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Two ships of the 100 beast pirates are on the open sea. Queen himself, the party beast, has decided that Who’s-Who and Sasaki should set sail and do his chores. Those two Tobi Roppo should take their crews and set sail for Green Bay, a satellite base of the 100 beast pirates. The orders are: "Go to that god damn base and buy ammunition and steel in the region. The steel there is of crystal clear quality, and the ammunition is cheap. Our supplies are running low soon.
What is it? Why I don’t go myself? That's what you are here for, you idiots!". Those were the words with which they were send off. When you departed a few weeks ago, Yamato stayed until the last moment to wish you a save journey. You cared about Yamato and got along with him well. It did not interest you that others in the 100-beast crew did look down to Yamato. He was your friend, he was strong, and made an excellent drinking buddy. He also trained with you often and taught you some of your best melee moves. You both shared a common joyful, adventurous spirit.
Ulti also came to tell you goodbye. But she did so in her own way. She stood a bit further away, giving you a wave when you left. Ulti was a handful to heal with. Many disliked her for how she snapped from one mood to another. She was irritating sometimes, especially when it escalated into a brawl. But you figured she appreciated it when you showed her some understanding. No one had considered that she could have a personality disorder. You have a heart for those that stick out.
You are one of the few in the crew that devoured a real devil fruit. You can make yourself light as air or as heavy as steel. This also applied to anything you touched, your luggage and your weapons. This power proved to be very useful to move around. Some pirates could see you sometimes, jumping from one floor in Onigashima to the next one. You made yourself lighter than air and pushed yourself off the ground. But don’t misunderstand. A weighted fist made for a forceful punch. Usually, when you were alone, you would make yourself lighter than air, and hover through your room. It was meditative. You felt so much joy floating through the air. Those that get to know you, will describe you as energetic bundle, jumping around, sprinting by.
You have been a part of the 100 beast pirates for half a year. You were still considered fresh meat among the battle hardened ones of the crew. If they even knew you to make that degrading judgement. Sasaki was one of the few you got along with well. You saw him time and time again from a distance, like any of the Tobi Roppo. But not long ago you got to chat with him over a bit of sake and rum at a bar in Onigashima. Your sight was memorable. And that made you approachable to him.
Some know you as the engineer, or as the sniper. You took your masterpiece always with you, a huge gun, when measured from its end to its tip, could reach up to your chin. You build it yourself and it was your pride and joy, not to mention destructive. Its barrel is 3 cm wide and the middle section reminded others of a machine gun, for it is clunky and massive. This gun is your heart and soul, your pride and joy. You are a skilled artillery engineer, and a sniper by heart. This gun is for long distance combat. It is unwieldy, but you are lean and muscular and can carry it well enough. On lazy days you would simply make it a little lighter. But carrying it around was great training. You had to be prepared for a fight at any given moment anyway.
So Sasaki and Who’s-Who set sail a ship each. You, (reader), are one among Sasaki’s crew. It is your first journey on the sea since you joined the 100-beast pirates. And the only person you somewhat know on this ship is Sasaki. He is incredibly tall and intimidating with his fangs and long horns. Once you boarded the ship to, you mistakenly thought that you could banter with him like you did in the bars on Onigashima every other week. But that is not the case now. His stance is leading and powerful. He is the officer of this ship. He has a crew to command. His gaze is degrading, you thought. The initial greeting of yours did fall on deaf ears. You felt embarrassed and continued loading the crates onto the ship, avoiding him as much as you could.
It has been three weeks since you departed and for the entire time you felt awkward and to be honest, like shit. But you could not show that. You got your breakfast and dinner with the last wave of people, at a different time than Sasaki. You were often busy with tasks that were given to parts of the crew, so you were spared of being spoken to directly. When he addressed you to give you an order, you accept them with a formal salute and went about your way. You will not show your grudge. You will not make a fool out of yourself. Sasaki can shove his bottle where the sun doesn't shine. In the meantime, you spent the lazy afternoons and evenings with other members of the crew. You got to know Miss Dot, the navigator. She was tall and kept her hair short and practical. She said her great grandmother was a giant from Elban. Then there was Chikon. You knew him by sight since you joined the 100-beast pirates. He belonged to the same generation of newcomers. That is also why shared the same schedule when it came to your training. But you did not get to talk to him yet until this voyage. You often played cards and chatted over some sake. While you also got along with more people in the crew, you preferred to spent time with those two. They shared your type of humour.
When the fourth week came to an end, you sit at the back of the ship, where you had some peace and quiet. The night is warm, the breeze caresses your skin. You sit so that your legs could dangle down between the railings. With your wooden sandals from Wano you thud against the ship’s backside. You hold onto the railings for dear life when you hear heavy footsteps come up the stairs behind you. 'Oh no please don’t. Please please ignore me' you thought.
"It's a bit late isn't it?" Sasaki said.
'Dumb fuck'
"Kind of." you respond.
"Chikon and Tev are currently causing a fuss over some common crush they have over a woman from the Waiters. They were close to throwing fists like children."
"Should you not go and act like a good captain then? Pull them from each other or give them a lecture or something?", you wave your hand around in a demeaning way, hoping he would get the hint.
The following awkward silence is deafening.
He sighs and places a bottle next to you. If he thinks he can undo his hurtful behaviour with some alcohol he...could almost be right. You grabbed the bottle.
"Listen", he starts. You would give anything to disappear out of thin air to avoid this conversation.
"I have a task to fulfil here. We are pirates and this demands a certain authority that can easily be undermined."
"Authority does not get drunk on a day to day basis, in broad daylight.", you spit back.
You were very obviously hurt. It felt embarrassing to finally let that slip out. You have been such good buddies back in Onigashima, in the late hours of the entertainment district. In the bars, with Kyoshiro, the yakuza boss. Rarely even Who’s-Who would join in. That he simply put you off and avoided looking at you the moment you set foot on his ship was a grave insult to you. How you ignored his stance back then, how you still casually greeted him,... it made you sick thinking of it. You bump your head against the railings. It was so frustrating and awkward.
"You have a way of going around and approaching people that makes you vulnerable for the life we life (reader)."
He hit a spot that you hated. He pokes your personality like it is a pile of dung that needs to go overboard as soon as possible. You would not gift him an answer.
He sighs again and takes a sip out of his own bottle that he brought. He seemed worried.
"I never asked you what you did before you joined the 100-beast pirates."
"I have been a pirate for a while already. Maybe for 4 or 5 years."
You opened the peace offering and tasted it. It is mild and sweet.
"I learned artillery engineering as an apprentice in my hometown in the East Blue. Then I killed the disgusting and violent wife of my little brother."
It was out. You did kill someone, without an excuse like self-defence. You took another sip.
“She was a piece of shit. Although it was kind of an accident, dead is dead. And an outlaw is an outlaw.”
You truly hated her. You do not want to go into the details that motivated you to do it.
“I imagined you were pressured by an ultimatum like ‘become a pirate or be sold in the new world’, but that sounds more like you, now that I think about it.”
“More like me?”
“Yeah. It sounds clumsy. You said it was an accident?”
Did he just reduce the murder of my sister-in-law to an ‘oopsie’? The turning point of your life? You blurred out:
“Holy shit you have the sensitivity of a flounder. A really stupid flounder!”
For a short moment he looks at you like you could glow in the dark on command.
“You know I am a fishmen, right?”
You spit out your drink.
“Oh god I’m sorry. Are you though? I thought you are an Oni like Yamato and Kaido!”
Sasaki could not hold back his laughter. It sounds so nice, so heartfelt and real.
And he does not stop.
“Are you done laughing at me?” you argued with a red face.
Slowly his laughter reduced to a chuckle and he gained back his composure.
“I am not easily hurt like that. It takes a bit more to reach that. But your reaction was fantastic to look at.”
Your face feels hot from the embarrassment. You really have a talent for this.
“But this is what I mean. You should not back down immediately or react so defensively. This crew is filled to the brim with pirates that will love to take advantage of this. This is what you need to understand about my position as Tobi Roppo.”
“It took you three damn weeks to talk to me!”
You do understand. But you craved the easy-going contact that you can have with those that you trust. The comfort of knowing someone. Being able to let your guard down just a bit. The same way you did treat each other in Onigashima.
You did not expect the conversation to turn the way it did. You did not open up like this until now. Neither of you did. This is more personal than your talks in the bars before.
The next day the two ships are caught in a storm. It is brutal. The heavy rain whiplashes on your skin, the violent gust takes your vision. You could barely open your eyes. With your gun always by your side, you march across the deck. The sails had to be pulled in, otherwise they would tear. Your power to make yourself and your gun heavier did help you greatly in storms. Sure, you could barely keep your eyes open against the wind, but you are solid and grounded. Nothing can move this rock. The thunder is frightening, and the wind can easily push smaller sized passenger off the safety of the ship deck and into the dark depths.
A loud snap can be heard to your right. A canon came loose and was shifting towards you. You cannot stop this projectile, not with all your might. It is dashing towards you and in a knee-jerk reaction, you lift your weight and jump up. The canon dashes past, below you, with a loud crash into the railings and off the ship. You were not crushed, you did not die.
But oh no, the storm is violently pulling you away! It tucks and pushes you, back and forth, up and down, away and away from the ship. You can see your crew on the ship, some at the railings, yelling something you cannot hear.
You are off. Off and away from the ship. You are flying across the open ocean. Sasaki had to witness it. In the middle of him barking orders at his men to secure the cargo, to pull in the sails, to secure the canons, he saw you.
Dashing to the railing, he calls out for you. A man on deck yells "MEN OFF BOARD". But there was no-one in the water to fish out. It is only you, whirling around, tumbling and rolling in the air, clinging to your precious gun. To the men on deck you look like a sheet of paper that was let go in the storm. In all directions you were thrown, up and down, left and right, violently by the storm. It rips on your clothes, it slaps hair in your face, it tugs on you. The storm is a hungry wolf, pulling away its prey from the safety of its den.
You are being ripped away and away, further and further from the safety of the ship, Sasaki’s ship. All they can do was watch, while you disappear like a leaf in the wind.
You were gone. Just as fast as the storm appeared, it took you with it.
A sense of panic dwells up in Sasaki. This can't be happening. Were you really so stupid to let this happen to you? You are not on the high sea for the first time. You are such an idiot, why did you do that? Why did you get light and jumped off? “MEN OFF BOARD” someone yells again. Oh no. When the wind pushes you into the water, you will drown. You will drop like a stone. You will fall, and you will die. This can’t be happening. There is nothing nearby on which you could get to safety. You are at the mercy of the ocean. At the mercy of the brutal sea. Oh god no. “MEN OFF BOARD” they yell. “TURN THE DAMN SHIP”, Sasaki thundered to his men.
The storm passed. Both ships are following the wind direction in which you were blown, northwest. Who’s ship followed suit once he was informed with a transponder snail. Who’s-Who entered Sasaki’s ship and left his ship, that was still following, under the leadership of his second in command.
Who’s-Who asks: “Why do we search for her? Because Yamato would make you one head shorter?”.
Sasaki sighs and loosens the grip on his sword.
“If Kaido won’t be happy if he finds out that we lost a true devil fruit user and then abandoned them when we could have saved them. No matter if Kaido knows her or not. I doubt they ever met.”
“Sure.” Who’s-Who sarcastically said. He then turns away, gazes at the horizon, takes a breath through his cigarette and thinks. After a moment he nods. “Yeah, fair point to be honest.”.
“Eventually she is a 100-beast pirate. She will safe herself probably.”
“How are you so sure about this?”
“I am not. But we have a mission to go after and the target is Green Bay.”
“I don’t want to go against Queens orders, but he never cared much about punctuality. We go to Green Bay once we got her back.”
“You are such a stubborn rock for fucks sake. Do whatever you want.”
“See, this is the reason why your subordinates can’t stand you Who’s-Who. You would let them drop like hot stones at the slightest inconvenience.”
He snapped he cigarette in his hands.
“Your ‘subordinate’ happens to be the girl you take out for drinks every week.”
“Oh, get lost Who! Go play with some yarn you shorthair.”
Who’s laughs out loud.
That was degrading, Sasaki thought. You are not just that, you are his friend. He really liked your demeanour. You would not judge anyone by their reputation alone. You did befriend the young lord Yamato, even the nuisance Ulti. You would form your own opinion of someone before you decided if they were worth throwing fists with. And you did throw fists with some, like when a greedy Gifter tried to pickpocket him in the streets of the entertainment district. It had an odd effect on him when you proudly presented to him the green and blue beaten thief. It tingled.
They kept sailing northwest. Always northwest. There was no island in sight, no matter how long they sailed. No island on which you could have been stranded. No rock to grip on when the waves pushed you around if you fell. This means you have not encountered any spot of land on which you could have saved yourself on.
12 Hours passed and there is still no sight of you. Nothing on the water’s surface can be seen, just the endless sea. Nothing on the horizon that flies like you do. The storm passed around the 3 hour mark since the search began, but the rain still poured. It was a cold reminder that you have nowhere to take shelter and nowhere to hide from the cold. It makes Sasaki angry.
Sasaki stays on deck. He walks up and down. He takes strolls along the ship’s railings, to keep his feet busy and to work out the nervousness in his legs. When he walked along the railings, he can always keep an eye on the horizon, and check all directions regularly. As an officer, he needed to ensure the safety of his crewmembers. He also had to keep safe Kaidos precious investments. A crew member costs a lot of money and energy. The food they eat, the beer they drink.
He had to ensure the safety of the crew.
And of Kaidos men.
And of the friend he lost.
Sasaki had ordered right at the start of the search for three men to remain in the crow’s nest and to keep out a watchful eye. No one was allowed to leave it until their replacement has arrived. He made that point very clear, with a smashed bottle or two.
24 hours passed. The likelihood of men getting lost at sea that manage to rescue themselves was 20% by now. The rain is gone. What is left of it was the smell of wet wood. The men on board did not celebrate the passage of the storm. They sit. And they wait. Losing a man at sea was always a brutal reminder of the pirate life they lived. Each and every one would give a finger, some maybe even a hand, if they could save or bring back a nakama they had lost. While it was not loyalty to Kaido that held them together, it was a sense of comradeship. A shared life, a shared experience, and a shared bottle of rum.
Cold sweat forms on the back of Sasaki’s neck. This is awful. The waiting is awful. The uncertainty even more so. What if they missed you? What if you already sunk down to the bottom of the ocean? And they sailed right past where you sunk? Every hour or so he bothered his navigator Miss Dot, if she is certain about the original wind direction. If they took the wrong course they would have no chance to find you. He asked time and time again if they were still sailing in the direction in which you were blown. But he did not need to ask. He saw that the sails were at their capacity, that they were sailing straight with the wind, in the direction you would be moving towards. If you did not sink.
Then the wind turned. Questions were raised. Whispers among the men. If the wind turned, how should they proceed? Should they continue in the direction in which you have moved, or should they also change direction and keep following the wind? Sasaki clenched his jaw. A decision was necessary, and he has to provide it. He has to lead them. He has a crew to keep together.
Miss Dot approached him: “Sir, since we don’t know how far she moved since we got separated, and the wind changed direction,…”, she gulped, ”I mean to say that we can’t tell what route she is moving on. The fact that the wind changed direction makes this endeavour more difficult.”.
“I know.”
“If we turn the ship now, we might not be on her exact course anymore.”
“I said I KNOW.”
Sasaki was boiling.
Who’s-Who leans against the mast, glancing up to the crow’s nest. The three men were changing shifts. He attempts to help Sasaki. Attempting is a good word. He had no special skill or knowledge to improve the chances of success. He would rather go back and follow the orders they were given.
“I hate to say this, but is it really worth going off course for an entire day for one crew member? I get that no devil fruit user should be lost,…”, he turned to Sasaki, ”and I really don’t want Yamato to go on a rampage either. But our original mission is already delayed. Trading partners that appear too late for a deal get worse prices.”
Sasaki fletches his pointy teeth, but before he could answer, a member of the crew, Chikon perked up: “Realistically speaking, we can still find (reader). The wind blew steadily in one direction so far, and that gives us only one direction in which we need to search. If I understand her powers well enough, there is nothing that could deviate her off this course.”
Miss Dot looks up to the sky, with a hand on her chin. She exhals and thinks out loud: “If we know how strong the wind was, and how long it has been since her ‘departure’, and how long we have sailed, we should be able to calculate how far she must have flown before the wind turned.”
“Do that. And do it quickly.” Sasaki orders. With a salute Miss Dot disappears into her cabin.
Who’s-Who chuckles: “Given (reader) did not fall into the ocean of course. In that case no educated search operation will be enough.”
Sasaki wishes he could toss Who into the ocean and let him search down there. He is so annoying. He understands nothing.
They calculated that you must have flown 120 nautical miles ahead of their ships current position, before the wind changed direction. Give and take 5 nautical miles which they spent discussing the pressing issue at hand.
30 hours pass. They have a rough guess about your route and decide to not sail the identical route, but to skip the hard corner of the calculated course, moving in a curve rather until they got back on track. That way they should hopefully come closer to your actual position.
There is nothing in sight. No island was nearby, not even cliffs. There was nothing you could have dropped on to seek refuge. No lone single palm island to grab onto. The statistical chance that you would be found, 30 hours after getting lost, was close to 10%. If you dropped into the water out of exhaustion, it was 0%.
48 hours pass. “CAPTAIN!”, someone yelled from the crow’s nest. “THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE WATER!”. Sasaki jolts awake, he leaned half asleep against the mast.
“Fucking- WHERE?”
“NORTH NORTH WEST CAPTAIN!”
They sail towards the target, and fish a lone wet sandal out of the water. It was a wooden sandal in the style of the Wano people.
The soaked up wooden sandal gives everyone a bad gut feeling. Like someone was grabbing their stomach forcefully and twisted it.
The search continues. It is the third night since the storm approached. More hours passed.
48 hours. No sight of you. There is nothing in the water. No island nearby. The men’s feet hurt from the long shifts in the crow’s nest. Who’s-Who left the ship and boarded his own again. He demands from Sasaki to turn around and set sail for their original target, Green Bay. They are significantly off course and needs to return and follow Queens orders.
50 hours. Absolutely nothing. No second sandal, no clothes, no leather strap of your gun. They did not even encounter a seaking that could have eaten you. If you even made it so far. Only if you did not drop.
55 hours. Who’s-Who calls on the den den mushi and asked how it was going, with legitimate concern in his voice. But the rare expression of worry was meant for Sasaki, no one else. Sasaki pretends to be asleep when his second in command picks up the den den mushi and answers the call. They should return soon.
A small island passed nearby, but its entire surface could be seen from a distance and you were not on it. You must have drowned by now. You probably fell, pushed into the waves by the wind. Even if you could make yourself lighter than air, even if you could attempt to stay high up in the sky, your stamina has a limit. If it ran out, you must have died. You must have drowned by now.
58. Nothing. It was agonizing. If the ocean would at least not be so cruel to pull you into its depths. If they could at least find your remains.
Dawn is breaking. The sun is setting and will rob the crew of another 9 hours of sunlight. They needed the light to spot you. The crow’s nest crew changes places for the 11th time since the order was given. Chikon just sat down in the nest. He was there to replace one of his crewmates from his long shift. He stares into the distance. All he saw was the vast ocean. The ocean that brought him so much joy in his life, brought him to the most fascinating places, the same ocean that already took crewmates in the past. He is keeping watch to the west, roughly the direction from which they came from, a bit to the side.
A bird glitters. Seagulls were normal near small islands.
It glitters. Why?
He jolts upright. He tenses and stares, grabbing the railings of the crow’s nest. He clutches the pair of binoculars. Why was he so hectic, the other two asked.
There you are.
You are hovering barely a meter above the ocean’s surface, clinging tightly to your precious gun. Your stamina, your ability to stay afloat must come to an end.
This is where they came from! They must have barely scratched you in their visible radius. They just barely grazed your path. You hang so low, the tired predecessors in the nest must not have seen you between the waves. On top of it, you were so far away! You are just barely within the range what they could possibly see.
Chikon hesitates. For a second it dawns on him.
No one would have seen you.
No one but he himself saw you.
Your life is in his hands. He is the only barrier between you and certain death.
He tenses, pulls in a deep breath, and then with all his might – “WEST SOUTH WEST! WEST SOUTHWEST!”
The crew on deck got up from their slumber.
A new island? A second sandal?
A bloated corpse?
The excitement only reaches a handful of pirates, if they can see what Chikon is pointing towards.
Far far in the distance, barely visible, a little glittering ball is hovering just above the waves. A little ball with a metal pole sticking out, your guns barrel. It had to be you. It was you! So small, so round.
When the shouts come from above, Sasaki is sitting in a slumped stance on the bench in his captain’s cabin. He has rejected another call from Who’s-Who. It takes a moment or two before he starts moving. He has dark circles under his eyes, that decorated them like bracelets. He opens one eye lazily, sighs deeply and takes a gulp from his bottle. He finally gets up, and smacks open his door. To his right, at the railing, he sees his crewmen gathering and staring out into the ocean. They chat eagerly, tense and excited.
“Could that be her?”
“Is it??”
“No way.”
“I mean, have you seen anything shaped like that before?”
“A bird does not hover like this.”
“I can’t see it at all, we are moving away too quickly!”
“Officer Sasaki!”
They turned with wide eyes.
When Sasaki could see the tiny dot, it took him a moment. It feels like a brick that falls on his chest, and all his energy comes back. All the panic from before. It takes hold of him like an iron fist.
“TURN THE SHIP! NOW!”
He grabs one of the pirates at the railing by his collar and swings him towards where the sails were tied to.
“TURN THE GODDAMN SHIP!”, it thunders from him. Thunders like the storm in which you got lost.
Just like that all hell breaks loose on deck. Everyone sprints to their positions. They turn the rudder, adjusted the direction in which the enormous sails face. They need to turn, quickly! But the ship is large, heavy, and did not bother about the silly lives of humans. It groans, swings softly, and slowly but steadily it turns right. It has all the time in the world. Sasaki does not have the time and neither do you.
If this is truly you, if all you can do to cling to your life was hover a mere meter above the waves, a single meter away from your death, you could drop any second now.
The ship turns. Softly, steadily. Like a grandmother that looks over her shoulder. It has to face the wind now. It has to go where it came from. Against its natural wish.
Sasaki still stands by the railings, he demands a telescope. He barks at them to hurry. Before they arrive in his hands, Chikon above yells again. He looks like he almost falls out of the crow’s nest:
“IT’S HER! It is definitely (reader)!”. Chikon can see you more clearly now, since they are finally moving towards you. This time for certain.
Miss Dot chimes in: “Well then, then let’s get back our nakama!”
Sasaki’s hands tremble when he is being given the telescope he demanded. Tremble? How embarrassing. It must be the lack of sleep, or maybe the sake.
Just a moment he holds in, before he lifts it to his eyes. There he saw you. Your gun floats just slightly above the waves. You cling around it as if you are just sleeping, hugging your favourite creation like it was a long pillow that you hug while you sleep tight. You look almost peaceful in a sense. But that was a false impression. This is dangerous.
You do not even notice the ship on the horizon. You cannot hear anything, not the ship, not the crew, not the yelling. You hear nothing but the sound of the waves, the sound of your death just below you.
The ship gets closer. It crawls across the water’s surface, against the wind.
There you are. So close! Hurry up! Hurry! A little closer, a bit more! Grab onto her! Hold her! Do not let her fall!
You are being pulled.
Away from the ocean’s surface.
Away from the waves.
Away from the seakings, the oceans floor, the endless sound of raging waves.
More arms that reach for you, that hung out to you.
More hands that hold onto you tightly.
Up the ship, the round wooden castle.
Up and away from the blue.
Onto the railing.
Onto the deck.
The crew on deck let out excited shouts. They did it! They finally found you! It has been 58 hours since you disappeared like a leaf in the wind. They searched the entire forest just to find you. It has been so long, but you did hold through? All this time? That is truly amazing! Now they can turn back and fulfil their orders. But
The immediate circle around you fell quiet. Miss Dot, Chikon, Sasaki and the others, they all wonder. Why do you still float? Do you not notice them? Do you not realize that you have been rescued?
In the middle, there, you hover. You still cling tightly to your gun. Like a tight ball. Two or three hands hold you in place, holding onto your clothes and ankle. They will not let you go until you were grounded.
But you do not drop. You do not let go. You hold tight. You are not weak. You do not even open your eyes.
Sasaki places the palm of his hand on your back and whispers: “You can let go now (reader).”
Just another moment. Just a minute more. A minute more and they will come and get you.
Hold on a little more.
“It is fine. You are on board. You can let go.”
Nothing. A shiver. You shiver and tense.
With all the power that is left in you, you tense and cling tighter to your gun, holding it with a mighty grip. The wind is cold, and your clothes are wet. It has robbed you of so much warmth.
“(reader)?”
They will be here any moment.
You will be back on the ship.
Back in Onigashima.
Back to Yamato, Ulti and Sasaki.
Back to him.
You sigh, your arms let go, your knees go soft. You drop your head.
And fall onto the deck.