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"Alright, what's got you in such a tizzy." Calliope said with one hand on her hip and the other holding Foster. "You've been doing this weird protective meat shield thing for the past week, and Foster and I are worried about you."
Sol looked away and grimaced before attempting the tried and true 'playing dumb.'
"What 'meat shield thing'? I've been perfectly normal!"
"You punched a crow out of the sky."
"It was a threatening crow!"
"No, it wasn't."
"... You're right it wasn't."
The two fell into a tense silence punctuated only by their breath and the crackling of the fire.
"You should go lay down, I'll take wa-" Sol started to say before getting cut off by Callie.
"This is exactly what I've been talking about!"
Sol turned to look at her, fists tight and an anguished, tired edge to his voice. "What do you mean?"
"You've taken watch every night this week. You throw yourself in front of other people and kill any unknowns that make noise because you think they're 'threatening.' You need a nap and a chill pill. Stop with the self-sacrificing."
Foster quacked in agreement.
Then, in a quieter voice she added "Survivors' guilt doesn't look good on you."
Things were quiet again. Even though the tears forming in his eyes and the warm glow of the fire, Sol could see her fingers had grown pale and icy. The edges of her eyes were creeping towards a chilling blue compared to their usual black.
"Ah- I'm sorry," Sol stammered out. "You've been so strong and put together that I forgot you're grieving too."
"He said it was your fault, didn't he?" Callie inquired, fully ignoring the chance to talk about her own, extremely suppressed emotions.
"Hey, don't deflect!" Sol said with a ghost of a smile on his lips.
"I'm allowed to deflect if you're allowed to deflect." Callie shot right back.
Sol let out a fleeting burst of laughter before relenting. "Ultris was right. It was my fault. If I was just wiser, faster, stronger, better, we would still have Calder here by our side."
"Actually, I don't think there was anything we could've done. Even if we did manage to save Calder, Glenn would've gotten the helm and that would be far worse, right?"
(A hog-tied Crick-elf shifts in his sleep farther away from the fire.)
The frog hugged his knees and hid his head in his arms. A warbled, muffled voice said "I don't know anymore."
"Well think about this," Callie started, "–And I want you to dig deep for this one– would you blame me? If I was faster I could've taken out more people, or avoided the confusion spell all together."
Sol whipped his head up to make eye contact with Callie. "No of course not! There wasn't anything you could've done."
"Then stop blaming yourself." the fae concluded, punctuating every word with a light jab in the frog's side.
"Thanks Callie, it's just," Sol took a sharp breath in and wiped at his eyes. "I know it's silly because both of you are amazing and make me feel like an important part of the group, but I still get this feeling of expendability. Like if I can't be a useful fighter then I might as well just be a target, and not make the healer waste spells on me.
"Back at the Launchpad, animal best friends would go missing with little to no trace. Their companion would be sad for a few days, but eventually I would see the same human with a different animal on the cover. I confronted Alby about it once and he just rubbed my head and told me that it wouldn't happen to me. I talked to upper management too and she said that 'they had played their unfortunate part of the story.'
"Sorry for rambling at you, it just makes me wonder. Why am I here if not to protect the main character?"
Callie pulled Sol into a soft hug he gratefully accepted and whispered "You're here to protect your friends and yourself, because you are important too."
"I do believe it's your turn now," Sol said, still wrapped in Callie's arms.
She made a quick sound of surprise, and hummed while thinking about what to say next.
"I…" She drawed out, "I hoped you'd forgotten about that,"
The ice on her fingers had moved up to her wrists now, and made a face when she saw them.
"Well, you almost died, I had to fight my crazy ex, and one of my best friends in the whole wide world's body has been taken over by a frost giant!" She talked fast, words practically tumbling out of her mouth.
"And on top of that, my winter is showing! I liked being spring, but now I'm going to be all lethargic and depressed!" She wailed. "I do feel better now, probably because I've had time to process. I know that we are going to find a way to save Calder, and I've been trying to let my emotions out more, so if this is how it manifests then that's how it manifests." She finished with a triumphant tone, with her chin high and proud.
"Rain or snow, Callie, we- I'll always be there for you."
"Thank you Sol."
"Right back at you Calliope."
(A figure sits alone in the endless tundra. He does not move, and he has no regrets. He waits, and he will never forget.)