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Felix had tried not to notice that Ashe was slowing. It wasn’t Felix’s responsibility to watch over someone else and he sure as hell wasn’t going to ask if Ashe was okay but if Felix slowed too and walked alongside him then that his business alone.
It was only the four of them, Felix, Ashe, Sylvain and Dimitri with the others going towards their target from the other direction. While the Boar and Sylvain were on horse back and were well ahead of Ashe and Felix, Dimitri now twisted around in his saddle to look at them. Before Dimitri could slow for them to catch up, Felix glared at him and made a gesture and Dimitri rightfully continued on.
There was no point in all of them fussing over Ashe, not that Felix was fussing. He was simply walking a little slower because he felt like it, nothing else. They picked their way through the woods silently, Ashe’s gaze locked on the branches below so that he did not step on them. There should not be any enemies in the area but it was good to still be careful. It wasn’t a particularly difficult path but they had been traveling a few days already so it was only natural for Ashe to have gotten a little tired and maybe even moody.
Felix liked the quiet. Not every journey had to be filled with conversation, not that Sylvain ever understood that. He could simply appreciate the warm sun and not have to worry about small talk. It was nice this. Very nice.
“So,” Felix said. “Archery… It’s a thing.”
Ashe didn’t so much as look up from the ground and if anything Felix was grateful. There was no point in dignifying such a statement with a response.
Felix frowned. Maybe it wasn’t as silent as he had thought, he was certain that Ashe’s breathing was a little strange. They had been walking for a while now, he may just be out of breath. But the ground was flat and they had not been in battle for a few days and Ashe normally tolerated journeys just fine and if anything would often talk with Annette or Sylvain as they traveled.
It was all just a bit too quiet and a bit too loud.
“Ashe?”
The boy continued on but Felix stepped in front of him. Ashe did not stop, bumping into Felix. Felix expected Ashe to stumble back, an apology already on his lips, but he didn’t. He simply fell forward and in the rush to catch him, Felix overbalanced and hit the ground hard.
Felix cursed, his head hurting, but when he sat up he found that Ashe was still in his arms.
“Ashe?”
Felix readjusted Ashe carefully, his heart pounding in his ears, automatically looking for any sign of injury. There was no blood nor were there bruises that weren’t well on their way to healing. Ashe’s eyes were closed, his freckles standing out against his too pale face.
Holding Ashe close, Felix twisted around. Dimitri and Sylvain had continued further on, the horses disappearing into the woods. It was just the two of them and Ashe was unconscious and Felix was losing his mind. Just because Ashe was still breathing didn’t mean he was okay and Felix found himself setting a hand on Ashe’s chest, feeling it rise and fall as if it might stop at any moment.
“Boar!” Felix called.
He wasn’t panicked, of course he wasn’t panicked. He was a Fraldarius and Fraldarius’ never panic.
“Boar!” He yelled desperately again. “Dimitri!”
There was a sound and when Felix looked down at the boy in his arms he found Ashe’s eyes looking back up at him. There was no sign of recognition in Ashe’s eyes and he blinked slowly, unable to focus on Felix. Ashe’s hand twitched.
“Steady,” Felix said.
Ashe’s hand twitched again and Felix rushed to grab it, realising that he was going for the dagger on his belt.
“It’s me.” Felix said, holding his hand tightly. “You’re safe. It’s me.”
For another moment Felix feared that Ashe did not recognise him as any more than an enemy but then Ashe’s eyes watered and he relaxed further into Felix’s arms.
“I’m sorry.” Ashe mumbled.
“It’s okay,” Felix said.
“But I was going to hurt you.”
“Ashe, I said it’s-“
A perfect tear rolled down Ashe’s cheek and Felix floundered, not knowing what to do. Merecdes was the good one for emotional things, even Sylvain was better than Felix at this even if Sylvain was often the cause of people being upset.
Where the hell were Dimitri and Sylvain?
They must be well and truely away by now, Felix would just have to hope they noticed that Felix and Ashe were not behind them soon because Felix was out of his depths here. What was it that Sylvain usually did again, the few horrible times that Ashe had been injured or in the infirmary that always seemed to calm Ashe?
One arm still wrapped around Ashe, keeping him close, his other hand reached up and his fingers carded through Ashe’s silver hair. Ashe melted into the touch immediately and Felix would have been relieved if he hadn’t felt how hot Ashe’s forehead was burning. No matter why he was so easily moved to tears, the poor boy had a fever.
“How long have you been sick?” Felix demanded.
Ashe jolted away from him, looking away as if Felix was angry with him. Maybe Felix was angry but seeing Ashe react like that tore at his chest.
“Ashe,” Felix said. “I…”
What was there to say? He knew that Ashe was sick, he had just passed out for Goddess’ sake, but Felix had yelled at him anyway. Just another reason why it should be anyone else here. Felix was good at fighting. He was good at hurting, he was good at killing, he was not good at seeing his friend so confused.
Ashe shivered. He pulled a little further away from Felix but Felix held onto him a little more tightly.
“I’m okay.” Ashe said. “We should get to the others.”
“Absolutely not.” Felix said. “You can’t walk like this.”
As if taking it as a challenge Ashe stood up and Felix had no choice but to let him. Ashe’s legs shook, his eyes going glassy all over again. For one silent terrifying moment Felix thought that he might fall again but Ashe stayed standing, even when Felix got up too, hovering close by just in case.
Ashe took a step forward and he almost immediately overbalanced. Felix gripped his arm, keeping him steady. They should just wait here, wait for Dimitri and Sylvain to come back and find them.
The next step was a little more stable but Felix kept close by him and Ashe did not shake the hand off his elbow.
Ashe was breathing more heavily than Felix would like but he did not mention it as they continued on. He would occasionally slow, no doubt blinking back blurs, but no matter how much Felix tugged at him to sit down less he fall down Ashe continued on. After a time it was as if he were walking on autopilot, his gaze unfocused, eyes dulled, but his steps somewhat consistent.
Felix heard voices and his head perked up. Sylvain and Dimitri must have at last realised that they had lagged behind and had come to see if everything was okay.
“What took you so long?” Sylvain asked, his voice teasing.
“Ashe is ill.” Felix said. “He has a fever.”
Within a single moment Dimitri and Sylvain were launching forwards, their eyes wide with worry. While Ashe was in no danger, Felix still found himself stepping in front of him protectively.
“Why the hell would you make him walk?” Sylvain demanded.
“I didn’t make him do anything.” Felix snapped back.
“Guys…” Ashe mumbled behind him.
“You should have called out that something was wrong.” Sylvain said.
“I did! You’re the idiots who didn’t hear me.”
“Guys…” Ashe said.
“Who are you calling an idiot?” Sylvain puffed out his chest, rising above Felix.
Before Felix even heard Ashe shift his weight, a part of him already knew that Ashe was falling. He twisted around, grunting as Ashe slumped against him, his body dead weight. Felix heard Sylvain swear but Felix didn’t give a shit about him anymore, focused solely on getting Ashe safely to the ground.
Ashe was unconscious again, his face even paler than before.
Dimitri crouched beside Felix and Felix shoved aside the instinct to lash out.
“Sylvain,” Dimitri said. “Get the water skien. We need to get his temperature down.”
Without comment Sylvain did as he was bid, bringing over both his own and Dimitri’s waters. He passed one to Dimitri, setting aside the second, and ripped a length of cloth from his shirt. Wetting it, he wiped down Ashe’s face.
Ashe moaned, shuddering in Felix’s arms, but he did not wake.
Once Ashe’s face was clean of sweat and tears, Sylvain put more cool water on the cloth and moved it to the back of Ashe’s neck. For a moment his eyes fluttered and Felix foolishly hoped that his fever would break then and there but Ashe just resettled, eyes still stubbornly closed.
“He’s too weak to travel,” Dimitri said. “We will make camp here.”
“We are supposed to rendezvous with the others by nightfall.” Felix said.
He wanted to curse himself. The mission didn’t matter, not with Ashe like this, but his sense of duty gnawed at him.
Dimitri should have scolded him, incensed that Felix would be worried about getting to a mission on time when one of their own was unconscious in his arms. But Dimitri did not seem angry with Felix and if anything that just frustrated Felix more.
“I will send a message.” Dimitri assured him. “Do you mind holding him until the fire is ready?”
Felix would hold Ashe until the end of time if it meant that Ashe was comfortable. It wasn’t that Felix had gone soft, it was simply more practical to keep Ashe upright until a bed roll was laid out. Yes, it was practical, and no Felix’s heart did not race from the thought of putting him down, thank you for asking.
Sylvain passed Felix the cloth and Felix wiped down Ashe’s face the way that Sylvain had. Ashe leaned into the touch, giving off a moan.
The camp was made quickly, Sylvain setting a fire while Dimitri prepared a bedroll next to it. The Boar had even put his own cape on the bed as a blanket because of course he did. Felix tried not to bristle when Dimitri walked back over, knowing that Dimitri was only trying to help.
Before Dimitri could crouch down and take Ashe from him, Felix stood instead. Ashe was heavy in his arms, barely smaller than Felix himself, but he did not ask for any help. Ashe nestled his head into Felix’s chest, giving off a sigh, and Felix decided that he had done the right thing. There was no point in moving Ashe between too many people.
Coming to the bedroll, Felix carefully knelt down next to it. He didn’t want to let Ashe go. He was comfortable in Felix’s arms. Dimitri was watching him carefully and it took all of Felix’s will not to glare at him.
“Give him space.” He growled instead.
Dimitri moved back, raising his hands in surrender.
Carefully, so carefully, Felix lay Ashe onto the bed. Ashe moaned, a hand reaching back out for Felix. Felix took it gently, repositioning Dimitri’s cape so that it covered him and setting the hand beneath it. Ashe kicked his legs out of the makeshift blanket, too hot.
“It will help.” Felix said.
Ashe’s eyes fluttered open, taking a moment to focus on Felix.
“Hot.” Ashe mumbled.
“I know,” Felix said. “But like I said, it’ll help.”
Ashe’s face scrunched up in discomfort, readjusting and maybe even trying to sit up, but tiredness wore at him and his eyes threatened to close once more.
“Rest, Ashe.” He said.
Felix went to stand but Ashe’s focus latched onto him, more awareness in those green eyes since all this started.
“I’m not sick…” Ashe whispered.
“Illness is not weakness.” Felix said. “Rest.”
“I’m not sick. I can’t be sick, my siblings need me. I can’t die too… I’m all they have.”
There was a hitch of panic in Ashe’s voice and Felix found his heart sinking in his chest. How the boy must feel, so convinced that a mild illness would take him from his family.
“It’s just a fever.” He said. “You’ll be okay.”
Ashe shook his head, new tears brimming. His lip wobbled and Felix reached out, cupping Ashe’s cheek but Ashe flinched away from the touch.
“I’m sorry,” Felix said quickly, giving him space.
“It was a fever then too.” Ashe said. “It was all my fault.”
Realisation dawned on him and his heart felt ever heavier. Ashe was the adopted Son of a Lord but before then he must of had a family. He had had parents who loved him, parents who would do anything for him, sacrifice anything for him.
“They tended to you.” Felix whispered. “You were sick and your parents looked after you.”
The tears fell freely now as Ashe nodded. A shiver washed over him but Felix did not reach out to comfort him again.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Felix said.
“I was sick first.” Ashe said. “They wouldn’t be dead if it weren’t for me. My brother and sister… They don’t remember but I do. It was all my fault.”
“Ashe,” Felix said. “They looked after you because they loved you. I’m sure if they were here now they would not hesitate to tend to you again.”
“You should go.” Ashe said, tears streaming down his face. “Before the fever takes you too.”
“No. I’m not going anywhere.”
When he reached out his hand again, Ashe did not pull away. The boy just cried harder as Felix carded fingers through his hair, melting into the touch. Felix knew now that it hadn’t been Sylvain that found out how to comfort Ashe in this way. It had been his parents, mother or father Felix wasn’t sure, who had tended to him like this.
Felix thought back to when he himself was sick as a child. His parents did not touch his hair, they knew how much he hated people touching him when he was in pain, but he did remember how Glenn stayed by his side all the same, no matter how ill he got.
He’s my baby brother. Glenn would claim to whoever tried to pull him away. I have to protect him.
It was a simple obligation, one that was expected of an older brother. Except Felix had known even then that not all brothers were like that; he had seen the bruises on Sylvain’s skin from whenever Miklan hurt him so it couldn’t just be duty. Besides, Glenn had not even protected him back then; Felix had gotten sick again the very next winter with a much worse fever, one that had almost claimed him. Glenn did not protect him now either, could not protect him because he was long dead and Felix did not mourn for him.
But a part of Felix thought that maybe he understands why Glenn had stayed with him. It was out of love, not obligation like Felix had assumed, just like how Felix now would not leave Ashe’s side.
When Ashe’s body shook, fever ravaging through him, Felix stayed. When Ashe cried out, the body aches getting too much, Felix held him. When Ashe slept, exhaustion taking its toll, Felix stayed with him.
Dimitri and Sylvain kept their distance, not for fear of catching Ashe’s illness but out of respect that Felix had to do this.
Felix tried to get Ashe to drink a little when he was coherent but the boy struggled to keep it down. Wiping away the sweat from Ashe’s brow, Felix stayed with him. He spoke, softly, of things that did not truely matter but Ashe seemed soothed by his voice all the same.
Eventually the other Blue Lions found them, the mission long since called off until Ashe was well, but they too gave Felix and Ashe their space. Mercedes and Annette offered to help heal Ashe but tomes could only do so much for illness so it was still left to Ashe’s own body to fight off the fever.
The fire beside Ashe was kept well tended, the fur lined cape helping the fever melt away. Ashe flipped from hot to cold often, trying to get out from beneath the cape or burying further into it, his entire body shuddering, but Felix stayed with him even then.
Felix only ate when Dedue pressed a bowl into his hands, only drank when he was sure there was enough water for the washcloths. He slept in bursts, constantly vigilant in case Ashe’s condition were to change.
There had been whispers behind Felix, whispers of who should replace him so that he may rest fully, but he just twisted to them sharply with a glare. He would not leave Ashe, not while Ashe was still ill.
By some miracle, the topic did not come up again.
It took three days for Ashe’s fever to break and another day after that before he was able to sit unaided. Ashe still looked exhausted, sipping slowly on a soup that Dedue had made. He caught Felix’s eye and suddenly Ashe was smiling.
Ashe was okay. The boy had been so scared that the fever would take him and if Felix was being honest he had been scared too but Ashe was okay and when Felix found himself reaching out Ashe took his hand, holding it tightly.
“Thank you.” Ashe mouthed.
If Felix was smiling too then that was his own damn business.