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From time to time
Night after night
Again and again
I see the same dream
It had been three years since Luca first dreamed about sparks turning into fire and dancing vigorously around him. Soon, it wasnʼt only flames anymore. It was taking shapes. A young man, long dark and purple hair with yellow and pink strands, mesmerizing purple eyes.
But whenever he wanted to reach out his hand and grasp him, he couldnʼt reach him. And whenever he woke up, he couldnʼt recall his face properly, only the color purple and a cozy sense of familiarity remained.
The dreams then started to take a dark turn. Guns, screams, violence. Between the sweet moments, there was despair and sorrow.
Sometimes he woke up in cold sweat, feeling paralyzed. Other nights, he was crying in his sleep, tossing and turning. Only one thing remained the same—the void in his chest, this eternal emptiness. He felt like his heart was yearning for someone, for some place, for a time he had lost before. But what could he have lost? He had his family, he had his friends, and he just started his second year of university. It was a normal life. Sometimes boring, but completely ordinary.
Then why were those dreams so realistic? He had never touched a gun—then why did he hold it so perfectly in his dreams? Or the fire. He knew fire burned, he had burned himself before when he was careless. Then why—why were those flames embracing him so gently and protecting him so fiercely in his dreams?
Why was that young man smiling at him so warmly, with so much fondness in his eyes?
Luca woke up with a groan, feeling exhausted. These dreams were consuming so much energy. His heart was beating fast, his breath unsteady. He glanced at the earring on his bedside table with glossy eyes, his trembling hands reaching toward it but falling back. Luca knew that the earring was the culprit, the reason those dreams started, yet no matter how hard and how many times he tried, he couldnʼt throw it away. Something deep inside him wanted to keep it, wanted to have it as a constant reminder. A reminder of what? He had no idea.
His rational part knew that he should just throw it away, so those dreams could end once and for all, but his heart was stronger. It burned with a strong desire for that longing. It was strange, he knew it. Why would someone want to feel that aching pain and throbbing emptiness all the time?
He was shopping with his sister, Lucy, when he noticed the dangling golden earring, only one half of the pair. It was displayed in an antique shop. His feet stopped subconsciously and he just stared. Stared at the lonely earring. He didnʼt even notice that he started crying, his senses went numb, only his heart ached with a torturing pain.
It was a feeling he had never felt before. It was suffocating, it wanted to rip his heart out of his chest. He couldnʼt breathe. He couldnʼt see properly.
“Luca?” his sister asked. “Hey, whatʼs wrong?”
What is this—?
This strange feeling of nostalgia.
“I—”
“Good eyes, young man. And a magnificent taste.” The owner, an old man, was standing in the doorway. He smiled at the siblings, waiting expectantly.
“I want to buy it,” Luca said.
“The earring? But where is the other half?” Lucy looked at him, confused.
“I want to buy it.”
That night, he dreamed about purple sparks. They looked like old friends, like an old memory, too blurry to mean anything to Luca.
The first time those sparks burst into flames, he felt an overwhelming amount of love stuck in his chest, nowhere to go. When he woke up, he knew that it was a love toward a certain person, but he didnʼt know who was supposed to be that person. He had never been in a relationship, and he didn’t even have anyone he was interested in. Then who did he love to this extent?
A few months after that, when he first dreamed about guns and the world set on fire, he woke up screaming. His mother held him in her arms until he fell asleep again.
He never told anyone what caused those dreams, not even his sister when she questioned him when they started. Even though he saw that earring as a curse or a memento that had been cursed, he was scared to lose it. He felt like this was the only way to remember something that he had lost. Something that had been taken away from him. Be it a person or a place or something else.
He even went to fortune tellers and psychics, hoping they could help, but the only clue he got was one of the psychics asking him if he had found the other half, because thatʼs the key. After that, it became his mission to find it. He knew it was pointless, there was just no way he could find a small earring when it could be anywhere.
“Why am I so fixated on you?” He took it in his hand. It was cold to the touch, but always so dazzling. He himself never wore earrings, and even with this one, he never thought about wearing it. He didnʼt buy it for himself. Hell, he didnʼt even know why he bought it. Then why—
Who did he buy it for?
Why did he wonder what kind of person its previous owner was?
Why did he dream about that young man with dangling earrings, sunlight reflected on them? And why the hell was he kissing that young man in some of his latest dreams?
He first thought he was just sexually frustrated, and that made him dream about those kisses. But for some reason, he didnʼt feel anything similar toward anyone else.
He tried to date someone a year after buying the earring, but something felt wrong. He felt incomplete. The girl was his classmate and liked Luca for the longest time. Luca, partly because he was running away from this constant longing, gave it a try and asked her out. He bought a bouquet of tulips on their first date, because he was sure that was her favorite flower, but it turned out she didn’t like it. When he got home, the bouquet still in his hands, he collapsed onto his bed and cried until he felt numb. After a week, he broke up with her. He felt like she deserved better. She deserved to be loved, but Luca had already spent all his love on someone else. Which didnʼt make sense, love shouldnʼt be finite.
Then why couldn’t he love anyone in that way? Why could he only feel right when he kissed that boy in his dreams?
“You look tired,” Lucy noted when his brother joined her in the kitchen.
“Bad dream,” he replied. “I’m fine.”
“You mean, the same dream.”
Luca lowered his head. The more he dreamed about it, the more they felt like memories. They werenʼt just fragments anymore, they felt nostalgic, they felt real. Even when he was awake, he could think back to them like they were memories from yesterday, like he experienced them himself.
And last night, for the very first time, he heard another voice, not just the screams. The young man talked. “Go, Luca! Itʼs okay. Itʼs okay. Iʼll be fine. If there is another life… If there is another chance… Itʼs okay. Weʼll meet again. I promise. Just go! And don’t forget, I’ll always—”
“I have time before classes,” he said, trying to ignore the scene replaying in his mind. The desperation in those purple eyes, the urgency in his voice, the fire around them, the replaying gunshots in his mind. “Want me to take you to school?”
Lucy nodded, finishing her breakfast. “Are you sure you’re fine?”
Luca smiled at her reassuringly. In reality, he wasn’t fine. He wished he dreamed about kissing that man again, and not this. Whatever this was, it was affecting him like never before. Sorrow followed him all day like a shadow.
He entered the lecture hall and took a seat. His friends skipped class, so he was alone, left with his memories. He tried to distract himself with some games on his phone, but he died immediately.
“Fu—,” he murmured to himself. He wanted to throw his phone away. Throw it against the wall like he did with the earring one day, when the nostalgia and yearning became so unbearable that he didn’t know what to do with himself.
Someone tapped his shoulder and Luca felt like energy bolted through him. It was as if his whole body was on fire. He looked up, only to meet shiny purple eyes. And everything clicked into place.
“Sorry, can I—?” The stranger pointed at the seat next to Lucaʼs.
“Yeah! Yeah, of course!”
The boy tucked his hair behind his ear before sitting down, and that was when he noticed it. A dangling golden earring in his left ear. The same as Luca had.
The other half.
“Hey, nice earring,” he said, his eyes taking everything in.
Itʼs you.
Why—
Why do I feel like we know each other?
Who are you?
“Thanks,” the boy replied, touching the accessory gently.
Why do I feel like we already had this conversation before? A very, very long time ago?
“Iʼm Luca, by the way,” he introduced himself. “Luca Kaneshiro.”
“Yamino Shu,” he smiled, and oh it did light up Lucaʼs world for a moment. “Itʼs been a while, Luca. Iʼve been looking for you.”