Chapter Text
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The Defense Against Dark Arts professor strode to the slightly worn down, old fashioned house. His arms were crossed and head down, a leather bag bounced against his waist with every step. His caramel hair shifted in the slight breeze, as his matching caramel eyes were narrowed in concentration.
He reached the front door, pulling out a shiny gray rectangle of plastic. From the rectangle hung two figures, a black paw and a brown one. He swiped it along a black box on the door, which made a beeping sound and unlocked the door. He swung it open. The interior was very simple and neat, except for a few scattered papers and dog toys. Still deep in thought, he closed the door behind him and sighed.
Suddenly, a black blur appeared at the edge of his vision, and the professor was tackled onto the worn couch. Startled out of his thoughts, he recognized the attacker.
“Sirius Black!”
Sirius, in the shape of a dog, started lapping madly at the professor’s face, front paws digging into his ribs. He attempted to push the massive dog off, for his middle started to ache and his face was getting completely soaked. When his struggles came to no avail, he simply gave up and let the black dog have its fun.
When Sirius finally stopped, he lept off him (very much painfully to the professor, may I add) onto the other side of the couch. The professor let out a groan and sat up, clutching himself around the middle. When he sat up, he didn’t see the giant black dog that attacked him. He saw a handsome man with curly, black, shoulder-length hair, instead. His grey eyes were like pools of mercury that shone when he was amused.
“I think you crushed my ribs, Sirius,” the professor groaned.
“No ‘Hello?’”
“Hello, I think you crushed my ribs, Sirius.”
“I just wanted to say hi to my favorite roommate!” Sirius pouted.
“I’m your only roommate…” Remus mumbled, standing up. He walked over to his desk and pulled out a large stack of parchment from his bag.
“What’re those, Moony?” asked Sirius, popping his head up from behind the couch.
“The theory tests,” Remus answered simply, pulling his chair out and sitting down. “I need to grade them.”
Sirius hopped over the couch swiftly and arrived behind Remus. He peered into Remus’ bag. In it were several discarded chocolate wrappers. “Stressful day?”
“No- Well, yeah. But I didn’t eat all that chocolate.”
“Well, then who ate it?”
Remus popped opened a bottle of ink. “James’ son, Harry.”
Sirius’ eyes widened. “James’ son?”
“Yep. I’m giving him private lessons to train him for dementors. Chocolate helps, you know?”
“No, I didn’t know,” Sirius smiled. “Pays to live with a professor.” Remus chuckled.
Sirius left to let Remus work, but only for so long. Remus propped his head up with one hand and was staring at Draco Malfoy’s paper when a face appeared over his shoulder.
“Ooh, is this Lucius’ kid? I would’ve never believed Lucius would get married. Honestly, I don’t know what Narcissa was thinking. What does she see in him besides an ignorant, annoying, good-for-nothing-”
“Sirius, let me work.”
“Yes sir, Professor Lupin!” Sirius said with a salute.
Sirius was quiet for about… five seconds.
“Can you please fail him for me? Oh! And give James’ kid top marks!”
“Sirius, you know I can’t do that.”
“Oh- alright, fine.” Sirius walked away.
It was only about four minutes later when there was a loud bang! followed by angry swearing.
“REMUS! Tell me again why we have this stupid Muggle lock thingy on our front door!”
Remus didn’t even turn around. “Arthur started studying Muggle objects, and he wanted us to experiment with it and see how it works.”
“TELL HIM IT’S ABSOLUTE MOTHER BLUDGER GARBAGE!”
Remus sighed a long, suffering sigh as he turned attention back to Draco Malfoy’s paper, which he hadn’t progressed much because of a certain Padfoot. Boggarts live in marshes and fields- He was interrupted by a sharp jab in his shoulder. Ignoring it, he continued to grade. And they usually take form- He felt another sharp jab.
“Stop it, Sirius,” Remus said, without even turning around. Of your greatest fear. The counter spell for this- He felt an especially sharp prod. “Sirius, stop!”
“I’m not stopping ‘till you give me attention,” Sirius sang.
“Fine!” Remus turned to Sirius. “What d’you want?”
“I’m bored, Moony.”
“Go play, then,” Remus said, like a mother would say to a particularly idiotic child. He turned back to his papers, and he heard footsteps slowly become the sound of paws on the wooden floor. Remus was able to read the rest of Malfoy’s test and write a score. He’d spelled “Riddikulus” wrong and a few other minor things. He put it aside to let the ink dry and grabbed the next paper. Hermione’s. Remus sort of skimmed over it, knowing Hermione would probably get top marks, anyway. He was about to write a “100%” on the top when he heard an obnoxious, high pitched squeak. It was followed by several more, ringing like a chorus.
“SIRIUS!”
The black dog looked at Remus, in the middle of wrestling with a banana squeaky toy. It let out a small squeak when he dropped it.
Remus sighed, pinching his nose bridge.
“Go outside and play with that.”
Sirius bit the banana and trotted to the doggy door, where he slid into it and outside.
“Oh, Merlin, give me patience for this puppy.”
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Remus sighed as he put the last score on the last piece of parchment. His wand-hand ached from all the writing. He left the parchment out to dry and stood up from his desk, stretching.
Hmm… Seems awfully quiet. He gazed at the door to the garden. I hope Sirius hasn’t gotten himself into too much trouble. Remus decided to check on his “favorite roommate.”
He pushed open the door to the backyard. There were many piles of dirt and shallow holes scattered about the garden. No doubt about it that Sirius was chasing garden gnomes. At the corner of the garden, there was a thrashing and rustling in Remus’ pink carnations. He went closer to get a better look. As he got closer, he heard barks and yelps. Sirius.
Remus pushed the flowers aside and saw a black dog, wrestling something that looked like a mossy tree stump with several thin, spiky branches. A snargaluff.
“Sirius! Oh-” Remus whipped out his wand. “Diffindo!” The branches were severed from the stump. Remus quickly picked up Sirius and hurried away from the snargaluff.
Once inside the house again, Remus healed Sirius’ wounds. They were just minor scratches, nothing much.
“Episkey. What were you thinking, Sirius? You know there’s a snargaluff there!” Sirius just whimpered. Remus wasn’t mad, mostly just worried. Sirius lifted his paw, as if saying, “You missed a spot here.”
“Oh, sorry. Episkey.” The scratch on Sirius’ paw healed. “You know…” Remus said, inspecting Sirius’ black coat. “You’re really dirty from outside. I think you need a bath!”
At the word “bath,” Sirius howled, “Nooo!” and fell to his side, rolling around on the wooden floor.
“Oh, Sirius, stop being so melodramatic,” Remus said, smiling at his behavior. Sirius continued to bawl and flail about on the floor.
Remus knew there was no way Sirius would comply, so he’d have to force him. Remus stood up and grabbed the black dog’s thrashing front paws with much difficulty. He then proceeded to drag him across the floor.
Sirius realized what Remus was trying to do, and made himself heavy on purpose by going deadweight.
“Come… on!” Remus grunted, struggling to pull the giant black dog. “It’s not that bad!”
Sirius growled.
Remus pulled out his wand. If Sirius won’t cooperate, he’ll make him. He pointed his wand at Sirius.
“Petrificus Totalus!”
Sirius’ efforts to escape stopped immediately as he was hit with the Full Body-Bind Curse.
“Okay,” Remus said, as he put his wand away and heaved Sirius up. “Time for a bath.”
Remus walked to the bathroom and placed the paralyzed Sirius in the tub.
“I promise I’ll make the bath fun if you’ll just cooperate with me,” Remus said. “Finite Incantatem.”
The now unparalyzed Sirius sat in the empty tub, clearly unhappy he’d been jinxed into a bath. He glared at Remus, then started eyeing the exit.
“Now, you wait here. I’ll get you some toys and stuff. Aguamenti,” Remus pointed his wand to the tub. Streams of water shot out of the tip and filled the tub. Sirius let it splash around his paws, not moving. Remus decided to have some fun, so he briefly aimed the stream of water at Sirius, who let out a yelp.
“I know, I know. You’re not happy with me,” Remus chuckled. But this is payback for you bothering me earlier.
Once the tub was full enough, he stopped the stream. “Alright, I’ll be back,” Remus said, standing up and leaving the bathroom. A mere second later, he popped his head back in the doorframe. “And don’t you think about escaping,” he said to the black dog already trying to creep out of the tub. Sirius growled and glared at Remus before splashing back into the tub with an annoyed huff.
Remus picked up a few rubber dog toys that were scattered about on the floor. Muttering something about Sirius being a child, he walked back to the bathroom with his arms full.
“Here. Your bath toys,” Remus said, plopping them into the water. Sirius, still grumpy, sat in the water with his ears drooped. Remus sighed a long, suffering sigh.
“I’ll give you bubbles.”
Sirius’ face immediately brightened and his floppy ears perked up. Even his tail started to wag underwater. Remus chuckled at his childish behavior. He pulled out his wand and swiped it through the air, causing bubbles to float out the tip of the wand. Sirius leaped and tried to bite the bubbles, resulting in them popping. Waves of water splashed out of the tub, making a slapping sound as it hit the floor. Sirius barked with glee.
Remus smiled. “Happy now, I guess?” Sirius continued to splash a tremendous amount of water out of the tub. The dog toys were tossed around in the waves.
The professor put his wand away and kneeled beside the tub, rolling up his sleeves. “Come here, Sirius!”
Sirius obeyed and stopped bouncing around. He sat in front of Remus, pelt now soaked. Remus pumped some shampoo into his hand and started scrubbing Sirius’ messy, black coat. It wasn’t an easy task. Sirius kept fidgeting; sneezing off bubbles that tickled his nose, flicking his tail, shifting his position. Remus had to remind him multiple times to stay still.
Finally, Remus finished rubbing all the dirt and grime out of Sirius’ pelt. He sloshed his hands in the tub of water, getting rid of the soap. He dried his hands and took out his wand. “Aguamenti,” Remus said, pointing his wand at Sirius. Water spurted out of the tip, washing away the suds. When the stream stopped, Sirius’ pelt was soaked, water dripping from his muzzle. Feeling mischievous, Padfoot decided to share his wetness with the unfortunate professor. Sirius vigorously shook his pelt, spraying droplets of water everywhere.
“Merlin, Sirius!” Remus exclaimed, shielding his face with his hand. All he could see was a flurry of bubbles, fog, and water droplets.
When Sirius felt a little drier, he stopped shaking his pelt, looking quite pleased with himself.
“You’ve gotten me soaked!”
Sirius just did a sort of dog shrug and looked innocently at Remus.
“Oh- you little troublemaker…”
Remus stripped off the sodden tan suit vest he was wearing. Underneath was a linen white, long-sleeved undershirt.
“Come on, you. Hop out of the tub.”
Sirius leaped over the rim, slipping a little when he did so. He landed on a soft bath carpet that prevented him from falling over when he landed.
Remus dropped a towel on Sirius’ head unceremoniously. Then he crouched down and started to dry Sirius’ pelt.
Once all dry, Sirius’ pelt looked fabulous. It was much shinier than before, and much smoother. It gleamed in the old bathroom light.
“There! Now doesn’t that feel better!”
Sirius nodded his doggy head and barked a thanks. Then, he started to trot out the door, heading outside.
“Oh no, you don’t!” Remus said, grabbing Sirius and taking him to the living room, where he plopped him down. “You’re not going outside for the next couple days. I don’t want to have to bathe you again!”
Sirius then started another one of his tantrums.
Remus grinned. *It’s an endless loop, isn’t it?*
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