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Erwin considered himself an intelligent, educated man, but he knew that there were many things in this world he had no idea about. Where the Titans came from and why they were here, for example. Or what laid behind the walls.
What he hadn’t considered was how many things there were to know about making tea. He had seen it as a rather mundane activity. You pour hot water over tea leaves and wait. There, done, right? That had changed, though, when he saw Levi brewing tea.
It had been late at night. A heavy silence had laid over the basis of the Survey Corps. Erwin had been stuck with a huge pile of work, but then he had heard a clanking sound of porcelain. Expecting to be the only one still awake, Erwin frowned and followed the noises.
He had found Levi standing behind the counter. His black hair had shone silvery in the light of the moon in his back, while he had poured the water into the cup with a serene smile on his lips, a smile so beautiful that it made Erwin’s breath hitch inside his chest.
At this moment Erwin had understood that it was an art.
After that evening, and he had asked him to teach him. Afterwards, Erwin had learned how much there was to know about tea and seeing Levi so passionate about something was enthralling. Beautiful even. If he was honest, Erwin was only interested in it, because Levi was, but his curiosity was genuine.
Besides, it’s always good to learn new things. Especially those you never considered.
“You’re still doing it wrong.” Impatiently, Levi tapped his fingers on the counter and his eyes were narrowed in disapproval. Brewing tea the wrong way was an affront to Levi. Erwin winced, but also laughed.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not that complicated. I thought you were supposed to be intelligent.”
“Apparently not.” Erwin smirked and looked at him sideways. “So, enlighten me, Levi. What did I do wrong this time?”
A heavy sigh was the reply.
“Where should I even start?”
“You’re enjoying this way too much.” Of course, he hadn’t missed the twitching corners of Levi’s mouth. It was a game, a ritual which had been going for a while now.
Levi pushed himself away from the counter, stepping so close to Erwin that he could smell his scent. Fresh and light. One that Erwin always associated with flowers in spring.
“And now listen up carefully.”
“Aye, aye, Captain.” The eyeroll he received as an answer was worth everything.
~*~
This scene repeated over and over again in this or a similar way. Whenever they wanted to escape the daily routine of the Survey Corps, Erwin and Levi met late at night in the kitchen to learn the art of tea together, and in the process they became closer. The ranks blurred in the twilight. Blood, tears and tea leaves bounded them together.
Tonight, though, Erwin wanted to do it right. On his way home from one of those miserably long political meetings, he had spotted the kind of tea in a shop window that Levi had once mentioned. The one he had always wanted to try. So, Erwin had bought it and now wanted to prepare it for Levi. As a thank you.
God, he just hoped he was doing it right.
Just when the water began to boil, Erwin heard how the door opened.
“Oh, you’re here.” Levi stood there with a tilted head, but then widened his eyes. “Is that?”
“Yes, the tea you told me about.” Erwin smiled warmly at him, and he saw a shimmer of surprise running through Levi’s eyes, followed by scepsis. He leaned further back with arms crossed in front of his chest.
“You really wasted money for that?”
“My own one,” Erwin clarified, while he carefully poured the water into the cup and inwardly began to count the time for it to step.
“You get paid?” Levi lifted an eyebrow and stepped closer, leaning sideways against the counter. Erwin’s heart inevitably began to race, like it always did. He had noticed a while ago how he enjoyed it to be close to Levi, just the two of them. It was almost as if Erwin only then felt whole.
“Of course not.” A small laugh escaped Erwin. “I don't get preferential treatment. No...”
All at once he became very still and his finger stroked the rim of the cup as he felt Levi's piercing gaze on him.
“I had some money left from my father and you had mentioned once that you would like to drink this tea sometime, so I thought...”
Nervousness and shame rose in him, and he felt his cheeks flush. Erwin didn't like to show this vulnerable side, he wasn't used to it anymore.
“Your father?”
Damn. Erwin had hoped Levi would have missed it, or at least would have done him the favour of not referring to his statement, but of course he would.
“Yes, he…” Erwin sighed heavily, and his nose was filled with a flowery, gentle scent from the tea. “Look, I…I don’t really want to delve into that. Would you do me that favour? It’s quite painful.”
Levi shrugged.
“Whatever.” He crossed his legs and still eyed him with this sharp, sceptical gaze and Erwin knew that he was going to have to tell Levi about it one day. If he should become his right hand like he wanted him to, that was.
And if Erwin was honest, he wanted to be able to trust someone. To be himself again or otherwise he felt like he might forget who he was. Levi seemed like the best choice. He was strong, intelligent, honest, and oddly enough, Erwin felt comfortable around him even though that feeling didn’t appear to be mutual.
“Why did you buy it?” Levi surely still wanted to sound harsh, but his voice was softer now as he stepped closer.
“I wanted to thank you.” Erwin shrugged indifferently, trying to be nonchalant about it. Last thing he needed was for Levi to notice how insecure he was or how fast his heart was beating.
“Me?” Surprised shone in Levi’s steel grey as he looked at Erwin, but he got grip on his masquerade very quickly. He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest in defence, staring at Erwin with blunt scepticism. “Why?”
“Do I need a reason?” Erwin smiled faintly while he gently slid the cup over and the awe and excitement was gone from Levi’s expression. Instead, he looked at it as if it was poisoned. Even though Erwin was used to Levi's scepticism, it still hurt like the sting of the knife he had once held to his throat. “It’s not poisoned.”
He let out a deep sigh and the gaze he gave the smaller man was full of resignation and sadness.
It seemed like truly no one wanted to see him. He should probably accept that he’d forever be the commander by now and leave Erwin behind. It was foolish to hope for a little intimacy.
“That’s not what I thought,” Levi said harshly. “Just answer the question why you spent the money of your father, whom you deliberately never speak of, on an outrageously expensive tea to thank me! Me of all people.”
“Huh?”
“Why’d you want to thank me after everything I’ve done to you?” Levi’s voice had gotten louder. His chest raising and falling from harder breaths than usual under the tight shirt.
Then the scales fell from Erwin’s eyes. Oh, of course.
“Levi…” The words were gentle, warm, like an offering or invitation. A tone he hadn’t used in such a long time and Levi looked up. Maybe it was the light, maybe not, but Erwin thought he saw tears in the corner of his eyes. He took a step towards him, and Levi backed away, eyes hard, body tense like a cat about to hiss, but Erwin was taller and therefore faster. Before Levi was able to defend himself, Erwin had hugged him tight, the head pressed against his chest and one hand tangled in the raven black hair.
“Let me go!” Levi struggled against him, tried to free himself, but Erwin was also strong.
“You deserve it,” he murmured down to him, and a mixture of a gasp and a hiccup escaped the man in his arms.
“No, I don't!” Levi howled like a wounded wolf and punched his chest with his fist to get free, but Erwin endured it silently and only embraced him tighter.
It made Erwin’s heart ache, hearing and seeing Levi like that. He might say that he didn’t have emotions and came off as rather cold to most, but Erwin knew better. He noticed a mask when he came to face it.
“Yes, you do,” Erwin assured with a firmer voice. His hand still held Levi’s head cradled so he felt the tiny shivers the other man tried to suppress.
This was the moment Levi gave up on his resistance. His fist stopped hitting him and instead clenched into the white fabric of the shirt he was wearing.
It was then that Erwin realised that he ended up hurting Levi with his good intention. He knew where Levi came from, he had seen it. He wasn’t used to anything belonging to him; even tiniest possessions were so precious you had to cling onto it with your life. Of course, he would be overwhelmed by getting a gift.
“I brought the tea, because I enjoyed those little, stolen moments where I didn’t have to be the commander. When we were together, I felt like I was Erwin again. So, I wanted to give you something equally valuable to show you how much I appreciate it. I’m sorry that it hurt you instead.”
Levi let out a deep sigh, shook his head, but to Erwin’s surprise stayed in his arms.
“You didn’t. I was just…” There was a silence and Erwin was sure that Levi was biting his lip. “I don’t know.”
“Overwhelmed?”
“Maybe.” Levi shrugged and to Erwin’s disappoint dissolved.
“I’m…” He hesitated and frowned. “I’m sorry that I reacted that way.”
Sheepishly, he ruffled through his hair. Could it be that Levi was embarrassed? Erwin couldn’t believe it.
“No need to. Like I said I should’ve been more considerate.” Erwin tried a smile, which Levi didn’t return it, but the hardness was gone from his face.
“You couldn’t have known.”
“Please don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Diminish my apology to keep me distant.” The gaze in Erwin’s blue eyes was heavy from exhaustion as he looked at him. He had thought that this little moment of vulnerability might have helped them to bond, but maybe Erwin was a fool for hoping that. “I meant it.”
“I don’t. There are just no hard feelings,” Levi said, but something in his tone felt wrong. A tiny shift within the melody that sounded dissonant. Erwin narrowed his eyes to keep their gaze locked as he dove into that soul which was so much deeper than Levi let on.
“Fine.” Erwin gave in with a sigh. He wasn’t content, but there was probably no use in pushing it further. Levi wasn’t ready to give more, and Erwin would gladly take whatever was offered. “Well, I guess the tea is cold, now.”
Levi flinched slightly.
“What a waste.”
“It’s alright.” Erwin smiled reassuringly. “I still have a bit more. What do you think? Care for one more cup?”
For a short moment, there was the hesitance running through Levi’s eyes again, muscles slightly tensing, but then he relaxed and smiled.
“Yes, I’d love to.” Then, the little, amused smirk returned it. “But I’ll do it. Can’t risk you ruining the last leaves with your incompetence.”
Erwin laughed, and it felt so lovely, like a chain bursting from his chest.
“Can’t have that, can we?” Levi grinned and nodded, before he stepped to the counter and began to boil the water again, while Erwin watched him with a tenderness in his eyes he’d be shocked by, if he could see himself in a mirror.
A few minutes later it was done. Two more cups stood in front of them and emitted small clouds of steam. A light, lovely scent caressed their noses and both Levi and Erwin were excited.
The taste, however, was rather strange. Not what Erwin had expected, but he had no idea if it was good or bad. He had no data to refer to, so he watched Levi surreptitiously.
The reaction from him was immediate. He screwed up his face in disgust and almost seemed to have trouble not spitting it out.
“It tastes like dishwater!” he shouted angrily, placing the cup back on the saucer harder than necessary, at which point Erwin couldn't keep it together. Warm, loud bubbles of laughter peeled from his mouth until his side ached.
Levi frowned, his eyebrows drawn together.
“What?”
“I'm just so...,” he forced out between giggles and heavy breathing, “glad you made the tea.”
A small smile twitched around Levi’s mouth.
“Stupid.”
At that moment Erwin just felt free, unencumbered. Normal. As if nothing else mattered, and for that he would always be grateful to Levi.