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‘He’s cute’. That was the first thing Hyunjin thought when he saw him. A cute chocolate-brown hair guy with lots of freckles on his face. He was mesmerized by how many of them were decorating his cheeks and nose, scrunched up when trying to focus on the papers spread before him on the library table. Hyunjin was so lost in admiring the other boy’s face that he had to lightly shake his head. When he made a faintly squeaking noise as he moved the chair to sit down, the boy looked up at him and Hyunjin proceeded to smile shyly back at him.
Normally he would have gone with his friends and studied at a café, but this semester was extremely hard, he was encountering some problems staying focused if he was not in a purely studious environment. However, even if he needed to be surrounded by quiet and focused people, he still indulged himself by taking the only seat left which was beside the huge window. He loved to stare at the flowers. So, he sat there, even if the cute, freckled boy just in front of him was as pretty.
By the end of the day, he got to do much of the work he intended to, but most importantly he learned two things: the cute guy’s eyes were intimidating when focused, and the little ponytail looked great on him.
He was both anxious and relieved when he saw the cute boy sitting in the same spot the next day. It was quite a bit embarrassing, but he had been looking forward to seeing him again. Just like the day before, the chocolate-brown hair boy smiled gently at him when Hyunjin took once again the seat right in front of him. And just like the day before, Hyunjin found himself looking at the boy’s freckles a little too much.
That week Hyunjin had been diligently going to the library. He had told his friends that he could spend more time there and make faster progress with the assignments. But that was only partly true. Because he was not only studying his notes. Slowly and quietly in the stillness of the library study room, he was also trying to learn as much as possible from the intriguing boy. By slyly observing his gestures, Hyunjin could now recognize when something was difficult for him, when he was satisfied with the result he got, or when fatigue was starting to creep in that he was going to have to go out and buy himself an energy drink.
Friday came and meeting the freckled boy became part of his daily routine. Even if all they were going to exchange were kind hello and goodbye smiles, it was all Hyunjin could think of throughout the day. Even his friends started asking if everything was okay because he was acting a bit weirder than usual. But Hyunjin didn’t tell them. For some reason, he wanted to keep the cute boy a secret. Also, he found it too embarrassing to have such a big crush on someone he didn’t even know the name of.
But it all finally changed on Friday.
‘Where are you?’ read the text that made his phone screen light up. ‘Library’ he typed lazily and left the phone back on the table once he read the ‘omw’ message from his friend.
Hyunjin continued to study. He knew that once his friend came over, he would have to call his afternoon of study quits. Just like his date-not-date with the yet-unknown-named boy.
Truth be told, it couldn't hurt to rest and clear his mind a bit. He had been shut up within those walls all week and names like Rubens, Caravaggio or Jan van Eyck were beginning to mix in his brain with the artistic techniques in a dizzying jumble.
Suddenly, the weight of a pair of hands on his shoulders startled him. An embarrassed little cry of surprise burst from his lips. Hyunjin turned to face his friend. When he saw the amused smirk adorning the older's face along with the small dimple on his cheek, Hyunjin rolled his eyes and slapped his friend's hands away from his shoulders.
“Sorry, my bad”, his friend rubbed the back of his neck, a little self-conscious, but still amused. “I forgot that you’re completely tuned out of reality when you study”.
“Chan?”
Hyunjin turned sharply toward the source of that low, velvety voice. To his surprise, the adorable boy who had been sitting across from him for the week was staring dumbfounded at his friend. Chan was mirroring his expression, also flabbergasted.
“Felix? What are you doing here?”
“You know each other?” Hyunjin interrupted in a whisper. He didn’t want to disturb the other people who were trying to study. However, he needed to know if his crush was friends with one of his, that way he could try and get some information from Chan and–
Chan looked down at him and back to the so-called Felix. He nodded with a broad grin on his face.
“He’s also part of the Australian student club”, he answered, and the freckled boy nodded in agreement. “He’s actually from Sidney, too”.
“Oh, cool”, was all Hyunjin managed to say.
That made sense, he thought. He had a foreign name after all. And he was also thankful to Chan for making it possible for him to talk with Felix. He would have never been able to learn anything about him otherwise.
“So, what are you doing here?” Chan asked switching back to English, paying no heed to the people that had started to look at them, clearly annoyed. “I’m pretty sure the Engineering Department also has a library”.
“It does, but it closes at 6 p.m.”, he shrugged and Chan nodded in understanding.
“Good luck with all those… numbers, mate”, Chan said gesturing awkwardly to the papers filled with what seemed like quick calculations randomly scribbled.
Felix thanked him with a toothy smile and a little chuckle that made Hyunjin feel warm. The thought of wanting to hear it again made his cheeks blush a light pink.
“So, you’re also friends with Hyunjin? Didn’t know you knew more people from the swimming club besides Jisung”.
Hyunjin tried to focus again on the conversation now that he was back in the spotlight, but all his brain could register was that apparently his one-week-long library crush was friends with half of his closest friends and he had never even once heard about him. Were Chan and Jisung gatekeeping him??
“Oh, we’re not. But we’ve both happened to seat at the same table all this week”.
“Oh, wow, what a coincidence!” Chan happily celebrated, getting more people to glare at us.
“I like being next to the window”, Hyunjin mumbled, feeling the urge to justify himself. Chan looked at him frowning.
“Me too”, the chocolatey-brown-haired boy giggled while trying not to be so loud. His eyes met Hyunjin’s for the first time and Hyunjin really felt his breathing hitch. “I get too overwhelmed if I can’t see what’s outside”.
Someone shushing them made Hyunjin and Felix blush and share embarrassed and apologetic looks. Chan bowed gently as an apology but kept talking, nonetheless.
“Have you finished, then?” his hands were back on Hyunjin’s shoulders, and giving them a smooth squeeze as he spoke. “Everyone’s been complaining about how much they miss you”.
Hyunjin snorted at the clearly pouty face he knew Chan was making behind him. However, he did start to collect all his things. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he also kind of missed his friends. It’d been a week since he spent time with them besides training. Chan helped him put his notes and laptop inside his bag with a triumphant grin, all while complaining about how many color pens he used and how it was bad for his back to wear a bag that heavy. Hyunjin shook his head and tried to disregard any comment the older made.
Right when he was about to get up from his chair, he saw Felix watching their bickering amused. It was just then when he saw that they had Felix's attention, that the light bulb went off in his mind. A stroke of genius paired with a stroke of courage.
“Would you like to join us?” Hyunjin wished Felix didn’t notice the shyness in his words. He thought it had come out pretty naturally, but when he heard Chan trying to muffle a scoff his already pinkish cheeks turned a deep red.
“I’d love to, but I have exams every day next week. Maybe I can join you next Friday, though?” an apologetic smile painted his face as he rolled up the sleeves of his white sweatshirt, suddenly feeling a little hot.
“It’s okay”, Hyunjin talked but his eyes sent a quick glance to the rainbow fabric bracelet adorning his right wrist. “Good luck with your exams, Felix”.
“Thanks”, the guy smiled brightly. Another ‘shush’ interrupted their talking, so he continued in a low whisper that only made his voice sound deeper. “Have fun! And nice to meet you Hyunjin”.
All the way to the library exit, Hyunjin could hear the giggles that Chan was not-so-well trying to stifle. Hyunjin rolled his eyes in annoyance, though his lips curved upward slightly, happy to have gotten to talk to the boy who had been hanging over his head all week. To Felix, because now he could name him.
“So… you keen on Felix? You fancy him?” Chan wiggled his brows as he teasingly bumped his shoulder against Hyunjin’s.
“I don’t”, he grumbled. But that just made Chan laugh even louder.
“So that’s the reason our Hyunjinie found the library so interesting”.
“It is not”, Hyunjin groaned in complaint. But it only added more fuel to Chan’s amusement. When the older’s laugh came to an end, Hyunjin murmured shyly, “He had a rainbow bracelet”.
Chan hummed in response. He stared at Hyunjin's blushed face for a couple of seconds before resting his arms on the younger’s shoulders, bringing his body closer to his side.
“I’m just going to share a little piece of info, the rest you have to learn yourself”. Hyunjin was about to brush his arm off and give a full annoyed speech about how he didn’t need any information about Felix because he didn’t like him, but Chan’s words silenced him on the spot. “He’s single”.
Trying to sound unaffected and disinterested, Hyunjin asked back, “And why would I–?”
“He’s single and ready to mingle!!” Chan enthusiastically sang interrupting him and shaking Hyunjin by his shoulders.
“Shut up”. Hyunjin slipped away from Chan’s embrace and started to walk faster with his headphones on, the noise canceling option doing little to no help to muffle the pestering teasing and giggles from his friend behind him.
On Saturday, Hyunjin had (almost) made peace with the idea of asking Felix out again the following Friday. However, when Sunday dawned, Friday seemed too far away. So, he spent the remainder of the day devising different ways to spend even five minutes talking to Felix on Monday.
Just like the week before, Hyunjin went straight to the seat next to the window. A smile spread inadvertently on his face when he saw that Felix was sitting there as well. Once more with a small ponytail tucking up the top of his hair, and with a number-filled ton of sheets in front of him, Felix beamed when he heard Hyunjin move the chair to sit down. His canines lightly poked out, which gave him a more boyish look.
“Hi”, the freckled boy welcomed him in a whisper.
Hyunjin fought back the little victory dance his body was dying to do when he realized that they were no longer strangers. At least they were acquaintances now.
“Hi”, he smiled back at him as he took the seat. “How is it going?” He glanced at all the papers the other had messily spread on the table.
“Well… it could be worse?” The questioning tone brought a small chuckle from both. “You?”
“Waiting for Friday”, Hyunjin answered slumping on his chair as if Monday had already drained all the energy he had gathered for the week.
Quickly, the two of them got down to work and began to study. As the hours passed, Hyunjin's brain began to wander and soon his hand began to scribble, his eyes unfocused, lost in thought.
When he came back to his senses, he saw that he had begun to draw the silhouette of a face whose only detail was a few freckles sprinkled over the nose and cheeks. Startled and feeling the heat creep up his body to his cheeks, he turned the paper over. He glanced sideways at Felix, but the brown-haired boy didn't seem to have noticed anything.
‘Okay, I really need a break’, he thought. Maybe he needed to go out and feel the cold air of the outside like a punch in the face, a little reality check.
He waited a couple of seconds until he felt his burning cheeks had cooled down before he cleared his throat to get the attention of whom had just been the muse in his study reveries.
Felix looked up instantly and removed an earbud so he could hear him better.
“I’m going out for a bit; can you look after my things in the meanwhile?”
“Sure”.
Murmuring a soft “thanks”, he took the paper with the incriminating drawing and flew away from the room. He crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it into the first trash can he could find. It felt like it was burning under the palm of his hand.
While he was outside, he looked at the other students that had gone outside for a break, too. They were chatting and laughing, their hands busy with some steaming drink. It was then that he got the idea. So, he went to the café just across the road and bought a large coffee. He took two sugar sachets just in case he preferred it sugary.
Trying to hide how nervous he was, he placed the drink before the hopefully-soon-to-be-friend, who stared back at him with wide eyes behind the brown strands that slipped from his ponytail.
“A thank-you gift”, he smiled shyly.
“Oh, thank you so much, but really it’s not necessary. It was nothing”, he shook his hands in the air. “You should take it, I’m not that sleepy”. Shyly and with light pink cheeks, Felix nodded reassuring him, and right after he put back his earbuds.
Hyunjin stood still for a couple of seconds, not really knowing what to do. Did he just reject him? Or was he just being nice? Biting back the embarrassment, he sat down and started to drink the coffee. Normally, he really enjoyed its bitterness, but this time he felt the need to add some sugar. Suddenly, it felt more bitter than usual.
Tuesday came by and Hyunjin thought he had found the ultimate way of getting to invite Felix for a coffee without being too straightforward. He was no chicken, but he couldn’t be as brave as to openly ask for a coffee date. So, knowing Felix would be sat in the same spot, he entered the library with two coffees in hand. He tried to brush it off by saying that there was a two-for-one in the café nearby. However, once again, Felix rejected his offering with an “Oh, cool! But don’t worry, you can have both! We’re gonna be here for a long time, you’ll need it”. And then he rushed, once again, to put back his earphones on.
Wednesday’s attempt was also unsuccessful. Hyunjin had made up his mind to ask him to take a break from studying at the same time, so he could then offer to buy him a coffee. Nevertheless, all his internal monologue to gather up some courage was futile. He had just started to announce to Felix he was going outside for a bit, when Felix cut him off, nodding eagerly, “Yeah! Don’t worry, I’ll look after your things”. Right after, again, he put back his fucking earbuds on.
Hyunjin was starting to feel hopeless. He even seriously considered asking Chan–or even Jisung could be helpful at this point–for tips. However, he found it even more humiliating to confess to any of them how much of a failure he was at flirting. He would rather keep it a secret.
Needless to say that on Thursday Hyunjin didn’t grow any luckier. And to top it all, he was so damn tired after staying up until the wee hours painting, that his eyes were uncontrollably closing, even if he had already had two coffees. When he got tired of dozing off and Felix had given him one too many amused looks, Hyunjin surrendered himself to the urge to sleep.
Timidly, he tapped his index finger on the table, next to Felix’s notes, to catch his attention. He removed his earbud and looked at Hyunjin with a gentle smile.
“I’m really sorry to bother you”, he excused himself lowering his voice. “I really need to take a quick nap, so is it okay for you to wake me up in around…“ He elongated the word as he evaluated what was the maximum socially acceptable napping time in libraries. “Thirty minutes? Is it okay? It’s fine if it’s too bothersome”.
Felix chuckled and nodded as he played with the strings of his hoodie, his free hair strands brushing his freckles.
“Go ahead, don’t worry. You’re not bothersome at all”. He tucked his hair behind his ears, but since it wasn’t long enough, they went back forward. Hyunjin’s hands were itching at the thought of tucking the strands in himself.
Sensing his cheeks starting to turn crimson, he rushed to put a mask and a cap on. He needed some sleep, but he did not need to drool all over in front of his crush.
After Felix woke him up, shaking gently his shoulder, he saw a great opportunity appear right in front of his eyes. But, as in his other previous attempts, when he offered to buy Felix a coffee to thank him, the brown-hair boy’s response was that he had to go to bed early, so he couldn’t drink caffeine that late. He rejected him with the same pretty smile as always. And he put back on the same earphones, as always.
After a week of failure after failure, to say that Hyunjin was desperate would be an understatement. So, on Friday, he finally decided it would be the last time he would try. Afterward, he would think of that week as a rough patch and try to forget the handsome boy whose freckles spread beautifully to his eyelids.
He really needed to know if Felix was refusing his coffee because he felt bad letting Hyunjin buy him something, or if refusing his coffee was a way of rejecting him. Also, after pondering it for hours, Hyunjin realized he had nothing to lose. Thanks to two exhaustive weeks in the library, he had all his subjects up to date. Then, in the possible case scenario where Felix rejected him outright, he could simply go back to studying with his friends in the usual café.
However, that didn't stop the nerves from getting the better of him. This time it was the definitive one. His palms were sweating, and his heart was beating a mile a minute. After trying to wipe the moisture on his jeans, Hyunjin tapped lightly in front of Felix's notes. Felix took off his headphones and looked at him intently, with that smile he had been daydreaming about for two weeks.
Hyunjin cleared his throat before speaking lowly and tried to ignore how he could feel his cheeks burning.
“At what time are you leaving today?”
Felix looked at the hour on the screen of his phone and answered with a little shrug, “In about an hour I think”.
“Okay, cool. Me too”, he lied. If it were up to him, they could leave the library at that very moment.
“Ah, great! We can leave together then!”
Hyunjin tried not to show how excited he was to hear him propose that while he nodded in agreement. For the next hour, Hyunjin kept thinking of ways to smoothly ask Felix for a date.
Once out of the library, he started the conversation by asking him about his exams. When Felix told him he thought he did fine, Hyunjin was shocked to see how deep his voice actually was.
“Feels nice to talk without needing to whisper”.
“And angry people staring at you”, Felix added jokingly. “Are you meeting your friends tonight?”
“Mmm… I don’t know. I don’t think so”, he answered. ‘It depends on whether you want to go out with me or not’, his mind spoke silently.
Felix rolled up his sweatshirt sleeves, which brought back his rainbow bracelet into view.
Testing the waters, Hyunjin confessed, “I like your bracelet”.
Felix's eyelids opened wide and looked at Hyunjin with a surprised expression. His footsteps stopped for a millisecond and then quickly resumed walking. After another quick glance at Hyunjin, his hands flew to the handle of his messenger bag. He ran his tongue over his lips before speaking.
“It was a gift from my roommate”.
“Oh”, was all Hyunjin’s brain could think for an answer.
Why would a roommate gift an LGBT bracelet? Chan had said he was single, but maybe he had a non-serious relationship? Or perhaps it was just a rainbow and not the LGBT flag? No, it was definitely more than just a rainbow. And Hyunjin was sure about it because he had the exact same pinned on the bulletin board of his bedroom. Jisung had given it to him, but he was still not that open about his sexuality.
“Maybe you know him”, Felix continued. “His name’s Minho. He’s Jisung’s boyfriend”.
“Minho hyung’s your roommate?” Hyunjin wanted to punch himself in the guts. Actually, he remembered Minho proposed to him a couple of times to introduce him to the ‘cute and funny gamer boy’ he was living with. But, as he always did when his friends mentioned his romantic life—or lack thereof—, he tried to change the subject as soon as he could. “Yeah, I know him”.
“He’s in the LGBT club, so he got lots of them and he just kept gifting them away”, Felix explained. Two seconds of silence after and looking at his feet, he added, “He told me he was going to join Jisung and the rest of the swimming club tonight. That’s why I thought you were going, too”.
Hyunjin, who had let his guard down slightly, was suddenly caught in a knot of nerves again. He kept his hands in his jacket pockets to hide any possible slight trembling.
“Well…”, he started talking, nibbling his lower lip, and keeping his eyes on the sidewalk. “I was thinking about going to grab a coffee…”, Hyunjin started saying, but then he realized how the other one would always reject his offerings every time he worded the invitation that way. He shook his head and stared into Felix’s eyes while he corrected himself, “Well, no, that’s not it. I would like to go out and grab a coffee with you”.
He finally said it. Out and loud. He could feel the beating of his heart in his throat, but he kept eye contact.
Felix’s face turned crimson in a second. His eyes went down to look at his shoes and a grin formed on his lips.
“Truth is… I don’t like coffee”.
It was now time for Hyunjin to go red after realization hit him. It was true. He’d never seen Felix drink coffee. All he drank was water or juice. And on some rare occasions, it was an energy drink that he would have beside him.
“Oh, okay…”, he muttered. All he wanted was for the earth to swallow him up. To disappear. To run to his bedroom and hide under his sheets.
“But… I can have something else?”, Felix suggested with a small voice, his eyes sparkling and staring at Hyunjin, waiting for an answer.
It was embarrassing how fast a wide beam grew on his face, but Hyunjin couldn’t care less. He nodded enthusiastically and Felix giggled, his freckles more visible on his pinkish cheeks.
“Maybe we could have dinner? Well, if you’re hungry and–“
“Yeah, that’d be great”, Felix interrupted before Hyunjin started rumbling once again.
“Great”, he repeated. His eyes turned small crescents as he was wearing the happiest smile.
A smile that was matching the one on the boy’s face walking next to him.