Work Text:
"I can't believe this, I can't believe-"
Kiyoomi's hands are sweaty as he walks back and forth like a frenzied dog in the tiny storage room. He just did the worst thing he could ever do. How will he ever look at Atsumu's eyes after this humiliation? At the rest of the team? He'd better quit. He endangered the whole team and the upcoming games, and just because what, he's in love?
His eyes are already filled with fat hot tears, heart beating so fast that it'll expire in a few minutes. He can't believe how stupid, how pathetic he can get- Atsumu will definitely make fun of him. Make fun of him and won't take him seriously.
They're no longer in fucking high school. Even in high school, it'd be extremely lame to leave an anonymous love letter in someone's locker.
But Kiyoomi has done it—in the locker room of the MSBY training facility, which is about to be filled with huge, sweaty adults, he's slid a super-foolish "love letter" (total opposite of it, awkwardly) into a locker that Atsumu would soon see. He left the practice early, pretending to sprain his ankle just to do this shit.
"I have to take it back."
As soon as he grabs the doorknob, however, he hears the team walking past by the door he's behind of, toward the locker room - it's too late.
Atsumu will definitely laugh at it. Maybe he won't even read it.
He shouldn't have tried. He should've kept his love inside him until it eventually died after struggling for Atsumu's love but receiving nothing. Maybe it's been seven huge years of loving this asshole, and probably will take as much because the fire in him is even stronger than the beginning of his crush, and it'll probably hurt too much, but he'd get over it somehow- right?
His breathing quickens, he's never felt so panicked, so nervous, so frightened. He doesn't even know how to deal with this many intense emotions, never felt it before! His whole life, career and relationship wise, it's all ended, over this mistake. He tries not to think if he'll ever be okay without seeing Atsumu every day if he moved out of Japan completely.
He can't take it anymore, no.
Finally, as the tears start flowing, he covers his face with his shaky hands and tries not to sob as his lungs are begging to, leaning his back against the door for support.
He shouldn't have listened to Motoya.
[Millionth heartbreak: loading]
Months ago, after having to watch Kiyoomi rewinding every game tape where the camera zooms on Atsumu and sighing about how much he missed him, Motoya dared Kiyoomi.
"If you can't date Atsumu until next Valentine's Day," Motoya had said. "I'm setting him up with someone else."
Because Motoya knew, no matter how weak and coward Kiyoomi can get, he had this pride crumble inside him that never let him refuse a dare. Dares were the only way of encouraging Kiyoomi into things.
"What if I can?" Kiyoomi frowned.
"That's your win. Your prize, isn't it? Dating Atsumu."
"What do you lose from this, though." Kiyoomi mischeviously smirked right after that, a bit drunk, so the task sounded pretty easy at that time. "You have to confess Suna, then."
Motoya regretted every time he expressed that he was sexually attracted to Suna Rintarou. He didn't have a crush, and the man was already dating Miya Osamu, but anyway- damn his mouth for shitting out so many secret and damn Kiyoomi for using each of them against him.
"Okay, if that'll stop you from being a weakling."
"Speak when you stop being a hoe."
On the 14th of February, at 2 am, Kiyoomi receives a text from his cousin.
Motoya // 2.03
>> You remember the dare?
It's unnecessary to state how fucked he feels when he reads the text, then again, then remembering how stupid he was while laughing his ass of very confidently as they set the dare on last August. He quickly jumps off the bed, makes a small circle in the room before frantically firing a reply.
Kiyoomi // 2.05
<< We're dating, did I forget telling you?
He knows Motoya won't believe by any small chance, but trying wouldn't hurt.
Motoya // 2.05
>> LMAO
He doesn't.
>> Aren't you cute trying to fool me?
Something that almost nobody knows about Motoya is his really cruel side. The amount of times he put Kiyoomi in trouble or subtly bullied people he hated is no joke; yet he even got the "The Most Angelic Student" award at the traditional but so ridiculous award ceremonies of Itachiyama.
So Kiyoomi knows, after 15th of February, Atsumu will not be single, but god knows who will he date.
Kiyoomi // 2.05
<< Give me time.
Motoya // 2.06
>> Dude you had seven years. It's either tomorrow or never. Either taking him on a date tomorrow or wiping your tears at his wedding.
Kiyoomi genuinely considers contacting the police about being blackmailed.
Motoya // 2.06
>> You have time until tomorrow midnight <3 ily
At 2.07 am, Kiyoomi is already googling about how he can ask someone on a date without humiliating himself, fingers shaking so hard.
The best and most logical choice would be to ask Atsumu to pretend to date, but why would Atsumu accept it? Kiyoomi gives Motoya shit about being heartless, but he isn't any different when it's about Atsumu, if not worse. The man must hate Kiyoomi's guts because Kiyoomi would.
He wouldn't even high five with Atsumu after a score, so his feelings wouldn't be "obvious."
He grabs his phone to text Atsumu for the first time in his life, then puts it back like he did many times before. Then does it again, and again, until deciding it's now or never like Motoya said.
So he texts.
Kiyoomi// 3.57
<< oyu wake?
Pretty funny, the million scenarios in his head about humiliating himself never involved misspelling everything in the first text he sends Atsumu. He quickly corrects it with "are you awake?" and reads it a few times before sending.
Then he realizes it's almost 4 am, and considering they have practice tomorrow, Atsumu has to be sleeping.
Unlike Atsumu or any other teammates he has, Kiyoomi can't even blink the whole night.
Atsumu // 8.01
>> Of course I wasn't awake, Omi-kun, why were you even awake? Are you okay?
This is the first time they're texting, as well as, first time communicating out of the court.
So when Kiyoomi sees the text when he barely opens his eyes, he thanks the gods for making Atsumu write an actual reply. And his concern about Kiyoomi being awake at that hour? Cherry on the top.
So how should Kiyoomi respond without looking too eager and too loving...
Kiyoomi // 8.01
<< Morning
Perfect.
Atsumu types, then deletes, and at the end, Kiyoomi doesn't receive anything.
[First heartbreak: complete.]
The saddest thing about MSBY's locker rooms is that the fans aren't enough to ventilate the room when most of the team members are hyperactive. After Bokuto and Hinata arrive, Kiyoomi only has three minutes before leaving or both of those assholes will create enough carbondioxide to suffocate everyone.
Fate has other plans, however, before he can slide into his jersey, he feels a hand on his bare shoulder. "Omi-kun?"
Kiyoomi's most primal instinct to react the touch anywhere on his body is shaking it off; but Atsumu's case has been always different. "How the fuck you dare laying a finger on me?!"
Atsumu quickly takes a step back with a deer in the headlights expression on his face. He'll never be used to Kiyoomi getting too aggressive most likely about anything Atsumu does. "Sorry, sorry... sorry. I wasn't doin' anythin'. Promise."
Kiyoomi's hands are shaking- he bites his lip to stop himself from further exaggerated reaction. And Atsumu takes the advantage, because most of the time he's trying to speak with Kiyoomi, all Kiyoomi does is yelling at his face and never letting him speak.
"I'm- kinda worried about why ya texted me like that," Atsumu manages. "And ya don't look good."
You don't look good? Now he's insulting? Kiyoomi knew he shouldn't have done that. It was of course an unreasonably stupid idea, one of the ones you get when you're drunk or high as fuck.
Kiyoomi wasn't either of those. It's his natural stupidity.
"Wow, thanks, aren't you so kind?" Kiyoomi growls.
"No no- I mean- ya look tired- is everythin' 'kay? Ya can share anythin' with me."
For a second, Kiyoomi considers talking about the dare with Motoya. But the mental scenario of Atsumu asking "why me" and Kiyoomi being struck speechless like a dumb dick doesn't let him explain. "Nothing. Fuck off now."
Atsumu scowls, tsks, and walks away.
Now, why did Kiyoomi do that again?
[Second heartbreak: Kiyoomi broke himself.]
"Miya, please take your thick ass off my way." This is no flirt.
"Aren't you super single, so single it's lame?" This is also not.
"Your hair color was so disgusting at high school." This is wholly an insult.
Atsumu doesn't react any of this in the way Kiyoomi hopes, but when Kiyoomi tries to approach him during the third water break, with the words he picked with the most innocent intentions possible, Atsumu stops him before Kiyoomi opens his mouth.
"I don't wanna hear it, Omi-kun."
Kiyoomi blinks in confusion. Atsumu loves being flirted at, Kiyoomi is sure about that, most of his career memories include trying not to kill the fans making Atsumu smile, so why he doesn't like Kiyoomi doing that? "Why? But- but your personality-"
"I don't," Atsumu's eyebrow twitches. "Stop openly hating me! I don't wanna be insulted every ten minutes anymore, it might affect my performance, 'kay? 'm so done hearin' that I'm fat, forever alone and have bad hair, 'ight?"
Kiyoomi gapes, how come Atsumu perceive anything he does in this way? "I'm not insulting you, you moron?!"
"Wow, thanks then," Atsumu lets out a forced, furious chuckle and walks away as fast as he can without running. Kiyoomi's eyes can't focus anywhere for a while.
Is he the problem, or Atsumu?
[Third heartbreak: the fuck was this.]
With his morals, dignity, emotions and hope so low they're sweeping the floor, Kiyoomi realizes he'll never focus on practice.
He pretends to sprain his ankle in the lamest and stupidest way possible, just to slack in the locker rooms instead of slacking on the court.
He lets Bokuto help his way to there, pretending to hurt, saying that he'll go to infirmary on his own after resting a few minutes. And when he's alone...
Kiyoomi // 12.28
<< I'm fucking this up.
<< I'm trying since yesterday? He left me seen, scowled at me and then yelled at me
<< He hates me. I guess you won.
Of course Motoya is at practice. If he's not answering in two minutes to laugh at Kiyoomi's misery, there's only one option.
Kiyoomi considers giving up and letting Motoya set someone up with Atsumu, but even thinking about is terrifying. Atsumu, someone else riding him to the practice, they're kissing goodbye.
And as he passes by Kiyoomi, he either stares so disgustedly that Kiyoomi will bury himself alive because he's a shit bag, or he doesn't even look his way so that Kiyoomi will bury himself alive, because why existing if Atsumu doesn't acknowledge that?
Motoya surprisingly texts back before Kiyoomi's thoughts get too dark.
Motoya // 12.36
>> Kiyo stop being so dramatic and pathetic that's so unlike you
>> I'm at practice, aren't you as well?
>> Listen, copy my next text and send it to him, okay?
>> I'm sorry for however I made you feel today. I'm definitely less of an animal when I don't have hardcore crush on someone. Can you please give me chance?
He has to be joking.
But it gives Kiyoomi an idea.
He sneaks out of the locker room to sneak into a storage room, rummages a bit to find a piece of paper and pen. Finding his words during face to face communication is hard while looking directly at Atsumu, writing them down should be easier, right? He's counting on it.
But it's not.
Knowing that Atsumu will read this does not help, and knowing that he has around fifteen minutes before the practice ends also does not help.
He manages to scrabble a few words, feeling more nervous than he ever felt. His whole future is depending on whatever he's spilling out right now.
Meet me at the Satsukioka Park at 5 pm. Come alone.
Is it okay? Should he add something, name, signature? Some kiss emojis or something?
He takes a picture of the paper and sends it to Motoya, then with a morbid, sudden willpower, he slides the paper into Atsumu's locker without thinking too much. Motoya's going to be so proud of his courage, won't he?! Look at him being brave and actually asking Atsumu on a date- well, by some scrappy paper and a shaky handwriting, but who cares? He's amazing.
Motoya // 12.48
>> Did you just fucking call him for a fight? "come alone" ???????
>> dumb mf
>> Change it asap
Maybe not amazing.
It's now 12.53 and others are already stretching to end the practice, they'll be here soon, and Atsumu also will be here soon, and he will open his locker and-
He'll hate Kiyoomi even more.
The next five minutes, Kiyoomi tries his ass off to break the lock of Atsumu's locker, instead breaks his nails and bleeds a bit, but in the end, he can't do shit, except for leaving the room to hide somewhere close, which happens to be the storage room he rummaged for the paper.
That's how he ended up there, having a small anxiety crisis in a storage room at the same moment as Atsumu opening his locker and finding the paper. Will he figure out that it's from Kiyoomi? The handwriting is so shaky he won't recognize. Yes. Impossible.
He also wouldn't take a fight invitation written in a cowardly handwriting seriously, right? Right?
"What do ya understand when ya read this?" Atsumu hands the paper he found in his locker to Bokuto after reading it at least ten times. Bokuto reads once, pouts, and looks up at Atsumu with his gaze already speaking for him. "Death threat."
"What?!"
"Believe me I've gotten these at least a million times in high school. Being the popular boy has its demerits." Bokuto walks away like he just didn't make Atsumu almost pee himself.
So Kiyoomi wants to kill him? He hates Atsumu that bad? But maybe who wrote the death threat is not Kiyoomi. Maybe it's someone else who wants to kill Atsumu rather than his all time crush.
"Do I go?" He catches Bokuto, knowing what to do no matter what Bokuto says. He's an obstinate asshole after all, which is one of the things Kiyoomi insults him the most about.
"You wanna die, dude?" Bokuto asks super casually. "Or go with some armor, yeah? Wish I could come but, I have a date, so~ good luck, text me if you stay alive."
"I don't want to go fight with the love of my life?" he wipes his tears but his voice cracks. "What do I do?"
If Kiyoomi was a character in the animation Inside Out, he'd be a rainbow and shiny one. At least that's what Motoya always says.
But it's kind of correct, he's as straight-faced as a wall in public, and when he's alone, he's a mess.
He cries at every corner he can curl in his house until it's really 5 pm, the time to "fight," and he calls Motoya, who has a date.
"I'm sure he won't attack you," Motoya says, so patiently. "So please. Go explain, okay, just be very honest. If he rejects you, I promise I won't set him up with someone. But you have to tell him how you feel no matter what."
How even that's any better? Either way Kiyoomi isn't getting to date Atsumu. He'll have to watch Atsumu growing cold and colder to him, then find someone on his own, then he'll get married and Kiyoomi will wipe his tears at his wedding. Kiyoomi always knew this would happen but at least Atsumu wouldn't know his feelings and take pity at him.
"But- but I can't, you know me," Kiyoomi slurs, new tears burning his eyes. "I'll fuck it up, I can't even do it on paper."
"Because you're still trying to cover your feelings up," Motoya speaks like he's talking to a 5 year old. "And I'm telling you, don't. Nothing you think of will happen."
"He'll make fun of me-"
"Would you make fun of someone who confessed to you?"
Kiyoomi wouldn't. He sighs, and it's enough of an answer.
"And you're the most animal-like person I know. So believe me. Atsumu won't as well."
Kiyoomi spends a second thinking if he should thank but Motoya hangs up on him, giving him no chance to bitch more. Kiyoomi's breath hitches before leaving his lungs as another sob, then another sob follows it as Kiyoomi walks back into his room to go for his fucking fight.
To his surprise, Atsumu has actually come.
Kiyoomi, in panic, picks up a rose and literally apologizes at the little tree, because of panic, and then stalks Atsumu like the creeper he is.
Kiyoomi didn't specify a location in the park, so he draws two circles to spot Atsumu waiting on a bench, so casually, maybe he didn't perceive it as a fight? He doesn't look like he's up for a fight. But he also doesn't look like he's come to a date; sweatpants and an ugly ass jumper?
The first part, spotting him, done. The second part should be approaching Atsumu, which Kiyoomi struggles at. He still feels like crying as if his body has any more liquid in it, and his heart is beating the fastest it did today. He's totally programmed into fucking this up, because confessing? Kiyoomi never even thought of this before!
In the seven years that he had a crush on Atsumu, he never once thought of confessing to him. Kiyoomi always thought of Atsumu would be the one doing that, coming and kissing him so suddenly or even winking at him, but then he'd think "why would he like you?" and, the rest is obvious, he'd cry. Even if he didn't cry, he'd curl up into a depressed cinnamon roll and try to dream about it more-
Is Atsumu leaving?
Atsumu stands up to walk around slackly, stretching his legs. Kiyoomi's breath suddenly cuts off, he's probably going to leave.
It's either tomorrow or never. Either taking him on a date tomorrow or wiping your tears at his wedding.
Kiyoomi manages to throw himself out from behind the tree he's been spying on Atsumu, the world feels like it's getting smaller and smaller. His loud steps, which he doesn't actually hear because of his loud ears, catch Atsumu's attention.
Kiyoomi holds his breath, eyes widening at the sight, what now? Will they really fight? Kiyoomi has no luck.
After a few seconds of exchanged glances in utter shock, as if Atsumu didn't already know it was Kiyoomi's note in his locker, Atsumu happens to be the one to close the distance between them in slow steps and it completely blocks Kiyoomi's airways.
So, Kiyoomi guesses, approaching part is done?
Atsumu indecisively leaves around five feet between them and raises his hands like an animal tamer. "Don't kill me," he starts with, and it's already a punch in Kiyoomi's stomach. He really took the love letter worse than Kiyoomi anticipated.
"I wasn't here for that."Kiyoomi's voice sounds broken, which breaks himself even worse, it's like crying when someone asks are you okay? "I'm-" what is he even doing. His throat hurts so bad, mostly because of his previous cryings (and a preview of next ones.)
"Is- is everythin' okay?" Atsumu asks, looks confused as fuck but takes a step closer. "I- I found yer note- wasn't that a threat?"
That does it for Kiyoomi. "Why would I fucking threaten you?!" he shouts, and his shout makes Atsumu stumble back to widen the distance between them, a reflex, but honestly, doesn't he have every right to be scared of this man?
Yet it terrifies Kiyoomi even more.
[???th heartbreak: there's no room for another one.]
"So you're really that scared of me," he grits his teeth, voice somewhat loud and cracked. "How could you even think I'd kill you?"
Kiyoomi looks like the confused one but Atsumu is way worse than him. "Wait, I didn't-"
"Well happy fucking Valentine's Day Miya." Kiyoomi throws the almost dead rose at Atsumu's face like an angry toddler demanding sugar. "That must've looked like bullets." Then he turns his back to stomp away like the same toddler who couldn't get his sugar, eyes already filling.
Eh. That wasn't very nice, but at least he's not as humiliated as he was afraid of, not the level of humiliation that requires him leaving the country and have a fake name.
"Wait, wait wait Omi-kun. Wait."
Atsumu catches him, unsure of grabbing his arm, so he cuts his way. "'m not scared, 'kay? Say that again."
He's holding the rose, which lost too many petals and a bit damaged because of the way Kiyoomi was gripping it nervously. Kiyoomi blinks a few times before looking at Atsumu's eyes. "Happy fucking Valentine's Day," he repeats, way more broken instead of angry this time. "Sorry for horrifying the shit out of you, bastard."
It's the most emotion Atsumu has ever seen in Kiyoomi's blank eyes. He's not dumb, he's figuring out what's going on but it looks like any word he chooses, no matter good or bad might make Kiyoomi cry, and if Atsumu is horrified of something, that would be it.
"I'm not horrified, I promise," he speaks lowly. "Then- happy Valentine's Day to you too, Omi-kun."
"Then?" Could he care less? Kiyoomi should've never tried this. He could've written "I love you" to that paper before pushing into his locker. That would've been very simple and much less painful.
"Okay," he pushes out. "See you at the practice tomorrow."
"Is that- it?" Atsumu stops before Kiyoomi moves a muscle, his own heart pounding his chest. He's itching to touch Kiyoomi to comfort him, but most of the time they've known each other, Kiyoomi always causes a scene whenever Atsumu touches him or attempts touching him- so it probably wouldn't be that comforting.
Kiyoomi looks at him a few more seconds before it suddenly clicks what he's been waiting for, eyes widening in realization. What does he do now? "Yes," he quickly spits out. "Yes, that was it."
He tries passing by the setter, mind feeling blank with the awareness of Atsumu realizing about his feelings without him telling out loud. He'll reject properly if Kiyoomi dared to confess. Kiyoomi can't let that happen. Ever.
Atsumu grabs his arm this time, both shocked by the act. Atsumu recovers from it first. "Okay, listen, I have to tell ya something then."
Oh he's starting the process of rejecting. What else could've Kiyoomi asked for? "No, you don't, it's better if you don't speak, please."
His eyes are already full, ready to pour it out, and his 'please' sounds so broken that it makes Atsumu reconsider his every action. He lets go of Kiyoomi's arm but speaks in hurry before Kiyoomi can fly away from his hands, not even giving him the chance to turn away.
"I love ya."
And Kiyoomi is completely riveted on the spot. "You do what."
"I love ya," Atsumu repeats, smiling, much more comfortable saying it for the second time.
"Why?" Kiyoomi asks dumbly, shaky hands clutching at the hem of his jacket. Tears blur his vision, Atsumu can't see his eyes properly until they start falling down his face.
It's shocking, Kiyoomi suddenly being so emotional around him. Atsumu never once saw him smiling, not even after winning games, or when he's drunk. "What do ya mean why?" Atsumu reaches to wipe his tears but stops midway, remembering that he still isn't allowed to touch Kiyoomi. It's not the time to be reprimanded because of his touch.
Kiyoomi lowers his mask and wipes his own tears away. "Why would you love me?"
His words in that broken tone break Atsumu's heart as well, did he actually treat Kiyoomi that badly- he never once said anything back to him. He tried his best tolerating all those poisonous insults and murderous glares. "Can I touch you, please?" he slowly takes a step, hands hovering inches away from Kiyoomi's face. "Why wouldn't I love ya?"
Both a nightmare and a dream, for Kiyoomi. Atsumu finally confessing, yes, but crying in front of him? He wants to dig a hole right here and bury himself in, but he probably wouldn't rest in peace there.
"You're so fucking stupid," Kiyoomi takes a step closer to rest his face on Atsumu's shoulder, can't hold back a sob. Atsumu tightly snuggles him, a part of him is still too confused and unsure, how long is he allowed to hold him like this? "Loving you is too tiring."
Atsumu chuckles at that. "I have the feelin' like ya made it tiring."
"Shut up."
After a few minutes of Kiyoomi calming down on Atsumu's scent and Atsumu holding him with his eventually numbing arms and staring at the rose that Kiyoomi threw at him in his fingers, Kiyoomi finally steps back and dries his eyes for the last time. He'll thank Motoya later. Thank him and then kill him to relieve this stress.
But now, there's a lot he wants to do with Atsumu, even though both of them stand still looking at each other awkwardly. He let it off his chest, but it doesn't feel like it. "Now what?"
"Can I kiss ya?" Atsumu asks, eyes shining so bright, and Kiyoomi wonders what's even kissable about him right now. "Why?" he asks again, dumb as ever, but once the thought of kissing Atsumu settles in his brain, the situation gets too lethal. "I meant yes."
Atsumu smiles, softly cupping Kiyoomi's face as if he's scared that Kiyoomi will cry even more, then slowly cranes his neck to connect their lips. It shouldn't be shocking to be kissed after all the signals and even the question, but Kiyoomi gasps dramatically at the feeling on his lips, causing Atsumu to panic and withdraw.
They act like fifth graders and Atsumu himself doesn't even know why he's this uncontrolled.
"Oh god," Kiyoomi whispers, eyes remaining on Atsumu's lips, this time, both of them reach for a second and definitely more confident kiss. Atsumu lets Kiyoomi control it to his liking but it feels like Kiyoomi does the same, it gets really awkward before Atsumu takes the lead of the kiss, gently sliding his tongue in his mouth to test his waters, and surprisingly, Kiyoomi reacts to it so well.
Their relationship will probably be like that; Atsumu leading it according to Kiyoomi's signals, which is pretty bad because Kiyoomi has always been so bad at those. His flirts sounds insulting and everything he does keeps Atsumu ten feet away, but at least they managed to be honest.
Atsumu should thank Kiyoomi for his courage, really.
Atsumu leads the kiss and he stops it, adoring the way Kiyoomi chases his lips and bashfully withdraws as Atsumu gently caress his blushed wet cheeks with his thumbs. "So, if ya promise to try to be more open about yer feelings," he smiles. "Will ya be my Valentine?"
Kiyoomi momentarily melts before rigorously nodding. "Yes, yes... yes."
[Heartbreak count: reset]