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She didn’t remember when the tears had first started streaming down her face. But they were still falling.
Maddie crouched on the floor of her room in the cabin, hugging her knees. Usually, she could handle the memories quite alright. But sometimes--
Sometimes they were a little too much. A little too strong. A little too hard to ignore.
Will had taught her what to do when these moments came. He’d told her, explained it to her, but she couldn’t remember. All she could remember was the flashing light reflecting on swords, the satisfied laughing of a man only a few years older than her, and the terror in her father’s eyes as he watched his wife duel. She remembered the trembling of her grandpa’s legs as he could barely keep himself standing, could barely keep himself watching his daughter fight for her life. And she remembered the pain of her cramped fingers clutching her bow, unable to use the weapon, and the pain in her throat as she screamed for her mom. She remembered the drop of the arm, the tiny yet distinctive movement, and how Dimon had leaped forward in response, his sword ready to--
Maddie shuddered and clasped her hand against mouth, not letting the cry escape. Still, she must’ve made a sound, because she could hear a chair in the main room moving, and soft footsteps making their way towards her. She waited. Didn’t move. There was a knock on her door.
‘Maddie?’
She didn’t respond, hand still clasped against her mouth, breaths short and shallow, sobs stuck in her throat.
‘Are you alright?’
Still no answer. The tears that were still flowing reached her hand and she wiped it on her trousers. It gave her some space to breathe, and she sniffed.
‘Can I come in?’
Maddie shook her head. Will knocked again, harder now, and she realised that he couldn’t see the movement.
‘Maddie?’
‘No,’ she finally croaked. Not now.
Silence. Then-
‘Alright.’
Maddie could tell from the tone of Will’s voice that he wasn’t happy about this. She knew that he’d much rather comfort her, help her regain control of her breathing, and try to put a stop to the endless thoughts and memories that were raging inside her. He always did. But sometimes, she just needed some space. And he respected that.
So she just stayed there. Alone, on the ground, pressed against the wall.
---
Despite her light tread, the floor creaked softly under her feet. Maddie hadn’t bothered to put on socks or boots, and the cold wood was a welcome change against the heat of her skin. Will had looked up when he’d heard her door open, but didn’t say anything. Maddie made her way across the room and sat down opposite of him at the table.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Will asked.
No.
Yes.
‘No.’
Will opened his mouth to say something, but ended up deciding against it. He focused on the papers on the table again. If, when, Maddie would be ready, she’d let him know, he knew.
Meanwhile, Maddie played a little with one of the quills on the table, studying the papers under Will’s care. There was one debriefing report, the monthly one that had to be dispatched to Gilan at Araluen in a few days. And some general reports with a bunch of information about happenings elsewhere in the fief, or even Kingdom. And- and a letter. A sealed one. The handwriting seemed familiar to Maddie, but the letter was carefully shoved under the other papers, so she couldn’t see enough to decode it. Somehow, something about the letter reminded her about the hard blowing of wind. Enough so that it encouraged her to speak.
‘Uncle Will?’
He looked up immediately. Didn’t even hesitate. Probably didn’t even finish reading the sentence.
‘Yes?’
‘I think I’m going to ask mom to reinstate me as princess again.’
His brows furrowed in confusion.
‘Why?’
Because it’s my duty.
‘I just-- What if she’d died? What if Dimon had killed her, and she’d died, and he would’ve killed grandpa, and Araluen would’ve been left without an heir?’
Will whistled softly. He put down his quill.
‘That’s a lot of ‘what-ifs’.’
‘But what if?’
Her mentor chuckled softly.
‘Halt would’ve faked her signature himself to solve the heir problem.’
Maddie rolled her eyes at him.
‘Very funny. Dad is too much of a stickler for protocol. I know he’s never been a fan of Halt’s forgeries.’
‘You’d be surprised at how willing he is to break protocol for the people he loves.’
Maddie frowned. She could feel that there was a story there. But it was a story for another time. Her mentor didn’t seem too intent on revisiting it tonight. She raised from her chair, wanting to make her way to the empty coffee pot in the kitchen. When she placed her foot on the ground however, and her weight on the foot, a sharp pain shot through her leg. Maddie hissed.
‘Hip,’ she said, when Will raised a questioning eyebrow. Her mentor beckoned her closer.
‘Let me.’
Maddie limped around the table, and allowed his hands to feel the tense muscles in her body, as she leaned on the table.
Will kept massaging as he picked up the conversation again.
‘You don’t need to reinstate yourself if you don’t want to.’
‘But mom-’
‘Evanlyn doesn’t care - not as much as you think she does. In her heart, she just wants you to be happy.’
Yes, but-
‘Do you know the first thing your mother told me after you were born?’
Maddie nodded.
‘She said that I was born with a hurricane for a soul.’
‘Exactly. First thing out of her mouth. I hadn’t even seen you, hadn’t heard your name, but I knew…’
Will chuckled at the memory.
‘You think you’re the first one with a temper? You think you’re the only one who’s stubborn? Your mother and I didn’t speak for months after I denied a position at the Araluen Court. Your father and I got into more fights as kids than anyone else! Even your aunt and I-’ There was the slightest hesitation, but Will continued.
‘Even Alyss and I didn’t always agree on things.’
That particular confession elicited a reaction from Maddie.
‘Really?’ she asked, the disbelief practically dripping off her tone. ‘Dad always said you were the perfect couple.’
The hint of a smile touched the corner of Will’s mouth.
‘He used to say that a lot.’
They were silent for a few minutes, sunken in thought. Then, Will spoke again.
‘Point is, everyone around you, everyone who’s raised you or watched you grow up, they all have a temper. They’re all stubborn. No one blames you for taking after us.’
Maybe not. But maybe for something else.
‘What if I chose to quit the Corps in a few years, to become Queen?’
‘Then I’d be the first to take a knee.’
He was serious. She could barely believe it.
‘Really?’
Will’s beard split into an even bigger smile.
‘C’mon kiddo. You know I love you. We all do.’
It was a promise, a reassurance - and a challenge. And Maddie took it.
‘If you love me… will you do something for me?’
‘Anything.’
‘Will you shave off your beard?’
Will laughed.
‘Some day, maybe. When you decide to stop overthinking everything and just do what brings you the most joy. Okay?’
Maddie couldn’t make him that promise. But he knew that. Just as he knew that she’d still try. Maddie smiled at her uncle.
‘Deal.’