Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Jack was chilling in the closet with Hide one day, attempting to evade Seek who was pissed at him for stealing his Cinnamon Toast Crunch, when suddenly he realized he still had money remaining from The Incident™ He decided he wanted to buy a car so he could travel the world, preferably one that Hide's closet could fit into So he ultimately chose a Mercedes Benz. He went to Walmart, disguised as a normal person, looking to buy a Mercedes Benz. But the cashier made a comment on his skeletal appearance. "Why do you look like a skeleton?", The cashier said, acting scared Jack panicked so he decided that violence was the only way out of this. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME AND MY CAR ALIVE" He robbed the store, keeping the money he had remaining from The Incident™ He drove back to the hotel, crashing into the garden, killing Rush who just got back from the grocery store. To his surprise, Figure was there, staring at the statue, even though it couldn't see it. It heard the crash and decided to investigate It notice the sound of a car, which it didn't recognize So it decided to fuck around with it, when suddenly "OI GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR" Jack yelled from the distance, since the crash had flung him to the other side of the garden Figure sadly backed away from the car, deciding to once again stare at the statue But suddenly it got an idea What if it learned how to use the car? It decided that there was only one person that could teach it: Ambush, since it somehow knew that Rush fucking died.

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Figure went to Ambush, making Figure noises, trying to tell her that it wants to learn how to drive
At first she was tempted to decline, but then she realized it would help her destroy her political enemies, so she decided to teach Figure how to "drive"
After various different lessons, she rigged Jack's Mercedes Benz to actively search for the owner in an attempt to run them over
She then gave Figure the car, and told it to punch it.

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Jack was sitting at a bench when suddenly he heard a noise
It was coming closer, and closer,
And eventually…
…
Mercedes Benz.
He shot up from the bench and started running as fast as he could, looking back seeing Figure and Ambush in the front seats
"WHAT THE FUCK?" he yelled to them as they sped up
"YOU HAD THIS COMING JACK, YOU DISAGREED WITH MY PERFECT POLITICAL VIEWS, NOW GO FASTER SALAMI CREATURE" Ambush yelled back, telling Figure to speed up afterwards
But Figure had already turned it up to max speed, so it proceeded to bite Amush's head off
It then continued trying to run jack over for some reason
"DON'T DO THIS FIGURE YOUR NOT MY ENEMY AND I'M NOT YOURS"
turns out Figure had not put it up to the highest speed, and decided to turn up just now purely out of spite for Ambush
Shortly after, Jack was flattened.

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Eventually news got out that Figure ran over Jack with a Mercedes Benz, but they all forgave it, even Hide, because it was Figure, and it didn't know any better
Everyone attended Jack's funeral except Seek, who had other plans.
After the funeral, and after Jack had been buried in the garden, Seek decided to do something they had never thought of before: use an umbrella
They brought the umbrella into the garden and started committing grave robbery
Eventually they had reached Jack's corpse and looted it, grabbing the money he had left from The Incident™
They then proceeded to cover the body back up, and the next step in their master plan was in motion
They began looking for Jack's Mercedes Benz, and when they found it, they drove it back to Walmart
But this was not to return it, no, this was to hold it hostage.
Seek drove the Mercedes Benz through the entrance to Walmart, got out, and held the engine at gunpoint
"ALRIGHT, IF NO ONE LISTENS TO MY DEMANDS, THE MERCEDES BENZ GETS CAPPED, GOT IT?"
All the clerks and managers nodded their heads in synch
"I NEED EVERY SINGLE BOX OF CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH IN THIS ENTIRE STORE, ASAP"
they all proceeded to look for every single box of cinnamon toast crunch in the entire store, ASAP
Eventually they got every single box of cinnamon toast crunch in the entire store, asap, and brought it to Seek
Seek absorbed the boxes into their body so they can use it later and phased into the ground so they could teleport back to the hotel, which they didn't understand why they didn't do that to get to Walmart in the first place.

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Back in the garden, the ground was shaking, like an earthquake times 10.
Then suddenly, a skeletal fist shot it's way out of the ground, and turned into a middle finger
Jack had rose from the dead, plotting his revenge against Seek for stealing his shiny doubloons and his Mercedes Benz
He snuck through the library, where Figure was in time out for running over Jack, and down to the lobby, where Eyes was waiting for him
"Welcome, Jack, I've been expecting you" they said, menacingly
"You know what I want." Jack responded sternly
Eyes nodded, and handed him an AK-47.
Jack was going to fucking kill Seek
He made his way to one of the hallways of the hotel, and Seek appeared.
"You think a gun is gonna stop me when I have THIS?" seek yelled as their body was covered with Cinnamon Toast Crunch boxes, acting as armor
Jack was in for the showdown of his life. Only one would make out alive, and both of them have an advantage. Who will win? Only time will tell.

To Be Continued.