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Felix didn’t like the rasp in Ashe’s voice any more than he liked the heat that was radiating from the boy. The cool air of the cell only made the coughing worse which in turn made Ashe all the weaker and Felix wanted to scream.
Ashe would never have been captured if the Boar had just let Felix go off to fight alone like he wanted so Felix decided to blame Dimitri was Ashe’s illness also. If he had been safe at camp he may have still gotten a cold but it would have never developed into pneumonia so quickly.
Yes, it was the Boar’s fault.
Felix had fought as hard as he could and he had the bruises and cuts to prove it so it was only natural that Ashe had been overwhelmed also. It wasn’t that Ashe was weak, he had confirmed kill count almost as high as Felix’s own, but as an archer there was only so much he could have done at such a short range as enemies came at them from all sides.
Ashe tilted forward and Felix rushed to keep him upright.
“I’m okay.” Ashe rasped.
He coughed again, the sound almost wet.
Typical Ashe, coughing up a lung and still not wanting to worry anyone. Felix huffed, tugging Ashe close to him anyway and propping him up against his shoulder to keep his airway clear. Almost immediately Ashe melted into the touch, exhausted.
He didn’t know how many days had passed since they were captured yet Felix knew that there should have been some sign of rescue by now. The Boar and the Blue Lions were too loyal to leave Felix and Ashe to die here. Ordinarily Felix would have yelled at anyone who did try to rescue him, it was stupid to risk throwing away multiple lives just to save one or two, but in truth he was praying to a Goddess that he didn’t believe in that help would come soon if only for Ashe’s sake.
The rattle in Ashe’s lungs was getting worse, as was his fever, and Felix didn’t know how to help him.
What little food that came was neigh inedible, either stale or growing mould. Felix coaxed Ashe to eat all the same, knowing he needed his strength even at the risk of making Ashe sicker. Felix himself didn’t eat even as his stomach ached. He could not afford to grow ill, not when Ashe was depending on him. He did drink though, the water like acid on his tongue.
The cell was small and musty, the only light that came through was from a flickering lantern and Felix found that yearned for sunlight more than he had ever before. There had been some winters back home where there would be no sun for days, sometimes even weeks, yet he had always known that the sun would come out eventually and just the thought of that kept him warm. Now though, here in this cell with Ashe leaned up against him, he couldn’t be sure that he ever would see that light again.
As much as Felix loathed to admit it, Ashe was fading and he was fading fast. The longer they stayed here the weaker he got and Felix was starting to wonder what it would be like to hold his body after he was gone. He didn’t want to think about it, of course he didn’t want to think about it, but they hadn’t spoken in what felt like hours now so there was nothing else Felix could focus on.
Felix had touched dead bodies before, their blood staining his hands, but he had never touched a dead friend before. It was a miracle that none of his companions had been killed in the war even though he had long since accepted it as inevitable. It was never a question of if someone was going to die but a question of when, even if Dimitri did not understand that.
He had just never thought it would be Ashe. Never wanted it to be Ashe. The boy had already been through so much; he had lost his parents to plague, a plague that ravaged him even now, only to have killed the next person he looked to as a Father. Ashe had fought to prove himself worthy of Lonato’s name and time and again he had proven to be an invaluable asset to the Kingdom. But most of all Ashe was kind. He had seen the worst of the world and yet he was the kindest person Felix had ever met.
Felix had seen Ashe with the villagers around Garreg Mach, had seen Ashe teaching them the things he had never had access to. Ashe had offered flowers to those who had lost loved ones, he had buried not just Faerghus soldiers with care and respect but Adrestrian ones too.
“Felix?”
It was barely above a whisper it may as well had been a shout. Felix readjusted, trying to meet Ashe’s eyes but the boy was still leaning into his shoulder.
“Yeah?”
Ashe didn’t continue for a moment and Felix wondered if he had imagined his name being spoken.
“My brother and sister.” Ashe mumbled. “They’re only young…”
“You’re young too Ashe.” Felix forced a laugh but Ashe did not share it. He sobered. “You should rest.”
“Not yet.” He said. “I need to know. When I’m gone, will you look after them?”
“Ashe, you’re the one they nee-“
“Please.”
Felix closed his eyes tightly, failing to keep them from stinging.
“Of course.” He said roughly. “But it won’t come to that.”
Ashe said no more.
In the hours that followed, Felix dared not move. He did not check if Ashe’s eyes were open or closed, he did not reach out and feel just how cold his hands were, he did not lower Ashe fully to the ground. He simply just sat there, Ashe still leaned up against him, as the tears flowed freely.
The next meal was late. Felix wasn’t sure if there had even been a schedule, the meals always seemed to be given randomly with no sense of timing if only to make the captivity more confusing, but he knew for certain the next meal was late. It felt stupid, worrying about a meal coming when Ashe was… No, Ashe was not dead. If Felix did not look then Ashe was not dead.
The meal was late and even if Felix had no intention of eating any of the mouldy food he was starting to feel a little dizzy from hunger. Some of the meals he had coaxed Ashe into eating had made Felix ever more starving, seeing up close something that would ease the pain in his stomach while other times Felix was nauseous at the mere thought of eating something.
Felix’s throat was raw too but to get a sip of the stale water, he would have to move Ashe off his shoulder and Felix would not do that. Could not do that. He could do nothing but sit there, staring at the other side of the cell, his stomach and his head and his heart hurting.
The meal wasn’t late, Felix eventually decided, it simply wasn’t coming. The guards had either forgotten or more likely knew but didn’t care that Ashe and Felix were stuck here, no doubt on a power trip after having captured two of the Kingdom’s best fighters.
The walls of the cell had come in a little, the flickering lantern dimming alongside it. Felix couldn’t feel the shoulder that Ashe was leaning on anymore but then again it’s not like he could really feel anything else anymore. Felix had dimly wondered when everything started feeling fuzzy but now he was used to it, just like he was used to Ashe being so still beside him.
The walls came closer still.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to die here. He had always imagined going out like Glenn did, fighting for the life of the King even though Felix claimed he did not care for martyrdom. Then again, it wasn’t the King that Felix would be giving his life for but Dimitri himself. The man whose kindness was only surpassed by Ashe’s, the man that Felix was certain that would trade places Ashe and Felix in an instant if only to keep them from suffering.
Dimitri had not let Felix fight alone and now Ashe was leaning against his shoulder, unmoving, so maybe Felix could stay angry with him for a little longer. Felix did not want to miss Dimitri’s face, nor did he want to miss the Dimitri’s voice, yet he could almost hear it echoing now, almost feel Dimitri’s hands on his arm.
Felix could almost sense that Dimitri was there in the cell yet that was impossible because no one had come for them after all.
“It’s no use,” Dimitri’s voice echoed. “It’s like he doesn’t even see me.”
“Your Majesty,” Ingrid’s softer voice chimed in. “Let me try.”
Felix felt shifting around him but that wasn’t possible because no one but Ashe was near him and Ashe was not moving. Something touched his hand and squeezed it but that wasn’t possible either. Felix blinked, trying to make sense of what was happening.
“Felix,” Ingrid said. “Sweetheart, can you hear me?”
No because Ingrid could not be there. She was safe back at camp, as were the rest of them.
“If you can, can you try squeezing my hands?”
Although the voice was just a figment of his imagination and the hands holding his own did not exist, Felix decided to humour them and he commanded his hands to tighten. They barely managed to twitch and Felix realised that he had no strength left. A thrill of panic set in then; everything was fuzzy and something was wrong and Ashe was still unmoving on his shoulder but now Ingrid was there but that was impossible.
“That’s it,” Ingrid murmured. “Good job. Now, I’m going to try to move Ashe again but I need you to let him go this time.”
No one had tried to move Ashe. Ashe had been leaning on his shoulder for hours, no, years, and he had not moved in that time. Felix tried to say as much but all that came out of his mouth was a moan.
“It’s okay,” Ingrid said. “Just breathe, Felix, everything’s going to be just fine.”
The weight on Felix’s shoulder shifted and Felix saw red. He lashed out with one arm, hearing a grunt of pain while the other rushed to protect Ashe from the monsters that wanted to hurt him.
“Dammit Felix!” A male’s voice broke in. “That fucking hurt!”
Felix knew that voice. He blinked again but this time everything around him shifted. He wasn’t alone in the cell. Ashe was leaning against him same as always but Ingrid was crouched in front of him and Sylvain was beside her, a hand pressed to his bleeding nose. Dimitri had surged forward when Felix had lashed out but he now hovered a meter away, his hands twitching as if desperate to do something, do anything.
There was no sign of Annette, Mercedes or Dedue. Perhaps they were dead too.
No. Ashe wasn’t dead, he was just leaning on Felix’s shoulder. But he had not moved in so long, had not spoken in longer. If Felix did not look at him then he did not have to see.
“Ashe.” Felix croaked.
“I know Sweetheart,” Ingrid said softly. “I need you to let him go.”
No. Felix could not let him go. Letting him go meant that Felix would have to look at him and if he looked at him he would know if he died with his eyes open or closed and Felix couldn’t handle that right now.
“Felix,” Sylvain said. “It’s not your fault. Ashe, he…”
Sylvain swallowed roughly. His nose was still bleeding a little but for some reason Felix did not think that the tears in Sylvain’s eyes were from the hit.
“He was always weak.”
Felix wanted to scream. Ashe was not weak, he was the strongest of all of them, the kindest of all of them. He was not dead, he was simply unmoving.
“It isn’t your fault.” Sylvain repeated and Felix understood then.
All this time, Sylvain had known the truth as well as Felix did he had simply never voiced it. It had never been a question of if one of them would die, it had been a question of who would die. Felix had known this simple fact from the start and he had been vocal about it, trying to prepare the others for the inevitability even if it made Dimitri curse him out. It hadn’t just been about getting Dimitri and the others to understand the reality of war, not really, it had been Felix’s way of trying to prepare himself for the first death, preparing himself so that he would not break.
Like in so many other ways, Felix had failed.
He had failed in completing his mission, failed in keeping Ashe from being captured, failed in protecting Ashe from his illness, failed to steel his heart so that it would not fall apart.
The first tear burned his skin while the next fell faster. Felix did not know how long he cried, he did not know how long Ingrid sat there, a hand on his own. He did not know when Dimitri at last approached, placing a hand on his knee any more than he knew when Sylvain set a hand on Felix’s other shoulder.
Felix did not know how long he cried any more than he knew how long he had been held here in this cell.
The logical part of Felix came back slowly but when it did he realised that they were wasting time here. Surely there were guards who had realised Kingdom soldiers had broken into wherever they were, it was only a matter of time before they were all surrounded and forced into captivity themselves.
“Guards.” Felix said dumbly, his mouth feeling like cotton.
“Take your time,” Ingrid said. “We… Took care of them. We are safe.”
Oh. He probably should have helped with the fight. The fuzziness was back now, worse than ever, and Felix realised that he didn’t remember the last time he had eaten anything. No wonder why everything felt so numb.
Ingrid gave him a little bit longer for the tears to stop. Dehydrated as he was, his eyes stung painfully but at least that gave Felix something to focus on.
“Felix,” Dimitri’s voice rumbled. “I’m going to move Ashe now.”
Felix wanted to refuse, needed to refuse, but he was so tired. He nodded, the ache deep in his soul.
It felt wrong when Ashe’s weight was shifted off his shoulder. It felt even more wrong as Sylvain helped him stand up, letting Felix clutch onto his arm without a single teasing comment. Sylvain waited patiently for the feeling to return to Felix’s legs before he even attempted to walk forward and even when they started moving, Sylvain kept their pace slow and careful.
Sylvain never moved slowly. He had energy in everything he did wether it be training or battle or even when pretending to nap. Every movement Sylvain had ever made had been boisterous and yet here he was, walking so slowly so that Felix could walk alongside him.
“Syl…” Felix slurred.
“It’s okay, brother,” Sylvain said. “Take your time.”
Felix could not thank him less he start crying again so all he did was hold onto Sylvain a little tighter.
Reaching the door of the cell, Felix could feel himself falter. He did not know what it would be like out there after having spent so long in captivity. Did he even deserve to leave the cell, knowing that Ashe would not be going with him?
Maybe he should stay here after all.
“He’s alive!” Dimitri called.
Felix whipped around, Sylvain barely keeping him from falling. Dimitri had laid Ashe on the ground but had a hand to his chest, Dimitri’s face screwed up in concentration. His eyes widened and Felix saw Dimitri’s hand rise and fall if only by a fraction.
That was impossible. Ashe had been so still, so silent; he had not been breathing. No, maybe he had been breathing but because Felix had never dared to look he had never seen it. Even now the rise and fall of Ashe’s chest was barely noticeable, no sounds coming from the boy over the sounds of everyone else’s breathing.
“Ashe? Ashe, can you hear me?” Dimitri said loudly.
“Your Highness,” Ingrid said. “He needs Mercedes.”
“I know.” Dimitri snapped back. Then, he grimaced. “I know.”
“I will get her.” Ingrid promised.
Ingrid tore from the cell, not even glancing at Felix and Sylvain in her rush to get help. Sylvain helped Felix stumble back towards where Ashe lay but the closer they got the more Felix wondered if he was simply imagining the rise and fall of Ashe’s chest. The boy had been so weak, surely he could not have survived such a terrible illness in the cold of the cell with no food or water for Goddess knows how long.
“Ashe…” Felix croaked.
He saw that Ashe’s finger twitched but his eyes remained closed, his breathing barely noticeable.
Felix’s legs shook and Sylvain helped him to the ground less he fall completely. Felix reached out, taking Ashe’s hand into his own. It was cold. Too cold.
Dimitri must have thought the same as Felix because all of a sudden he had taken his cape off and was draping it over Ashe, making sure to not cover his chest so that they could keep watching it move. And watch they did, three sets of eyes fixed on Ashe’s chest as if none of them truely believed that he was still alive.
“Ashe,” Sylvain breathed. “Please… Wake up. You have to wake up.”
Everything was feeling fuzzy again. Felix was tilting, he realised dully, but he could not right himself. With Sylvain’s focus on Ashe, as it should be, Sylvain did not notice either. The cell was spinning around him, his throat aching for water.
Ashe was alive and he was breathing and that was all that mattered. Felix had not failed him and Ashe’s siblings would not need to be told that their brother was gone. Maybe everything was going to be okay after all.
The darkness claimed Felix even before he even realised it was there.
He should have known he would never see the sun again.
Sylvain was on the chair by Felix’s bedside, his knee bouncing up and down.
With Ashe being taken care of, Sylvain had been unable to tear his eyes away from Felix as if at any moment Felix’s heart might fail or he would stop breathing or some other awful thing that Sylvain didn’t even want to think about.
According to Mercedes, the two weeks that Ashe and Felix had spent in captivity it was unlikely that Felix had eaten anything, given his weak condition. Sylvain believed her, having lifted Felix and carried him to the horses himself. It was a miracle that Felix was even alive, having lost so much weight that he couldn’t bear to lose in such a short time, just as it was a miracle that Ashe was alive.
He still hadn’t woken up and as each hour passed, Sylvain only got more nervous. Surely Felix was just faking it, surely he would be unconscious for this long. He was simply being a little shit that didn’t want to socialise right now.
They had contacted Rodrigue and he was already on his way but Sylvain wanted Felix awake before then. Rodrigue had already lost one son, Sylvain did not want him to feel as though he had lost another. Which meant Felix had to wake up, for Rodrigue’s sake if not his own.
“Fe,” Sylvain said. “If you don’t open your eyes, I guess that means your sword is mine now.”
Felix breathed in. And out. His eyes did not flutter, his fingers did not twitch.
“Come on,” Sylvain growled, his own hands shaking. “You have to wake up. Call me an idiot, insult me, I don’t care. Just wake up.”
Two weeks. Two damn weeks they were in captivity and Sylvain had been unable to do a fucking thing about it. It wasn’t that they didn’t know that Ashe and Felix had been taken, the Empire bragged openly about taking them and even advertised where they were being held, no doubt to set a trap.
The Blue Lions had stepped into the trap without hesitation or reservation, every single one of them having agreed that Ashe and Felix were worth any risk. Dedue had not fought the issue, even though Sylvain knew he worried for Dimitri’s life, because even he knew the stakes. If Felix, or Ashe, died then Dimitri would die alongside them. The Prince had already lost so much, he could not afford to lose any one else.
Sylvain for his part would freely give up his life if it meant saving either Felix or Ashe, those boys meant too much for him to let them suffer. He had had nightmares the few times he slept, nightmares of what might be happening to them. Were they being tortured? Were they already dead, their bodies strung up on a barricade? Were they being treated as honoured guests?
The idea of Felix letting any enemy act civil towards him was laughable but Sylvain could not bring himself to laugh. He reached out, taking Felix’s cold hand into his own and squeezed it tightly.
“Wake up.” Sylvain croaked. “You have to wake up.”
Felix breathed in. And out. His eyes did not flutter, his fingers did not twitch.
“Please, Felix, Ashe needs yo-“
Felix snapped upright, screaming Ashe’s name and scaring the shit out of Sylvain.
Felix’s eyes were wide, his breathing much too fast, and he was already scrambling out of the bed. Sylvain set a reassuring hand Felix’s shoulder but Felix jolted, looking like he might throw up. Sylvain took the hand away quickly but kept close by in case he tried to stand.
“Easy there,” Sylvain said. “He’s okay.”
“No, he…” Felix shook, chewing his lip.
“Ashe is alive.” Sylvain said firmly. “You can see him, I promise you, but first you need to take a deep breath. Here, like this.”
Felix’s gaze snapped to him, no doubt to mock Sylvain’s attempts at calming him. Felix hated the idea of breathing exercises at the best of times, he certainly wasn’t going to do them after two weeks of Goddess knows what. But then Felix breathed in deeply. And again.
“Ashe,” Felix said, his voice weak. “He… He wasn’t moving.”
“I know,” Sylvain said.
“I couldn’t do anything.” Felix said. “He was coughing but then he stopped and I couldn’t do anything. I- I couldn’t do anything.”
“Felix,” Sylvain said, waiting until Felix met his eye. “Ashe is alive because of you. You kept him strong long enough for us to find you. He’s okay.”
“I didn’t look.” Felix said, his voice breaking. “I couldn’t look. If I looked then I would have known, I would have made him keep drinking or something, I couldn’t look… I couldn’t.”
Sylvain had never seen him like this. He had been heartbroken after Glenn’s death, even if he claimed otherwise, and Sylvain had been by his side the whole time but he had never been like this before. What it must have been like, having a friend you thought was dead leaning up against you for who knows how long, Sylvain didn’t even want to imagine.
No wonder why Felix had flinched when Sylvain set a hand on his shoulder, his friend had been traumatised and Sylvain had not protected him.
Moving slowly, Sylvain sat on the edge of Felix’s bed, giving him as much space as he wanted. Sylvain opened his arms and waited, waited for Felix to decide what he wanted to happen next. Felix was chewing his lip again but Sylvain gave him time to process, process that Ashe was alive, process that he was alive, process that everything was okay.
Like every decision Felix made, he did it with conviction. Sylvain grunted as Felix slammed his head into his chest, letting his arms wrap around Felix tightly. Felix was shaking, from stress or starvation Sylvain did not know.
All he knew was that Felix was safe, he was alive, he was okay. It was going to take time for him to recover, and it was probably going to take even longer before Ashe too recovered, but Sylvain would be there for both of them every step of the way.
They all would be because they weren’t just Blue Lions, they were family, and family see each other through whatever happens.