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The first time he proposed, Sirius Black was twelve years old.
With his jaw on the floor and his eyes wider than the dinner plate in front of him, he managed to turn to quiet, innocent, harmless Remus Lupin and say, "Marry me."
The sides of Remus' mouth twitched up in amusement, but he didn't let on to the rest of the students in the Great Hall that he was the one responsible for the pumpkin juice exploding out of the cups of a few Ravenclaw boys. Sirius could only stare in amazement. It took him ten minutes to speak again.
* * *
"That was bloody brilliant!" James exclaimed, as soon as the four Gryffindor first years were safely back in their room. "How did you manage to pull that?"
"Oh, nothing really too complicated," Remus said modestly. "Just a bit of Pepper-Up Potion that I slipped into their pumpkin juice. The two don't usually mix very well. The results can be... quite explosive."
The three boys looked at him in astonishment. They would never have dreamed that the teachers' darling Remus Lupin could ever behave in such a way. He even folded his socks, for goodness’ sake!
But the genius of it all, Sirius thought, was that no one would ever suspect him. Remus had spent the better part of the autumn term as a model student: perfect grades while maintaining great respect for his teachers. His innocent first impression set in stone, Remus would never be subjected to the scrutiny of a teacher after a hilarious prank. Sirius wondered for a moment if he was in the presence of a genius or if he was simply a terrible influence on his new friend.
"Yeah," he repeated. "Definitely marry me."
* * *
Over the years, Sirius used this response an uncountable number of times. Usually to James and Remus, sometimes to Peter, a few times to some truly inspired retorts from Lily, and once to McGonagall (just before James arrived to ask the same).
He never really meant it of course, the phrase was meant to show his admiration in a humorous way, and nothing more. That is, until the middle of his sixth year…
Just back from their winter holiday, the Marauders were in the infirmary. They weren't all injured, just one of them. Since the end of their second year, the boys had made this vigil once a month, and Madam Pomfrey had learned to leave them be as long as no one else was there. And by this point, they had a fairly solid routine set: As the sun began to peek through the trees, Remus would be carried in, unconscious (or rather floated in, as Madam Pomfrey was strong but Remus was 6'2"). Then James, Peter, and Sirius would walk in, acting as though they hadn't just been animals guarding their friend from himself. Over the course of the morning James would doze off, though he would claim otherwise if confronted ("I was just resting my eyes, heard every word, I swear on my antlers"). Peter would REALLY just rest his eyes, fully awake though he didn't look it, and would respond only to Remus. And Sirius, well, Sirius would start in a chair next to Remus' bunk, but he would claim the small space next to his friend on the bed the instant James and Peter closed their eyes.
Usually, the four had a rather uneventful day, watching the scratches fade from Remus' arms and the tension in his body drain away. Back to his normal self in just a couple days.
This time, though, Remus looked absolutely horrible. The holidays were never easy for him because, though he loved his parents, returning home put him in the mind of the lonely child he once was, with no friends to support him, no friends to love. This, on top of his violent transformation, made his normally thin body look gaunt, cheeks sunken and eyes closed above heavy purple bags. The exertion had given Remus a sheen of sweat and blood, where he had ripped at his own flesh, and his hair was matted and grimy.
Sirius hated to see him this way, ever since second year, when the boys had realized the truth of their dear friend's condition. He had vowed, then, to do as much as he could for Remus.
And today, he could help by fixing poor Moony's hair.
As James drifted into his dreams and Peter closed his eyes, Sirius sat down on the edge of Remus' bed, careful not to wake him. He picked up Moony's comb and began to slowly work through the knots. But, looking down at Remus' face, Sirius wondered what else he could do. He knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to pick Moony up and carry him far away; to a place where the full moon could never again torment him, where war would never disturb their happy, carefree lives.
But he couldn't do that, so instead he talked his wishes away, letting them escape into the silent morning air as he brushed through the tangled mess his friend once called hair.
"Hey, Moony." He spoke quietly, not wanting to wake any of his friends with his ramblings. "You should just marry me already, you know I've been asking for years. And yes, I suppose that I have asked a few other people, too, but I only ever meant it with you. If you marry me, then we could get a stupid little cottage in the woods, or go full suburban muggle and freak out old people with absolutely terrifying PDA. Whatever you want. God, I'm glad you can't hear me right now, I sound like a twelve year old girl. James would never let me hear the end of it either. But I'd let you pick the wallpaper, even though you have rubbish taste in interior design. You're definitely not picking the curtains, that's all I'm saying. What do you want to do after school? You could do anything you wanted to, with the marks you make. You'll have to help me with my transfiguration homework when you wake up. I can hardly ask McGonagall to Hogsmeade with such shoddy work. God, what is in your hair? That's really gross, Moony. I do not want to know. Ugh. I'll give you one thing, though. In a few months your hair might actually be long enough to be cool. Wouldn't that be wild. Then we could be the cool punk couple that everyone thinks is just cool punk friends. But I suppose you don't need the professors starting to act suspicious now. When was the last time you got in any trouble with the rest of us, anyway? Fourth year? Even then, you had a 'reduced sentence,' as James put it. I always knew you were a criminal mastermind, ever since that time in first year where you had those drinks blow up. Thanks for that, by the way. I didn't know why you picked those Ravenclaw boys at the time, but Peter told me later that they were talking about me and my family's...uhm... traditional house. I never thanked you for that, back then. I guess I was a little embarrassed. Not by you of course, but that you heard all that bullshit about my family. Oh, right! That was also the first time I asked you to marry me, wasn't it? Good times, but I suppose that was before I started to really like you. More than as a friend I mean. Damn I'm glad you're asleep, this is really cathartic. It feels good to get all your feelings out every once and a while, even if it is totally lame. Well, I guess I'll keep pestering now, because I'd never say it when you were conscious, except as a joke. So hey Moony, marry me?"
Sirius lifted his lips in a smirk that girls he paid no mind to swooned over. He had finished combing through Remus' hair, and, while the grime remained, Moony would have no trouble getting the dirt out with a quick shower. But then...
"I suppose it would be fun to scare some old people, Padfoot. All right, I'll marry you." Remus' eyes were still closed, but his lips were curved into a soft smile.
Sirius could feel his heart in his throat. Shit. Shit. Shit. He had heard his whole mushy I love you speech. Fuck. Why wasn't he asleep?!
"Heard all of that, did you?" Sirius asked, his voice a bit too high and a bit too shaky.
"Mmm, just the nice parts, and the parts about my interior decorating skills. I'll have you know that my abilities are far worse than you know. My picking out the wallpaper would be a disaster, especially when we have the muggle neighbors round for a visit."
Sirius didn't really know what to say. He had bared his soul thinking that no one would hear, but now that Moony had, he seemed... Fine? Sirius couldn't tell what was going on inside Moony's head; perhaps he was still a little confused from his transformation.
"Well?" Moony questioned, opening his eyes for the first time.
"Well? Well, what?" Sirius returned weakly.
"Well, I've just accepted your proposal. I can't actually move right now, so are you going to come down here or am I going to have to wait for the feeling to return to my legs before I get to kiss you?"
"Are you serious?"
"I might be a bit muddled, but I'm fairly certain that you are Sirius."
Sirius rolled his eyes; he had walked straight into that one. But he leaned down anyway, slowly, to make sure Remus wasn't joking.
A few inches away, Sirius looked from Moony's eyes to his lips and back, hesitating at the final hurdle.
Exasperated, Remus gathered all his strength with a huff and pulled his head away from the pillow to meet Padfoot's lips.
The kiss was short and tasted of sweat, but it was still the happiest Sirius had ever been.
As both boys pulled back, they could only gaze at one another and smile shyly. Sirius was sure that nothing could interrupt this moment, when...
"James"
"Mmm"
"James, wake up."
"Mmmm, whassa matter, Wormtail?"
"You owe me 5 galleons."
At that, James was fully awake. "NOOO!" He exclaimed. "I missed it?!"
"I thought you were only 'resting your eyes,' like me. If you were awake, you would have seen."
"Hold on, hold on," Sirius interrupted. "What are the two of you on about?"
"We had a bet on how long it would take for you two to get your heads out of your arses and finally get together. I thought it would take longer for you two to get together than it would take for Evans to fall for me. Peter thought you would break first," James explained, acting as though betting on the love lives of your two best friends was a perfectly acceptable thing to do.
Sirius could only sputter, but Remus laughed. "Better get a move on, Prongs. We've only got a year and a half left for you to woo her."
"Ah, shut up Moony," he teased, but a smile slid across his lips. "Once she hears how incredible I was with you in your time of illness, she'll be all over me."
"And who exactly is going to be telling her about that?" Moony asked, eyebrows lifted in disbelief.
"Why, you are, of course. Be sure not to lay it on too thick though, we want to keep it believable."
At that, they all laughed, loud enough to draw Madam Pomfrey from her study.
"Alright boys, enough of that. Everyone out so Mr. Lupin can get some rest."
James and Peter grumbled as she ushered them out, but Sirius could only smile wistfully back at Remus, who winked as the door closed between them.
Back in their room, the boys took to their beds. They had had a long night, and only James had slept at all.
With the scarlet curtains drawn around his bed, Sirius pressed his hands to his cheeks, feeling the blush that had settled there.
So not punk, he thought with a smile, drifting into a soft dream of white picket fences, soft lips, and absolutely horrid wallpaper.