“Are you one the menu?” one of the boys playfully questioned looking you up and down.
You gave him a look that meant if he didn’t quiet his ass would be toast. He adjusted in his seat and looked down at the menu you placed on the table.
“3 waters,” said the boy who sat on his own. You gave him a nod and a smile, thanking him for being nice. But apparently you thanked him too soon.
As you were about to walk away, he called out, “Hey, what time do your legs open at?” his friends laughed silently letting out small giggles here and there.
You didn’t turn around, too pissed to even look at the scumbag. You quickly spit out, “Past your bed time.” You looked over you shoulder and gave a little smile. As the other boys let out a ‘oo’.
You couldn’t believe you just did that. Why? Why were you acting so...so different? You would have never said that in a million years. You were just a shy girl. Never caused any trouble. You were far from a hunter’s personality. And opposite of Dean any day. But the words just came out. And man did it feel good to finally speak your mind. You smiled to you self on the way to the counter and got the drinks before heading over to the boys again.
As you got to the table. The buys were talking quietly. You set down the waters and took out your pad and pen. “So you decided yet, or do you need more time?” you pouted your lips together.
“I think we got off on the wrong foot, I’m Ben,” he extended his hand.
“And I’m not in the mood,” you snarled back.
“Look all I’m trying to do, is take you out and show you a good time.” You smile slightly.
“By good time, you mean try and get into my pants.” He shrugged. “And what if I say no, are you still going to keep doing what you want to do?” you crossed your arms. You started to walk away when a hand grabbed your arm above your wrist and stopped you.
“Look lady, my friends and I are just trying to find someone to hang out with,” he whispered in your ear, “and maybe do something more,” he stated.
You tried pulling away but his hold was to strong. “Let go of me!” You shouted as you turned around moving your arm to twist his, as he released; your hand opened and through him across the room. A loud bang occurred as he smashed into the wall. You stood there with your hand and arm extended, eyes open widely. Unable to move. Everyone in the diner immediately turned there heads to see the boy laying on the ground while his friends rushed over to him.
One of his friends with blonde hair yells, “What the hell, lady. You fucking monster!”
You turned your head to both sides, shaking it and getting quick glances of people starting at you. Behind you, you heard some say, ‘they were going to call the cops’. Right as you heard it, you regained you motion controls, ran to the back room of the diner, grabbed you purse, and headed out the back door.
You ran straight home, hearing police sirens behind you. You didn’t look back. You ran as fast as you could, back to the safety of your apartment.
Once inside your apartment, you closed the door, and leaned on it, catching your breath. Your breathes were scattered and heavy. You dropped you purse and made your way into your room.
You sat on your bed, kicking off your shoes, You did everything you could to keep the tears in. A few would slip out every now and then. You couldn’t figure out what you did. How you did it. You fucking just through a man across the room. No normal person does that. What happen to you? Was this what Death meant? The deal? What have you become? You needed answers and you needed them now. So you decided to call the only friend you had now, hoping he would answer your prayers.
“Cas, Cas, please. I need you. I hurt someone badly. Really badly,” you whisper into your hands as a tear runs down your face. “I need you. I need to know how to live with what I am. Please.” Tears start running and your nose drips with snot. You bow your head.
Suddenly you feel a fast wind. Which meant only one thing. You lift your head from you hands to reveal an old friend. One you haven’t seen in a very long time. You get up quickly and run to him, embracing the warmth that spread between your bodies. He doesn’t hug you back.
You step back looking confused. Your eyes examined his face. Curious to why he was acting weirder than normal.
“Cas, what’s wrong?” You asked freighted as to what he might tell you.
He answers slowly, unable to form a full sentence. “Something happened. Something…something big. I almost lost all my grace, that’s why I haven’t been visiting,” Cas pauses.
“Castiel, tell me what it is right now!” you yell at the man standing still.
“It’s…it’s…um, Dean,” Cas says quietly.
“What about Dean,” you question him with a stern face.
“He’s a demon,” he spits out.
“A what? A demon? How? What happened?” you yell again but this time more at yourself than at Cas.
“It’s not important right now. This is about you, are you okay?” Cas asked calmly.
“Why worry about me when one of our friends, one of our family members is a demon? Where is he? I have to go see him,” you snap at Cas while walking around your room starting to pack your clothes.
“No, Y/N. You stay here,” Cas stops you in your tracks, “remember your dead to the Winchesters. I’m on my way to help Sam with Dean and turn him back but you can’t come. It’s too risky.”
“But it’s Dean, Cas. I need to help out. Please!” you let out a weak cry.
“I got this, Y/N,” Cas puts a arm on you, “I’ll be back soon.”
Cas disappears leaving you. You start to breath heavily. A demon? You thought. How could you let this happen?
A hour or two pasted. You couldn’t move from your place on your bed. All you thought about was Dean and if he was okay. It worried you that you couldn’t see him. You couldn’t help him.
As you sat on the bed, trapped in your own train of thoughts, a breeze brought you back to reality.
An angle stood at the base of your bed. Staring blankly at you. “It is done, Y/N.” he spoke.
“What’s done?” you questioned, “did you kill him Cas. Oh, no, why?” your eyes opened widely.
Cas stood there confused. He tilted his head to the side like a puppy, trying to understand, “No, Y/N. We simply cured him.”
“Oh, thank God!” you smiled and let a breath out.
“It was not, God, who you should thank. Sam and I cured him,” Cas said.
“It’s an expression, Cas,” you stood up from your bed and patted him on his shoulder. You walked out of your bedroom door as Castiel flew away.
You could finally breath. Everything was back to normal. Almost everything.
The night was normal as usual. But you couldn’t stop and think about yourself. All you could think about was the man you through across the diner. And how Dean was a demon, how was he was demon? But now he’s back to normal. How? Nothing made sense to you. And the worst part was, you had no idea who you were. Better yet, what you were.
A week pasted since your little incident. And you didn’t go back to work since. It was your way of saying you were quieting. Forever.
Your nights consisted of staying at home, in your pj's, watching some television, and eating a whole pint of ice cream. You were lonely. Lets face it. You had no one to talk to. No one to joke around with. No one at all.
You weren’t that lonely, besides you barely talked a lot as it was. You just wanted to know that someone was going to be there for you. Always...always.
Your phone lit up from the light brown coffee table in front of you. Which brought you back to reality after staring at the blank wall behind your TV. You picked it up to see a text from Courtney.
Courtney: Hey, what you doing tonight?!?
Y/N: Nothing. Why?
Courtney: Let’s go out and have some fun!
Y/N: Why?
Courtney: Because ever since the day I met you, you have been a Debbie Downer. So I was thinking we could go dancing, you know meet a few boys.
Y/N: I don’t know. It’s been a few months since I lost someone. I think it’s too soon.
Courtney: Really Y/N, all I want to do is take you out. Pretty please go with me!!
Y/N: Fine.
Courtney: Yay!! I’ll pick you up at 9.
You were slightly self-conscience. You haven’t wore a dress in ages, not since your death. But it felt normal. You world a black, thigh-high lace dress, that had long sleeves. You accompanied them with nude wedges, Which were way more comfortable than heels, since you were going dancing.
You looked at yourself in the mirror. You just stared. Remembering how Dean use to come up behind you and give you neck kisses. He was such a big teddy bear. But you couldn’t tell anyone.
You miss him. You miss everything about him. From the way he would kiss you. To the hugs after the hunts, making sure you were alright. When he would cook you anything you wanted to make you happy. And how when you would study lore, he would play footsie with you. He always wanted to make you smile. He loved to hear you laugh uncontrollably. But you were gone from him, because of the choices you made. And you would never forgive yourself.
The loud knock on your door made you jump. You looked at yourself one more time, wiping a tear away. Making sure your makeup was not messed up. You walk over to your door, stumbling a little bit, due to the fact you haven’t wore heels in a while.
You open the door, and see Courtney sporting a dark green dress and black heels. She looked gorgeous. Her hair up in a bun and her blue eyes bursting out of her head. She smiled at you.
“Wow,” Courtney spoke wide eyed. She looked you up and down. You smiled at her. You eyes falling to the floor, feeling embarrassed.
“Ready to go?” she asked. You nodded you head.
You couldn’t believe it. You were going out. For the first time in 3 months. The bar, was of course loud but oddly fun. You got drinks when you first got in and guys started to buy you several more afterwards. You were having a blast.
You were finally getting into the music. Moving your hips from side to side. Grinning up next to Courtney and other girls you don’t even know. You whip you head back and forth. And step back a little when you felt a large object crash into you.
You turn around, letting the words slip out sloppily due to you being a little too tipsy, “I am so so sorr-” you stop when you notice who you bumped into. Your eyes shoot up meeting bright green ones looking at you in shock.
“Dean!”