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Everyone is always quick to say how great or how painful love is. Some will say that love is divine and precious, something that they can’t live without. And others will say it’s awful, how they wish they never fell in love.
But no one ever told Akaashi Keiji how weird love can be.
Throughout Akaashi’s life, he’s rejected affection. He hates when relatives and strangers come up and hug him or pinch his cheeks. He can barely tolerate long handshakes before he starts to cringe. And he always has to resist the urge to scream and run for the hills when kids from school try to confess to him. He likes people who keep their hands and words to themselves.
In other words, he—usually—likes people who are the exact opposite of Bokuto Koutarou.
Bokuto loves affection in every way, shape, and form. He likes affectionate words, affectionate touches, and affectionate glances. Giving and receiving them. That was something that Akaashi had figured out about ten seconds after they had officially met. Bokuto had barely known Akaashi’s name, yet he was quick to grab the setter by the hand and basically claim him. Granted, it’s not like Akaashi resisted very much. In fact, he was surprised at how he was almost enabling Bokuto’s behavior. It was like he was waiting, hoping for Bokuto to sling an arm around him and get into his personal space. It was odd and incredibly confusing. He didn’t quite understand what was going on.
So, when Bokuto confessed to Akaashi a few months ago, his whole world flipped entirely upside down. Then they kissed for the first time, and they touched each other’s souls, and Akaashi finally realized what was going on. He was falling in love.
By that time, it was far too late to back out.
Bokuto was like the sun. A giant, powerful, star that radiated warmth, life, and light, and Akaashi was too weak to try to pull himself out of his orbit. Now the little island that the brunet had been isolating himself in had inhabited a castaway. However, the change didn’t bother him at all.
It did not matter to him where Bokuto came from or why he came. All that really mattered was the way the boy made him feel.
Suddenly, Akaashi didn’t know how to tear his eyes away from the shining star in front of him. He didn’t know where to walk if his star wasn’t there to lead him. He wasn’t acting like himself. He became absentminded, too busy thinking about sweet text messages Bokuto had sent him the night before to pay attention to his teachers’ lessons. He became crazy, giggling alone in his room while thinking about how Bokuto had packed an extra rice ball in his bento box to share with Akaashi, because he knows that that’s his favorite food.
He found himself laughing more when Bokuto was around. He began to notice his smile. He saw himself in a different light. He saw the world in a different light. Everything seemed so much grander; like there was enchantment in the air.
It’s quite interesting when you like someone, Akaashi ponders. You start to notice that everything about them seems more attractive when it seems normal to everyone else. Their smile seems so much brighter. The sound of their voice is soothing. Their goofy laugh sounds much cuter. Every little thing about them just reels you in. It’s like their imperfections don’t seem bad at all.
To sum it up, Bokuto has utterly captivated him, and Akaashi has just been along for the ride every since. And now he is sitting on the spiker’s bed, reading his favorite book as Bokuto lays at his feet, studying for his finals.
Well, he’s supposed to be studying for his finals, at least. But Akaashi can feel gold eyes on him, watching his every move. Bokuto always gets too distracted by Akaashi when they study together. However, he gets slightly more distracted if they aren’t together. So Akaashi sticks with the lesser of two evils, so to speak.
“You’re staring again, Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto clears his throat, quickly looking away. “I’m not. I simply just glanced over in that direction, and you happened to be there.”
Akaashi snorts. “You need to focus on your homework.”
“Gah! It’s too hard! How can I focus when you’re just sitting there being all… you!”
“Being all me?”
“You know. You.” Bokuto gestures to Akaashi’s whole body. “You’re very pretty, Akaashi.”
This startles Akaashi. Pretty?
As cliche as it sounds, he’s never been called pretty before. Pretty is a word reserved for aesthetically pleasing things like sunsets or temples. Surely Bokuto doesn’t think Akaashi is as appealing as a sunset or a temple.
No, Akaashi has to stop himself from spiraling down that route. Now is not the time to analyze Bokuto’s definition of beauty.
What is even the right response to being called pretty, anyway? Simply saying ‘thank you’ feels wrong, but not saying anything definitely feels worse.
God, it feels like every time Akaashi almost has a grasp on this whole love thing, Bokuto is quick to level up. One final boss after the other.
“You’re—” Akaashi blurts out, too loudly for the solitude of Bokuto’s room.
The white-haired boy blinks, looking at him expectedly. “I’m what?”
Akaashi’s fists clench on his lap and he can’t look his boyfriend in the eyes. “You’re… pretty, too, Bokuto-san.”
Is that the appropriate response? If only Akaashi had a clue how relationships worked.
Bokuto seems to appreciate it enough, however. He flashes a bright smile and kisses a part of Akaashi that is closest to him—which happens to be his calf. “You’re prettier.”
They turn back to their respective projects without another word.
This has been their regular routine for almost two years. Even before they got together, they would meet up at Bokuto’s house to do homework. Akaashi has always found it comforting. Nevertheless, in a sudden fit of anxiety, the setter realizes that they won’t be able to have moments like this for much longer.
Bokuto is set to graduate in less than a month. While Akaashi is going to spend the summer studying and prepping for his third year of high school, Bokuto is going to be traveling the country and trying out for professional volleyball teams.
And they’ve talked about it before, sure. But the seriousness of the situation is finally beginning to settle in. They won’t get to see each other every day, maybe not even every week. One thing about love that Akaashi has forgotten to mention, is that now he has someone to lose. He doesn’t even want to think about what would happen if a long-distance relationship doesn’t work out.
Where would he go? Who would he talk to? How could he ever love again? Who would he become?
He’s seventeen years old and he hardly knows who he is without Bokuto Koutarou.
What a terrifying thought.
“Bokuto-san?” Akaashi asks, once again disturbing the peace.
“Yeah, Akaashi?”
“Does our age ever make you nervous about our relationship?”
“Our age?”
“Well… you know. Because we’re so young, we might not… understand our feelings very well. We might be rushing into things.”
It’s a horrible explanation, really. He’s never been good at expressing his emotions. It sounds too cold. But Bokuto seems to understand it well enough, bless his heart.
“I think it’s awesome that we’re in love at such a young age. Not everyone gets that, ya know? It’s like we have a head start on everyone else. I think we’re very lucky.”
Lucky? Huh. “You’re not worried at all?” Bokuto shakes his head. “No, why would I be?”
“You’re going to leave soon, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi whispers.
“I know. But that doesn’t mean I think there’s something to worry about. I’m going to call and text you all day, every day. And I’ll come home as much as I possibly can.” Bokuto gently kisses Akaashi’s knee this time. “There’s no need to worry, Akaashi. I believe we’ll be okay; I know we will. Besides, I wouldn’t date you just to break up with you.”
“Okay. So, what’s the opposite of breaking up?”
“Uh. Staying together?”
“Then, if you don’t want to ever break up with me, that means we’re going to be together forever.”
Bokuto nods. “Yup! The only way we will break up is if you break up with…” As Bokuto trails off, his eyes widen like he’s made a terrible realization. “Akaashi! you’re not going to break up with me, are you?”
Akaashi shakes his head and immediately and honestly answers with, “Not at all. Never.”
His partner visibly relaxes. “Oh. Okay. Good! So if I’m never going to break up with you, and you’re never going to break up with me, then we really are going to be together forever!”
The setter’s heart is beating at an alarming pace; he’s lost all control. Meanwhile, Bokuto turns back to his math homework, seemingly unaware of the implications of his words. Together forever. They both just admitted that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.
Dear God. Akaashi is seconds away from a heart attack.
“But how can you be so sure?” He mumbles.
Bokuto takes a second to think. Then he takes a deep breath and says, “I’ve been sure for a while. I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you. How good you look when you smile. How much I love your laugh. I daydream about you off and on, replaying pieces of our conversations; laughing at funny things you said or did. I’ve memorized your face and the way you look at me. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine. I wonder what will happen the next time we are together and even though neither of us know what the future holds, I know one thing for sure; you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I can’t imagine giving you up—giving this up.”
Oh.
Akaashi doesn’t know how to reply to that. He can’t breathe or swallow or think or move or live any longer. He feels like he’s outside of his own body. His soul has reached nirvana and he’s not coming back. Bokuto’s surety is overwhelming yet oh so gentle. How could Akaashi ever question it?
For someone who is nearly failing his linguistic class, Bokuto sure has a way with words.
“That’s very profound, Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto grins. “Like I said, not everyone is lucky enough to meet their soulmate at such a young age. We gotta take advantage of this opportunity... Did I use that phrase right, Akaashi? ‘Take advantage’?”
Akaashi nods then says, “I didn’t know you believed in soulmates.”
“Mhm. I guess I never really thought about it until now. I don’t believe that soulmates are chosen for us by some higher power or whatever, but I guess a soulmate is someone who you are bound to love no matter what. We can choose whoever that person may be. Like you and me, Keiji!”
That brings a smile to Akaashi’s face. “’Bound to love’, huh?”
“Yeah! Like, I think that we were always supposed to meet. Whether that was in elementary school, high school, or when we’re fifty. Either way, we would’ve met, and we would’ve fallen in love.”
Akaashi is starting to understand now. Soulmates will always find a way to make it work. And he wholeheartedly agrees.
“I think I’ve been waiting for you my whole life, Koutarou. And it’s been worth every minute.”
Bokuto freezes slightly at the use of his given name. Akaashi almost wants to backtrack, embarrassment rapidly filling him. But then the spiker beams at him. He then surges forward ad smothers Akaashi with kisses. His mouth, his cheeks, his neck. Telling him over and over again that he loves him, and the brunet laughs and clutches him close.
Every time Bokuto says it, those words fill Akaashi up. They wrap themselves around him like a warm, smothering, strong hug and makes him feel safe and cherished, pushing out every doubt that he has ever felt.
“I love you, Akaashi Keiji. Most in the world.”
Bokuto loves Akaashi.
“I love you, too, Bokuto Koutarou. Most in the world.”
And Akaashi loves him right back.
They are in love.
Akaashi Keiji wasn’t looking for anything at all when he met Bokuto Koutarou. Actually, he wasn’t planning on falling for anyone any time soon. But then Akaashi met him. And that was it.
It sounds so simple, even though accepting those feelings was anything but simple for him. Things just happened. Akaashi found Bokuto and found himself slowly wanting to spend time with him. That was simple. That was easy. Akaashi presumes that’s how the best relationships begin. When you’re not looking for anything and then suddenly you realize; you have something. A lovely plot twist in the most beautiful story.