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Usually watching Kaito duel brought about a sense of excitement in Haruto. If anything could comfort the boy, it was his older brother. With the absence of his anchor nothing held him back from drifting away. He wandered so far into his own thoughts even the spectacle made by his brother hadn’t been enough to reel him back in.
Sitting beside his father on a two seated couch overlooking the duel between Kaito and Yuma shown on screen. He couldn’t remember the last time him and Faker were able to sit like this. An ordinary room, sitting side by side, no scientists or machinery obstructing the two of them. But now they were alone. Finally. There was much to say, though Haruto didn’t know how to put it into words.
Dr Faker. His father. The one responsible for this… well, not all of it but a significant amount. Enough to leave scars.
The World Duel Carnival had concluded, Faker and Tron reconciled, no one died and everyone smiled watching the duel between Kaito and Yuma. Surely all was well. No more lose ends, right? Even so, the sinking feeling in Haruto’s stomach continued to worsen. This was his family’s happy ending so what more was there to worry about?
If it was all over than why did he keep thinking about them? And the loud humming of the machines. The intense stinging of energy running through his body, building up until it burst. And the screaming. Oh god, the screaming. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about the screaming?
Familiar voices echoing in his ears. Not that he knew them personally but he’s heard their voices everywhere he went. All around him. Surrounding him. Only two people present but screams filled the entire room. Like a large crowd screaming all at once, screaming because of him. He’s sure they wondered why. Why them? Why did they have to suffer?
Did they even know it was him? Will they go about their lives never knowing who was responsible? Would he keep his lips sealed about that? Was there justice? Do they hate him? Would they curse him to hell? Would the tragedies of their loved ones drown them in sorrow? Haruto asked those questions a thousand times, each time he swirled further down into a void until his thoughts spiraled.
Once he rejoiced in those screams. How fun it was to hear them suffer. He remembered thinking that. He swore he never had those thoughts before. It wasn’t him. It couldn’t have been. It was someone else, it must’ve been. Right?
It made his stomach feel tighter, folding in on itself. Guilt was a unsatisfied hunger. Expanding every second a thought was fed into it. An ever-expanding black hole eating him inside outwards. Eating until nothing remained. Would it inevitably consume him entirely?
Haruto couldn’t get his mind off it, trying to advert his attention elsewhere. His eyes forcibly glued to the screen. On Kaito’s duel.
Kaito.
Seeing him on screen, unable talk or touch him made Haruto more frantic the longer they were apart. Gripping his pant leg just to try relieving any amount of stress by concentrating it all down to his fingers, nails digging into his palms until it stung. If only Kaito where there with him. Nothing felt more calming than to have his older brother holding him. Immersed in his warmth. Telling him it was okay. Everything that could’ve hurt Haruto no longer existed with Kaito near.
The boy glanced over at his father multiple times, wanting to ask for his brother. Every time he bit his tongue. He figured if he interrupted it'd ruin everyone’s fun. So he let it continue. In turn letting darkness creep back into his mind, spiraling out of control.
He needed Kaito. He needed his anchor. He was floating out to sea, drowning, screaming, suffocating.
Blood. He had blood on his hands. So, so much blood…
The guilt. It welded up so much he felt his eyes pricking. Hastily he wiped at the tears, an action that didn’t go unnoticed. Only stopping when he heard his name being called.
Faker was right beside him, grabbing ahold of his shoulders the moment something was amiss. “What’s wrong?” he asked with urgency, immediately alert the moment Haruto started weeping. If someone outside their circle had seen Faker in that moment they might’ve assumed he was a good father.
His son’s tears were sudden. They seemingly were enjoying themselves in this cheerful atmosphere. Faker calmly watched Kaito duel while Haruto’s stress overfilled until it burst.
Haruto held his breath, staring up at Faker. Although he could see concern in his father’s eyes, words of reassurance remained stuck in his throat. He wanted to swallow them down, come up with a different excuse. Perhaps Haruto merely cried tears of joy now the family had been reunited? Things were getting better? They could be normal again?
But Kaito taught him to never lie. And those awful thoughts were lingering around in the back of his head. If he didn’t say anything he would never be free of those screams of terror. He needed to get it off his chest…
After much hesitation, Haruto finally spoke his mind. “Those people on Astral World... many of them are dead because of me. Right?”
It was only for a moment, but there was no subtlety in Faker’s sudden silence. “…What are you talking about?”
Faker’s fear arisen his own. Haruto was no stranger to frightening others, it might been for different reasons but he could bring terror to even his own father. That fear. Those screams… he couldn’t be feared. That’s not him.
He wanted to stop but he had to continue. “That machine you made. You used my power to operate it.”
To think of all people it would be his youngest son who would bring this up. Faker swallowed. “Yes. I did.”
“Why?”
“T-the Barians offered me the solution to our problems. If there was any way you could be cured, I’d take it without a second thought.” Faker let words just spill out of his mouth. He practiced many times what to say if he were ever confronted about his atrocities and even then he still stuttered through his confession. Mass genocide wouldn’t be waved away so easily, there would always be questions.
“You made me into a weapon!” Haruto rose voice higher than he intended. It just erupted from his chest, surfacing something hidden from deep within. Something that was close to breaking free from its chains.
Being pressed further caused Faker to tighten up. “Please know that everything I ever did was for you. I know it was extreme. But all the medical procedures we went through did nothing. So I took what the Barians offered! It was all so I could save you!”
It… couldn’t be enough, would it? Could potentially hundreds or thousands of stolen lives be justified with a speech of a father’s love? It might’ve seem sympathetic but weighing the gain and lost, was it enough? Could it really be enough to just walk away?
“Dad…” Haruto pressed his lips, “…if people have to die for me then I don’t wanna be saved.”
Faker couldn’t grasp Haruto’s words, strengthening his grip on the boy’s shoulders trying to keep him grounded. “Don’t say that Haruto! I don’t know what I'd ever do without you!”
Haruto got overwhelmed again, powerless to control his quivering lips. “I-I just don’t w-want people to suffer b-because of me.”
“You’re worth more to me than you’ll ever know! You would understand if you were a father!”
Haruto’s blood ran cold. “That doesn’t make it right.” It wasn’t right. He couldn’t stop thinking that. It just wasn’t right…
“Everything I’ve ever done was for you. The Astral citizens. Kazuma. Byron. It was all for you-"
“I killed people.” Haruto particularly snarled.
His glare was so sharp it cut Faker right through with a mere glance. It’s Intensity was crushing, suffocating. He had never before been on the receiving end before. There were plenty of Faker’s employees that experienced the full frontal of Haruto’s outbursts. He was aware of what the boy was capable of. He always prayed never to be the target.
His expression contorted in fear and slinking away until he reached the other end of the couch pulled back Haruto into reality. Sensing dread Faker felt just looking at him. His own father afraid of him.
Please… Please don’t be scared. I’m not…
When they utilised Haruto's power, it twisted his personality. Would conjure this sadistic mindset not previously present in the child's nature. There was something in the boy’s eyes. The Barian’s influence, that’s what Faker first concluded. Perhaps it was to begin with. Looking closer into Haruto’s eyes, there was no cosmic evil hidden within anymore. Just raw human rage. Faker was sure it. That darkness he kept feeding. At some point blame couldn’t rest purely on the Barian’s shoulders.
This young child’s life may never be the same for him again.
Faker had to face it, “I wouldn’t have picked this life for you. I’m so sorry you had to share my sins. I’ve the done worst anyone could do, including dragging you into this. I just didn’t want you to-"
“I just can’t stop feeling guilty about it!” Haruto blurted, coming completely undone. Enough tears to fill a whole bucket.
He knew the sacrifices Faker had done for him. Knew it was for the wellbeing of one’s own child but once it all ended Haruto still questioned if it was worth it in the end. How could he continue living knowing the price of his life had such dire consequences? Was he really allowed to go on with life after everything? Knowing the blood trailed path he left behind.
He knew. He the sacrifices made. The literal sacrifices. An atrocious act. Worthy of death. Nevertheless he wanted to close his eyes. Ignore it all. Have deniability. Would that make him a horrible person if he did?
Yes, it was quite a predicament they found themselves in.
Haruto knew why, but was that enough justification? Was it worth it? Was he worth it?
Many casualties by Faker's orders, many likely children among the fatalities. Could anyone really blame a parent who would do anything for their child? Or was the life of one not worth the lives of many? Could doing something awful for a good intention excuse the sin?
Haruto knew. He knew. But still.... but still.....
Without warning arms tightly wrapped around Haruto. Words failed him.
“Haruto…” Faker held his son tighter, “please don’t think this your fault. I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry…”
In that moment the anger in Haruto washed away entirely, only a diluted version remained within the boy. He probably should've yelled or pushed Faker away. After all he had done. But with his father holding him so tenderly, something Haruto never knew he wanted, all he could do was cry.