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Chapter Text

At Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry, Sirius Black was relatively popular among three out of the four houses.

He didn’t mind being disliked by the majority of the fourth house, Slytherin, it was bound to happen when he was sorted into their rival house, Gryffindor.

Other than the Slytherins, most people liked him. He got along with whoever he was sat next to in lessons, he got invited to parties, he easily carried conversations and made friends with many people.

He was especially popular in his house. When he walked into the warmth of the common room each day he was meet with gentle greetings and soft smiles. He was a  friendly guy.

And Sirius Black was happy with this. Being liked. Admiration wasn’t something he received a lot at home, it never had been, so he appreciated how welcoming most people were towards him.

And he wasn’t completely stuck up. He understood that although he was liked by most, he couldn’t necessarily be liked by everyone. He had accepted that.

However there was one person. One stupid enigmatic person who he craved the attention and approval of.

Remus Lupin.

Remus Lupin was a fellow Gryffindor who, unlike most of his housemates, tried to fade into the background.

He had wavy, sandy coloured hair and his eyes were a golden honey colour. His eyes had some sort of depth to them. It was like they held so much emotion and knowledge beneath them. Knowledge and emotion that he refused to show in any other part of his being.

Sirius had made this decision over the course of the many occasions where he stared - as James and Peter would say - longingly at the boy.

Sirius would sit in class and watch Remus, to try and discover any sign that could give the slightest hint of what this boy was like beneath his quiet facade. Yet Sirius, over the course of the 5 years they have been at school, hasn’t progressed in his findings.

All Sirius had observed from his short encounters and close watch on the boy was that he was surprisingly good at History of Magic (like who was seriously actually good at that subject with Binns as a teacher?), he was definitely the tallest boy in their year, he had a light welsh lilt when he spoke, he sometimes would disappear every now and then, he had a large scar that ran up the side of his neck from underneath his collar, he almost always had a pack of cigarettes on his person and he had very few close friends.

His main friendship circle consisted of girls and the majority of the time, when he spoke, he was speaking to Lily Evans. This was what had lead to - on many occasions - James begging Sirius to become Remus’ friend. This way James could become friends with Lily by proximity.

However this isn’t the only thing that Sirius knows about Remus Lupin. He knows, after McGonagall let it slip in one of their many detention-time conversations, that Remus was originally supposed to be his dorm mate.

In first year, after the sorting, everyone was escorted to their respective common rooms. Once James, Sirius and Peter had traipsed up to their dorm room, there were 4 beds.

This bed, by the next morning, had vanished, leaving a large empty space in its wake.

This was Remus’ bed. Before it apparently got moved to a different, unknown, location.

Sirius had done some digging after the newfound information and found that Remus wasn’t staying with any other Gryffindors. This left Sirius wondering what reason he could have to stay in a place separate from the rest of his house.

At first Sirius thought that he must be flooing home every night, that could be the only explanation. However, the many late nights where Sirius had spotted Remus hunched over a book at the corner of the Gryffindor common suggested otherwise.

Remus Lupin was a complete and utter mystery to Sirius Black. A mystery that he really wanted to solve.

That’s why Sirius was delighted when he walked into History of magic and (somehow) James was sat next to Lily. This meant that Remus was sat in James’ usual spot. Which in turn made this Sirius’ lucky day.

He was going to sit next to Remus Lupin.

Sirius walked, very cooly may he add, over to his normal seat and didn’t even bother getting his things out before turning and facing the boy next to him.

“Hi,” he offered to Remus with what he hoped was a friendly smile.

In response, Remus turned his head towards Sirius and offered him a reluctant smile. This caught Sirius off guard. Although he doesn’t know why this caught him off guard. Most encounters that he had with Lupin over the years involved the very same smile. The ‘I’m being polite but I’m not really interested in talking to you’ smile.

Sirius thought that maybe he was holding back because he was unsure on Sirius’ view of him.

He was avoiding the option of Remus already not liking him, despite never having a proper conversation. That would probably break his heart a little bit too much.

Due to this, Sirius decided that the only way to show Remus that he was a friendly face, was to do what he did with all of his other friends and acquaintances. He had to talk to him more than just a greeting.

So he decided on choosing their first conversation to be something of a common interest.

“How come James and Lily are sat together? I thought that they didn’t speak.”

A few short moments passed before Remus’ eyes flicked over to Sirius and he realised that he was being spoken to.

“Oh, dunno really” he replied with a shrug.

“Oh, I would go over there and ask him but he’s wanted to speak to Lily for years now. Don’t want to ruin his little moment of happiness.”

Remus gave him a wary look, like he was unsure of something.

“Why does he want to talk to her so bad?”

Sirius took a brief moment before replying due to the surprise of getting a full sentence out of Remus.

“Oh you know,” he said before realising he didn’t actually know what to say. “I think everyone just has those people who they are drawn to for no reason.”

This created a lull in the conversation when Remus didn’t reply.

“Do you ever get that?” Sirius continued.

“Yeah I guess” Remus replied after some thought ,before digging around in his bag for some parchment and a quill, the lesson was about to start. Sirius did the same. He wouldn’t usually bother with pretending to take notes in history and would just fall asleep on the desk, it’s not like Binns would ever notice. But this time he decided that he would stay awake, he didn’t want to waste his one opportunity sat next to the enigma that was Remus Lupin by being unconscious.

Once Sirius finally settled down and had all of his things out on the desk, Binns had entered and had already begun droning on about the Witch hunts of the 14th century.

In the short 5 minutes since the lesson had began, Sirius was already bored out of his mind and looked to his left to see Remus half paying attention, half twiddling his quill between his fingers. Except it wasn’t a quill.

Sirius tried to observe his actions and figure out what the small translucent object in his hands was, however he couldn’t and despite him not wanting to disturb Remus, his curiosity got the best of him.

“What’s that?” He asked with an inquisitive tone to his voice.

Remus gave him a small glance, seemingly not realising that Sirius was yet again speaking to him before a look of surprise washed over his face.

“Oh it’s a pen.”

He was met with a blank stare.

“It’s a muggle writing thing, instead of a quill. All the inks inside so you don’t have to keep dipping it in all the time”

Sirius nodded in response, still staring at the pen.

“Can I- um, hold it? Please,” Sirius asked in a sheepish tone. Remus didn’t reply but handed the small device over to him.

Sirius was mesmerised. But he wasn’t sure if he was mesmerised by the muggle pen or the boy who had handed it to him.

After snapping out of his haze, Sirius began fiddling with the pen and inspecting it. For some reason he began pulling at it, testing how it worked when suddenly, it broke.

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry Remus, I didn’t mean to break it I was just- I don’t know what I was doing but I didn’t mean to pull it apa-“

Sirius was rambling for probably too long before he looked at Remus’ face to see the most enthralling sight: Remus with a smile plastered to his face.

This wasn’t like the small toothless smile he received earlier. This was an open mouthed, laughing out loud sort of smile. Sirius was extremely giddy to be the one who caused it but also terribly confused.

“I don’t get it? What’s funny?” He asked in a slight panic.

“You didn’t break it,” Remus replied as he began to settle down. “They’re meant to do that, you can just push it back in. See?” He said as he grabbed both parts of the pen from Sirius’ hands, fingers slightly grazing his skin in the process which made Sirius’ heart skip a beat.

“Oh.” Sirius replied, a slight smile taking over the temporarily dazed expression on his face.

Both boys looked at each other momentarily and traded warm smiles before turning back to the front of the room to see Binns asleep. Shocker.

It wasn’t long before Peter had come over and dragged Sirius out of the room like the do most lessons when Binns fell asleep. Sirius threw out a rushed “goodbye” to Remus before hurrying after Pete. Usually James would be in tow but he was preoccupied speaking to his new acquaintance on the other side of the room.

-

Much later on, when Sirius and James were on their bi-nightly stroll down to the kitchens James got to here all about Sirius’ experience with his new ‘sort of friend’ while Sirius got an earful about Lily Evans.

Chapter Text

Over the next two weeks, they had history of magic 3 more times. Each time, Sirius and Remus sat together while James and Lily sat together.

Much to Sirius’ satisfaction, this has lead to many conversations between him and Remus. From anybody else’s perspective, these conversations weren’t earth-shattering conversations. But for Sirius they were. He clung onto any conversation he could get with Remus. And Remus was finally beginning to let his guard down a bit which was a large win in Sirius’ book. It’s not like they were revealing their deepest and darkest secrets or anything but just learning the small things about Remus’ mannerisms and the way he spoke made Sirius extremely happy.

On Friday, they had history of magic last and everything was completely normal. Except every time Remus and Sirius made an interaction (which was bound to happen), they found James and Lily turning around in their chairs.

“What are they doing?” Remus asked with a suspicious look on his face.

“I don’t know, they’ve been doing it all lesson. It’s weird”

“Yeah, I could understand it if it was just Lily but it’s both of them. Are we doing something weird without noticing?”

Sirius completely disregarded Remus’ question to ask, “What do you mean you ‘could understand it if it was just Lily’?”

“Oh, well I don’t really go round making friends, do I? So whenever she sees me being friends with someone else she always acts like it’s sone crazy revelation.”

“We’re friends?” Sirius asked with a cocky tone, but really he was just hoping that Remus would say yes.

“Obviously. We talk all lesson,” Remus replied like it was a given before slightly turning in on himself. “Unless yo-“

“No, we’re friends” Sirius hastily cut in.

“Good,” Remus said holding out his hand.

Sirius just stared at it warily for a few seconds, trying to internally calming himself down and shaking it, sealing the deal of friendship like it was a business ordeal.

This resulted in looks from James and Lily. Weirdos.

-

Later on in the day James and Sirius were sat on their respective beds while throwing a ball across the room to each other. Pete was still in the common room playing chess with anyone who was brave enough to try and break his 4 year long winning streak.

Sirius kept finding his mind drifting off to history of magic lessons. He was learning so much now. Not even just about Remus; he was actually letting some of Binns’ words sink into his brain and he now knew all about their current topic. It was crazy. But that was irrelevant. Every time he zoned out he wasn’t thinking about the Witch Hunts of the 14th Century, he was thinking about Remus.

He still couldn’t figure out why he was so captivated by Remus. Sirius wasn’t short of friends. He already had a great friend group and was friendly with pretty much anyone who let him.

There was just something about Remus.

He sat, still throwing the ball, while having an internal debate with himself. It was so intense that he completely ignored James who had been attempting to talk to him for the last couple minutes.

“Sirrrriusssss,” James drawled, clearly already bored of trying to Sirius’ attention.

“Oh- what- yeah sorry, what is it?”

“What you thinking about?” James replied before making a face and added on, “or should I say who? ”

“Shut up you dickhead, I’m not thinking about anyone!” Sirius said in protest.

“Are you sure? Not anyone on your mind?” James questioned with a smirk.

“Piss off, you absolute twat,” Sirius said before pelting the ball at James and covering his face with his jumper.

“Aww, someone’s got a little crush!” James said excitedly.

“No! Ugh that’s gross”

“How? You’re being ridiculous! It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Yes it is!” Sirius replied, his voice now partially muffled from the pillow he was now covering his face with. “He’s a boy!”

“Sirius you’re gay,” James deadpanned.

“No I’m not!”

“Yeah you are Pads. You literally came out to us last year.”

“Well that’s not important! I take it back.”

James threw Sirius a glare that he couldn’t see from beneath the pillow. Then, Peter walked in.

“What’s he doing?” He asked James, while referencing to Sirius.

“Denying his sexuality again.”

Peter gave him a look like it explained everything,

“Remus?” He asked.

“Remus,” James confirmed.

-

Later on when all three boys were back to tossing the ball to each other in companionable silence, Sirius spoke up.

“I don’t like Remus that way.”

James and Peter gave each a not-so-subtle look.

“Uh are you sure?” Pete questioned.

Sirius somehow took offence to this. “What do you mean by that?” He exclaimed.

James, ever the mediator, spoke up before anyone else did.

“Pads, you’ve been talking about him non-stop. And even before that you have always stared at him, even when he hasn’t paid attention to you. We’ll believe you if you say you don’t like him, it just seems like you do a bit.”

This took Sirius aback. They’d clearly thought about this.

He understood where they were coming from. He did look at him a lot, and talk about him a lot. But that was purely out of curiosity. He simply wanted to be one of the people to see him, to see past his enigmatic facade and see who he really is. Sirius wants to know why he never stayed in their dorm; why, despite having an endearing personality once he got speaking, he didn’t have many friends; why he tries so hard in lessons when everyone else bunks off; what the scar is on his neck; why he disappears every now and then.

Sirius is just curious, that’s all. And he told James and Pete that.

-

Later that night Sirius sat up stressing.

He was second guessing himself.

His friends had always known his emotions better than himself. What if he really did like Remus in that way?

He doesn’t know what to think. He’s liked boys before and it’s all just felt like pure attraction. When he thinks about Remus it’s not like that. He doesn’t want to get with Remus, he wants to get to know him.

It was sorted then.

Sirius Black just wanted to be friends with Remus Lupin.

To simply know more about him.

That’s all.

Chapter Text

History of magic was Sirius’ first lesson of the day and he rushed into class looking slightly disoriented. He had overslept and James hadn’t even bothered to wake him like he normally would have (this earnt him a slap up the back of the head later on in the day, when Sirius got the chance).

It was nearing the end of October which meant that two of Sirius’ favourite things were coming up: halloween and his birthday party. Sirius loved dressing up, he loved speaking to people and he loved alcohol so halloween and his birthday being within the same week was extremely convenient. He couldn’t wait.

Sirius definitely didn’t hide his excitement of the upcoming events from his face. A large smile took up his face, all the way up to his eyes, as he sat down next to Remus.

Remus gave him an investigatory once-over before turning back to the front of the class again.

“Late to class, dazed and giddy.” He muttered to Sirius whose smile grew wider at yet another interaction even though the two speaking was no longer a strange occurrence. “Wonder what you’ve been getting up to.” Remus added on bitterly.

This confused Sirius.

“What?” He said, both in confusion at what point Remus was trying to make, and in confusion with himself, about how he had managed to bring all of the wrong things to the lesson.

Despite his confusion, Remus gave no reply, simply tuning out and scribbling down the monotonous words that were escaping Binns’ mouth. Sirius played the interaction back in his head.

Late to class.

Dazed.

Giddy.

Oh.

Remus thought Sirius had been with someone.

“What- I- no.” He tried to explain, the words tumbling out of his mouth in a cluttered and incomprehensible way. “I slept in.. and I- well it’s my birthday soon. I’m excited.”

Remus’ face eased.

That’s weird, Sirius thought. Why does he even care?

“When’s your birthday then?” Remus asked.

“3rd of November. Couple days after Halloween,” Sirius supplied as his smile grew wide again.

“That’s annoying,” Remus teased.

“Why ever would you say that? I am offended!” Sirius replied in mock offence.

“Because…” Remus began, extending the word as he said it. “That gives me practically no time to get you a present.”

That was a surprise for Sirius. He knew they were sort of friends now but he had just assumed that the friendship stayed within the bounds of the classroom. He didn’t expect it to be one of the friendships that reach the limits of birthday presents and meaningful gestures. He wasn’t complaining though. He was grateful.

“Oh wow Remus. You don’t have to,” Sirius said with sincerity, which still managed to receive a glare from Remus. “Really.” He supplied so that he could hopefully be convincing.

“I know I don’t have to, twmffat. I want to.” Remus replied with a grin on his face.

Sirius wanted to keel over and die and he didn’t even know why. He knew Remus was welsh but hearing him actually speak it, even if it was only a single word, made him want to just hear Remus talk all day.

“Thanks,” Sirius managed to mutter before turning to the front of the class in order to somewhat cover the blush that had crept up onto his face.

-

The rest of the lesson was spent with small conversations passed between the two boys and even smaller conversations passed across the room from them, to James and Lily. All the while, Remus still managed to write down all of his notes and do a little spinny twirly thing with his pen.

Sirius was in awe (purely out of envy for Remus’ mesmerising skill and cool muggle pens).

Chapter Text

It was eight o’clock in the morning and Sirius Black was in the library.

If you had told him a month ago he would have scoffed and claimed that he would never do such a thing, heck, if you told him yesterday he would have scoffed and claimed that he would never do such a thing. It was entirely out of character for him.

Now this isn’t to imply that Sirius completely slacks off on all of his school work — he doesn’t — he simply prefers a louder environment. He thrives on noise because he believe that arguably, the all-encompassing loudness of silence is far more off-putting than when people across the room are making a bit of noise.

Anyway, back to his main dilemma:

it’s eight o’clock and Sirius is in the library.

He was being dragged along by James Potter, the only man alive who plasters a smile on his face before nine in the morning.
They were weaving in and out between aisles, Sirius barely processing where they were.

James was muttering something under his breath, something about the whereabouts of some book he was after (“no not there”, “it must be around here somewhere”, “where did she put it?”)

“What are you even looking for Prongs?” Sirius drawled.

“A book,” James replied in a haste.

“What kind of book?” Sirius shot back.

“Just be patient. You’ll see in a minute,” James insisted, hand still tight around Sirius’ wrist.

Sirius rolled his eyes but continued to let himself be pulled along the aisle. James’ footsteps were slowing. They must be near to whatever book it was that James was looking for.

“A-ha! Got it,” James exclaimed, letting go of Sirius’ arm and pulling a red-spined book off of one of the higher shelves.

Sirius immediately started prodding the skin on his wrist, James has a tight grip when he’s concentrated, it was rather painful. Then he glanced up to see what he had been dragged out of bed for. (Like seriously (ha), why him? Peter didn’t get dragged out on this silly endeavour.) It was a book. An ordinary book.

His life was a joke.

“Why have you forced me to accompany you on this strenuous journey, for a book that —no offence Prongs — looks boring and useless?” Sirius questioned while trying to get his hands on the book for a better look at it. James didn’t even try and keep ahold of it, handing it right over.

“This my friend, is your ticket to being far, far, far less annoying than you have been recently.”

Sirius scoffed and proceeded to walk out of the aisle. He had expected James to follow. But he didn’t.

Sirius began to internally freak out. He started to walk away as a joke, but what if James was being genuine and he has actually been finding Sirius annoying lately. He hadn’t meant to be, from his perspective he hadn’t been doing anything different to what he normally would. Well, he had been sort of obsessing over history of magic and talking about it a lot. But he can’t help if he’s proud that he finally understands the subject, it’s an exciting concept, and he most definitely can’t help if Remus slips into conversation. He is, after all, the main reason why Sirius is awake to hear and comprehend the things that Binns was saying.

Sirius continued to walk through the library and to the exit. His head was bowed down as he tried to get a better look at the book, if James said it was going to help him he could at least give it a read. He opened the book to its first page as he approached the library doors. He then proceeded to walk right into someone.

He should have been looking where he was going instead of getting stuck in his head, but who can really blame him? It was early on a Saturday morning, he obviously wasn’t going to be perfectly aware of his surroundings.

“Oh I’m so sorry,” he said to the person that he had collided with.

“No need to apologise,” came a deep voice. A voice that was all too recognisable. Sirius couldn’t believe that he had walked into the one person that he was trying to make a good impression on.

Really that was dumb.

They had already verbally discussed that they’re friends. But Sirius still didn’t feel like that was enough. Weird.

“Oh! Remus”

“Yep”

“I’m sorry, I should have been watching where I was going”

“It’s all good, that’s what a change in sleep schedule does to you,” Remus said with a reassuring smile.

“What?” Sirius was confused on how Remus knew that Sirius was up earlier than normal.

“Oh well I’m up early a lot, you know? And I guess I’ve never seen you about. So I just assumed that you don’t normally get up early. But I shouldn’t have thought that I guess, I mean people can be awake without exploring the castle every morni-“

“Remus,” Sirius said as he placed his hand on Remus’ shoulder in order to snap him out of his ramblings.

“Yes”

“You assumed right, don’t worry,” Sirius assured with a grin.

“Oh thank god,” Remus replied. Blush was slowly spreading across his cheeks. Sirius wanted to touch them. He wanted to connect the freckles on his face and touch the smile lines next to his mouth and-

Sirius realised he was staring.

He quickly averted his gaze and removed his hand from Remus’ shoulder.

He suddenly felt awkward and was just about to excuse himself from the situation, then Remus spoke again.

“I love that book, have you read it yet?”

Sirius eyes widened in confusion before remembering the stupid book that James had given him.

“Oh no, I just got it, heard good things”

“I’m sure you’ll love it, it’s got to be part of my top 3 favourites”

“I’ll let you know what I think of it then.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’ll see you ‘round,” Remus said before offering Sirius another smile and walking around him and into the library.

Sirius just stood there for what felt like an eternity (but was probably about two seconds). He was so deeply confused about the book but he was going to put that to the back of his mind. Right now, Remus was the top priority in his mind.

Trying to find ways to talk to Remus felt like a survival instinct. Because talking to Remus felt right.

When they were talking it felt like a little fire had been lit in Sirius’ stomach; in the two seconds he’s been gone, the fire had died.

That’s why Sirius quickly turned around before Remus got too far.

“Hey Remus!” Remus turned around with hope in his eyes so Sirius continued. “There’s a party tonight, partially for Halloween, partially for my birthday.” Remus stood there with a blank expression on his face. “I- um- I’d like it if you could come. Like I know practically everyone’s invited to the common room parties anyway, but, well, I’d really like for you to be there.”

Remus stood still for a second and Sirius watched the smile on his face grow bigger.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there. Got to give you your present don’t I?” Remus said with a grin before turning around and walking up one of the aisles of books.

“I said you didn’t have to,” Sirius said practically to himself but with a light and playful feeling in his chest.