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Tubbo's panic attacks weren't exactly predictable, nor were they convenient. In fact, they could happen pretty much at any time, but this also meant they commonly happened when he was alone and able to suffer through them without anyone knowing. He had never had an attack on stream, or during an important meeting or at any other time when he really didn't want one. So, he realistically saw no reason for it to happen now, at Vidcon—but alas, he was wrong.
It wasn't technically a huge deal that it happened at Vidcon either, because he was backstage with his friends, and many of them knew about his panic disorder and would be perfectly understanding.
Someone who didn't know was Ranboo.
Tubbo's relationship with Ranboo nowadays was... strange, to say the least, and it was a long and complicated story that he preferred to not think about. He wasn't going to say that he hated his ex-best friend, he simply did everything in his power to avoid him at all costs. Of course, conventions like these were an exception, but even during Vidcon staying in another area wasn't too difficult. Something slightly more difficult was when some of the Dream SMP members—him and Ranboo included—were just about to do a panel in front of thousands of fans.
Tubbo should have expected a panic attack, considering he'd prior to this been so nervous he could barely stand properly anyway, but at the very least it should've happened when he was allowed to be alone in the backstage bathroom, and when it wasn't less than ten minutes until he was about to step out in front of the crowd.
Well, now he had found himself here anyway. Tubbo had purposefully avoided hiding in a bathroom stall for two reasons: one, if someone were to come in (which was likely with only ten minutes remaining) they would be worried if he had locked himself in and two, if he wasn't locked in, someone might be able to help calm him down faster. It was always humiliating when such situations occurred—he'd still remember the time when Aimsey had tried, or when Phil had been calming him down like a true professional, or even when Tommy had practically been panicking on his own in his attempt to aid. However, at the very least, help was faster than no help.
So, Tubbo had crawled up into a ball against the wall underneath a sink, trying to focus on breathing and returning to reality, but it was impossibly hard. The more he focused, the louder his heartbeat got, the more the ringing in his ears increased and the more everything else blurred. It wasn't the worst attack he had ever experienced, but considerably worse than normal, and considerably unfitting for the moment. In a few minutes, he would be on stage, whether he was in tears or not.
At that moment, Tubbo was desperate. The next moment, the bathroom door opened and a glimpse of hope immediately sparked inside his chest, but the spark died down the moment he saw who it was. Ranboo, fucking Ranboo, stared at him with a mix of shock and horror. A realistic reaction, but not what Tubbo wanted nonetheless.
"Oh— are—" Ranboo stuttered, his voice sounding muffled through the overwhelming sound of Tubbo's rapid heartbeat, "are you okay?"
The question made Tubbo more irritated than anything. Since when was Ranboo so stupid? Obviously Tubbo wasn't okay, and he wouldn't have answered that ridiculous question even if his voice allowed it. Ranboo's muddy brain must've understood the gesture, because he looked back through the door before approaching Tubbo as if he was some kind of wild animal. The taller awkwardly kneeled down—with quite a distance between them, obviously—and watched him with what Tubbo could only interpret as concern. It was probably something else, actually: Ranboo couldn't possibly be concerned for anyone except Billzo and himself.
"Uhm..." Ranboo began, swallowing. He scanned the room again, as if looking for an escape. Hell, he was probably looking for exactly that—for all Tubbo knew, he didn't want to be here either.
Tubbo glared at Ranboo though the blur of his tears, waiting for his action. He was surprised that he even managed to stay mad through his wave of panic, but to be fair, staying mad at Ranboo wasn't very hard.
"Do, uh, can I help? Can I get you something? Someone?" Ranboo decided on asking.
Tubbo shook his head. As much as he didn't want Ranboo to be the person here, he still wanted someone, and he knew that sending the other away would make matters worse.
"Okay, uhm... do you want me to just leave?"
Tubbo shook his head again, burying it in his knees and hugging them tighter as oxygen seemed even further out of reach. The air had turned thick and tense, clearly from Ranboo's presence, and new, hot tears stung his eyes. He was almost certain he made some sort of whimper, because obviously his body would do that when Ranboo was watching.
"It's— it's gonna be okay," Ranboo's voice nervously attempted, sounding like he was trying to convince himself rather than Tubbo. He failed in reassuring any of them.
Tubbo wanted to yell. He wanted to scream at Ranboo for making this so much more awkward and humiliating than it had to be, and for only making it worse, really, and maybe even tell him what an idiot he was while he was at it, but he didn't say any of that because he was too busy breathing at the moment. He made a mental note to bring it up again in the future.
"Can— Do— Do you want a hug..?" Ranboo then tried.
Tubbo did want a hug. He actually wanted nothing more than a hug, and he knew it was guaranteed to help. He just didn't want a hug from Ranboo. But, he obviously didn't really have a choice, and as long as he'd be ready for stage in... how many minutes now? Five? Then maybe he'd rather get a hug from Ranboo than risk missing the whole panel. He nodded.
Ranboo looked surprised, as if he hadn't fully expected the younger to agree to it, and Tubbo wondered why he the fuck he would offer it in the first place if he'd been so sure about that. But, Ranboo didn't take it back either. "Okay," he mumbled instead —sounding surprisingly empathetic for someone who lacked such feelings completely—and he scooted closer (way too close, actually, but since Tubbo was about to hug him it couldn't possibly matter) and opened up his arms.
It took Tubbo a painful amount of time and much strength, both physical and mental, to move from his spot, and it caused his head to register how much things had escalated from a minute ago. His entire body was shaking, and the moment he got on his knees, his hands involuntarily grasped the closest thing to hold onto. That thing happened to be Ranboo. Unfortunately for Tubbo, Ranboo seemed very uncomfortable by this, but it also seemed like it worried him—if his eyes widening and his action of moving even closer to help the younger up on his lap was anything to go by— and then, he wrapped his arms around Tubbo.
Tubbo melted into that embrace way quicker than he should have, because oh god, he had missed Ranboo's hugs more than he liked to admit. If there was one positive thing about Ranboo, it had to be that he was an absolutely phenomenal hugger. Fuck it, maybe even the best one. Ranboo was the perfect size, had the perfect grip and the perfect amount of strength, and the slow rubbing on Tubbo's back was the cherry on top. Tubbo clung onto his shoulders like his life depended on it, allowing himself to be a bit too comfortable, but it didn't matter. Ranboo's arms wrapped around his waist, pulling their bodies together so gently and firmly at the same time, were just... perfect. It didn't even matter that Ranboo could feel Tubbo's pounding heart pressed to his chest. Nothing mattered anymore.
Only a minute later, Tubbo found himself returning to reality; his heartbeat slowed down while the blur of his senses slowly faded away. He was immediately greeted by the feeling of more tears on his cheeks and the overwhelmingly familiar and inviting scent of Ranboo's clothes, but he chose to ignore the latter. He'd probably do anything rather than admit how fond he was of that smell.
With the return of his senses came the return of shame, and oh, Tubbo felt that humiliation wash over him like an ice cold shower. Rather than staying in the arms of Ranboo, which he would have kept doing for hours more if his dignity allowed it, he awkwardly broke free and returned to his previous place under the sink. He took a few deep breaths, rubbed his eyes as if Ranboo hadn't seen him cry rivers.
"You... you good?" Ranboo asked. "That was pretty quick."
"Yeah," Tubbo responded with the hoarse voice of someone that had just been crying. He cleared his throat again, aggressively. "Yeah," he repeated, voice shaky but clear. "All good now."
Talking to Ranboo was strange, to say the least. Tubbo hadn't done so for months and up until now he hadn't been expecting to do it for another few months, or years.
"Good. That's good." Ranboo looked down at the ground, then at the door, then the phone that magically appeared in his hand. "Uh, the panel begins in like, three minutes. Are you gonna, uh, do that one?"
Tubbo opened his mouth to answer, only to realise there was no answer. "I don't know," he admitted. "Can... can you bring Phil here, please?"
"Oh. Yeah, of course." Ranboo stood up without another word. He seemed oddly unbothered, and while Tubbo had a million questions to ask and was sure the other had even more questions for him, neither boy spoke up. In a way, Tubbo almost regretted it as he watched the other walk back the same way he came, but he managed to say one final thing right when Ranboo reached the door.
"R—" Tubbo paused for a split second, debating if he should use Ranboo's real name, his username or nothing at all. "Ranboo, wait," he settled on.
At the sound of his name, Ranboo turned around, an odd and foreign look in his eyes. "Yeah?"
"Thank you."
Ranboo's eyes softened, and in the second that followed Tubbo could tell there was so many words waiting on the tip of his tongue, aching to be spoken, but the taller ended up only saying two of them: "No problem."
Ranboo left.
Tubbo already knew it was going to go right back to normal after that. None of them would ever mention this again, nor would they read into it or mark it as the point in time where their relationship would start to heal. No, it hadn't fixed anything. It was a forgettable moment where they had put their differences and hatred towards each other aside and just been... what they used to be, only for a few minutes.
Yet, those few minutes would be ones Tubbo himself could never forget.