Chapter Text
Freedom had always felt like an ephemeral concept to me. Ever since the day I was born, I had been chained to someone or something else. My mother conceived me not out of love or desire for a child but to use me to exact her revenge; I had a reason to exist before I could even learn how to speak.
When I was no more than a child, I was turned into the first maiden. From that point until my eighteenth birthday, I was confined to being no more than a statue. I was forbidden to make noise or engage in any conversation or social event, nor could I be seen by anyone who was not the priest, Callum, King Jalara, or my mother. They had turned me into a ghost that wandered through the palace. Then, when I turned eighteen, my mother tried to ascend me, failed miserably, and murdered me. After I died, I thought I'd be free, that I'd be a ghost who didn't have to be the maiden. I was wrong. I was no longer the maiden, but neither was I free; I had become my mother’s obsession, a constant and living reminder of her failure. A part of her hated me for it. The burden of the sword was what I was tied to after my ascension. I was turned into a soldier, an assassin, and a handmaiden for my
mother. Never before in my life have I felt free to simply be.
I had not experienced freedom myself, but I knew what it looked like. I have seen it in the inhabitants of Solis while wandering in the darkness of the low town streets. I have seen men and women take decisions without hesitation, without being careful of who could be watching or listening. Some things had seemed meaningless to them; those were acts that were almost daily for them, while others had seemed life-changing. Nevertheless, they were the ones to decide. If they wanted to speak, they would speak, and if they wanted to dance, they would dance. I could barely exist without getting any punishment.
If I could live, how would I do it? I have asked myself that question hundreds of times. When I was a teenager, I had convinced myself that I was not ready to live like the other citizens of Solis and that the world would eat me alive. Liberty scared me at some level, and it still does. What was I like when I was not afraid to be me? I didn’t even know who I was. But I was ready to take that risk; enough was enough.
My forehead rested against the cooled crystal of the castle’s library’s window as I observed the first moments of light as the sun rose from behind the Blood Forest. To everyone else, that day was no different from any other. I had been extremely careful not to do anything that could draw any unwanted attention. The only thing out of the ordinary was the lightweight backpack that I had hidden a few days ago in the library inside a hole in the wall behind one of the many paintings. I watched as the sun slowly rose, lightening up all the corners of Carsodonia; the city and its people became alive as the nightlife of the Palace died. That was my signal to get to the rise that surrounded the capital. Just as we had planned.
I made my way to the northern part of the rise, the one that faced Niel Valley, where our journey would begin. I kept my hood up and my body as close to the shadows as possible, despising looking just like a handmaiden. I was wearing my usual uniform, aside from my painted face and dyed hair. Together with that, nobody knew what I looked like or that I even existed. Most people were clueless about me; my mother had made sure of that. As far as I can tell, only she, Jalara, Callum, and Malik knew who I was and what I had been. Everyone else who had ever found out had been murdered by the blood queen.
The city's tower bells chimed just as I arrived at the foot of the Rise, warning the people of cravens. The majority of the guards on the rise hurried to the sudden portion of the rise where a medium group of craven had made their way, which was unusual in that it was not accompanied by the mist that appeared with them. The north tower was now desertic. My steps echoed against the rock surfer of the rise; most people were still asleep, and the ones that were awake had their attention on the “craven attack." When I turned into one of the corners, I was faced with the bodies of two unconscious guards and a dark, faceless shadow. I smiled at the sight of it, a truly full smile, the kind that seemed to grow in me only when he was around.
“Hi,” I said. “I got distracted by the sunrise, and I might have left the castle a few minutes later than we agreed on.” The man in the shadows didn’t say a word, but in the blink of an eye, his body was pressed against mine, kissing me fiercely. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling down his hood and pushing him closer to me, demanding more of him until he slowly pulled away.
His forehead rested against mine, and I could feel his hot breath against my mouth. My eyes were still closed, and my skin was burning in impatience. With him, it has always been like that; ever since the day we met, I have been drawn to him in a way that I couldn’t exactly explain. I opened my eyes slowly and slightly reluctantly, not wanting to break the little bubble we'd created. In front of me, with his eyes closed, swollen cherry lips partly opened, and his sandy hair dancing with the morning breeze, there stood my prince and my lover, Malik Elian Da’neer. I couldn't stop myself from cracking a silly smile.
“I missed you, but we should get going," he murmured. but neither of us moved. We knew we had to, and the sooner we left, the better, but I just couldn’t bring myself to break the embrace.
I haven’t seen or heard from him in two whole months. The blood queen sent Malik to Pendurth, a small city near Macedonia, for three months as some type of punishment. Malik might be a prince in Atlantia, but in Solis, to my mother’s eyes, he was nothing more than a prisoner, probably even less than that. I had no doubt that she would execute him and send his head to his mother if she didn’t have a purpose for him in the same way she had for everyone else. The Atlantian prince has no real power in Solis; any deviation from the rules is severely punished, as was the case two months ago after the Blood Queen realized that Malik had never recognized her as his ruler. He had refused to bow before Isbeth and acknowledge her as his true queen, thus denying his parents' status as legitimate rulers and himself and his brother, Casteel, as true heirs. This ended with Malik being sent for three months to Lord Meizin in Pendurth, where only the gods and he knew what they did to him. Being away felt like a nightmare, one of those where you wake up relieved that it's over but the sense of true panic you felt while sleeping lingers for the rest of the day. I would never lose him like that again.
“Yes, we should.” My voice came out muffled by his chest. Malik took a step back and held my hand between his. I don’t know what he saw on my face, but his features softened.
"Everything will be fine," the prince said as he kissed my fingers softly and smiled at me. He sounded sure of his words, as if he could see the future and know for certain what was coming to us.
With our hands still tightly held together, we walked to the border of the rise. As I stood there facing the blood forest, I thought about the plan we have spent the past year crafting. First, we would flee Masadonia at its quietest hours, then we would head into the blood forest until we reached Padonia; from there, we would cross to Whitebridge, then Massen, and then Pompay. That would be the last part of Solis’ territory that we would be in because, according to Malik, once we got to Spessa’s End, we would be in Atlantian territory and we would be free.
For the first time in years, I felt like I could breathe again as I admired the world beyond the rise. My life and everything I knew was about to stay behind, and our new beginning was about to start. I wouldn't have to live in fear any longer, or have to survive in my own home while tolerating the blood queen's heinous actions just to avoid being killed. I was about to be free. Malik squeezed my hand, reminding me that he was by my side in more than just the literal sense. My attention went to him. His gaze went beyond the forest and probably even farther than the territory I knew.
I let go of his hand and dove headfirst into this exciting new life.
I collapsed onto the hard ground, exactly where Malik and I had agreed to sleep that night. We were still in the Blood Forest, but now we were nearer Padonia than the capital after we spent the last three days walking and running through the forest. While Malik and I were planning our escape months ago, we discarded horseback as an option right away, but as time was precious and limited, we thought that our best option was to not make any stops in the Blood Forest.
I was exhausted, my entire body ached, I was covered in sweat, and my hair was a complete nightmare as curls flew anywhere. A sharp rock on the floor was poking into my back, but I couldn't move my limbs. I had become aware of every part of my body as it became too sensitive and throbbed due to fatigue.
“Millie, are you alright?” Malik’s voice came from somewhere on my right, but I could not bring myself to move or to look at him. I heard his question, but I didn't answer. My gaze was lost in the crimson leaves of the trees above me; the trees were so dense that not even the brightness of the moon reached those woods. The blood forest was a place where no light dared to enter; it was rooted to the core; death lived and breathed in those woods, yet they were beautiful. Malik said something, this time closer to me, but now I couldn’t make much sense of his words. Despite that, I wanted him to keep talking. His voice was as deep and rich as it always was. I loved when he spoke to me; for years I have been nothing but a phantom, and no one has ever genuinely cared about me until him. Every time he said my name as if it were precious, every time he spoke to me, every time he looked at me as if I were everything to him. I was more alive than I had ever been when he was with me, because he saw me.
“Millicent,” Malik’s concerned face appeared before me, “are you hurt?"
“Just tired.” I didn’t mean to smile; doing anything else than just lying on the ground seemed too much to my body right now, but I could not help it as my prince’s whole face changed at the mere sound of my voice as it made everything alright once again.
“I know,” Despite the fact that he looked as tired as I did, he gave me a lazy, sweet smile and said, "Let's go." He lifted me bride-style without waiting for my response. I laughed and rested my head against his shoulder and the curve of his neck, closing my eyes and allowing myself to enjoy the moment. For a second, the world around us and nothing else mattered; it felt as if we were a happy normal couple during their holidays and not prisoners trying to escape.
Malik delicately placed my body over a fluffy, warm blanket. He hovered over me, holding himself with both of his arms at the sides of my head. His hair fell over his face in a beautiful blond mess. I placed my hand on the nape of his neck, feeling his warm skin and the soft curls that formed there. We said nothing, but it wasn’t needed. The prince placed a soft kiss on my lips and then one on my cheek before moving to lie by my side.
"If we hurry like we did these days, we'll be out of the Blood Forest in two days at most," he said quietly, "and we'll be able to rest better once we get to the towns." As soon as we get to Padonia I will find a place to spend the day and rest”
After a second of silence, he asked how I was feeling.
"Tired." I wanted to give a better response, but I couldn't explain my own thoughts at the time. As I stared at the crimson leaves, the realization of what we were doing and what I was doing was hitting me, and it was overwhelming. I was leaving everything and everyone I have ever known behind; I was running straight to the kingdom I had been taught was ruled by evil monsters, and they would most likely believe me to be exactly that. I would be free, but what then? What would become of me? Malik would be received with open arms, and he would go back to being a prince, but what about me? Where did I fit into his new-old life?
In the darkness and quietness of the forest, Malik’s hand caught mine, wrapping it almost completely. His touch was careful and soft, as if I could vanish into thin air any second.
“You can tell me,” he murmured, tightening his grip on my hand. Sometimes I wondered if he had lied to me and instead of compulsion, his power was related to mind-reading because it definitely felt like it.
Part of me wanted to tell him because it felt wrong to hide almost anything from him. I trusted Malik more than anyone else. I have shared my darkest secrets and my saddest memories with him; I gave him my body, my nights, and my days. We laughed and cried together. There was no part of me that he hadn’t seen. But how could I tell him that I was terrified of freedom, of his people, of the future, and of him? “It’s silly”
“I assure you it’s not.” He felt quiet for a few seconds. “You don’t have to tell me,” he clarified, stressing the word have, “but if you want to share it with me, I swear I would never believe it to be silly.”
I didn’t tell, and he didn’t insist. I stayed quiet and stared at the darkness around us until my eyes burned and my eyelids felt heavy. It wasn't until I was almost asleep and I couldn't think straight anymore that I told the prince every single worry I had.
“I am terrified." I kept my voice low and didn't turn to look at him as I spoke. I was not even sure he was awake, but at that moment I had the sudden need to let go of the burden that my own mind had created. “I am utterly and genuinely terrified. Good God, I know nothing outside the walls of Wayfair. I am not even sure I know myself. Who am I? I have no idea. I was educated to be the maiden and then trained to be an assassin.” A dry laugh that turned into a pained sob cut me off. I felt like a joke as if I were nothing more than the shadow that walked behind my mother day by day. “Solis will always be the stage of my nightmares, but it is also all I know.” Malik’s hand held my thigh as his thumb caressed my knuckles lovingly. He was awake, but he didn’t interrupt me, and I was glad about it. “And this is even considering that your family won’t ask to have my head on a pike and send it to my mother, or that your people won’t run away from me, or worse, try to murder me.” Without a word, Malik came closer to me and wrapped me in his arms. I held myself tightly to him because, for the first time in years, I was allowing myself to cry. I was breaking down and crying all those times, and I wanted to, but I didn’t. I was breaking down because I was scared but also happy and hopeful; I didn’t know how to feel or what to do. “I don’t know how we will make this work, how I will make this work. How do I fit into everything? You'll be a prince once more, and" I couldn't say it aloud because it would be too real. And you will forget me, you will forget me just like my friends did, you will forget me just like my past lovers this, you will forget me just like my own mother did.
“It’s okay, Millie.” Malik kissed the top of my head “Let it all go, I’m right here”
I believed him, so I did just that. I brokedown as Malik hugged me tightly, as if he could hold all my broken parts together and fix me once I was ready. I allowed myself to cry against his chest; I didn’t hold back that time because I needed it, but also because I knew that someone would keep me from falling. Malik would catch me; he wouldn't let any of my broken parts get lost, and he would treasure them and hold them back for me when I was strong once again.
I don’t know how long we sat in there, just holding each other. When I recovered my breath, Malik went to look for something in his bag. In complete silence, he picked up what looked like a very old journal and sat behind me, pulling me back and resting my back against his chest.
The prince put his arms around me so the journal would also be in front of me. “This was the journal I was writing at the time my brother got captured.” Malik took a deep breath, and I rested my hand on his forearm, encouraging him to keep talking. It was rare that Malik spoke about his family, especially his brother. At first, I used to think that it was because he was mad at them or blamed them for what was done to him. But with time, I learned that I was wrong. It hurt Malik to speak about his family because he loved them despite everything, especially his brother. Every time Malik spoke about his young brother, Prince Casteel, pain and guilt filled his voice. Whatever light his eyes might have had would fade away. He missed his brother almost more than anything else in the world. Almost anything, because he had stayed in Solis with me. “it was one of the few belongings that I brought with me when I came to Solis, and also the only one of them that I was able to recover after my capture." Malik drew a sharp breath and stayed quiet.
“It’s okay, Mal; you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I was about to turn around to face him when he stopped me and continued.
“For years, I felt that it was the only thing I had left. I never used it again after being free from the cage; there was nothing that happened to me that I wanted to remember. not except for you.” Malik smiled down at me, both of his dimples showing. “But today we start a new life. You are right, we don’t have a plan, so let’s make one.” Malik opened the journal and went through several pages looking for a free space to write. Most pages turned yellow with the passing of time, and they were written from the very top of the page to the foot of it. Some appeared to be more hurried than others, but each and every single one was written in enviable calligraphy with black ink.
Malik opened his journal to a blank page. “First, what do you want to be?” He asked.
“Mal, that is the problem, I’m not good at noth-”
“Millicent, you are incredibly skilled” he interrupted me, “You are Faster and stronger than almost anyone I know. I have never seen someone handle a sword the way you do. Many Atlantian guards could learn from you”
“That is the thing” I murmured. My face burned with embarrassment, I was not used to honesty, especially is it came to being honest about my emotions or thoughts. “That is what she created.” I didn’t need to say her name or her title, we both knew I was referring to my mother, the monster that has marked us both for life. “I don’t want to be that, I like fighting but I'm more than that, I’m more than the assassin my mother wanted me to be, I’m more than the maiden, I just don’t what can I do, but I want to choose something for myself, something completely unrelated to the thing she molded me to be” I kept my gaze anywhere else but on Malik as I spoke.
“I understand, and what you are feeling is fine, don’t be embarrassed about it” He left a quick kiss on my cheek. “You can do whatever you please, if you don’t know how to do it then you will learn. How you live your life, from now on, will be your choice and only your choice” His words fogged my vision, and a knot formed in my throat. My own choice. I don’t think he knew how much that meant to me. “What would have you wanted to be instead of a soldier?” Malik asked.
I took a few minutes to think even though the answer came right away to my mind, I have always had the same dream. “A horse trainer. I have always loved animals, especially horses. Ever since I was a child I have wanted to work with them”
“Then you will be a phenomenal horse trainer” Malik said as he drew a small horse in one of the corners of the journal. Then he pointed an arrow to the horse and wrote “Millie’s first trained horse of many” I laughed loud, feeling the joy and happiness running through my body. Gods, I loved him. No one made me as happy as he did, no one loved me as he did, and I wanted everything as long as it was with him. I wanted to turn around and kiss every inch of his skin, worship him, and make him feel as loved as he made me feel. Before I could turn round or even say anything, Malik asked me where I wanted to live.
“A small house,” I said, uncertain of what to answer. Malik grabbed the black pen, which was attached to the journal by a golden thread, and started to draw a small house.
“One or two flours?”
“One,” I said, and Malik followed my description. “I want it to be pained the color of the sand”
I felt the prince’s smile on top of my head. “That sounds beautiful. It would look great with red tiles” I agreed
“And beautiful flowers on the outside.” I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips as Malik drew delicate, beautiful flowers under one of the front windows he had drawn in the house.
“Wait, I forgot where would it be located.” I thought about it but I quickly realized that I didn’t know much about Atlantia, I was not even sure if it had beaches, mountains, or valleys. The thought made me a little sad, I wanted to know more about the place Malik called home. The place I really wished would become my home too.
“I don’t know much about Atlantia, Mal” I admitted
“Don’t you worry, once we are settled I will get us a carriage, and I will show you every corner of it. You will love it” Malik smiled almost absently as he remembered his kingdom and described it to me. “Evamon is the major city; that is where I used to live and where the castle is; therefore, it is the capital. It is a beautiful and busy place, It is full of homes and shops, there are also a few parks, and the port of ages is not far away. Then there is Saion’s cove, a much calmer city but still busy and full of people, as every other in Atlantia. Saoin’s cove is more of a coast city, it has the beautiful beach of Lailah, where the sun sets and rises behind the ocean.” Malik spoke with melancholy but with a smile on his face. I wondered what memories he recalled as he told me about his homeland. Who was he thinking about, what was he thinking about?
“I want to live near the ocean,” I said, “Scion's cove sounds delightful, besides I have always wanted to live near the beach”
“Then a beach house it is,” Malik affirmed, and he started to draw the sun and the ocean near the house. I smiled at it and kissed his cheek.
We spent at least half of the night drawing our plans and laughing. It felt like the first step to actually building our future, despite it just being a simple drawing in an old journal. The house was settled near the beach, it was the color of the sun with red tiling; it had many windows to have better light; and it was surrounded by different types of flowers, a tree, and a small brown barn. Inside there was a living room, a dining room, a kitchen with an enormous window that faced the coast, a library, and what Malik had named our bedroom.
I woke up first late the next morning, feeling the heaviness of a body on my chest. I didn’t remember how we had fallen asleep, but I smiled at the sight of Malik sleeping curled against my body, with his head resting against my chest and his arms around my waist. His hair was all over his face, and his lips were slightly parted as he snored low. I reached for my bag, trying not to wake Malik, and accidentally dragged his journal with it. I was going to put it back in its place when the open pages caught my attention. It was the draw Malik had made last night, but apparently, while I was asleep, Malik had given the “plan” a title. On top of the page, in black ink and perfect calligraphy, it read, "Millie and Malik; our new beginning .” I didn’t try to fight back the smile or the happy tears that clouded my vision.
I went to where Malik was still sleeping and kissed him softly. As he awoke, he kissed me back, wrapping one arm around my waist and pulling me to lie on top of him.
When he broke the kiss, I hurried before he could say anything else, “I love you, Mal” and I meant every word.
Malik smiled, and for the first time, that new promised future felt less like a dream and more like a reality.