Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"When I first met you, I remembered you from a hundred different dreams,

and there you were for me to love all over again for the very first time."

-Atticus

 

Dear Soulmate,

I think I met you last night.

Caitlyn was ten years old when she first met her soulmate.

Well, maybe met was not exactly the right wording.

You were in my dream, 

and I am not sure that you were there at all, 

but…

In order to meet someone, you had to actually see them. Introductions had to be made, names exchanged, hands shaken. Meeting someone meant seeing them in person, knowing what they looked like, holding eye contact.

If Caitlyn had truly met her soulmate, she would have been awake.

I kept seeing someone in the corners of my vision.

Was it you?

Were you there too?

Her parents had explained what soulmates were when she was young. Caitlyn had developed an obsession with fairy tale romances while she was still a small child. She had devoured every book she could get her hands on that contained princesses and knights in shining armor, damsels in distress, forbidden romances, curses that could only be broken with true love’s kiss, anything and everything romantic. 

When her mother and father had told her about soulmates, and informed her that she had one of her own, Caitlyn had become a little obsessed with the idea. Someone out in the world was destined to be hers, her other half, her very own true love. Every wish she made on a star, every birthday candle blown out, all her luck was poured into finding her very own Prince Charming.

By the time she was eight years old, Caitlyn had learned that a prince was never going to be her knight in shining armor.

That hardly mattered, however. Soulmates could be anyone, and Caitlyn knew that her destined person was going to be absolutely jaw-droppingly gorgeous… whoever she was.

My name is Caitlyn.

I do not know your name, 

Not yet at least,

But I hope that someday I will learn it. 

The first time it happened, the first time she had the dream, Caitlyn had been so startled that she woke herself up. 

Did you dream of it too?

The tree on the hill,

Surrounded by wildflowers?

She had had the same dream for weeks. Every night, when she closed her eyes, she would open them to the same setting. There was a willow tree with long, leafy branches that swayed in the wind on top of a high hill that overlooked a small valley. It was beautiful. The air was sweet-smelling from the blooming wildflowers that spread out in all directions. As the weeks went on, Caitlyn had explored further down the hill until she reached a creek that she could not cross and determined that she had reached as far as she could go. 

Not once had she come across another person.

To say that she was disappointed was… an understatement.

I don’t know if you are real.

I have yet to see you in my dreams,

But I can feel that we are supposed to meet. 

Hopefully, soon, we will.

Until then, 

I will keep wishing for you.

Sincerely,

C.K.

P.S. I wanted to sign this with “Love,” but that would be silly,

You cannot be in love with a dream, can you?

The dreams happened for months. It was consistent with the same setting each and every night, unchanging. Caitlyn would fall asleep and find herself sitting in the shade of the willow tree, where she would wait all night for something to happen. Nothing ever did, and after nearly half a year of having the same consecutive, uneventful dreams, Cailyn was beyond bored. 

If there was one thing that was important to know about Caitlyn, it was that when she put her mind to something, she became stubborn as hell.

“When will I meet my soulmate?” Caitlyn had suddenly asked her parents one evening during dinner.

The sudden shock of her question made her father choke on his tea while her mother simply stared at her as if she had asked something far more risque. She was potentially more upset at Caitlyn’s outburst than her question.

“Where on Earth is that coming from, Caitlyn?” Her father had asked once he recovered from his sputtering.

Caitlyn cleared her throat and sat up. Her hands were folded neatly in front of her, back straight, and head held high like her mother had taught her to sit. “I keep having the same dream every single night, but I have not seen anyone else. I am starting to believe I might never.”

Her parents exchanged concerned glances towards each other from across the dinner table. The rise of her mother’s right eyebrow spoke volumes more than her words ever could. Her mother was always much more expressive with her face than she was with her language. 

“The same dream, dear?” Her mother asked. Her tone was slow and careful.   

Caitlyn could barely understand the hidden meaning hiding behind the simple question she was asked. What she did understand was that she had completely thrown her parents for a loop, confusing them with her outburst. “You told me that I would one day find my soulmate in my dreams, and that would be how I knew who they were. Father and you met in your dreams, didn't you?”

The dining room had lapsed in a thick silence, forcing Caitlyn to shift anxiously in her chair as she noticed the tension she had caused. Both her parents kept their gazes on each other, silently having a weighted conversation that she was not privy to. She hated being kept out of the loop. She wanted to be a part of the conversation just as badly as she wanted an answer to her question. 

Her father was the first to break the silence. “Caitlyn, are you positive it is the same dream you are having?”

The youngest Kiramman let out an exasperated sigh. She shoved her dinner plate away from her place and crossed her arms with a frown scrawled across her face. “Of course I am positive!” she answered sharply. She had thought that her answer had been clear the first time. “I have been writing about it in my diary almost all year. I can show you if you want proof.” 

Her mother cleared her throat delicately yet with enough intention that Caitlyn understood the subtle scolding she was receiving. “I believe the reason we ask is because you are not supposed to meet your soulmate directly in your dreams.” When Caitlyn’s face stayed contorted into a scowl, her mother sighed and took a sip of her tea. Her blue eyes, the same as her daughter’s, drifted to her husband’s with an expectant eyebrow raised.

He took the cue with a slight stutter. “E-exactly. When I saw your mother, it was in different dreams, and we never interacted directly.”

“Then how did you know that she was your soulmate?” Caitlyn asked quickly. “Were there other people in your dreams? How could you have been sure who was your soulmate and who was not?”

“Ah, well,” her father glanced at her mother, and his ears turned pink, “I suppose I just knew.”

The smile on her mother’s face was a small one, which piqued Caitlyn’s interest even further. Her mother only ever smiled that sweetly at her father; there was something gentle and genuine that made her whole face radiate a soft glow that she gave no one else. “For me, it was that there was this strange person who always kept telling me terrible jokes no matter the type of dream I was having. I could be having the worst nightmare, and there he would be, trying to make me laugh despite it all.”

“You hate jokes,” Caitlyn commented. 

Her mother hummed and sipped her tea but did not say anything else. 

Realizing that she was not going to learn more, Caitlyn shook her head quickly and huffed. “Hold on, does this mean that you met in different dreams? As in, they changed every night?”

“That is correct,” her father answered as her mother nodded silently. “You say that you are having the same dream?”

“Yes!” Caitlyn confirmed for a third time. She was starting to regret asking in the first place. She had not known her parents would fail to understand her predicament. They were usually clever and all-knowing, always picking up on everything happening to their daughter. They could read her like a book. Why was it now that she was asking for advice on the only thing she cared about that they were suddenly clueless?

It was obvious that they either had no idea how to answer her question or were wanting to keep her in the dark. Either way, Caitlyn was frustrated and growing irritated with their lack of response. 

“Are you telling me I am having this repetitive dream for no reason?” Her shoulders slumped down, the disappointment setting in hard. There was a weighted pain in her chest that she was not ready for. 

Her father reached his hand across the table and gently took his daughters. His fingers squeezed tight, trying to comfort or reassure her. His eyes were soft, smile kind, while he looked at her. “You will meet her, my dear. Give it time. You are still very young.”

Except Caitlyn did not want to wait. She wanted to be in love.

Dear Soulmate,

Where are you?

Years passed as Caitlyn waited for her dreams to change. 

They never did. 

She eventually gave up looking forward to her dreams. They only brought her resentment and disappointment. Her mood dropped until she felt like a zombie walking around in a lifeless body. People told her that she was too young to be this resigned, but she hardly cared. The looks of worry she received from her governess and her father did make her feel a little bad about her mood, but then she would fall asleep again to be met with a flowering field alone, and the empty feeling would set back in. 

The letters Caitlyn would once write to her soulmate were abandoned, along with her diary. After a particularly bad night, after a frustrating week of tutoring and traveling, she had a whole meltdown in her bedroom. She had taken the diary and the letters in her hands and nearly thrown them into the fireplace in the corner of her room. Her whole body had violently shaken with anxious hopelessness as she raised her arms to toss the little book into the flames. She sobbed and screamed and cursed herself for being soulmateless. It was all she wanted, and as far as she was concerned, she was never going to meet hers. 

She was so sure that she was going to destroy the letters and all her hopes of having true love. Her heart had felt broken for a stranger she had yet to meet. All the other girls around her age were discovering theirs already. While Caitlyn was not out to society yet, she had to sit around tea shops with the others and listen as they waxed poetic about the handsome men and lovely women that visited them while they slept. She was forced to smile politely and feign ignorance while she knew all too well that her dreams were different from theirs. She had the same dream every single night for years, where she sat alone on a stupid hill and waited. 

And waited.

And waited!

What stopped her at the last moment, she will never know. Her arms had pulled back, ready to toss the letters away, when she finally collapsed and refused to let go of them. Her knees had hit the wooden floor painfully, but she hardly felt the bruises form on her legs as she clutched the only proof that she could have a soulmate to her chest and cried until she fell asleep next to the fire.

Dear Soulmate,

Give me a sign.

I’m not ready to give up yet.

Caitlyn was sixteen years old when she finally met her soulmate.

Well, maybe met still was not exactly the right wording. 

Dear Soulmate,

I think I met you last night.

You were in my dream, 

and I heard you this time. 

In order to have met someone, you had to see them, meet their gaze, recognize that they were real. Meeting someone required conversation, understanding, a connection formed.

Caitlyn did not see her soulmate.

…But she was there.

The dream was like all the others. Caitlyn had closed her eyes in the real world and opened them to her secret, personal hell on the other side. The breeze was stronger today than normal but not unpleasant. Giant, white, fluffy clouds sailed across the vast, deep blue sky, casting great shadows over the rolling valley. 

There had not been any sign of her soulmate once again.

In order to wait the night out, Caitlyn climbed to the top of the willow tree and perched herself on the highest branch that could hold her. Her hands kept busy weaving the willow branches into crowns and necklaces as her eyes scanned the sky and picked out shapes in the clouds.

She was unsure if she had been up in her tree for minutes or hours, but she was completely unprepared for the way her dream would change.

There was a call on the wind, a voice picked up by the breeze. At first, Caitlyn ignored it. She had heard fake voices before. It was her bored mind playing tricks on her, cruelly sparking hope where there should not have been any. 

However, then she heard the call again, louder and clearer this time. 

Slowly, Caitlyn sat up from her perch. As still as a statue, she waited again.

And it happened again. 

And again.

And again.

On the wind, distantly, Caitlyn heard it.

You had said,

“I’m here.

I’m ready to meet you.

Where are you?”

I am ready too.

Soon.

Yours,

Caitlyn

Chapter Text

“I like to dream about mirrors.

That there is a mirror world somewhere

A little like ours but different at the same time.

And you and I are different

But we are together.

I like to believe whatever world we are in

We are in love

And Together.”

– Courtney Peppernell 

 

It is pitch black when her eyes open, too early for the sun to rise, too late for the world to be awake. Everything is dark, singular, silent.

A match strikes hisses to life, a single burning point of heat in a place that feels too isolated.

This is the ritual: night, match, candle, flame.

It has become tradition: parchment, ink, quill, words.

She follows it to the letter: write, seal, wax, kiss.

This is her nightly ceremony.

Dear Soulmate,

She has been doing this for the last five years. Rising before the sun to detail every moment of her dream before it fades has become more routine than eating. Her circadian rhythm has long been disrupted, but she is used to it. The early mornings feel natural by now.

Their sleep schedules simply do not match up. They never have. Caitlyn is too much of an early bird, and she… Well, Caitlyn is convinced that she never sleeps.

No wonder they missed each other for so many years. Her soulmate is absolutely nocturnal.

Would it kill you to sleep for more than a few hours?

Caitlyn had spent so long wishing to meet her soulmate, and when she finally had, she was far from the chivalrous woman Caitlyn imagined for herself.

You are horrendously asinine.

Are you aware of that?

And I firmly believe that you are a menace to society.

There were a lot of things wrong with her soulmate.

Must you play a prank on me every time we meet?

I am convinced that you solely seek me out to watch me suffer. 

Their meetings had been less than romantic.

Also, your sarcasm is the worst!

Why is every question I ask answered with a humorous remark? 

But…

There are good aspects of her soulmate too…

I have to thank you.

I needed to talk about what happened yesterday.

You have always been a great listener. 

You do not make me feel as if I am crazy,

Nor do you see me as a misfit like everyone else.

You see me for me,

As I see you.

If only they could actually see each other…

If Caitlyn knew what her soulmate looked like, maybe it would be easier to convince herself that she was not insane. 

The meeting was never that . 

They still have not met face-to-face.

They may truly never meet. 

Her soulmate may still be nothing more than a voice on the wind. 

“Hey Cupcake,” her soulmate calls out. Her voice is close as if they are sitting next to each other. Caitlyn can feel the presence of a ghost near her. With her eyes closed, she can picture that she is not alone. 

I imagine you have kind eyes;

The kind that sparkles when you genuinely smile.

Your mouth is perfectly imperfect,

Lips and jaw lopsided from the many fights you boast about.

Yet you kiss with delicious tenderness,

Because I know that you are truly softer than the front you put on.

Caitlyn sits on the hillside, picking petals off the wildflowers and blowing dandelion fluff into the air. 

“I am here, my dear,” she calls out, letting her words drift out on the breeze with the flowering seeds. 

The grass next to her rustles and settles, separate from the swaying pattern the rest of the foliage follows. Caitlyn hears a warm, pleasured sigh, and as her gaze studies the flattened spot next to her, she wonders;

Can you see me?

Do you know what I look like?

Shifting onto her side, Caitlyn lays in the grass to face the phantom of her soulmate. She settles down with her arm tucked under her head; the other hand extends outward, fingers grazing where she pictures her soulmate’s head resting. 

I am not sure how I know, 

However, I picture you with curls;

The kind I can wrap around my fingers 

While I play with your hair.

You are a blonde,

Or perhaps a red-head;

Something that resembles the heat of fire,

Or warm sunlight;

Sweet and golden like honey.

“I’ve been thinking,” her soulmate starts.

“Well, that is dangerous,” Caitlyn mumbles with a tiny huffed laugh. She is still unsure when she started becoming comfortable being witty and teasing in her mannerisms. Her mother never liked it when Caitlyn talked back or had a smart mouth, but her soulmate always brought out that side of her. It was fun – the bantering.

Her soulmate laughs earnestly, and Caitlyn forgets to breathe. 

I will never tire of your laugh. 

It is always so passionate,

And unashamed.

You are full of life,

My dear.

What would it take to have that laugh in my life outside of our dreams?

What must I do to make you mine?

“Wow, you wound me,” she says. “Perhaps I won’t tell you.”

“And leave me in suspense?” Caitlyn fires back quickly. “You are already so much of a mystery. Must you keep more from me?”

“If I remember correctly, you love a good mystery. You are very good at solving my riddles.”

“And yet you remain my greatest unsolved paradox.”

The wind falls silent then. No reply comes. Caitlyn can feel the heartache in her chest bloom. Over the years, Caitlyn had learned that nothing could physically harm her. She could fall from the top of the willow tree and hit the ground without even a scratch. 

The one thing she can always feel however, no matter the circumstance, is the twisting, awful pain of her own heart breaking for a person who is nothing more than a stranger to her. 

That is what her soulmate is to her, after all. Years of hearing her soulmate in her dreams, painstakingly memorizing the tone, pitch, and cadence of her soulmate’s voice would mean nothing in the real world. If they were to ever meet in person, Caitlyn would have no way of recognizing her soulmate. They could pass each other on the street, and they would never know it.

After a long silent moment, Caitlyn sighs and nestles into the soft grass. “Tell me what is on your mind,” she says quietly. 

“Just that I think that I am in love with you,” the reply comes in a whisper.

You always say that.

“I love you.”

You do not know me;

Nor I, you.

“You still aren’t ready to say it back, are you?” her soulmate asks.

Caitlyn blinks back into the moment, realizing that she never replied to her soulmate’s declaration. Her face heats up, and she turns away to hide it, not that her soulmate would see her blush, regardless. The embarrassment is enough to make her act childish. 

“It’s okay if you don’t love me,” her soulmate adds when Caitlyn does not answer again. She can hear the soft tremble in her soulmate’s voice. There is always so much emotion in the voice that Caitlyn can always tell how she is feeling even without seeing her expression. 

The pain is present enough through her words that it hurts Caitlyn all the same.

“That isn’t true,” Caitlyn answers softly. Her hands shake as she folds them together over her stomach. She presses her palms hard into her stomach to try and keep the butterflies contained. “I do, truly,” she says, her own voice unsteady. “I only want the first time you hear me say it to be when we finally meet.”

Yet, 

Despite it all,

I love you too.

In every way I possibly can,

I love you.

Yours,

Caitlyn.

Her mother looks far too grim for Caitlyn’s liking. 

Tea is served on the terrace along the back of the estate. The weather is nice today; the breeze is sweet and warm with pollinated spring air. The trees that sprawl across the grounds are finally in bloom; white, pink, and purple trees stretch across the fields out to where the pond lies just past the tree line. The tea is jasmine this time, sweetened with fresh honey and served with floral-tasting biscuits. 

Caitlyn is suspicious. While her mother typically brings a book with her to read during tea time, her hands are completely empty as she takes her seat across from her daughter. There is a serious set to her shoulder that Caitlyn has only seen during financial meetings and business deals. It is a look that should not be present during a time of family bonding and relaxing, and it sets Caitlyn’s teeth on edge.

Her father hums to himself as he strolls along the terrace, hands clasped behind his back as he inspects the flower beds that have yet to bloom. Caitlyn tracks his movements, searching for a tell that he knows why his wife is acting strange, but if he is aware of it, he does not show it. 

A servant serves the tea into a brand new set of teacups and hands one to each woman at the table. Caitlyn carefully studies her mother over the rim of her cup. Cerulean eyes, older than her own, stare unfocused somewhere past her daughter. The teacup in her mother’s hand hovers away from her face as if halfway forgotten.

Then,

“Tobias,” her mother calls out, face still devoid of emotion.

The older man pauses in his stroll. He turns on his heel to face his family and his gaze shifts from his wife to his daughter. The moment Caitlyn locks eyes with her father, they both pick up on the severity of what is weighing on the matriarch’s mind, although Caitlyn still has yet to figure it out.

Her father understands instantly. His shoulders stiffen. “Ah, are we doing this now?” He asks as he walks closer.

“Doing what now?” Caitlyn asks, quickly looking between her parents. Anxiety makes her hands tingle with a collection of nerves, and she sets her teacup on the table to prevent the porcelain from clanking together.

Slowly, carefully, her mother sets her cup down as well. She has more composure than her daughter, but she has had years of practice. The moment her father settles into his own seat, the parents exchange looks. 

Over the years, Caitlyn has become used to her parents’ silent conversations. Their minds always seem to be on the same track, a trait most soulmates have and one Caitlyn has yet to understand. No matter how often her parents have done this, however, she has never grown used to it. They always use their soulmate telepathy when their topic concerns her. It would save her a lot of anxiety if they could speak to her outright. 

“Should I be afraid?” Caitlyn asks after the silence drags on longer than she can stand.

Her mother’s attention falls on her once again with a weight that crashes into Caitlyn so heavily her own body seizes in fear.

Oh, she thinks to herself, this is very bad.

“Caitlyn, dear, your father and I have something very important we must discuss with you,” her mother starts carefully. Her gloved hands are crossed primly together, knuckles resting just on the edge of the tabletop. There is no quivering in her voice, nor do her hands tremble in their position. Caitlyn studies her mother the best that she possibly can, looking for any tell that might slip through her mother’s facade.

She finds none.

“You are twenty-two years of age,” her mother continues. 

Caitlyn can feel the blood draining from her face.

“We only want what is best for you and for you to be happy,” she adds. 

Caitlyn feels sick. She knows where this conversation is going before her mother even hints at the topic.

“However…”

Her vision blurs momentarily.

“You have not found your soulmate yet…”

Please stop. 

“We have not heard you talk about who it might be in a very long time.”

I…

“Your father and I fear that you may never.” Her mother keeps talking as if she is not noticing the way her daughter’s whole body is shutting down. “Most young adults have found their soulmate by your age, or they know who they are. You have been out in society for a few years now, and we have given you time to find your person. We want you to find true love, and yet no one you have met seems to fulfill that connection.”

“Unless…” her father interrupts. “There is something you have not told us yet…” His tone was painfully hopeful, and Caitlyn had to tear her face away from her parents. 

Her mind drifts away to her place on the hill. A blurry figure sits next to her, smiling with an easy grin and laughing in that way that makes her heart ache wonderfully. She desperately tries to piece together a face, a body, a name. There has to be a sign that would make it easy to tell her parents the truth. She has a soulmate. They visit every night. Caitlyn knows the sound of her voice like a melody that could never leave her head. Her soulmate plays pranks and loves terrible puns. She has siblings, and she can speak several languages. She calls Caitlyn Cupcake because they do not know each other’s name, and despite her own protests that she dislikes the name, Caitlyn adores it more than she will ever admit.

However…

No face comes to mind. A voice is hardly proof that there even is a soulmate, and…

Her parents take a moment to register their daughter’s silence. Her eyes have gone glassy, and the hollow of her throat is constricted tight enough to show that she has stopped breathing. 

“Oh, my darling,” her father whispers softly. He takes Caitlyn’s hand in his, but her fingers are cold, and his touch does not register in her head. 

The rest of the world fuzzes out after that. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Caitlyn can hear her mother speaking, but she cannot make out the words. All she can think about is how she will break the news to her soulmate.

She will never get the chance to repeat those three words out loud to her…

Dear Soulmate,

Is this truly the end already?

I have to marry someone else.

Chapter Text

“How could I possibly be content

With an outcome

That is everything 

But you and me?”

-F.S. Yousaf

The sky is overcast and a little bit windier than normal. Every so often, a raindrop sneaks through the branches of the willow tree and wets Caitlyn’s cheek, which she wipes away hastily with more force than necessary. The sky is mocking her. Her eyes are already red-rimmed. Even in her dreams, she cannot stop crying, but she keeps her weeping silent, sniffles carefully hidden so that her soulmate does not notice. 

The other woman is high in the tree, cheerfully telling a story about one of her many siblings, too engaged with her own conversation to be bothered by the atmosphere.

Caitlyn has been trying to pay attention. Truly, she listens the best that she can, and asks questions that she knows will keep her soulmate preoccupied. However, her heart simply is not in the relationship today; it has not been for nearly a month. The dreaded day continues to loom closer and closer, and Caitlyn still does not have the heart to tell her soulmate the news. Which is why she finds it impossible to listen to the story being told to her. How can she hear about the people she thought would be her family when she knows that will never be? Caitlyn used to be enraptured anytime her soulmate spoke of her siblings. Lacking her own, she had been thrilled at the prospect of marrying into a big family. Her letters to her soulmate are filled with details about the pranks her siblings pull on one another and the adventures they go on during their travels. Caitlyn knows more about her future sister-in-law than she does about her own cousins, and they have never met. Her soulmate loves her own sister, and Caitlyn is ready to love her too. 

That is another reason Caitlyn dreads the arranged marriage. She knows nothing about her future spouse’s family, and it only makes the anxiety of everything worse. Not only is Caitlyn losing her soulmate, but she is also losing a family that already feels like her own.

The space next to her rustles and the wind dies down a bit. Absent-mindedly, Caitlyn tucks a stray hair behind her ear and looks up at the sky. She blinks and waits for the sound of her soulmate to resume.

It does not, and Caitlyn worries her bottom lip between her teeth. Her soulmate’s voice was a pleasant background noise that dulled the heartache at least a tiny bit. She always longs to hear her voice. The prospect of listening to her talk has been the one thing that has kept her going lately. Caitlyn knows that she is losing the chance to marry her soulmate. She is struggling to make peace with that, but she continues to convince herself that no matter what, she still has these ghost chats late at night while they both sleep. 

Except her soulmate is quiet now, and it confuses Caitlyn.

“Darling?” she calls out, looking up into the tree to find which branch her soulmate had been perched on. 

For a long moment, there is no response. Caitlyn’s heart jerks, even though this is not the first time her soulmate has disappeared mid-dream. Her lover’s life is full of adventures and travels that Caitlyn has never had the privilege of experiencing, and along with the excitement comes instances where something in the real world wakes her up suddenly and drags her away. The hill always becomes lonely whenever that happens, and the abruptness of the quiet is jarring, serving as a reminder that these dreams are not forever. The sun always rises and they must always part. 

A soulmate connection is truthfully a blessing and a curse.

Caitlyn sighs and hugs her knees to her chest, feeling a chill run down her spine and into her arms. Tiny bumps form along her skin, and she rubs at them soothingly with her chin resting on her knees.

“Something has been off with you lately,” her soulmate’s voice rings out softly from beside Caitlyn.

Cait jerks and looks to her left. As always, she expects to see the face she always imagines; the curly hair, the bright eyes, the strong jaw. Yet, empty space meets her gaze, and Caitlyn tries not to feel disappointed.

She should be used to this by now.

“Is there something you want to talk about?” her soulmate asks carefully.

A part of Caitlyn wants to avoid this subject with her soulmate. She believes that if she hides the truth, then they both can pretend there is still a chance for them in the real world. Even if Caitlyn has to marry a stranger, she still wants to hope that her soulmate will never stop fighting to find her. Lately, her daydreams have been nothing but fantasies of her soulmate appearing on her doorstep and demanding for her hand in marriage. Sometimes she pictures the faceless woman crashing the wedding, or kidnapping her on her honeymoon, or simply seeing her in public and proposing to her on the spot. 

Expect, of course, they do not even know each other’s names. No matter how many times they have told each other in the dreams, by the time Caitlyn wakes up, her mind never conjures up the name. Apparently, that is the one common thing Caitlyn shares with other peoples’ soulmate dreams. Names are not meant to be known, which is completely ridiculous because it makes finding your person even harder – or impossible in Caitlyn’s case. Others get to see their soulmate’s appearance. Caitlyn has never had that advantage. 

“I do not think you will like what I have to say,” Caitlyn murmurs under her breath. She tucks her head down lower so that her forehead rests on her knees instead. 

Her soulmate hums thoughtfully as if she is considering the risk she wants to take. Caitlyn already knows that she is going to have to say what is weighing on her mind. They try not to keep secrets from one another, and when her soulmate is curious about something, she gets her answers.

“Would you like me to guess what that is?” she asks. “Or would you like to tell me yourself?”

Caitlyn considers the pros and cons of each scenario. On one hand, letting her soulmate guess means that Caitlyn does not have to be the one to break the news. On the other hand, however, the anxiety and dread are already killing her, and she cannot keep it to herself any longer.

“No, I believe it is best that I am the one to tell you the truth,” Caitlyn answers.

The grass next to her flattens a bit, signaling that the phantom of her lover is beside her. They are so close. They always are. How can one sit right next to their other half and yet be so distant? How is that fair? How is any of this fair?

Reaching a hand out, Caitlyn closes her eyes and waits for her hand to connect to the soft flesh of her soulmate’s cheek. She imagines what it would feel like beneath her fingertips — smooth and warm, with the firmness of her jaw underneath. She expects a pulse underneath her touch; she waits for her lover to lean into the embrace and they move closer to kiss…

Her hand meets air, and Caitlyn snaps her eyes open to just see her hand hovering limply in the air.

The tears are almost instantaneous, and there is no quieting them this time.

“Hey hey hey,” the voice quickly calls. “Cupcake, what is it? What’s wrong?”

Every single word Caitlyn is meant to reply with becomes stuck in her throat. She chokes on them as she sobs into her knees, hiccuping and coughing every time she opens her mouth. It has been a long time since Caitlyn has allowed herself to fully cry. In fact, there may have never been a time she cried this hard before in her life. Her lungs are devoid of air and every breath she takes forces its way almost immediately as if fleeing from her body. Caitlyn feels dead. She nearly wants to be. No matter how much she has tried to convince herself that everything will work out, that she can have her soulmate at least in some way, every part of her being is already aware that she and her own soulmate are simply never meant to be. 

“I’m here,” the voice says. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. You can talk to me. Please!”

So Caitlyn tells her the truth. Through broken sobs and hyperventilating, she admits everything. 

She is getting married in a few weeks to a stranger her parents have selected for her. She tried to protest, but in the end, she had no choice but to accept. From what she has been told, the mystery woman also has a soulmate she has yet to find and their parents see this as an opportunity to make a political and financial advantage out of their children. Caitlyn attempts to reassure her soulmate that she will never love this other woman, that her heart and soul will only ever belong to her. This marriage is not her idea, and she hates every part of it. Instead, she would rather spend her whole life chasing the woman in her dreams than marry a stranger she could never love.    

Both of their souls will forever be searching for another, so what is the point of marrying someone else? Caitlyn’s heart is already spoken for, and that will never change.

However, she still has never said those powerful three words out loud to her soulmate. 

Once Caitlyn finishes, and her sobs die down into whimpers and hiccups, the silence stretches on for eternity. It is overwhelming and deafening in its intensity and only makes her anxiety claw at her insides until she feels completely bare and raw.

Then, nearly impossible to hear, her lover says, “Marry the other woman.”

Caitlyn whips her head up, shock written across her puffy, tear-streaked face. “What?” She refuses to believe what she heard, and she is desperate to be wrong. 

“Marry her,” the voice repeats, a little louder. It wavers and cracks, and adds, “Don’t waste your life on me.”

“No!” Caitlyn says, feeling something hot and angry spreading through her chest. “How can you say that? Why would you say that?”

“Look at this situation,” the voice snaps back. “Look at us. Look where we are. We are nowhere. We are no one. You do not know me and I don’t know you.”

Caitlyn huffs out a bitter laugh and wipes the tears from her face. “That is not true,” she replies. “You’re my soulmate. I know you like I know my own heart.”

“Oh yeah?” the voice shoots back. The space next to her unflattens and suddenly the wildflowers down the hill begin to part. Caitlyn watches in horror as every flower that swayed begins to wilt. “Then what is my name?”

“You are aware that I don’t know that.”

“How about my sister’s name? Or my parents’? How about my other siblings, huh?” the voice presses. There is a hardened, cruel edge to the voice that Caitlyn has never heard before. It terrifies her. 

The dividing path of wilting flowers pauses, then begins to part horizontally on the hill as the ghost of her soulmate starts pacing. “Tell me how old I am, or where I’m from. Our accents aren’t the same, so we already know that we live nowhere close. How the hell do you plan on finding me? I’ve tried looking for you. Trust me. I’ve searched the whole globe, Cupcake, and if I’m being honest, I’m starting to doubt you’re even real.”
Caitlyn feels the little amount of air she has rush out of her lungs all at once. “You’ve been looking for me?”

The ghost freezes then laughs, but it is not sweet nor carefree like she is used to. The sound is hollow and bitter. “Is that your way of telling me that you have not searched for me?”

“Of course I have. Just…” 

“Not like I have for you…” the voice finishes, disappointment laced clearly into her tone.

Caitlyn lets the silence answer for her.

In her defense, she does not have the resources to travel the world looking for one person. Of course, her family has the money, but there are other responsibilities as a public figure and sole heir to a powerful family that needs attending to. The chance to explore anywhere outside her home kingdom in search of her long-lost love has never presented itself. Even if one had, Caitlyn would have no idea where to even begin looking. 

“I long for you,” Caitlyn says instead. “Please do not give us up so easily.”

The wildflowers down the hill die once more. Caitlyn feels her heart being ripped from her chest. All the little strings attached, the bits of her that let her feel and exist and be happy, start to snap loose. Her heart chases after her soulmate, following her as the distance grows greater, a chasm forming between them. 

“I never said I would give up,” the voice calls out in the distance.

Caitlyn springs to her feet, gathering the length of her sleep gown and sprinting through the dying field of wildflowers. “Wait! Please don’t go!”

“You deserve happiness,” the voice says from far away. “I can’t give that to you.”

“But you do!” Caitlyn yells. “I don’t want anyone else. I have only wanted you. Please don’t give up on us!”

The wilting path down the hill pauses briefly, giving Caitlyn a chance to catch up.

“I never said I would give up,” the voice repeats, clearer now that Caitlyn is standing behind where her soulmate must be. “But this isn’t real. This is a dream, and I think it’s time for us to wake up.”

All sensation and control leaves Caitlyn's body. Her limbs move on their own accord. Her hands reach out, searching, grasping for a solid body that no longer stands in front of her. Her legs carry her down the hill, moving purely on gravity and momentum until she splashes into deep, frigid water. She gasps in surprise as her body and dress submerge in the creek. Her nervous system freaks out in response and she quickly rushes back onto dry land. She is violently shaking, teeth chattering as her eyes search frantically around her. 

“I’m sorry!” she calls out. 

There is no response. 

“I’m not done dreaming yet!”

The silence drags longer. Not even the wind echoes back.

“I-” Tears prickle in Caitlyn’s eyes again and her throat burns horribly. She powers through. 

“I love you.”

Nothing.

Silence.

Dead air.

She is alone. 

Then, she inhales sharply, and as loud as she possibly can, she screams a single name her brain does not recognize. 

When Caitlyn awakens in her dark bedroom, she stumbles over to her writing desk. 

She crumples the parchment.

Ink spills across the sheet and stains the wood grain.

Her fingers burn when she lights the match.

The wax drips on her skin instead of on her envelope. 

Caitlyn does not remember if she ever wrote anything down in that final letter. 

Chapter Text

“Maybe it's over

or maybe

it never began.

Maybe

I was a shy rainstorm they predicted on the evening news that didn't come to fruition

or maybe

I was the white noise that lulled you to sleep,

never tangible enough

to be heard over the commotion of all your other dreams.”

-Emily Juniper

Caitlyn stands back from the edge of the dock, watching as a modest ship slowly weaves its way into port. The closer it sails, the more anxious she becomes. Her hands shake restlessly, fingers picking at the edges of her lace gloves. The left index finger has caught a snag and is gradually unraveling the more she fiddles with it.

There is too much happening around her. The harbor is chaotic and lively on this spring morning; shouts from sailors and the cries of seagulls fill the cool air. Caitlyn tries her best to block it all out. Her stomach is in knots, and the back of her neck feels tacky and itch with sweat, and the last thing she needs is to become overstimulated. It is bad enough that she can feel her mother’s gaze locked on her. Both of her parents are hovering over her, stares filled with concern and guilt, and they are not making this morning any easier.

Caitlyn shifts uncomfortably under the weight of her parents’ attention, and focuses on the approaching ship instead. She studies the identifying flags that show who the ship belongs to. The light green fabric atop the main mast waves proudly in the ocean breeze. The design embroidered onto it is the side profile of a gray wolf with a crown — the symbol of a merchant king. On the side of the emerald green ship, painted in glittering gold letters, is the name of the ship. The Last Drop is a beautiful boat, well-maintained and expertly crafted. The deck is alive with activity; the crew bustles around to tie down the sails and work to start unloading cargo. Amongst the flurry of bodies, Caitlyn easily spots the captain as he commands his crew. Even from where she stands, she can tell that he is the man in charge. He’s menacing to look at. Her father had explained that he knew the captain back from his younger years when he had traveled the world studying medicine. Caitlyn is unsure if she believes him. She can hear the thunder in the captain’s voice even though she can not make out the words, and she honestly doubts her father could be friends with anyone as intimidating as this stranger.

Seeing the captain in action makes Caitlyn all the more worried for what her wife will be like.

Her wife… the woman she is arranged to marry… the eldest daughter of a family friend Caitlyn has never met. Their fated meeting still feels surreal, and they are only minutes from seeing one another.

The flowers in Caitlyn’s meadow are all wilted, and there is a scorch mark left on her writing desk.

“Smile, Caitlyn,” her mother says, voice sounding distant. “You are about to meet your fiancée.” 

The ship docks and the walkway is lowered, and down comes the captain and a small portion of his crew. Tobias strides forward, arm extended, and the two men embrace in a tight hug. The captain nearly swallows Caitlyn’s father up in his massive arms, but when he emerges, there is an unapologetic grin spread clear across Tobias’ face. 

“Vander, it is an honor to see you again,” her father greets, sounding a little breathless in his excitement. Caitlyn cannot remember a time that she has seen him so enthusiastic. 

The captain’s eyes are gray. They are the soft, heather hue of new cotton, warm and comforting. They are the gentlest thing about him, contrasting starkly against all the other beast-like qualities he possesses. Caitlyn knows that his eyes are gray because the moment he looks away from her father, his gaze immediately falls on her. There is so much strange affection in the way that he looks at her, like she is worthy of his kindness.

The seam of her glove puckers when she yanks on a frayed string. 

“The honor is mine,” the captain, whose name must have been Vander, replies. “It has been a long time since I was last in Piltover.” His attention shifts away from Caitlyn and he turns back towards her parents.

Without being the subject of a stranger’s focus, Caitlyn feels herself relax the tiniest bit. She takes a deep breath, and allows herself to study the three people who followed Vander off the ship. He is flanked by two younger men. The one is tall and lean, all stringy muscles on loose limbs with hair that defies gravity. The other is the opposite of the first. He is tall as well, nearly the height of the captain, with a similar build of beefy arms and a round face overgrown with a dark beard. While the beanpole is fidgety and allows his attention to be drawn in every direction, the larger man stands almost perfectly still besides one of his hands toying with the cuff of his shirt. Caitlyn wonders if these are the captain’s sons. That would make them her future brother-in-laws. They hardly resemble one another besides the dark hair and strong jaws, but it still is possible. 

Caitlyn tries to picture her soulmate with deep brown or black hair, wild with untamed curls and brown eyes under bushy eyebrows, and she fails. The picture is wrong. That is not her soulmate, but it is probably what her fiancée looks like. 

Behind the younger men is the third member of their party. Caitlyn’s breath hitches when she notices that the smallest person is a woman. Sky blue eyes are already glaring at her from where they peek out behind the bigger brother. Panic floods through Caitlyn’s whole body, putting it in overdrive as she thinks that this is the person she will be forced to marry. However, as quickly as the anxiety sets in, it dissipates. 

This woman is a child. She is just a girl, most likely only a teenager. Her blonde hair is pulled back into two, waist-length braids and threaded with shimmering, bright blue ribbons that get caught in the breeze. Her face is covered in freckles and she pouts the moment she realizes that Caitlyn noticed her glaring. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, and Caitlyn cannot help the way her heart sinks. If this is her future sister-in-law, she is nothing like the girl her soulmate told her about. That makes sense, of course. This family is not her soulmate’s family. They are not the ones Caitlyn feels as if she already belongs to. 

It is simply another reminder that she is marrying the wrong person.

It is when her heart drops completely into her stomach that Caitlyn realizes that there is no one resembling a woman her age amongst the captain and his crew. There are only the four of them, and even while Caitlyn attempts to search the deck of the ship, she cannot see someone who looks like they’re about to meet their fiancée. She quickly eyes the younger men next to Vander, and the blood rushing through her veins cools to freezing temperatures as she worries that her parents had the wrong information. Perhaps there is no elder daughter, and the agreement is for Caitlyn to marry one of his sons. 

Caitlyn nearly throws up then, and that would be the worst way to make a first impression.

Vander somehow picks up on Caitlyn's fear immediately. “Ah! Miss Kiramman, I must apologize,” he says. His voice is rough, and his accent is heavy, and yet he still somehow manages to speak kindly to her. She looks up at him and tries to give some semblance of a smile, but it fails. He continues, “My daughter left the boat early this morning in a flurry, and no one has seen her since.”

There’s a tiny scoff from the teenager in the back, and Caitlyn yanks the loose string free from her glove.

“Oh,” Caitlyn responds. She is unsure if she is relieved or disappointed by this information. There could be any number of reasons why her future fiancée would miss their first meeting. She tries to rationalize and come up with the best explanation, but the only one that is the clearest in her mind is that the other woman wants nothing to do with Caitlyn and is refusing to meet her.

Fair enough. Caitlyn would refuse this marriage too, if she could. 

Vander can apparently read Caitlyn like a book. His smile turns apologetic. “She’s nervous,” he tells her. “We unfortunately only received your family’s letter a few days ago when we were docked in Zaun, and she hasn’t…” He pauses, searching for the right words.

“She doesn’t want to marry you,” the teenager says quickly in the silence. The scowl on her face has deepened, and her freckled cheeks have gone a bit red. The skinny brother smacks her arm with the back of her hands. 

“Powder!” Vander scolds. He whips his head around, and the teenager - Powder - ducks behind the other brother. 

From behind the frame of her sibling, Powder calls out. “She has a soulmate! We were going to find her. Vi promised!”

So…

Her future wife does have a soulmate. That is…

Dear…

I…

The teenager is escorted back up the walkway towards the ship by the older brother, and Vander sighs heavily. One of his large hands ruffles through his thick, graying hair.

“Miss Caitlyn, Lord and Lady Kiramman, I’m sorry,” Vander says. There is no longer a proud set to his shoulders, and his voice has flattened a bit. “Powder is my youngest and is a bit troubled.”

A hand gently grabs Caitlyn’s hand to pull it away from her fidgeting, and she looks up to meet the hesitant smile her mother offers her. The muscles in Caitlyn’s jaw twitch, wanting to return her mother’s smile, but she is unable to. Her throat is tight around her own airway, and it is taking every part of her self-control to not start bursting into tears. 

She will not cry in front of her father-in-law. She was raised better than that. 

“It’s alright,” Caitlyn says. Her voice is small and not like her own at all. She has to choke back a sob as it threatens to escape, and she can feel her body beginning to shake as her resolve breaks little by little. 

She only hopes no one notices. 

“Will Violet be joining us soon?” Tobias asks, keeping his tone light. “I haven’t seen her since she was a child, and I’ve been looking forward to seeing her all grown up.”

Vander meets Caitlyn’s gaze one more time, a sad glint to his eyes before it clears, and he smiles at her father. “She knows when we were scheduled to dock, but unfortunately, being on time is the one skill I haven’t been able to get her to learn.”

This makes Tobias laugh. “Well, from what you have told me about her in our letters, she is an interesting young woman. I’m sure she will keep us on our toes.”

Just then, Vander’s attention shifts away from the Kiramman family, and turns to peer down the dock. “Speak of the devil,” he says, and all the tension and sadness leaves his body in a quick but heavy exhale.

Caitlyn turns to follow his gaze and watches as the crowd parts like the ocean, making way for two horses to ride towards their group. All her breathing stops as she eyes the woman atop the first horse. She can feel something tug hard on her heartstrings, a piece of her thumping hard against her ribcage and clawing its way out of her. The closer the woman comes, the more Caitlyn feels like she might faint. She cannot look away, not that she would want to. 

The woman on the horse is gorgeous. She is dressed in a deep red military jacket and dark pants, gold accents gleaming in the sunlight. Her hair is the color of polished copper, swept back from her face but messy in a careless kind of way. She draws closer, followed by her companion, a dark-skinned teenager with a white bandana around his head and dressed in fine-looking linen clothing. In his arms is a massive bouquet of flowers, wrapped in brown paper and tied with a blue and purple bow. 

Next to Vander, the scrawny son mutters, “What a show-off.”

“I’m late, I know!” the woman calls as she halts her horse a few feet away and dismounts. She lands with ease and swoops her bangs out of her eyes. “I had to steal this random guy’s horse just to get here in time.”

The younger boy pulls his horse up next to the woman, and she takes the flowers from his hands. He mumbles out something that sounds like a thank you and scrambles down with far less ease. When he stands, he wobbles, but the smile on his face is big and goofy, clearly not stressed about if he makes a fool out of himself. 

Caitlyn cannot keep her attention off of the woman, however. She stares as the redhead draws closer. The feeling in her chest burns hotter.

The woman stops in front of Vander and raises on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheeks. “Relax, dad,” she says, addressing the grimace on the captain’s face. “We rented the horses. We’ll return them later.” Vander gives no reply, or does not have the chance to, before she is turning away from him to address Caitlyn’s mother. “Lady Kiramman, these are for you,” she says. She hands the giant bundle of flowers to her mother.

A surprised yet genuine smile blooms across Cassandra’s face as she takes the bouquet in her arms. “These are gorgeous,” she replies, awe overtaking her voice. “Thank you.”

Then, the woman faces Tobias, and Caitlyn wonders if she has time to back up into the crowd and disappear. Her whole being is telling her to run, but also, to do… something with the woman. Caitlyn has absolutely no idea what she wants, but none of what she is feeling is positive. Her heart still hurts, and she has a headache from all the tension she has been holding in so that the dam holding back her tears does not break. Caitlyn feels faint and officially overwhelmed, and she knew that this meeting was going to be hard, but all that she is feeling right now is so much bigger than what she was prepared for.

When the woman finally – finally – faces Caitlyn, the world stops. Everything fades out until there is only Caitlyn and her fiancée, and a deep, never-ending canyon between them. 

Dear Soulmate,

She has your eyes.

Caitlyn cannot breathe, or think, or speak, and all she sees is…

She has your eyes,

And she is not you.

All Caitlyn feels is rage.

Chapter Text

“It’s true what they say: 

The weight of shared grief

Can either bring you together

Or drive you apart.

 

-It’s never too late for a relationship”

-Amanda Lovelace

Dear Soulmate,

Down on one knee,

She introduced herself as –

“--Violet Lane, First Mate to the MKS Last Drop. ”

She had this easy, unbothered smile,

Your pale gray eyes kind,

As she slipped a ring on my finger.

Caitlyn twists the silver band on her left ring finger absentmindedly as she stares out the window. The scenery passes by slowly as the carriage drives out of the city and into the countryside. Inside, the space is quiet and tense; the air feels thick and uncomfortable and Caitlyn is growing more uneasy the longer the silence stretches. 

A part of me was almost hopeful that she was you.

I know that I have never seen what your eyes look like,

But I am convinced that I had them right.

Yet,

She is not you.

There is no way that she could be.

You used to never shut up.

She apparently does not know how to talk to me.

Violet clears her throat and Caitlyn spares her a glance out of the corner of her eye. Her fiancée is watching her with a cautious expression, her jaw slightly clenched. Caitlyn cannot help but compare her to a puppy. It would be adorable if she was not already determined to feel nothing for this stranger.

Caitlyn’s heart clenches and she turns her attention back towards the window.

If I am being honest,

I am not sure how to talk to her either.

They were put into the same carriage unchaperoned, which would be scandalous if they were not already betrothed. Their parents wanted them to have a moment alone to introduce themselves properly. The idea was probably Caitlyn’s father; she cannot see her own mother coming up with this plan. However, the longer they sit in silence, the more it seems that their plan is backfiring on them. Caitlyn normally appreciates quiet. She prefers to be left alone with her own thoughts. Casual conversation has never been a skill she was strong at, and unfortunately, this moment proves it.

A part of her keeps comparing Violet to her soulmate. The two feel the same in her head, even though they are complete opposites of the other. Her soulmate was always friendly and hyper, with a passion for everything and more charisma and wit than anyone Caitlyn has ever known. While her soulmate did make one hell of an entrance and introduction, everything that came after shows someone who is as far from her soulmate as possible. They are not the same, and they never will be.

“Sooo,” Violet sighs after a good half hour of riding in quiet. 

Caitlyn refuses to look at her.

She continues anyway. “You’re from Piltover, right?”

A scoff and a subtle eye roll is all Caitlyn gives her.

If Violet is annoyed by that, she does not show it. “I used to live in Zaun,” she says, tone friendly and casual. “I’m not sure if you know, but I knew your dad growing up.” 

Once again, when Violet pauses, Caitlyn says nothing. She stays statuesque and emotionless. This carriage ride is taking far too long. 

A rhythmic drumming fills the silence with a small pattering noise, and Caitlyn spares one brief moment to find the source of the sound. Violet is staring out the opposite window, chewing on the inside of her cheek. Her hands pat the tops of her thighs. As if she can feel Caitlyn watching her, she turns and meets Caitlyn’s gaze with her pale blue eyes and a gentle smile. Heat rushes into Caitlyn’s face and she turns quickly again.

Violet chuckles and the sound makes Caitlyn’s stomach flip anxiously.

She has a beautiful laugh.

It’s torture.

I miss hearing yours.

“It’s nice to see so much land again,” Violet adds. “Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love sailing-”

Hearing Violet swear makes Caitlyn address her head-on finally. Her face widens in surprise, and Violet fully bursts into a bright, enthusiastic laugh. It makes her whole face light up and her eyes sparkle with mirth and mischief. The scar on her upper lip stretches as she smiles. Caitlyn spots the tiny points of her canines, and a missing molar on the left side of her mouth. Her cheeks flush when she finally starts to calm down, but there are tiny tears prickling in the corner of her eyes from how hard she laughs. Her reaction to Caitlyn’s surprise is so genuine that Caitlyn has to fight off her own grin.

I was never able to see you smile. 

This is torture.

“Ah, sorry! I forgot swearing isn’t polite,” Violet says once she calms down. “I guess I should warn you that I have a sailor’s mouth.”

Caitlyn hums, “I guess I’ll have to get used to it.”

Something in her response must shock Violet because her expression falls. Her mouth forms a small O and she hesitates before she speaks again. Caitlyn watches the column of her throat constrict as she swallows. “O-oh, I-I mean…”

“I have no plans to change you,” Caitlyn says in an even voice despite the fact that she feels parched and slightly nauseous. “This relationship is purely transactional. There is no reason we should try to appease each other.”

She goes to turn her head back towards the window, but Violet’s face becomes twisted in something close that mirrors pain. The nausea grows stronger, working its way up Caitlyn’s throat. Violet’s eyebrows have shot up and her cheeks flush a deep red.

“This is-” Violet’s words come out stilted and heavy, “transactional?!” she repeats. “What do you mean our relationship is transactional?” 

Caitlyn swallows down the bile threatening to make her vomit and it settles like a rock into her stomach. She thinks back to the morning and all the time leading up to now, and she struggles to understand where she went wrong. She knows that she should handle this situation lightly, but despite herself, she scoffs. “Please. This is a marriage of convenience. We do not need to fool ourselves.” 

Violet looks at her like Caitlyn stabbed her in the gut in cold blood, and now Caitlyn is even more confused. Her mother had told her that Violet was lacking a soulmate and Vander had confirmed that this was a marriage that he was excited about and approved of. Both their parents had arranged and agreed upon their betrothal. Up until now, Caitlyn thought that Violet had also been a part of the plan. Had she been misinformed of the circumstances?

The girl with the braids flashes quickly in her mind and her protests ring clear.

“She has a soulmate! We were going to find her. Vi promised!”

“You have a soulmate,” Caitlyn states quietly. She turns away again so that Violet does not see the hurt cross her face. 

They fall back into their tense silence, and Caitlyn continues to toy with the ring on her finger. She tugs it on and off, rolling it around in her other hand before slipping it back on, then she pulls it off again. It is hard to know how she should feel about the ring. The design is beautiful and was clearly made with thought and care. The band is simple silver, but the gemstone is a cushion cut of blue sapphire, set in the center of a flower crafted out of silver petals. It glitters in the sunlight, sending tiny sparkles along the ceiling of the carriage. She tries not to think about what it might look like on someone else’s finger.

Unfortunately, and unsurprisingly, she fails.

“You don’t know anything,” Violet almost growls from across the carriage.

Caitlyn lets out a despairing chuckle and shakes her head. “Neither do you.”

That seems to anger Violet more. Her breathing shortens and quickens gradually.  “So then why did you say yes?” she asks, volume raising. “If you don’t want to marry me, then why say yes when I asked you?”

“Because I don’t have a choice,” Caitlyn answers curtly. Honestly, she thinks that should be obvious. Then, turning back towards Violet and glaring at her sharply, she adds, “and until this morning, I was under the impression that you also did not have one either.” 

Violet stares at Caitlyn for a second. The bridge of her nose scrunches up as she sneers. “And why do you think I do?” It sounds like a challenge, which is one that Caitlyn is unaware she signed up for, but she could never turn one down.

You always knew better than to start a fight.

At least when you did,

You knew how to finish them.

“Because you have a soulmate,” Caitlyn repeats. She tugs the ring off her finger again.

Violet’s eyes track the movement of the blue stone and she huffs out a joyless laugh. “Yeah, I do,” she says. There is nothing affectionate in her face, nor does she look happy when she confirms Caitlyn’s fear. The lack of positivity makes Caitlyn’s blood run cold. Something is off with Violet and the confirmation that she does, in fact, have someone her soul is already tied to feels wrong. Violet is not telling her the whole truth. A part of Caitlyn’s brain is screaming at her to leave the subject alone. The reason Violet is marrying her is none of her business… except it is. If they were supposed to live with one another from now on, Caitlyn has a right to know. 

“Then why are you here, Violet?” Caitlyn asks. “Powder said you planned to find your soulmate. Is that what you still want? Should I expect you to take off the moment you finally find them?”

Vi stutters, mouth parted and her eyes wide. “Wha-? Why would I even bother asking a stranger to marry me if I wasn’t committed to this?”

“Because you already have a soulmate!” Caitlyn yells. Frustration burns red hot in her face. She has had to repeat herself three times and she is struggling to understand why Violet refuses to tell her the truth.

Except, Caitlyn has dug herself a hole. Violet leans in close to her, crowding her space. She rests her arms on the tops of her knees and grits her teeth hard, almost baring them to bite. Their faces are inches apart and all of Caitlyn’s breathing halts. 

She has freckles,

Tons of them,

All over her face.

She smells like the salt of the sea,

And her hair is windswept;

Her eyes are as clear as the day,

Even when she is angry.

Violet is the thin line of the horizon,

Where the ocean meets the sky.

“She doesn’t want me.”

Caitlyn blinks, and when she opens her eyes, Violet has retreated back and is glaring out the window again. 

“She…” Caitlyn gulps. Her head feels dizzy and everything around her feels fuzzy. The only thing in focus is Violet and that startles Caitlyn. “What do you mean ‘she doesn’t want you?’”

“Fuck, you really don’t know when to fucking drop something, do you?” Violet groans. She hits her head hard against the back wall hard enough that Caitlyn feels the thud under her seat. “She’s marrying someone else.”

“She is…?”

Violet lets out a bitter laugh. “Yeah. I guess she didn’t want to wait for me.”

Caitlyn tries to breath, or swallow, or speak, but nothing works as her brain processes what Violet told her. 

Is this how you feel?

Did you think that I would not wait for you?

Because I would wait forever to meet you.

I still want to.

“And you are not going to fight for her?” Caitlyn finds herself asking before she has a moment to think.

The slow movement of Violet’s attention back towards Caitlyn and the horrified expression written across her features startles Caitlyn. “You think I want this?”

The bile is in Caitlyn’s throat again, except now it has paired with the anger Caitlyn feels for the situation and the bitterness she holds for her own soulmate. “So you are going to fight for her.”

“What is it that you want, Caitlyn?” Violet yells suddenly. “I proposed to you, didn’t I?”

“But it is not me that you want.”

“I don’t know you!” Violet answers. “Gods, this was fucking pointless.”

Caitlyn shakes her head. “It is not pointless,” she says. “I told you, this is transactional. I am only trying to figure out if I am going to lose you to someone who actually matters to you.”

“And why couldn’t that someone be you?” Violet asks her, catching Caitlyn off guard.

The world seems to stop, and yet the carriage continues to bump along the road underneath them. 

“What?”

Violet repositions herself, adjusting her slouched posture and runs a hand through her red curls. Her expression has fallen, the blood drained from her face. Caitlyn realizes with clarity that up until now, Violet has not been rude or harsh. This whole time, she has been nervous. 

“I just thought…” Violet’s voice is small when she talks. Her gaze is drawn to the floor, refusing to meet Caitlyn’s now. “When Vander told me that he had a friend with a daughter without a soulmate, I thought that maybe this could work out. It wouldn’t be perfect. Our souls would belong to others, but I just…” Something thick laces into Violet’s voice and she sniffles when her words start to waver and crack. “I thought you wanted me too, even if it was only as a friendship.”

Guilt sours all of Caitlyn’s insides. She feels sick to her very core, rotten all the way down to her soul, and she hates it. “I-”

“It’s fine,” Violet says quickly.

The carriage rolls to a stop, and without glancing out the window, Caitlyn already knows they have returned to the Kiramman manor. However, she cannot tear her gaze away from Violet’s face. The little space in the carriage makes it easy to notice every small detail about her fiancée, and that makes that Caitlyn catches the small quiver of Violet’s bottom lip and the tears building up along her lower lash line. 

“I thought you wanted this,” Violet repeats, and her voice is so thick and small that it echoes another person’s words.

“You deserve happiness…

And I can’t give that to you…”

Is that not what you said before you left?

“But this isn’t real. This is a dream, and I think it’s time for us to wake up.”

“I’m sorry, Violet,” Caitlyn tries to say softly. Maybe she should tell Violet that she has a soulmate too, and her soulmate chose to let her go. Caitlyn guesses that they have that in common.

However, the moment the door opens, Violet all but flies out of the carriage. Their parents and Violet’s siblings are already waiting for them on the front steps of the house, and yet Violet ignores all of them as she quickly stops past them. One by one, as Violet storms down the driveway, their heads turn to Caitlyn. Confusion and shock are written plainly on her parents’ features, meaning there would be a lecture for her later. Vander meets her eyes for only a second before he looks away with a shake of his head, and the brothers exchange raised, but unsurprised eyebrows.

The last person Caitlyn catches staring, the smallest of the bunch, Powder, wears a smug smirk. She crosses her arms and even from a distance, Caitlyn can feel herself being mocked. 

I did not mean to upset her.,

But I have no idea what I am doing.

You were so easy to talk to;

Existing with you was as natural as dreaming.

Why could she not be you?

Chapter Text

"I hope you are loved in the way you deserve."

Depending on who you are,

and what you have done,

Those words could be the kindest wish, 

Or the worst curse.

 

-Nikita Gill

The dinner table has never been this rowdy before. Caitlyn is used to seeing the dining room packed with people. Her parents often host parties, and important business deals over good food and expensive wine. The table easily holds twenty guests and then some since it was built to create an inviting and entertaining space to wine and dine whoever the Kiramman’s wished to impress. However, possibly for the first time ever in all of Caitlyn’s life, true chaos has graced their dining room. Eight people sit around the table, and yet it sounds like the whole room is full. The three siblings, Mylo, Claggor, and Powder, are chatting excitedly about the food and talking over one another to explain to Tobias about the different cuisines they have tried while growing up. They leave no room for other conversation, and Caitlyn can see the slight irritation in the twitch of her mother’s eyebrow at not being able to speak. At first, Vander attempts to quiet them down when the second course is served, but Tobias waves him off before any of the younger adults lower their voices.

“It’s refreshing to have some excitement in the room,” he says with his fatherly smile. “Let the kids speak and enjoy themselves.”

With a dejected sigh, Vander turns his attention to find Caitlyn’s almost immediately, and the heaviness in his stare makes her uncomfortable. He has looked at her this way since they had all arrived back at Kiramman Manor earlier that morning. There is no doubt that he is concerned about her, but she is growing annoyed by his pity. Tearing her gaze away, Caitlyn glances at the person sitting across the table from her. Violet hunches over the plate set in front of her, ignores everything around her, and eats without a word. As Caitlyn watches her eat, her grip on her wine glass tightens until Caitlyn is sure she might shatter the stem. The silence between them hangs heavy, even if nobody but Vander notices. 

They are at the start of the main course - and an hour into Violet’s silent treatment - when Cassandra finally moves to the topic they have all gathered to discuss. She sits poised at the head of the table, looking every part of the Kiramman matriarch she is raising Caitlyn to be. Before she speaks, she smiles at Caitlyn. She makes a show of taking a deep breath and waits for her daughter to copy her. They have practiced this conversation during the upcoming weeks. There had been a plan on how they would bring up the subject and how they would sort out the details. However, that was the plan as of this morning when everyone thought the first meeting with Vi would go well. Now, Caitlyn has gone and ruined everything before they ever made it back to the estate.

Since returning to the house after her impromptu walk, Violet has not said a word to anyone but her sister. Even Vander receives the cold shoulder, only being met with a glare when Violet looks at him.  The indifference should make Caitlyn happy; it is what she wanted, after all. Yet, the longer they sit at the table ignoring one another, the less confident Caitlyn feels with their unspoken agreement. 

The servants have only finished setting down the plate of food when Cassandra hums and draws attention from everyone towards herself. Even Violet raises her head. For a moment, her soft eyes flash up to glance at Caitlyn, but they flick away the moment their gazes meet. 

Caitlyn’s heart clenches.

“I believe we should talk about the reason our families have come together, shall we?” Cassandra starts with a perfect smile and her blue eyes shining in the candlelight.

They set the venue at the Piltover Conservatory. The expansive glass building hosts the largest diversity of plant life on this coast of Runeterra. It is truly a marvel of biology and artistry. Generations of Kiramman women have held their weddings at this venue, declaring their vows underneath a large stone alcove overgrown with beautiful, ancient wisterias before a congregation of Piltovan elites and foreign dignitaries. 

Caitlyn is no different.

Her ceremony is held underneath the same wisterias as past generations. Her mother cries when she sees the venue for the first time, and Caitlyn watches the exchange between her parents as they both reminisce on their own wedding. Cassandra walks around the area where the ceremony will be held with misty eyes and a small fond smile. She hums a song as she takes in the space, and after a moment, Tobias scoops her into a hug and they sing their wedding song to each other softly. Caitlyn is left standing at the spot where the altar will be, and the now-present chill of resentment washes over her. It is terrifying how she is growing increasingly familiar with the sense of bitterness that makes its home in her chest. She does not mean to be so negative and harsh, especially towards her parents’ love. Their marriage has always been one that Caitlyn thought she would strive for. However, as her wedding draws closer, she already knows that her marriage will never measure up to theirs.

Picturing her own wedding, how she imagines it, does absolutely nothing to help. Caitlyn closes her eyes and tries to create her perfect day in her head. She wishes that the scene could be different, but there is only so much that she can change, so she keeps the setting as it is. The venue is the same, and the air is sickeningly sweet with the scent of the wisteria, but the figure standing in front of her is perfect. The face of the person holding her hand is blurry, but she has copper curls and bright eyes, and she’s laughing in that way that makes Caitlyn’s heart ache. As the sound of Caitlyn’s parents fade, there is only one voice echoing in her ears, repeating words that she has memorized down to the exact cadence and intonation of her soulmate’s voice.

Caitlyn hears, 

“...I am in love with you…”

Then, for the first time out loud, Caitlyn whispers, “I love you too.”

Long after her parents have moved on to the next area of the conservatory, Caitlyn stays beneath the wisteria plant, and looks up at the hanging flowers. Her meadow she shares with her soulmate flashes in her mind, and she wonders if she could burn the plant down before the wedding. 

At one point, a server hands Cassandra a small book and she flips through several pages, rattling off names. Every once in a while, Vander pauses her to speak about who he remembers from Piltover. Apparently, he had many connections before he left to sail the world. The only person of importance though is an estranged uncle from Zaun. 

At the mention of this uncle, Violet raises her head, and firmly says, “No,” and then nothing else. 

 That is the extent of her contribution to the guest list. 

In Caitlyn’s opinion, there are too many guests invited to her wedding. Over two hundred people filter into the conservatory over the course of the morning. Nobels, high-ranking soldiers, and folks of substantial wealth all make the cut. They meander the aisleways between the plants, conversating about nothing involving the wedding nor the couple. Fake smiles are plastered to their faces, and they are all dressed to outshine one another. It does not matter who the brides are or who they are wearing. To the eyes of the Piltover elite, this event is a fashion contest and a battle arena to see who impresses the crowd the most. 

It is not until the brides make their appearances that the crowd even bothers to remember why they are there in the first place. 

The seats around the alcove are arranged in a semicircle so that every person has a perfect view of the couple. An aisle cuts the circle down the middle, and is decorated with white flower petals and small flickering lanterns that supply no light in the midday glow. A string quartet plays the precession music as guests and family members enter. In the back of the room, a painter is set up with an easel and assortment of paints to capture the moment in color so that it may be hung alongside portraits of previous Kiramman weddings. 

Before either bride enters the room, there is a collective thought whispered among the guests — the ceremony will be breathtaking.

As Cassandra discusses the details, Violet does not object to any of it. Her face remains impassive, unbothered by the fact that her entire wedding has already been planned out for her. She simply sits and eats slower now, taking smaller bites out of her meal while keeping her attention on the Kiramman matriarch.

Caitlyn watches her the entire time. She tries not to, but she cannot think of anything else to do. This is her fiancée, and yet the other woman shares no thoughts or opinions on their wedding. It has all been planned out, and she hardly looks like she cares. 

Vander meets Caitlyn’s gaze once more with the same cautious, gray eyes. Caitlyn wishes she knew what his expression means, but she does not know him. He is a stranger and her future father-in-law. He could be angry with her or merely as curious as she is. It is hard to say which is right.

Tobias takes over the conversation when it switches to catering, allowing Cassandra a moment to eat. 

The food is catered by the same company that catered all of their other major events, such as charity galas and holiday soirees. The company’s head chef is renowned for his creativity and expertise in combining uncommon ingredients to make new dishes unlike anyone has ever tasted. Weddings are not normally the type of event the caterer likes to work on, however, given the venue, it would be impossible for anyone to turn down the opportunity to cook there. As part of the charm of being married within the conservatory, all of the fruits, vegetables, and herbs are locally sourced from the plants grown inside. The entire menu is mostly plant based, allowing the caterer to show off the diversity conservatory has to offer through the food, and gives the guests a chance to sample the tastes of different cultures all across Runeterra. 

For dessert, they serve a simple white cake with an assortment of fruit on the side. This cake is for the guests only, which is fine with Caitlyn because it is boring and she could hardly care less what her guests eat. The brides have their own wedding cake anyway, much to Caitlyn’s relief. It is the one part of the wedding that she had full control over. The small dessert puts the other cake to shame. The frosting is blackberry and inside is vanilla with two layers of crème holding it all together. When she and Violet cut it together near the end of the wedding reception, the dark dye of the berries stains Caitlyn’s fingers, and she has to avoid touching anything else for the rest of the night.

At the mention of the lack of meat on the menu, the scrawny brother, Mylo, lets out a long, pitiful groan. “What do you mean, ‘no meat?’” he complains with a roll of his head. “We aren’t a bunch of rabbits.”

Vander shoots his younger son a glare, but before he scolds him verbally, Tobias is laughing.

Something harsh settles in Caitlyn’s chest as she watches the joy light up her father's face at the younger man's poor behavior. Maybe it is from the dismal circumstances of her arranged marriage, or perhaps it is the sense of dejection she is getting from her future wife, but seeing her father interacting with Vander’s sons is what makes her truly infuriated. Her fists clench into the fabric of her dress from under the table and she bites the inside of her cheek until she tastes hints of blood. Caitlyn’s attention bounces around the table, and the anger grows, but even as finds more things that upset her, she struggles to pinpoint why exactly. 

…That is not true. Caitlyn knows exactly why she feels this way. Her parents had always wanted more children. They longed to have a son who would take over the family fortune should Caitlyn decide she did not want the title. They wanted her to have siblings to play with; a brother to defend her, a sister who would navigate the Piltover seasons with her. When Caitlyn came out as a lesbian, she was sure her parents had wished for another child who would be able to give them biological grandchildren. 

Caitlyn is jealous because this dinner is showing Caitlyn everything that she always wanted and will never have.

This is all wrong! There should be other kids at this table. Caitlyn should be able to talk to her future sister-in-law and ask her about her interests – the ones she had learned from her soulmate over the years. She wants to learn more about the girl’s love of art and technology. She wants to joke with her soulmate’s brothers, and play a prank on them like she had planned since she first heard that the way to gain their approval was through a good joke. Caitlyn had a list of questions to ask her soulmate’s father about what her lover was like as a child. She wants to fill in the gaps that she missed before she and her soulmate found each other in their dreams.

Most importantly, Caitlyn wants her soulmate! She wants the love of her life – the carefree, funny, spirited woman who could to make her laugh and dared her to be brave. She wants the person who knows her like nobody else, who spent her nights in their dreams trying to drag out every hidden secret Caitlyn kept. Caitlyn’s heart yearns to hear her soulmate’s laughter just one more time. She wants to hear her soulmate whisper her name, not just into the air, but into the intimate space between their breaths right before their lips meet. Caitlyn wants to know what her soulmate will taste like, how she will feel underneath Caitlyn’s hands, how she will look sprawled out in their marriage bed with a cocky grin and all the warmth and love in her eyes.

Caitlyn wants no one else but her soulmate.

Instead, she gets this wrong, pitiful scene of her parents smiling and joking with other children who will legally be their own, yet will be gone after the wedding. Caitlyn has to sit with a father-in-law who keeps looking at her like he feels sorry for her, like he knows this is exactly what she does not want and is still forcing her through this anyway. His sympathy and inaction make this all the more worse because somehow, Caitlyn still wants his approval and at the same time, wants his whole family to pack up and leave. Then of course there is her fiancée, who sits across from her, completely impassive and uninterested in her, and Caitlyn wants to scream. She wants to cry. She wants Violet to look at her and still tell her that even though they will never love each other, everything will be okay.  

She wants her to say something, damn it! Please!

“Do you, Violet Lane, take Lady Caitlyn Kiramman as your lawfully wedded wife?”

Caitlyn has to admit… despite the lack of affection between them — despite the avoidance and hostility and indifference…

Violet is beautiful. Dressed in a white suit with her red hair combed back and her medals fastened to her left breast, she looks exactly like a prince out of Caitlyn’s childhood fantasy novels. Her smile is big and confident, showing off pointed canines and stretching the scar at her lip. The sunlight that pours through the glass roof shines down on her and halos her in bright light, backlighting her in gold and white. The purple of the wisterias brings out all her freckles, and makes the blue tones of her eyes pop until they are all Caitlyn can focus on.

Still, even though Violet is smiling, her eyes are hollow. 

“I do,” Violet answers, the words flowing out of her like water. Her voice does not waver for a second.

“And do you, Lady Caitlyn Kiramman, take Miss Violet Lane to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

Caitlyn feels herself hesitate before she thinks of answering. The words barely leave the bishop’s mouth and her heart is already lurching down the aisle, running away from the scene. This is all wrong. None of this right and Violet knows it and Caitlyn knows it, and yet nobody outside the two of them and their families are aware that the story should not go this way.

At Caitlyn’s hesitation, even though it lasts no longer than a breath, Violet’s shoulders drop. She exhales hard through her nose, and her gaze strays away from Caitlyn’s face, looking past her and unfocusing somewhere beyond the two of them. Caitlyn is sure she is probably wondering where her soulmate could be. When she was walking down the aisle, Caitlyn allowed her brain to trick herself just for a moment. In the briefest of daydreams, there was another woman waiting for her. No one else existed as Caitlyn approached the end of the aisle with the image of her true love standing at the altar. Violet had probably done the same, picturing a different face beneath Caitlyn’s veil. During this whole wedding, the two of them have been dreaming of experiencing it with the right person. A stranger – and yet the owner of the second half of their souls – should be the one they are marrying. 

Maybe if they had tried harder before the wedding, they could have been more than strangers. Caitlyn and Violet have had a week to get introduced, and yet they hardly spoke. This is the only time since that first dinner that they have even stood close to one another. Now, at the most monumental moment of her life, Caitlyn regrets not fighting against this harder.

The smile that grows on Caitlyn’s lips is painful. It feels false, disgusting, and performative. To the outsider, she must look like a blushing bride, declaring herself to the woman of her dreams. Anyone else will see her as the picture of Piltovan royalty with a handsome wife and a perfect dream wedding. 

Caitlyn would rather die than say these words, and yet she still repeats them. 

“I do.”

In a letter, sealed with gold wax and stored in a box under Caitlyn’s bed, a similar scene is pictured. The envelope is older than most of the others inside the box, having been written early in her relationship with her soulmate.

Hours after Caitlyn’s wedding, the wax seal is broken and the words written in ink are read. 

Dear Soulmate,

I want to tell you about our wedding.

I have had a lot of time to picture it, 

And I have plotted out all the details.

You may reject any of these ideas if you so choose.

I want you to have your fairy tale ending too, 

And I want the start of our lives together to be perfect.

We will get married at Kiramman manor

In the back of the estate by the pond.

There is a beautiful tree that reminds me of the one from our dreams.

If we get married in late spring, 

All the trees will be in bloom and the fields will be overflowing with crocuses and tulips.

I want the ceremony to be only for us and our families.

I hate the idea of strangers butting in,

So no one else will be allowed to watch.

My friend Jayce is officiating so that we can skip the performance the bishop will have us do.

After the ceremony, 

And after you finally kiss me for the first time,

I will take you hunting. 

You have said that you cannot hunt, 

But I will fix that.

Together, we will catch the boar that will be served for dinner,

And I will treat your family to the finest meats the Kirammans have to offer.

I hope I can make you a fine wife.

I hope that when we get married, 

You look at me with nothing but wonder and adoration.

When we call each other wives for the first time,

I hope your heart feels full and you say it with confidence.

I love you,

My soulmate.

I dream of the day we meet and the day I get to call you mine forever.

Until then,

May our dreams be our heaven,

And our hearts only belong to each other.

Yours, in mind, body, and soul,

C.K.

Chapter Text

“If I cry

When we are in our marriage bed

Trying to make love

Out of our situations.

It is because

You brought a memory

Of her 

With us.

And even the cleanest of white sheets

Are bloodied with your intentions 

To forget her.”

-Saiber Shaikh

“Did you hear?” They will whisper. “There was never a first kiss.”

In the morning, the gossip papers will print the details of the Kiramman wedding for all to read. Those who attended will meet for tea and brunch, and exchange their own opinions of the night. Surely, there will be talk of how beautiful the venue was. Guests will reminisce on the delicious food, and how generously the wine flowed. Those who cared about fashion will awe at the brides’ outfits, and how charming the couple look side-by-side. All of Piltover will buzz with excitement and enthusiasm, stating that the latest Kiramman wedding was the event of the decade. It should have been a spectacle — the heir had been a highly sought after bachelorette, after all. However, the thing most will remember, much to some’s disappointment, was how strange the brides were after their vows.

“They are an absolutely beautiful couple,” they will say, “but their marriage will never last.”

No one knows the truth. After the food was served, and the cake was cut, when the dancers have taken their last bows and the musicians have played their final notes, the newlyweds split from the party to share their first night together. The guests can imagine whatever they want. Only the brides know the truth.

“Truly a wonderful match… but they are clearly not soulmates.”

As soon as the doors shut behind Caitlyn, she deflates. The tension leaves her body in one strong exhale as she leans back against the wall. She stares straight ahead, gaze unfocused on the floral wallpaper across from her. The ache in her chest has become unbearable, her body heavy and her heart… not here. She stands in a silence that consumes her, but that does not stop the ringing in her ears. Something buzzes in her head, droning incessantly, pounding against her skull with each thump of her heartbeat. 

She has to focus on her breathing; it’s the only thing she has left that belongs to her. With a sharp gasp, she forces air into her lungs, and it leaves her body just as quickly in a sob that shudders up her spine and rips through her vocal cords. In a crumpled heap of white lace and chiffon, she collapses onto the floor. The stabbing pain in her stomach makes her double over herself, forehead pressing into the cool, hardwood floor. After several long weeks of holding herself together and faking a joyful smile, Caitlyn finally, blissfully, allows herself to cry.

Some time later, there is a knock on the door. 

“Caitlyn?” Her wife calls, voice muffled by the heavy wood and thick walls. 

Picking her head up slowly, Caitlyn stares numbly at the shadows peeking below the doorframe. She runs a hand down the crinkled skirt of her gown and waits. 

She does not answer.

The shadow does not move.

They spend a decade in suspension. 

Scattered across the floor around Caitlyn is a sea of letters. Ripped apart wax seals lay disregarded and forgotten; their metallic finish sparkles in the candlelight. Caitlyn rustles one of the pages next to her hip. The words are hard to make out since they were hastily scribbled in Caitlyn’s once excited, childish scrawl. As she ignores the waiting intruder at her door, she skims over the words. Most of the letters are fairly meaningless now. Child Caitlyn had been enthralled by her soulmate and used to write down every single useless fact about the mystery girl. Back then, it had all been magical. The promise of her soulmate had been Caitlyn’s greatest dream! Of course she had recorded everything her soulmate had told her. It had never occurred to her that she would marry someone else. She thought that one day, when she finally opened the letter for the first time, she would be doing so in the company of her one true love, and they could share in the memories together.

Caitlyn never imagined she’d be rereading these alone on her wedding night. They’re mostly pointless now. She feels stupid simply looking at them.

This letter, however — the one that has caught her eye — makes the sobs start up again. Her red-rimmed eyes scan the page once, then twice, then a third time simply to conjure up the dream and let it replay in her head. 

Dear Soulmate,

It seems that you have given me a nickname.

They were children.

Technically, they were barely teenagers, but looking back at the memory, Caitlyn can’t help marvel at how young they were. She was in that awkward phase where her limbs were too long, and her tooth gap felt as wide as a canyon. Her soulmate was a whirlwind of chaos, desperate to prove her adolescent bravery by trying to climb to the top of their tree, no matter how many times she fell. Caitlyn never saw her make it until they were adults. When she imagined her future partner, she envisioned wild hair that refused to be groomed and an acne-ridden face that mixed with her dozens of freckles. Nightly, Caitlyn would sit against the trunk of their tree and stare up at the branches as they shook with her phantom friend’s efforts.

I can’t imagine where you came up with it.

Your pranks and teasing are always

…Almost almost…

Appreciated.

This one is a little bit too silly.

“Hey! I’m almost there!” Her soulmate called from somewhere high above Caitlyn’s head. 

Looking up, Caitlyn immediately found the group of branches shaking unnaturally. They bowed with the weight of a body that was too big for them to hold. They strained as the other girl moved from one to another, gradually becoming weaker and more unstable. For a moment, Caitlyn was impressed. Her soulmate was definitely improving, but that didn’t stop Caitlyn from noticing the accident seconds before it occurred. 

Then, just as Caitlyn struggled to stand to warn the girl in the tree, the branches broke. There was a yelp, followed by the snapping of twigs, and before Caitlyn could blink, the earth beside her flattened with a loud thwump.

The invisible girl groaned, more likely in embarrassment instead of pain since they never got hurt here. Giggles bubbled out of Caitlyn as the initial shock began to wear off. An easy, lighthearted grin stretched her face wide, showing off her tooth gap. 

“Aw yes, please, laugh at my pain,” her soulmate said.

“You’re fine,” Caitlyn replied as she settled back on the ground beside the indent in the grass. “Pick yourself up and try again. You almost had it.”

The other girl sighed. “Nah, I think I’m done for the night,” she said. “I can only take so much humiliation.”

With a mischievous smirk, Caitlyn teased, “Quitter.” 

“Hey! I just bruised my ass, thank you.”

Caitlyn rolled her eyes. “More like bruised your ego.”

Her soulmate snorted. The sound was ungraceful, yet strangely endearing, like most things about her soulmate. “You know, it’s not my fault that I can’t help falling for you.”

The implication of what her soulmate said hit Caitlyn like a tidal wave. Her cheeks flared with a blush and the heat spread all throughout her body, down her neck, her chest, and pooled into her stomach to kick up all the butterflies that lived there. Up until now, neither of them had hinted at anything romantic between them. Their friendship had been a deep one, but it had simply been that — a friendship. However, now with those words, Caitlyn thought that maybe her soulmate saw her as something more than just a best friend. They were destined to be true loves after all. 

I know that it’s a joke,

Cause you love your jokes,

But… 

I think you admitted that you might be in love with me?

And I couldn’t breathe.

Then,

You said it.

After several moments of Caitlyn’s brain failing, her soulmate finally said, “You okay, Cupcake?”

You call me Cupcake.

Of all the nicknames you could come up with

That is the one you chose.

When I asked you why,

You said

“Cause you’re sweet…

Like a cupcake.”

And I think 

I might actually 

Be falling in love

With you too.

The door to the bedroom creaks open, pulling Caitlyn from the letter and her memory. She glances up at her intruder to see Violet ease the door shut behind herself as she enters. The low candlelight casts long shadows across her face, aging her a bit and making her look exhausted. As Caitlyn stares at her, she realizes that Violet probably is actually tired. Their wedding had only been hours ago, and it must be late into the night by now. Caitlyn herself hasn’t slept yet; she is still dressed in her wedding gown, the pearl pins in her hair continue to hold together her updo. She doubts Violet has slept too because she is still in her wedding suit, only now she has lost her jacket and the buttons on her shirt are mostly undone and disheveled. Caitlyn should feel sorry for the state her new wife is in, but currently, she is too upset about being interrupted to have empathy.

“I see we are no longer respecting boundaries,” Caitlyn says sternly. She lowers the letter down to her lap, eyes scanning the quote one last time. Her heart drops again, and Caitlyn scolds herself about not being too harsh on her new wife.

“Sorry,” Violet mumbles, and by the look on her face, she means it. “The maids kept looking at me weird and I couldn’t stand out there anymore.”

“So you decided to intrude on my space.” Caitlyn keeps her tone even, nothing malicious in her expression. The fatigue in her voice is lecture enough.

Violet’s gaze drops. She sags into herself, deflating more than she already was. “I don’t have anywhere else to go,” she answers quietly, as if she is embarrassed.

Realization sends shame flooding through Caitlyn’s chest. That’s right — this is their wedding night. They’re supposed to share a bed, a room, an evening together — alone — doing what is expected of them. They can’t have a baby, but the tradition still applies. In her grief, Caitlyn had entirely forgotten about this part.

She swallows thickly, and nods. “I see.” 

They both pause awkwardly; Caitlyn sitting on the floor, Violet standing across the room. There are a million things to say and nothing feels like the right topic to bring up. On the other side of the room, one of the candles pop and spark in its holder, and the light darkens momentarily.

“I always imagined this moment differently,” Violet says softly, and Caitlyn cannot tell if the words are meant for her or not. She feels her heartbeat in her throat and the dull sting of old tears in her eyes, and she agrees. While she never pictured what the intimacy of her wedding night would be like, she knows for a fact that it is not supposed to be like this.

“I am sorry to be a disappointment,” Caitlyn replies, her voice wavering only for a second. 

Hurt flashes in Violet’s light-colored eyes; the irises have turned more golden in the low light. “Caitlyn, that’s not what I meant-“

“I know what you meant,” she fires back quickly, hurt and guilt and confusion making her feel muddled and uncontrollable.

Her outburst sends them back into a tense standstill. As a fresh wave of tears creep along Caitlyn’s eyelids, she bites her lip hard and turns her head away. Her chest quivers as she holds a sob in, feeling it coil in the back of her throat, desperate to be let out. She does not mean to be this harsh. Truly, she can see how Violet is trying to be civil, and a sad, lonely part of Caitlyn wants to be too. The one part of her brain that continues to see reason knows that Violet is the only one who can understand what she is going through. However, the heartbreak is too fresh. The wound where her heart should be continues to bleed freely, and there is no way to stop the pain that turns Caitlyn’s entire body to stone. Her stomach twists painfully whenever she meets Violet’s bright eyes, and every single glance reminds Caitlyn that the person across from her is the wrong one.

Even with all of Caitlyn’s hostility, Violet keeps trying. She takes a step further into the room. When Caitlyn does not protest or snap at her, she sinks to the hardwood floor. With her sitting, Caitlyn relaxes a bit. It is easier to exist with her when they’re at eye level. Caitlyn studies Violet’s face for a breath, and suddenly feels the urge to swipe her thumb across the scar at Violet’s eyebrow. 

“What is all this?” her wife asks, and she motions to the sea of letters covering the ground.

Caitlyn blinks herself out of her momentary daze and takes in the papers before her. No one else has ever seen these, not even her parents. They know the letters exist, but Caitlyn has been secretive about their contents. Not only have they never been shown, until tonight, not a single letter has been open. A flash of anger makes Caitlyn want to grab up the pages and curse Violet for looking at them. The heat of her fury dissipates as quickly as it burned, and a single tear rolls down her cheek to extinguish the flame. 

“Love letters,” she answers with a shaky breath. She can feel Violet’s gaze on her as she folds up the letter in her lap. “They are kind of like a diary. I was supposed to open them with my soulmate but…”

Violet exhales heavily, “I get it.”

Carefully, Caitlyn starts stacking the letters together. “It was a stupid idea,” she says. Her jaw aches as she chokes back the tears again. When a stray drop rolls down her cheek, she swears under her breath and wipes it away with enough force to bruise herself. Her pace quickens and she hastily gathers the rest of the pages, not caring what order they go in. “Forget you saw them. They’re nothing more than a child’s idiotic dream. I should just get rid of them.”

“Hey, don’t do that,” Violet protests. She reaches for Caitlyn’s wrist to stop her, but the feeling of her fingertips on Caitlyn’s skin makes the taller woman snap.

“Don’t touch me!” Caitlyn yells. “You don’t get to touch me. You don’t get to fix this. I am a fool!” 

The dam breaks, and everything she has choked back, every crushed fantasy and lost wish she’s had throughout her whole life, finally releases in a hysterical cry. She rises to flee before she makes a bigger mess of her already strained relationship, and finds that her legs no longer work. She is halfway to standing when her knees buckle. With the added weight of her gown, she stumbles forward, expecting to crash face first into the ground. However, her body meets something soft and strong, and before she can fight it, Violet is holding her upright. Her arms tighten around Caitlyn in an embrace that brings more comfort than expected. Her new wife smells like the ocean, and something sweetly floral that Caitlyn can’t put her finger on. The hug relaxes her, to her surprise, and she lets go. She cries into Violet’s shoulder, her tears staining the white fabric of her shirt. Since the day her mother told Caitlyn that she was marrying another, she had held herself together, only allowing herself to cry in the dead of night. No one else has seen her tears. Violet is the first, just as she is the first to see the letters. It feels wrong. These are moments that Caitlyn only wanted to share with her soulmate, and instead, this stranger is the one holding her together on their wedding night, seeing her deepest secret and replacing the person meant to be here.

“I can’t do this,” Caitlyn says with a gasp. In a surge of panic, she wriggles free of Violet’s hold. “This is all wrong-“

“Caitlyn, relax. We can talk about this.” Violet reaches to pull Caitlyn back in, but her touch feels like fire and it’s confusing because when Caitlyn finally backs away, she finds herself craving her touch again. 

“N-no! Don’t you get it? I don’t want you!” Caitlyn yells, putting as much space besides herself and the other woman as possible. “I never wanted this marriage, this life, this fucking dress-“ In a moment of blind frustration, Caitlyn fists the skirt of her gown in both her hands and yanks on it, but it doesn’t tear. “I can’t sit here and pretend everything is going to work out. I can’t lie to you, to myself, to our souls, and say that this could ever make me happy. I can’t do it. I won’t!”

Before she turns away, she sees the heartbreakingly awful look of rejection fall on Violet’s face. It’s almost enough to regret her words, but she sees the forgotten pile of notes around them, and the guilt subsides. There are so many mixed emotions that Caitlyn grows dizzy with them. She isn’t sure what she feels the most; all she knows is that she is drowning and her heart is too heavy to swim. 

“I’m sorry I am not the bride you expected,” Caitlyn continues. She wraps her arms around her body to hold herself together as the pain begins to pour out into the room. “I am sure that you are wonderful and kind, but I have only ever loved one person, and there is no room for anyone else. You deserve better, Violet. You deserve a wife who will love you, and I am sorry that I can’t be her.”

Behind her, Violet lets out a bitter laugh. “Fuck,” she sighs, and there is a thud that Caitlyn can’t distinguish. “This sounds so god-damned familiar.”

For a brief moment, Caitlyn remembers the horrible night on that hill with her soulmate when she told her the news. Her lover had said similar things, cursing Caitlyn with a truth she never wanted to hear. The memory makes her feel like such a hypocrite that she starts laughing as she sobs, the sound discordant and unhinged, nothing like her normal laughter. 

“I was always destined to fail,” Caitlyn says, completely to herself. “I was never going to be enough.”

With the crushing weight of all her losses, Caitlyn sucks in a breath and steels herself for one final moment. Turning to face Violet, she plasters on some semblance of a smile, accepting the evening for the nightmare that it is, and forces herself to move on. 

“You can stay in here for tonight. I’ll find somewhere else to sleep,” she says. “In the morning, I will talk to our parents about arrangements for you to sail off with your family, and we can pretend this never happened.”

There are wet tracks down Violet’s face when Caitlyn studies her. She may not know her wife’s story, but she knows that her rejection isn’t Violet's first. 

“You should go find her,” Caitlyn adds, “whoever she is. You deserve your happy ending.”

The space between Violet’s eyebrows crease, and she scowls. Her bright eyes are red-rimmed and her fists are clenched so that her knuckles turn white. “And what about you? Are you just going to give up? We’re already married.”

Caitlyn sighs and shifts her gaze down to her letters. “We weren’t meant to be,” she answers, her voice quiet and shaky. Stepping over the scattered papers, she heads for the door. It feels suffocating to be in here now. “I think I’d rather have the memory of what I had with my soulmate than nothing at all.”

“This isn’t fair,” Violet says. Her tone comes out bitter, instead of the relief that Caitlyn expects. “Seriously, Caitlyn, we’ve already done the damned thing. We can’t go back on it now. You don’t even want to try?”

Irritation prickles along the back of Caitlyn’s neck, and she fists the fabric of her dress tighter in her hands. “Let it go, Violet,” she says through clenched teeth. “I already told you. I don’t want you.”

She knows it’s cruel. She knows it’s unfair. Nobody deserves this treatment, and in the morning, as Violet sails away to freedom, she might regret the words she’s said. For now though, she wants to be alone, and the only way she knows how is to shove everyone else away. 

Just leave her alone with her empty field of decaying flowers, a pile of useless letters, and her broken heart.

“Good-bye, Violet,” Caitlyn says as she leaves. When she closes the door, she walks away from her new wife, and the promise of a new love.

Chapter Text

“If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain.”

-Emily Dickinson

Dear Soulmate,

I’d rather have you in my dreams,

Than to never have you at all.

“Excuse me! You want to do what?” Cassandra looks at her daughter as if she grew a second head, as if she started speaking an unknown language — as if Caitlyn had just asked to have her new wife sent away. Her face drains of color, lips tightening into thin lines, as she sits in her office with her daughter before her. 

Caitlyn fidgets awkwardly across the desk. Her slender fingers fiddle with the new wedding band on her left hand, anxious to take it off. It’s a new habit she has picked up since Violet proposed to her. The movement always draws attention to the pretty sapphire stone on the engagement ring that Caitlyn disdains, but at least it has kept her from tearing her nail beds to shreds. 

“I want to give Violet her freedom,” Caitlyn says, repeating herself. “I do not wish to keep her trapped here in Piltover.”

Cassandra frowns, the wrinkles framing her mouth deepening and making her look older. Where Caitlyn expects to see ridicule and outrage, her mother’s piercing blue-eyed stare is soft. It is a look only a worried mother might wear, instead of a harsh, cruel stare at her daughter’s request. “I don’t understand,” she says. Carefully, Cassandra removes the glasses perched on her nose and sets them gently on the top of her desk. “‘Give Violet her freedom?’ Did she lose it when she married you last night?”

Caitlyn swallows the lump in her throat and shakes her head. “N-no,” she stutters out. “What I mean is, I want to give her a chance to find her soulmate. I think she can still find her.”

“Caitlyn-“ her mother sighs.

“I am okay with it!” Caitlyn interrupts quickly. Her eyes, still puffy and sore from last night, widen as she rambles on. “You told me that Violet does not have a soulmate, but she does! I know she has been searching for her and I want her to have the chance to find that person. I will never find mine — I’ve made my peace with that. But I-“

Before she realizes it, there are tears slowly trickling down her cheeks. The warm droplets roll down her face uninterrupted, and Caitlyn simply takes a breath to recompose herself. She has practiced this conversation all night. She barely slept, but she knows she has to say this to someone other than herself for it to become real. 

“I will be okay,” Caitlyn says, feeling the words wash over her soul with a startling sense of finality. She expects relief.

She gets emptiness. Her body feels hollow.

“I think-“ she tries to say. With a sharp, shaky gasp, she attempts to add, “I think my dreams were a sign that I was never meant to find my soulmate. I must have been too stubborn to see that until now.”

Across the desk, Cassandra sniffs into a handkerchief. There is a glassy sheen to her eyes that she tries to hide by dabbing at her face with the white, embroidered cloth. Regret partially fills the void in Caitlyn’s chest at the sight of sorrow on her mother’s face. She had not meant to make her mother sad; that is not the point of her confession. The goal had been to get her mother to agree to sending Violet away. This reaction is the furthest outcome from how she envisioned this conversation going.

“This is my fault,” Cassandra says quietly once she composes herself. “It was my idea to set you up with someone else. I thought it would help you open up more. You have always appeared so sad and lonely. I never knew…” Her voice trails off, becoming lost in a silent conversation with herself that Caitlyn was not privy to. 

Just then, it clicks for Caitlyn. Her whole life, she had spoken about dreams of a soulmate, but she never shared any of the details. Her parents knew about the strange, personless dreams that she had, and were vaguely aware of the letters their daughter would write. However, they never saw the letters. Caitlyn had refused to show them. Of course her mother thought the soulmate was nothing serious! 

This is all Caitlyn’s fault. She doomed herself from the beginning.

With a shake of her head, Cassandra squares her shoulders and inhales deeply. The sorrow leaves her face with the exhale, and she says, “I will talk to Vander.”

Caitlyn’s gaze shoots up swiftly, meeting her mother’s eyes. “You will?” This is not the happy ending Caitlyn wants, but it is a better one than she thought she would get. 

“I doubt he will be happy after all the work we put in to give you a beautiful wedding, and I am unsure what his customs are as far as divorces and second marriages. However, if he is like your father, his daughter’s happiness comes first.” Cassandra stares at her daughter. “Is this what Violet wants?”

To be honest, at this point, Caitlyn hardly cares. She knows enough about Violet to understand that she wants her soulmate just as badly as Caitlyn wants hers. Outside of that, as far as their marriage is concerned, neither of them should have been at that altar to begin with.

So Caitlyn grits her teeth, and nods. “This is.”

An hour later, Caitlyn leaves her mother’s office more light-heartedly than she has felt in months. Or, perhaps the feeling is less like happiness and more like her heart feeling empty from what her life has become. Either way, regardless of the true feeling, Caitlyn is no longer full of the same paralyzing dread she has been suffering, and that resembles freedom and happiness more than anything else. 

Now, she only has to wait for her mother to come to an agreement with Violet’s father, and then her wife will be on her way to somewhere better. Honestly, their marriage really does not make sense. Violet is a traveler and Caitlyn has barely gone beyond the shore of Piltover. Of course, Caitlyn wanted to see the world, but as the heir to a prestigious family such as the Kiramman’s, traveling is the one luxury she does not get to indulge in. Forcing Violet into a marriage that would tie her down is cruel. Vander will surely allow their marriage to dissolve before it ever truly starts.

“I don’t like you.”

At the sound of a young voice from behind her, Caitlyn jumps. She lets out a small yelp as she spins around, hands clasped over her heart to hold herself together.

Violet’s teenage sister, Powder, sneers up at her. Her thin arms are crossed, long nails digging into the pale flesh of her biceps. She looks uncomfortable, as if she would rather be anywhere else. Caitlyn blinks at her as her heartbeat slows to normal, and wonders why on Runeterra this child would be hanging around outside her mother’s office. This certainly wasn’t the place for a teenager, especially one not from the Kiramman family. 

“Excuse me?” Caitlyn asks, taking a step back to create distance between herself and the near-stranger who slightly terrifies her.

Powder’s scowl deepens slightly. “You broke my sister’s heart-“

“I know, I can’t apologize for that-“ Caitlyn tries to say, cutting her off.

“Good! I don’t want your apology,” Powder snaps. “I don’t understand why Vi ever agreed to marry you.”

Regret sours Caitlyn’s already poor stomach and she sighs. “I don’t either,” she answers, “but it’s fine because I’m letting her go anyway. I just talked to my parents; they’ll have everything arranged.”

Instead of how Caitlyn expects Powder to react — with relief, or acceptance, or joy — the youngest Lane’s face scrunches up tight, lips thinned, eyebrows scrunched, cheeks puffed out. She exhales hard through her nose and shakes her head. “That’s fucked up,” she says under her breath. Then louder, “You both are the biggest pair of idiots.”

Caitlyn blinks at the insult. Why was everyone against her today? 

Quickly, her gaze flicks around the hall to see if anyone heard, but it’s deserted besides the two of them. “I beg your pardon?”

Without an explanation or an apology, Powder simply starts down the hallway. She waves in Caitlyn’s direction and says, “Walk with me.”

Caitlyn has half a mind to tell her sister-in-law a couple of choice swears and then walk in the other direction, but reluctantly, she follows. There’s dread and uncertainty flooding her senses, putting her on high alert as she walks. Her steps stay small, keeping herself a pace back from the teenager. Long, twin braids bob and sway down Powder’s back as she stalks, the blue ribbons threaded into the blonde strands nearly touching the floor. Their movements mesmerize Caitlyn as she watches them, and she barely notices where they go until Powder stops by a pair of glass doors that lead onto the terrace at the back of the estate. A guard swings the door open when they approach, and Powder all but skips out into the warm summer air. 

“Why are we outside?” Caitlyn asks, still following dumbly. 

The day is blindingly sunny, while big, fluffy clouds sweep across the landscape, creating pockets of shadows. The lake beyond the Kiramman estate shimmers beyond the tree line, reminding Caitlyn briefly of the ocean.

The ocean reminds Caitlyn of the day she met her wife.

Caitlyn remembers her wife, and the day darkens.

“I wanna tell you a story,” Powder says. She skips down the steps from the terrace and continues on the stone path. She doesn’t wait for Caitlyn to answer before she starts talking. “I have a soulmate, and I know who he is.”

The admission is so casual and easy that Caitlyn almost misses what is said. Her footsteps falter and she stares at the younger girl. “You do?”

Powder smiles. “You know Ekko from the boat?”

The memory of the young dark skin man following Violet the morning they met replays in Caitlyn’s head. She had only seen him that one time and then again at the wedding. While the Lane family had stayed at the estate, Ekko and the rest of the Last Drop’s crew had watched the ship. When he was at the wedding last night, he spent most of the night following a frustrated Powder around as she played the role of Violet’s maid of honor.

Without waiting for Caitlyn to acknowledge or deny that she knew Ekko, Powder continued. “That’s my soulmate, and he doesn’t know it.”

Caitlyn blinks, “He doesn’t know?”

Powder’s giant blue eyes glass over momentarily, and her smile softens into something sweet. “Yeah…” she sighs, and there is the faintest hint of a blush on her cheeks.

“He’s your soulmate and doesn’t know?” Caitlyn asks quickly. 

The dreamy expression on Powder’s face falls, and she scoffs as she shakes her head. “Geez, I thought you were supposed to be smart,” she says under her breath. Her arms cross over her chest again and she studies Caitlyn. 

Irritation prickles in the back of Caitlyn’s mind at the subtle insult, but she lets it go. There is no reason to try to argue with the teenager. Instead, she simply asks for clarification. “How is it that you know and he doesn’t? Why have you not told him?”

Powder smirks, and she lets out the smallest huff of a laugh, almost like she is proud of herself. “Maybe he already does know, but he hasn’t said anything about it yet,” she answers, and shrugs. They reach a bench on the edge of the gardens, now fully in bloom, and she sits down. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of it — the whole soulmate thing, ya’ know? Ekko’s my best friend, and I’ve known him my whole life. I don’t really see a point in rushing into a relationship.”

Caitlyn sits next to Powder and takes a moment to study her. Up until this moment, their few interactions have been intense and uncomfortable. The younger girl was very vocal about her disdain for her sister’s marriage. It is not that she seems to hate Caitlyn specifically, simply that she dislikes the situation Caitlyn has put Violet in. Caitlyn hardly blames her – she hates this whole thing too. 

Now however, Powder appears soft and open. The tiny, fond grin on her face is honest and true. Her bright blue eyes are gentle and her face is slightly flushed. There is no hint of irritation in her expression, and it makes Caitlyn like her a bit more. It gives a small amount of hope that despite their circumstance, they can possibly have the friendship Caitlyn wished to have with her soulmate’s sister. 

“You really love him,” Caitlyn says, stating the fact instead of questioning it.

“Of course I love him,” Powder replies with a scoff and an eye roll. “But like, it’s not the gross, gooey kind of love. We’re still kids, I’m only sixteen. I’m not ready to be in love yet. There are still body parts waiting to come in. Plus, like I said before, he probably doesn’t know yet. Even if he does know, he hasn’t brought it up, which means it’s not time for us. I would rather have him as my best friend for the rest of my life than to rush him into a romance he’s not ready for.”

Caitlyn’s heart clenches as she thinks of her history with her soulmate. They were best friends before either one admitted to the romantic attraction between them. It was nice to get to know her soulmate before she fell in love with her. While reading the letters last night, the part that had stuck out to her the most was not the romantic love she held for her soulmate, but the connection they had. As Caitlyn sits there and thinks about her relationship with her true love, she finds that what she misses is not the romance – she never even said the words I love you yet. The part that Caitlyn begins to realize that she misses the most is the friendship they had. The invisible girl from her dreams had been the one person she could be herself around. Even though there were many things that Caitlyn could not tell her, everything she had done or said had been completely and truly honest. There was no pretending or hiding from her soulmate. She did not have to worry about expectations or rules like she had to be aware of in society. Caitlyn could be herself, and she trusted that she would be loved regardless.

Her soulmate loves her through all her flaws and quirks.

Her soulmate loved her.  

“Why are you telling me this?” Caitlyn asks.

Powder turns to face her, and her gaze turns serious. The change in intensity is startling. “Because I think Piltover ruined you,” she states.

To say that Caitlyn is taken aback would be an understatement. All she can do is blink and try to decipher what she means by that.

The answer comes quickly as Powder explains, “I have been here for a week and I already know that you prissy people value trivial things way too much. You put the soulmate connection on a pedestal and nothing else matters. It’s disgusting. What if your soulmate is a serial killer? Are you supposed to fall in love with them anyway? Even if they murdered your whole family?”

 As the conversation takes a turn, Caitlyn’s mouth falls open slightly, concern and an ominous sort of dread settling over her. “I’m sorry. A serial killer?”

When Powder catches herself and realizes the tangent she has gone on, she aggressively shakes her head as if she is erasing her thoughts, and starts over. “Anyway, as I was trying to get at — all people talked about last night was the fact that you and my sister are doomed to fail because you’re not soulmates. They put that one small fact above everything else and didn’t even give your marriage a chance, just like how you haven’t given Vi a chance.”

“Powder, I-”

“Uh! No! I’m talking!” Powder holds up her hand quickly, cutting Caitlyn off. “Don’t give me any excuses. She already told me this morning that you’re trying to get rid of her. Not even twenty-four hours have passed and you’re trying to ditch her because she’s not what you pictured. I get it. Vi is loud and aggressive and she’s a slob when she eats, but she is so much more than that!”

“What about her soulmate?” Caitlyn tries in protest. Her chest is beginning to constrict, and despite her best efforts, she grows annoyed with Powder’s words. She is well aware that what she has done to Violet is unfair, but this has to be the best decision for both of them, right? “Were you not the one who said that you still plan on finding her? Don’t you still want Violet to find the person she belongs to?”

Powder groans and buries her hands in her hands. Her lips move quickly for a moment, but no words come out. Then, as her face begins to turn pink in frustration, she says, “I do! I am, but you have to go talk to my sister first. Like it or not, you are wives now. You can’t just ship Vi off simply because she’s not what you expected. My sister was always shit at first impression, but that shouldn’t be the reason you reject her.”

Caitlyn scowls. Had everyone believed that the reason she disliked Violet was because of her appearance or personality? That is far from the truth. She would be lying if she says that she wasn’t at least slightly attracted to her wife. The problem lies with what Violet isn’t, nothing else.

“Powder, I’m sure Violet is a lovely person,” Caitlyn starts, “but she’s not-“

“Yeah yeah, I know. She’s not your soulmate. Whatever you believe,” Powder mocks, rolling her eyes so hard that her head lulls backwards. “I don’t want to hear it. Look, I can’t tell you anything. I swore not to. You need to talk to Vi.”

“I-I don’t think that’s b-best-“

“Shut up!” Powder yells suddenly. Her small hands clench into fists at her side, and her head shakes from side to side so forcibly, her braids whip behind her. “God, you’re infuriating!” 

Caitlyn jolts back and blinks quickly. 

“I don’t care what you think,” Powder continues. “Talk to Vi. Please! I know my sister and she is a mess. I was just asked to find you, and here you are, and now I’m sending you to Vi.”

“I don’t even know where your sister is,” Caitlyn says. Her stomach flips at the thought of facing her wife after last night’s fight. The point of sending her away is so that neither of them would have to face the mess they left after Caitlyn broke down. Seeking Vi out now would ruin all attempts to cut off contact. If they have to talk, Caitlyn would prefer the time apart to be at least little longer than a few mere hours from their argument. 

Apparently, none of that matters to Powder. Caitlyn’s mental state is none of her concern because she swiftly points in a direction behind Caitlyn’s head and says, “She’s that way.”

Before she can stop herself, Caitlyn whips around and follows the arc of Powder’s outstretched hand towards the hill on the other side of their property. Her heart begins to race when she spots a tiny, reddish dot beneath the tree atop the hill.

“Knowing my sister, she will be there for the rest of her life until you go to her. She’s stubborn like that,” Powder says. When Caitlyn turns back around, the teenager has her arms crossed tightly over her chest and she’s scowling in the annoyed way only a teenager can manage. “So for all our sakes, at least hear what she has to say. If you still want to push her away, fine. I won’t stop you.”

Every nerve in Caitlyn’s body is screaming for her to not seek out her wife. Her gut is trying to say that she’s going to get hurt. Yet, some curious, stupid part of her brain caves in, and with a resigned sigh, Caitlyn nods. “Okay.” Glancing back, she can see the speck of a person pacing atop the crest of the hill and her heart leaps into her throat. She doesn’t want to do this, but she knows she must. At the very least, she can be the one to tell Violet that she has been granted her freedom. 

Her feet begin to move on their own, carrying her along the path through the gardens towards her wife.

“Oh, and Caitlyn?”

Stumbling, Caitlyn catches herself midstep and spins on her heels back towards Powder. There’s a smug grin on the teenager’s lips that softens momentarily. She has this sweetness to her that she had when she spoke about Ekko. Caitlyn determines that she rather likes her sister-in-law when she wears that face. “Yes?”

Powder clears her throat and shifts for a second, almost shyly. “Um, just…” she hesitates, then as if she has to summon the brashness she normally has, she digs her heels into the dirt and says, “Try to remember what I said about the soulmate connection thing. Just because it’s fated, doesn’t make it easy — and it’s not the end-all-be-all you Pilties make it out to be. My sister is more than who she is destined to fall in love with… and so are you.” 

Warmth blooms in the center of Caitlyn’s chest and she smiles, genuinely, for the first time in a while. “Thanks, Powder.”

The teenage attitude is back in the next second as Powder’s soft face morphs into its normal scowl and she backs away. “Whatever,” she shouts. “Don’t make me regret helping you!” Then, she’s trudging towards the house, stopping her feet too hard to be natural. 

Powder might not be Caitlyn’s soulmate’s sister, but she’s definitely a girl Caitlyn is beginning to like having in her life. 

The moment Caitlyn turns to face the hill again, her stomach twists and drops. Her skin prickles into goosebumps as the anxiety begins to rise once more. She nearly thinks about backing away. Surely Powder was exaggerating about Violet’s stubbornness. There is no way Violet will actually stay outside forever if Caitlyn decides that she no longer wishes to talk. If she turns around right now, Caitlyn can avoid this confrontation all together. 

As heavy and overwhelming as the anxiety is, the guilt weighs heavier on Caitlyn’s heart. She knows they need to talk. She has known it since their fight. In fact, she is completely aware of the fact that they should have made amends long before Caitlyn ever rejected Violet in their carriage the first day they met. Her treatment of Violet has been unfair. They could have been friends, even if they never fell in love.

She just… she still isn’t…

Her soulmate is not here. The other woman is an imaginary person from her dreams, and yet, as Caitlyn walks up the hill ready to let her heartbreak go, she feels closer to her soulmate than ever. 

Maybe that is why she thinks she hears it. 

At the top of the hill, Violet isn’t there anymore. Caitlyn stands alone beneath the massive tree that overlooks the Kiramman estate, her heart in her throat, anxiety pulsing through her nerves. Quickly, she looks around, desperately searching for her wife, when she catches something. 

There is a call on the wind, a voice picked up by the breeze. This time, it is impossible for Caitlyn to ignore it.

This time, she hears it louder and clearer than ever.

Slowly, Caitlyn lifts her gaze up to the branches, and as still as a statue, she waits.

On the wind, real and intimately, Caitlyn hears it.

“Hey, Cupcake.”

Chapter Text

“Let me hold you there,

In that breath before a kiss,

Where there is only you and I,

Our hearts and minds,

And let me bask as our souls intertwine.”

-Rae Bliss

“Hey Cupcake”

Caitlyn stares up into the tree, a great, massive oak that has been on the property for as long as the estate has been an estate. It is the very one Caitlyn is in love with, the one she had often found herself reading alone under during her youth. She knows its branches well, knows the ones that could hold her weight and not even quiver. Caitlyn knows exactly how high one could go before the journey skyward would become dangerous. 

Which means that Caitlyn knows where to look to find what she is searching for.

A pair of feet dangle about halfway up the trunk, one foot swinging lazily. The rest of the body is hidden from view, but Caitlyn does not need to see the person’s face to know who rests there. 

Her feet stay in place, heart beating in her throat as she listens. She cannot even bring herself to answer. None of this feels real. Maybe if she pinches herself, she will wake up.

“That’s what I call her – my soulmate,” the voice calls from in the tree. It's steady, confident, and calm; it is the complete opposite of how Caitlyn feels. “I never got to learn her real name, so I called her Cupcake. You see, I have been all over the world, and no matter where I go, cupcakes are always my favorite treat.” She pauses and sighs. 

Caitlyn picks at the webbing between her left ring and middle fingers. Skin breaks and begins to sting, but she does not wake up. 

“I have been all over the world, and Cupcake is still my favorite person.” 

Pain pangs in Caitlyn’s heart and she cannot understand why. 

“Do you know why I called her that?”

Caitlyn isn’t sure why she answers. It is not like she knows, right? There is no way they are talking about the same person, could they?  

“Cause you think she’s sweet,” Caitlyn answers, and it doesn’t feel real when she says it.

From high in the tree, a face leans over the edge of the branch, and the world fades out until the person above her is all Caitlyn can see. It is as if she is dreaming, and for the first time, she can see her fate clearly before her. There is no smile on those scarred lips, nor frown or anger or relief. Caitlyn blinks up at the impassive face of her wife and she feels dizzy.

“Caitlyn,” her soulmate says.

Swallowing the anxiety that rises up her throat, Caitlyn gives her a wobbly smile. “V-Violet.” When she says the name, it comes out with reverence, with soul, with emotions that bubble up and make fresh tears well up in Caitlyn’s eyes. At this point, she’s getting tired of crying, but this time, they don’t feel sad. Even though this is far from what she imagined, she still feels relief. 

“You’re not as sweet as I thought you would be,” Violet says.

The lump in Caitlyn’s throat hardens and she chokes it back the best that she can. “Are you- is that a disappointment?”

Violet seems to ponder this. She leans back against the tree, disappearing behind the branch she’s perched on and everything goes silent. The air lacks a breeze, and there is no birdsong to fill the empty space. Caitlyn refuses to speak, to push, to question her wife’s indecision. She should be kicking herself, falling to her knees and pleading for forgiveness. Violet probably hates her; she has every reason to. Caitlyn was horrible to her last night, but how was she supposed to know? She still is unconvinced that Violet might actually be her soulmate, but…

She called her Cupcake, and has those eyes.

She calls her soulmate Cupcake, and…

It happened in a flash, in that space between blinking, and it was startling. A face, inches from hers in the meadow, snapped into focus - into existence - and Caitlyn had shot upright so fast that she had to catch herself before she rolled down the hill.

The grass was still flattened where her soulmate was laying, but she had been there. So real and vibrant with a face she recognized wearing a satisfied smirk that made Caitlyn’s heart skip a beat. 

Reality comes in a rush. Something that once rattled around in her chest clicks into place, and Caitlyn has to gasp in a sharp breath to keep herself from collapsing. 

“It is you!” She cries out, feeling certain in her declaration. “This whole time, you’ve been my soulmate.” 

Violet’s head peeks around the tree again and she stares down. 

“Have you known?” Caitlyn asks. She blinks back the emotions clouding her mind. Her hands clench together in a tight knot of fingers until the sore spots burn and her knuckles blanche. “This whole time, did you know that we are soulmates?”

The other woman shakes her head, soft copper hair catching a stray ray of sunlight so that it shimmers in contrast to the green leaves. “No,” she answers. She huffs out a light scoff and adds, “would have been easier if I had. Could have saved us a lot of heartache.”

That gets a watery grin out of Caitlyn. It would have been easier to know who Violet was at the start. They would have had a proper romance. Caitlyn wanted to pull all the stops, go all out and actually court the love of her life. She had not wanted this — this last month that had played out so horribly. Since the moment her mother announced the engagement, Caitlyn’s world had been in shambles as all her hopes and dreams shattered with her heart. If she had know that Violet was her soulmate, maybe they would be happy right now.

Despite knowing the truth now however, happiness is not the emotion Caitlyn feels.

“How did you figure it out?” Caitlyn asks. 

With small, soft steps, she rounds the tree trunk so that she can properly see the other woman without obstruction. Violet looks at peace up there among the branches, her posture relaxed and at ease. The only thing that gives her away is the frantic pace of her hands tapping on linen clad thighs. 

“You, actually,” Violet replies. 

Caitlyn opens her mouth to question her reply, her eyes brows pinching together in a frown, when Violet pulls a crumbled slip of paper from her pants pocket. The cream color sheet is indistinguishable on its own, but then the light catches the wax seal at the end, and Caitlyn’s heart drops hard into her stomach. 

Violet clears her throat, adjusts her posture, and reads:

“Dear Soulmate,

I want to tell you a secret.”

Violet lets out a shaky breath. From the ground, Caitlyn can see the dusting of pink blooming on her wife’s cheeks.

“I am in love with you.

There, I said it. 

I know that you’ve been saying it for months,

And I have not,

But that is because I was unsure…

Unsure of what exactly,

Is lost to me.

However, 

It is real now.

I love you.

I think that I have been in love with you,

For a long while. 

It is not just puppy love,

New love,

The kind where I am more in love with the idea than the person.

I am in love with you.

Soulmate you.

Dreamer you.

Adventurer you.

Woman who can make me laugh when the world falls apart you.

I cannot wait to finally tell you.

I cannot wait to hold your hand in my hands,

And look into the crystal eyes I dream about,

And tell you the truth.

If I am honest,

I am worried that I will ruin everything.

I fear that one of these days

I will slip up and say these words before I get to see your face.

You cannot blame me.

Everytime you say

“I love you, Cupcake,”

I want to say “I love you” back.”

Caitlyn remembers the day she wrote this particular letter — the day she fully realized her true feelings. She had awoken later than normal — with the dawn rather than before it. The sunrise outside her bedroom window had been phenomenal. All the clouds in the sky had been washed in the most vivid shade of pink Caitlyn had ever seen. When the sun broke above the horizon, it was golden-orange and radiant. As it beamed through her window, Caitlyn felt ignited and on fire, her whole body hot, and it was not because of the intense sunlight. She had inked her skin in her haste to write, and singed her fingers when she raced to melt her wax. She took extra care in sealing this particular letter, knowing one day her soulmate would get to read it. Unexpectedly, this is not at all how she envisioned this moment. 

Violet stands before her now. After folding the letter back into her pocket, she quickly climbs down the tree with the grace and skill of someone who spent most of their adolescence climbing branches every night. She looks panicked, bright eyes quickly scanning over Caitlyn’s face. 

“Did you mean it?” She asks.

Something brushes against the inside of Caitlyn’s wrist and she startles at the touch. Violet jerks back in the same moment, and Caitlyn realizes that it was her who was reaching out.

“What?” Caitlyn blinks herself into the moment, pushing away dreams and waxed poetic letters, and forcing herself to be present. It hardly works because she looks down at Violet and sees sunlight sparkling in light grayish-blue eyes, reality still feeling like a fantasy.

Violet attempts to touch Caitlyn again, and this time she is successful. The death grip Caitlyn has on her own hands loosen, and she allows one to intertwin with calloused fingers.

“The letter, do you mean it?” Violet answers. “Were- are? No. Were you in love with me?”

Caitlyn stumbles. Her brain panics for an answer, unsure how to respond. The words roll around in her head doing somersaults and cartwheels against her skull, jumbling up until they are a web of sounds with no meaning. 

In the silence Caitlyn leaves, Violet pushes on, “Because I was in love with you. I have spent my life searching for you in every corner of the world.” She takes a step forward and Caitlyn takes one back. “I wanted to be with you, to see you at last. I knew what you sounded like, but I had to know what you looked like too. I wanted to see the light in your eyes when you talked about your passions. I needed to see the grin on your face when you laughed.” 

Violet crowds into Caitlyn’s space and she lets it happen. She allows herself to be walked backwards until her shoulders brush up against the bark of the tree and all she can see is nervous, gray-blue eyes and a chaotic array of freckles across cheeks.

“It was only ever going to be you for me,” Violet continues, closer now. When Caitlyn tries to get a breath of air, her senses are overwhelmed by the scent of her soulmate: sea salt and a summer’s breeze. “For a while, I thought that maybe I could love someone else, in case I never met you, or I did and you didn’t want me.” Violet releases Caitlyn’s hands and cups her face instead. They’re so close that every time Violet breathes, Caitlyn can feel it. “But then I’d dream of you, and I would completely forget that everyone else exists.”

They fall into a moment of silence, and there is a thudding in Caitlyn’s chest that she cannot distinguish if it belongs to herself or the other woman.

“I dreamed of you, and I knew that I had to see the way you look at me before I kiss you.”

Caitlyn inhales sharply. Suddenly her gaze falls on Violet’s mouth, at her scar, at the hint of tongue peeking behind the soft curve of her bottom lip where it has fallen open. 

Once again, she panics. 

Of course she loves Violet. Of course her heart yearns to be home, to embrace the soul tied to hers, to love and be loved and know that she is cherished for being herself and nothing less. Caitlyn has been in love for years, dreamed for years, lived years aching for a person who she had not met. 

But…

“I don’t know you.”

Violet’s hands turn cold against her cheeks moments before they drop limply to her side. The sun still shines on her freckled face but the light has dimmed in her eyes. “I see.” She takes a step back, and the distance, although minute, feels like a chasm. “This was a mistake,” she says, and there is no life in her voice. Her tone is flat and dull. With another step back, her hands slide into her pockets and Caitlyn hears the crumble of paper. She sees the ridges of Violet’s knuckles through the fabric of her pants, and Caitlyn pictures countless love letters being crushed into nothing.

Her heart almost stops.

“But I want to,” Caitlyn adds quickly, her voice coming out so fast that the words almost mash together. When her wife looks back at her, there remains a tiny glimmer of light, an ember still trying to burn, and Caitlyn frantically tries to fan the flames. 

“I-I do not know you. I have not had the chance.” She swallows back the anxiety welling up her throat. “I was rude and selfish when we met. I was heartbroken for my soulmate and in the process of protecting what love I had left, I ended up hurting you in ways I never knew I could.” She reaches out and takes one of Violet’s hands in both of hers, clutching it like a lifeline. “I want to do this right — proper. I want to court you and take you on dates. I don’t want you to simply be in love with the version you met in our dreams. If you are going to love me and I am going to love you, I want it to be real.”

Caitlyn pulls Violet back into her, placing one hand on her chin to tilt her head up so that their eyes meet. “Love all of me. Give me a chance to make all of this up to you, and I promise to give you my heart when we’re ready.”

For a moment, Violet looks unsure. There is a shimmer of tears along her lower lash line, and her bottom lip trembles just the smallest amount. Caitlyn’s stomach turns sour and she hates herself for everything. This is so far from how she pictured meeting her soulmate that falling in love almost feels hopeless.

However, if there is one thing Caitlyn knows about herself, it is that she knows she is stubborn.

“Give me a month,” she offers, strength returning to her voice. “Give me one month to court you and show you who your soulmate is. You already know all of the big, important things, and I know all about you. Yet I don’t know the smallest, best details about you. One month to see us laugh, cry, sleep, dance, eat, whatever together. Then, if at the end of the month you have decided I’m not right for you anymore, you can leave. I have already spoken with my mother about granting you freedom, and she accepted. No matter what we choose, let us get to decide.”

The world falls silent as the proposal hangs in the air. Violet’s jaw flexes and tenses under Caitlyn’s fingertips and her eyes unfocus somewhere over Caitlyn’s shoulder. 

“One month,” Violet repeats, lost in thought.

“One month,” Caitlyn confirms.

Slowly, her soulmate nods. At first, it is only a twitch, but then more confidently, Violet agrees. “Okay,” she exhales. Her gaze recenters on Caitlyn. “Okay, you have a deal.” She takes a step back, and shakes out her limbs nervously. “Alright, cool. Sounds like a plan.”

Air rushes into Caitlyn’s lungs for the first time in a month. After what felt like an eternity, she can finally breathe. Her heart unclenches and begins to beat at a steady, even pace. Tension eases out of all her muscles and she finally, finally smiles.

“But-“ Violet adds abruptly, startling her wife, “if we are going to do this for real this time, we are going to do it properly.” Before Caitlyn has a chance to question her, she walks around to the other side of the tree. She disappears from sight, long enough for Caitlyn to suddenly question their agreement, when she shouts, “We should start with introductions!”

When her soulmate rounds the tree again, she looks different. Her soft clothing is a little disheveled, the buttons of her flowing blouse undone enough to show off her defined clavicles. Her copper hair is messy and falling over one of her eyes. She is smirking deviously in a playful, confident way that Caitlyn realizes she has caught glimpses of in her dreams. For the first time in Caitlyn’s whole life, she yearns for not just a soulmate, but for a partner.

“Hey,” Violet says in a low raspy tone, the same one Caitlyn has heard a million times in the dreams when their faces would be close. 

Caitlyn blushes. “Hello,” she replies, only feeling a little silly. She does a small curtsy.

Violet crowds in close to Caitlyn and leans against the tree with one shoulder. She is devilishly handsome like this, a mix of cocky and flirty that makes Caitlyn’s heart do little leaps against her ribcage. “I’m Vi. What’s your name?”

Caitlyn finds it impossible not to giggle, and one sneaks out as she holds out a hand and replies, “My name’s Caitlyn. It is a pleasure to finally meet you.” 

“The pleasure is all completely mine.”

And this time, when Vi kisses the back of her hand, the universe returns to normal. 

Chapter Text

“And sometimes two souls

Are in love way before

They meet each other

In the flesh.”

-Sylvester McNutt III

Dear Soulmate,

A hum.

The quill scratches across the paper and rewrites.

Dear Soulmate, Violet,

No, that still is not right, is it?

Dear Soulmate, Violet, Vi,

Caitlyn huffs out an exasperated sigh, puffing air through pouted lips to make the strand of hair falling in her face move out of her eyes. She stares down at her writing, specifically the final two letters she has written, and thinks of the person they’re attached to. Light gray eyes flash in her mind, gleaming mischievously as their owner smiled crookedly at Caitlyn. 

Instantly, the room grows hot. The heat burns in Caitlyn’s cheeks, and she reaches for the carafe of water sitting across the desk. Forgoing a cup, she gulps the lukewarm water down unladylike to settle the sudden parchedness of her throat. It does nothing to help satisfy her, and instead, she attempts to calm her burning cheeks by pressing the metal vase to her face.

She needs to calm herself down. It has only been a month since the wedding, a month since the deal was struck with her wife, and yet it has felt as though no time has passed at all. Where did the time go? How could she have let it get away from her?

Caitlyn knows what happened. As unexpected and daunting and blissful as the month had been, she still is not ready for the month to be over. She is not prepared for the decision to be made come morning. What is Vi’s answer going to be? What will be hers? 

You have stolen my dreams.

I would like them back.

Vi had stolen her dreams, stolen her bed…

Stolen her h-

Anyway, a part of Caitlyn is ready for the month to be over because she misses her own bed dearly. Despite the deal with her mother to dissolve the marriage with the merchant king’s daughter, the Kiramman matriarch still insisted that the newly weds share a bed in hopes that the forced proximity would kindle some kind of spark. That plan lasted only one night. Caitlyn and Vi had awkwardly crawled into bed together, both still reeling from their discovery of their identities, and simply laid there for half the night in total silence. At first, they had faced each other, holding awkward eye contact until Vi eventually conceded and rolled over. Then, they slept back to back until they both slipped into their dream realm.

And then…

“Vi?” Caitlyn called out on her hill.

The tree was bare and the grass and flowers were still dead and decaying.

“Caitlyn?” Her soulmate echoed back.

Tentatively, Caitlyn rounded the trunk of the tree, following the sound of her name, only to find the space empty.

After that, Caitlyn slept in her boudoir while Vi took her bed, and she had not gone back since. 

True to their deal and despite the state of their dreamland, they attempted to court each other. Caitlyn had never been courted before even though she had been out in society for several years. With everyone else knowing who their soulmate was, there was no need to court a person who was not your destined partner, so no one had ever tried to with her. Not that Caitlyn would have let anyone court her. At least with Vi, there was a goal in mind. 

At least with her, Caitlyn does not feel hopeless anymore. 

It started with a meal.

A few nights after their deal was struck, Caitlyn had the staff arrange a private dinner in the gardens for just Vi and herself. The gazebo by the estate’s pond was aglow with candlelight when they arrived. The table was arranged with wine and small shareable plates they could pick at so that they would not be disturbed by staff serving them every time they finished a course. The look of relief and the release of tension in Vi’s shoulders when Caitlyn explained that they were dropping formal dining etiquette made Caitlyn’s chest swell with pride. It was a small win, but it felt huge when she tried to contain the triumphant grin from crossing her lips. 

They sat across from each other, surrounded by fireflies and moonlight glowing off the calm pond’s surface. At first, the meal was awkward. Caitlyn had no idea what to say without either of their families around to guide a conversation. They had barely spoken since they met, and anytime they had, it was at mealtimes where their parents and Vi’s siblings carried the bulk of the talking… or when they were arguing. Caitlyn kept reminding herself that this was Vi, the very person she was used to spending countless hours talking to every night.

Why was speaking face-to-face so hard now?

“I can catch a grape in my mouth,” was the first thing Vi had said since they had sat down. The statement was so spontaneous and random that it caught Caitlyn off guard.

“I beg your pardon?” Caitlyn asked, blinking her bright blue eyes a few times to refocus herself. 

Rather than repeating her statement, Vi plucked a grape off the serving platter and with a flick of her thumb, tossed it into the air and caught it in her mouth. Proud of her display, Vi flashed Caitlyn a cocky grin as she crushed the grape with her back molars, the fruit popping satisfyingly.

Caitlyn huffed in amusement. “That is not exactly an impressive skill,” she replied.

“Oh yeah?” Vi raised a curious eyebrow. “I’d like to see you try.”

Something inside Caitlyn’s brain began to buzz at the promise of a contest. “Alright,” she hummed, picking a grape of her own. Meeting Vi’s gaze, she copied the way Vi had tossed up fruit and, without breaking eye contact, effortlessly caught it on her tongue. The taste of the fruit was a little more delicious after that.

With a small applause, Vi said, “Not bad. Now, catch one that I throw.”

“Vi,” Caitlyn sighed.

Quickly and eagerly sitting up, Vi continued, “No, come on. It’ll be fun, I promise.” Taking another piece of fruit off the tray, she explained, “We can make a game out of it. I’ll throw one, and you catch it, and then we’ll switch.”

The smile crept onto Caitlyn’s lips even as she tried to fight it. “Fine, but only because I never say no to a chance to win something.”

Vi smirked, “I like a girl who doesn’t back down from a challenge.”

As heat flushed up Caitlyn’s neck, she was glad for the dim candlelight.

For the next several minutes, they took turns tossing various bites of food at each other, and catching them with smiling mouths wide open. When the straightforward approach became too easy, they started shifting directions, making the other stretch out and reach to try and mess the other up. Vi proved to be more creative than Caitlyn once she started doing trick shots with the various cutlery on the table, using them to sling bits of cheese at Caitlyn’s face, which were still caught no matter how fancy and intricate the tosses became. 

Caitlyn, on the other hand, was clearly the one with more accuracy. When Vi eventually stood up to try and make Caitlyn purposefully miss, she was still able to aim and hit Vi’s waiting mouth every time. 

Finally, with a soft piece of a peach caught on her tongue, Vi said, “You’re an alright shot.”

Sucking the sweet juice off her fingers, Caitlyn grinned and responded, “I’m an excellent shot.”

Then, they fell silent as Vi was left without a response. She stared at Caitlyn for a long moment, candlelight dancing off her face in long shadows. The air had grown cooler throughout the night, but Caitlyn hardly felt it with the warmth in her chest. The sensation was so foreign and new to her that it left her a bit dizzy. She had not realized any time had passed until Vi was speaking again. 

“Okay then, let’s test that.”

“Test what?” Caitlyn asked. 

Vi made a vague gesture with her hand, having it around Caitlyn’s whole body. “How excellent you are.”

The way Vi said excellent had Caitlyn’s heart skipping a beat. 

“How will we do that?”

Without an explanation, Vi rose from the table. Caitlyn watched her patiently as she stretched until the hem of her shirt lifted to reveal a sliver of tanned skin along Vi’s stomach. Caitlyn had to look away then, becoming very interested in the choice of tablecloth the staff had picked out. She had no idea that they owned one with a bumblebee embroidery. 

The sound of wood creaking caught Caitlyn's attention once more. Vi had left the gazebo to stand on the wooden dock over the pond. She was still facing Caitlyn, smiling easily like she was not scheming up some kind of skill test for Caitlyn. 

“What in the heavens are you thinking?” Caitlyn asked as she stood up as well. When she reached the edge of the gazebo, Vi held up her hand to halt Caitlyn from walking any further.

“You stay there,” she instructed, “and you throw things at me to catch.”

“That is a silly idea,” Caitlyn told her, crossing her arms across her chest.

Vi gave her a cheeky grin. “Yeah, but it’ll be fun.”

“You just got bored of sitting,” Caitlyn replied, stating a fact she knew very well as she remembered the way the direction of Vi’s voice constantly moved around in their dreamscape.

With a nonchalant shrug, Vi said, “A little. Now, are you going to play along or not, because I’m still hungry.”

Finally conceding, shaking her head, Caitlyn turned back to the table to gather a few almonds into her hand. Vi was still waiting at the front of the dock, looking proud and slightly excited at the idea of being fed bits of food from mid-air.

“You better catch this,” Caitlyn told her as she picked a single almond from her left hand. 

“You better throw it properly!” Vi shouted back.

Caitlyn threw the almond in an underhanded toss before Vi could tease her any further. There was an oh shit look that crossed Vi’s face as the nut soared through the night air. It was nearly invisible in the dark, but Vi still managed to crouch just in time to catch it in her mouth. From a few feet away, Caitlyn could hear Vi bite into it.

“Are you happy now?” Caitlyn asked as Vi chewed.

Vi took a second to respond, and she stepped back two paces, her gaze never leaving Caitlyn’s. “Again!” was all she said.

Again, Caitlyn threw another almond, knowing better than to argue this time. She tossed the almond a little harder. Once it was out of the glow of the candlelight, there was no telling where it was headed. It was not until Vi snapped her waiting mouth shut that Caitlyn knew it had hit its target. 

Then, Vi took more steps backwards, nearly having to shout a bit with the distance, “One more time.”

“Violet,” Caitlyn called, her tone warning.

“I’m at the end of the dock, Cupcake,” Vi answered, gesturing to where her heels were nearly to the edge of the water. “I physically can’t go further unless I want to go for a swim.” Even in the dark, Caitlyn could see the teasing smirk. “Please?”

“You are insufferable,” Caitlyn said, biting her bottom lip to avoid giving Vi the satisfaction of seeing her smile. 

“Is this news to you?”

Truly, this was not new information to Caitlyn, who had spent the majority of her teenage years putting up with Vi’s silly challenges and teasing remarks. She was no stranger to Vi’s playful, stubborn nature. This was, however, the first time she had to deal with it in person. For the first time, Caitlyn did not see Vi as a stranger as the moment became clearer. This was not a person she was forced to marry, or a soul she was destined to fall in love with. As Caitlyn stared at the woman waiting on the dock in the glow of the moon, she realized that she was looking at her best friend. 

“Oh,” Caitlyn sighed as a weight she had grown painfully familiar with lifted off her chest.

Oblivious to Caitlyn’s realization, Vi yelled, “Come on! I’m waiting!”

Snapping back to reality, a little startled, Caitlyn threw the last almond overhand, launching it into the dark. It was not until it was too late that she remembered that she was supposed to aim. Once again, the nut became lost in the dark, and even Vi seemed to struggle to find which direction it was headed. Vi lifted her foot to arch backwards, but she must have forgotten that she was on the edge of the dock.

As Vi brought her foot down to balance herself, she was met with nothing but air, and in the next moment, Caitlyn was watching in horror as Vi fell backwards into the pond. The shimmery, moonlit surface of the pond broke with a splash as Vi disappeared into the water. 

“Vi!” Caitlyn yelled. She bunched up the skirts of her gown and raced down the length of the dock to where Vi had disappeared. She tried to remember how deep the water was when Vi did not immediately resurface, and as a second, then two, passed, wondered if she would have to jump in to perform a rescue.

Just as the panic began to set it, red hair bobbed to the surface, and then Vi was laughing heartily as she came up for air. “Oh man,” she said through her laughter. “Guess I really am going for a swim!”

Caitlyn collapsed down onto the dock with a relieved sigh. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she watched Vi run a hand through her wet curls, slicking them back with ease. “You need to be more careful,” she scolded. 

“Ah, I’m alright!” Vi replied. “I live on a ship, remember? I’m an excellent swimmer.”

A pout formed on Caitlyn’s lips. “You could have gotten hurt.”

“But I didn’t!” Vi raised a hand out in Caitlyn’s direction. “Are you going to help me out, Cupcake?”

You and that damned nickname.

Sighing, Caitlyn extended her own hand towards Vi’s outstretched one. She let their palms slide together until she grabbed Vi by the wrist, grasping to help hull her best friend onto dry land. By the time she noticed the evil glint in Vi’s eyes, it was too late. With one powerful tug of Vi’s own hand, Caitlyn was being dragged over the side of the dock, falling face-first into cold water next to Vi. There was not even enough to shriek in protest before she was fully submerged, hearing Vi’s cackle beneath the waves. 

Chapter Text

“Our souls are so in love

But our humans

Keep getting in the way.”

-Zack Grey

A long, ink-stained finger traces the grooves along the top of a beloved writing desk. The grain is familiar and comforting. Its use is a part of the ritual: the night, the match, the candle, the flame. Without it, this tradition would never come to be: the parchment, the ink, the quill, the words. She has followed the same pattern for almost her whole life: the writing, the wax, the seal, the kiss. It is her nightly ceremony, even to their final sunrise.

“I think we need a change of scenery,” Vi’s voice said a few days after their night by the pond. 

The branch Caitlyn was sitting on shook with the force of a phantom limb. Before, Caitlyn would have thought that her soulmate was purposefully shaking the branch in order to scare her or make her fall off. After getting to know her soulmate for a couple of weeks, however, Caitlyn now knew that the shaking was thanks to Vi’s habit of bouncing her leg when she was anxious. Even if they could not see each other in their dreams, there were still small discoveries to be made. 

“Are you saying that you do not like my estate?” Caitlyn asked as she picked at flaky pieces of tree bark. 

“No, your place is fine,” Vi answered casually. “You have to remember that I am used to seeing a new place every day or so, though, and I know that you don’t get out much.”

Caitlyn tried to shoot an insulted glare in Vi’s direction, but as always in their dream space, no one was next to her. “That has not been my choice, you know.”

“I know, don’t worry,” Vi said with a chuckle. “But now that we’re married, your parents have to grant you some freedom, right? After all, they married you off to a pirate!”

“You are not a pirate,” Caitlyn scoffed, rolling her eyes. She tried to picture her soulmate with an eyepatch and a peg leg, but the image was simply too ridiculous.

“Aren’t I?” Vi’s voice came too closely; the ghost of a breath brushed right along the exposed skin of Caitlyn’s neck where her collar laid. A shiver rushed down Caitlyn’s spine, making her almost jump off the branch.

“You-” Caitlyn tried to say before her voice caught in her throat. She shuffled further down the branch and cleared her throat. 

The wind carried the chime of Vi’s laughter. 

“You live on a ship, yes,” Caitlyn tried again, “But you are not a pirate – even if you behave like one.” Anxiously, she wiped her suddenly sweaty hands on the skirt of her nightgown. 

“Fine, not a pirate,” Vi conceded. “I’m still a sailor at heart though. If we are going to make this marriage work – if you’re determined to fall in love with me – then you need to see a part of my world.”

Caitlyn stood on the edge of the dock a few weeks after that dreadful day where she met her wife. The Last Drop, the Merchant King’s ship, was still docked in the same slip it had parked in when it arrived. It was as hulking as Caitlyn remembered, but this time, all the sails were tied up and the deck only had a few crew members milling about. Without its captain and his family, most of the sailors were in town, probably enjoying some time off after the wedding. 

Vi beamed up at the ship for a moment. Her hands were placed firmly on her hips as she let Caitlyn take in her home. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Vi asked when Caitlyn’s attention eventually shifted away from the boat. A gentle breeze blew Vi’s red hair across her freckled face, and Caitlyn could picture Vi standing at the bow of her ship, letting the sun and ocean air wash over her. It hurt to imagine keeping Vi trapped here in Piltover with her. 

“She really is,” Caitlyn’s mouth replied before she thought of what to say. A slight burn to her cheeks told her that she started blushing, but she tried to brush it off as the summer heat affecting her. 

From the desk of the ship, the boy Caitlyn recognized as Ekko leaned across the railing, and started shouting down at them. “I knew you’d come crawling back eventually!” he yelled, and the grin that split his face in two punctuated his teasing tone. 

Vi’s own smile shifted from fondness to mischief, and she called back, “I couldn’t leave you in charge for too long! You’d ruin the paint job!”

“I helped do that paint job, thank you!” Ekko laughed. Then he started moving along the side of the boat and asked, “Are you wanting to come aboard?”

Vi stepped forward, “Well, I’m not here to stare at your face. That would be a waste of my time, and I’d hate to drag my new wife around just to disappoint her.”

Caitlyn’s heart jumped into her throat at the way Vi had declared her as her wife so confidently. There was no hesitation in the proclamation, no faltering in the way that Vi’s gaze briefly met hers with a glimpse of warmth. The heat was back in her face. It felt nice.

“Alright, then I guess you can come up,” Ekko replied. 

His body momentarily disappeared from view just as the gangplank was shoved down onto the dock. It hit the wood with a thud, and Vi bent down to secure it to the ground. The two worked on separate ends to tie the plank into place, and when it was done, Vi stepped on it a few times to ensure that it was sturdy. Caitlyn watched with patient curiosity. This simple task showed more of Vi’s personality than she had seen in their entire time together. The quick work of Vi’s hands and the sure, swift pace of her footing spoke volumes about her skill and passion, and this was all before they boarded the ship.

“All set?” Ekko called once he finished tying his last knot. He too gave the plank a cautious shove, and when it stayed in place, he looked up to watch them. 

Vi turned to Caitlyn with a bright smile and extended a hand out towards her. The silver ring on her finger glinted in the sunlight, and the invitation felt heavier. Caitlyn’s heart began to beat faster, and she slid her palm into her wife’s and let their fingers lace together. 

“Come on,” Vi said as she pulled Caitlyn onto the boat. “Let me show you where I grew up.” 

As they walked, Caitlyn remembered writing a letter once about how she pictured Vi’s ship. She had never been on one before, but she had read enough romance novels about sexy pirates romancing captured princesses to be able to conjure up an image of a sun-bleached deck with fluttering sails, a dark but cozy cabin, and a plush, warm captain’s quarters where the pirate king would ravish his bride.

Oh gods, the summer heat was absolutely getting to her head.

“Hey, are you alright?” Vi asked. They had only walked halfway up, but they had stopped, and now Vi was staring at Caitlyn with furrowed eyebrows. 

Caitlyn tried to take a deep breath to regain her composure. As she inhaled the salty, sea air, her head spun. “I am alright,” she replied. “A bit nervous, I suppose.”

One of Vi’s eyebrows quirked up. “What are you nervous about?” she asked. 

“I have never been on a boat before,” Caitlyn said. “What if I fall overboard?”

Vi started laughing. “I wouldn’t let that happen,” she said. 

Then, in the middle of the gangplank, Vi tugged Caitlyn closer to her body. Caitlyn’s heart nearly leaped out of her chest as she stumbled into Vi. Strong arms grasped the underside of Caitlyn’s legs, and in one swift motion, Vi had picked her up bridal style. The sound of Vi’s hearty laughter nearly drowned out the sound of Caitlyn’s surprised yelp, and if it was not for Vi’s confident, sturdy grip, Caitlyn would have flung herself into the water.

Embarrassment ruined the moment because as Vi carried her up towards the boat, Caitlyn was scrambling to hold on. Her arms held onto Vi’s shoulders in a death grip with her face buried against tan skin. She was sure the blush on her cheeks was spreading down to her neck; her ears were burning. It did not help that she could feel the rumbling of her wife’s laughter throughout her own body. 

This scene was so much more romantic in her head.

“Easy, Cupcake,” Vi said once they reached the deck of the ship. Carefully, she lowered Caitlyn to the ground, and once her feet were beneath her, Caitlyn took a giant step away and busied herself with straightening out the light blue fabric of her gown.

“I could have walked on my own,” Caitlyn huffed in an attempt to hide her embarrassment. 

“But it was more fun to carry you,” Vi said. A smirk tugged one corner of her mouth up. “Plus, I read your letters, remember?” She had the audacity to wink.

Caitlyn was well and truly mortified. She felt her heart skip several beats and her mouth gaped open, stuck somewhere between defending herself and telling Vi off.

Thankfully, Ekko saved the moment. He loudly and obviously cleared his throat, drawing the spouses’ attention. “Welcome aboard, First Mate Vi,” he said through a snicker of laughter, “and Lady Kiramman.”

Vi rolled her eyes. 

“Are you First Mate Vi Kiramman now? Or is she First Wife Caitlyn? First Wife Kiramman? First Brides? What do we address you as now?” Ekko rambled.

Vi punched the young man in the shoulder with enough force to knock him off balance. “You won’t be calling either of us anything when you get tossed over the side of the ship if you don’t watch yourself,” she said playfully.

Ekko threw his hands up in mock surrender and took a step back. “Okay, okay! Message heard, Captain! This lowly soldier would like to stay aboard, please.”

“Ekko!” a gruff voice hollered. “Leave ‘em be, and come help me fix these nets!” On the other side of the ship, a stout man with bushy, unkempt sideburns held up a mess of tangled ropes. The nets resembled a chaotic web rather than an actual fishing net. The man was practically drowning in them.

“Coming, Benzo!” Ekko called. He gave Vi and Caitlyn a quick salute before jogging across the deck, bright sunlight reflecting off his white dreads.

Caitlyn hummed as she studied him. “I can see why Powder loves him so much.”

“She what?!” Vi gasped, snapping her attention quickly at Caitlyn. Her silvery eyes were wide and startled, eyebrows raised high on her forehead. 

With a small smirk playing on Caitlyn’s lips, she simply shrugged and said, “Nothing. Never mind.”

Vi turned her attention to Ekko and blinked rapidly in a look of shock.

Something bubbled in the center of Caitlyn’s chest as she took in her wife’s stunned expression. Powder was right about a lot of things, it seemed. Vi was oblivious to love no matter who it involved. If she could not tell that her own sister was in love with someone they all spent every day with, no wonder Vi had struggled to tell that she and Caitlyn were soulmates. What a pair they made — Caitlyn was too stubborn, and Vi was too clueless. Maybe they were doomed, or maybe they were going to figure out how to overcome their differences.

Relief caused the bubbling feeling to shift into a giggle that made her cheeks ache with the force of holding back her smile.

“What are you laughing at?” Vi asked, staring at Caitlyn with her mouth hanging open. 

Caitlyn shook her head; her hair blew in the sea breeze, and she had to tuck it behind her ear when it fell into her face. “It is not my place to tell, darling.”

Now, it was Vi’s turn for her face to blush. It was a wonderful shade of pink that started lightly on her cheeks and burned straight to her ears and up to her hairline. It made the darker freckles on her skin stand out, and Caitlyn found herself wanting to trace them with her fingers. 

“Get a room!” Ekko shouted across the deck. He was half tangled in rope now, more fishing gear than man. 

Vi finally snapped out of her stupor, and she coughed to clear her throat. “Right, anyway, we should go below deck… for a tour. I should- we should-” she was fumbling, still blushing, and ran a hand through her hair, which caused her curls to start to frizz. 

Caitlyn took Vi’s hand in hers, feeling the way they knitted together, and tugged her towards the opening in the ship’s floor that led below the deck. “Come on, Captain Vi. Give me the grand tour.”

Vi stared at their hands for a moment, and in that time, her shoulders relaxed. “Right,” she sighed. “Let me lead the way. Watch your step on the stairs; they can be slippery.”

Vi was an excellent tour guide. She showed Caitlyn every inch of the ship, from the kitchen and mess hall where the crew gathered and ate together, to the storage rooms full of cargo from foreign lands, and even all the bunks where the crew slept and relaxed. Caitlyn listened to every detail with undivided attention. It was the most interesting tour she had ever been on because every time Vi started a story, Caitlyn would fill in the details she remembered hearing in their dreams. As she looked around the place Vi called home, she tried to recall the stories Vi had told her growing up. In the kitchen, Vi mentioned the tale of when they hosted traders from the Ionian Sea. In turn, Caitlyn brought up the time Vi had said that she had attempted to cook by herself for the first time, and everyone on board ended up with food poisoning so bad that they had to dock in the closest port and sleep in a hostel because the boat’s rocking made the illness worse. One of the storerooms was full of animal skins from Freljord, and Vi grimaced as she recalled experiencing a northern winter for the first time. Caitlyn laughed as she pictured a half-frozen Vi shivering on an icy deck, and she reminded them both of Vi’s hatred for Noxus because of how dry and scorching the summer felt there. When asked which she preferred, Vi wrinkled her nose in a joking sneer and vowed never to return to either port.

“But what if I want to experience those places?” Caitlyn asked as they wandered through a dark, narrow hallway. 

Vi paused and shifted to glance at her. The small, cramped space caused their bodies to be too close, and Caitlyn tried to not picture them pressed up against each other as they snuck around the ship. As her cheeks pinked at the thought, Caitlyn was glad that the lack of light would not give her thoughts away.

“You really want to see the world?” Vi asked.

I really want to be with you – wherever you are, Caitlyn thought.

She said, “I would like to know what life is like beyond Piltover.”

Vi hummed and said, “Yeah, Piltover’s alright, but there are definitely cooler places to see.”

She started walking again, past bunkrooms until they returned back towards the front of the ship. The door they stopped in front of was closed, and it was covered in bright splashes of paint. Across the top, the words “Vi and Powder’s Room” were scribbled in a messy, pink scrawl.

“And this is my room,” Vi announced as she pushed the door open. 

A single port window illuminated the room from the far wall, where the setting sun washed the space in a bright, yellow light. Vi stood back as she allowed Caitlyn to enter. The room was small, only big enough for Caitlyn to stand in the middle, but she slowly turned as she took in all the details of Vi’s space. There was not a lot in the room besides a threadbare wardrobe, a battered desk, and a bunk bed, but the furniture was not what made this room a home. Knickknacks and souvenirs littered and decorated every inch of available space. Every wall was draped with colorful tapestries and abstract paintings, and the small window was framed with glittering stones strung on a swinging mobile. An explosion of colored paints and oil pastels cluttered the desk, half-done drawings haphazardly abandoned on one side. A purple sleeve stuck out of the overstuffed wardrobe, causing the left door to bow out and threaten to burst open. An army of stuffed animals occupied the bottom bunk, but the top bed was neatly made with a well-loved quilt and a small, thin pillow. 

“It’s not much,” Vi sighed, “but it’s home.”

Caitlyn smiled as she shuffled closer to the bed and ran a hand over the quilt. It heavily smelled like Vi, like the ocean and her sweat, and something pulled in her chest, urging her to press her nose to the fabric and inhale.

She resisted, but not without a small internal struggle. 

“It’s wonderful,” Caitlyn replied, thinking about her own bedroom at home that now felt too big and empty compared to this tiny room. 

“Thanks,” Vi said, scratching the back of her neck. 

A thought nagged in the back of Caitlyn’s head, curious and maybe a little bit bitter. It compelled her next words out before she had a chance to spare it much thought. She asked, “What happens when you find a partner?”

Vi stared at her for a very long time. Her gray eyes were as sparkling as diamonds in the light of the window. “What?”

“Well, certainly you cannot expect another woman to bunk here with your sister,” Caitlyn teased. “And no offense, but this bed is too small for two people.” She could feel Vi’s gaze tracking the movement of her fingers tracing the stitching on the quilt. “What will you do when your partner-” when I “ joins you on your ship?”

Vi’s neck turned bright pink, and she looked away quickly. She pressed her back to the doorframe and stared out into the dark hallway, now refusing to look at Caitlyn. The pose was casual, but her right leg began to bounce.

Without the press of Vi’s constant attention, Caitlyn stole a moment to engulf herself in the scent of the quilt. She did not press her entire face into it, but she came close; the tip of her nose brushed along the soft fabric. Her soul felt calm; the tension in her chest released. She tried not to think about why.

“I guess,” Vi said finally, “that I would have to officially move into the Captain’s Quarters. I’ve been putting it off long enough – too lonely… But…” She glances out the corner of her eye to look back at Caitlyn, who did not move from where she was practically falling to the bed, haloed by the ray of sunlight. “I guess with the right person, I could love it.”

What will it be like when we share a life together?

What stories will you tell me at night?

Caitlyn pauses her writing to look up at the horizon where the edge of the earth is beginning to lighten. She smiles to herself as she thinks about sailing with Vi, of braving the open ocean together.

Her decision feels a little more real the longer she daydreams about it. She wonders if Vi daydreams about the same thing. Could they be as intertwined as the dreams they shared in their sleep?

Dear Vi,

Take me with you. 

Chapter Text

"I'll run our of paper

Long before

I run out of words

to write about you."

-William C. Hannan

The candle on the corner of the desk flickers as Caitlyn opens a window. A cool summer breeze rushes into the stifling room, relief washing over her body as she breathes in the sweet air. Hours hunched over her desk have made her feel stuck, trapped alone in her boudoir while the hours tick down. In the corner of the room, a small clock atop her wardrobe tells her that it is now the wee hours of morning, but she already knows dawn is approaching thanks to the deep blue hues in the sky. The first hints of birdsong float on the wind, and Caitlyn’s heart catches in her throat as she thinks about how quickly time is going by.

This night has felt endless, and yet it is ending too soon. 

She has not slept, not dreamt, has not rested as she races against time. There is still so much to say, and the night is almost over. She knows what comes with the sun. She thought she would be ready once the month is over, but as her final day arrives, Caitlyn realizes that she is far from prepared. 

There is ink stained into the flesh of her fingers. The floor next to her desk is littered with discarded paper. A lone, beautiful figure slumbers in her bed just on the other side of the wall, and Caitlyn simply cannot find the right words to say. Her hands are cramping from gripping the quill so tightly; she has gone through two already tonight from writing so much. She looks down at the other pages, some torn and crumpled, and wonders if it’s going to be enough.

Will she still leave? Does she want to leave? Does she want to stay? What does Caitlyn want? Is she the right pick anymore? Is fate enough to keep them together, or were they fooling themselves into thinking that being soulmates was all it took to fall in love?

Caitlyn thinks she knows what her answer is. She stares at the sapphire ring sitting on the corner of her desk. It sparkles brightly as the first rays of light shine into her boudoir. Her heart aches.

Frustrated, she takes the page she was writing into her fists and balls it up before launching it across the room. She thought she had it figured out until last night. Everything changed last night, and now she has no idea what she wants. Vi barely spoke to her at the end of the party, and now?

What if it was all for nothing?

The end of the Piltovian season was always punctuated by the Kiramman Family’s spectacular Keystone Ball. It was known for being the grandest affair for all of high society. No expenses were spared as the matriarch, and now her wedded daughter, meticulously planned out every detail so that it would be a night to remember. They had never failed to stun their guests in the past, and now that it was being hosted on the heels of the scandalous Kiramman-Lanes wedding, the ton of Piltover was already buzzing with excitement. Everyone could not wait to get a glimpse of the heir to the high house and her non-soulmate wife.

If only they knew the truth. 

While Caitlyn and Vi saw less of each other during their final week of the month, much to Caitlyn’s dismay, she knew that their relationship had changed for the better. Dinners had become more pleasant as the two held actual conversations, and sometimes they took random strolls in the garden alone, holding hands lightly as if touching each other in secret was still forbidden. During the day, Caitlyn would sit and play games with Vi and her siblings, getting to know her new family and hearing their sides of the memories Vi used to share. At first, Powder was still curt and awkward around Caitlyn, but as the month went on, she started being more friendly, and eventually would seek Caitlyn out on her own just to talk or read books together in silence. 

With the truth revealed, Caitlyn allowed herself to fully accept Powder and the brothers as her future family. It was hard explaining the situation to them. It took more than a few tries to help Mylo understand that Caitlyn is Vi’s soulmate, but once he figured it out, he and Claggor threw her into the tightest bear hug she had ever experienced. The force of their love and acceptance made Caitlyn want to cry, but it was truly the look of joy on Vi’s face that made Caitlyn really feel loved.

Caitlyn should have made her decision right then and there, but then preparation for the ball began, and she barely had a second alone with Vi after that. It was worth it though. The ball had been spectacular, and Vi was the most handsome person Caitlyn had ever seen. Vi had been breath-taking at the wedding, but there was something about seeing Vi in formal wear and thinking that person is mine that sparked a glowing ember in Caitlyn’s heart. She had been a goner the moment Vi entered her boudoir before the start of the night when she first saw Vi in her new suit. The black fabric of Vi’s jacket was trimmed with silver, and underneath she wore a deep red vest embroidered with gold roses that brought out the warm tones in her skin. Vi was glowing and Caitlyn was breathless.

“You look amazing!”

“You’re beautiful.”

They spoke in unison, voices overlapping as they stared at each other from across the room. Awkwardly, as they realized their mishap, they both broke out into a fit of giggles. Caitlyn’s cheeks instantly warmed, and she turned her attention to the floor to hide the blush that was creeping into her face. Caitlyn’s lady-maid excused herself quietly, and scurried around Vi to give them some privacy. The awkward shyness suddenly felt worse once they were alone. They had not had time together since the tour of Vi’s ship, and even though that was little more than a week ago, it felt like a year had passed. The distance had reduced Caitlyn to a hesitant child, all too self-conscious in the presence of her wife.

“That color looks spectacular on you,” Vi said, gesturing to Caitlyn’s gown. 

The dress she had chosen for the evening was a deep, shimmering violet. The fabric was simple without any embroidery, but she made up for the lack of extravagance with her bold choice of jewelry. Her bracelets, necklace, and the small tiara she wore were bejeweled with sapphires and pearls.

Later, during the ball, Powder would make a comment about how Caitlyn looked like a mermaid threw up on her, and Vi’s hand around her waist would tighten as she replied that “she fits the image of a sailor’s wife, don’t you think?”

Caitlyn beamed every time: in the boudoir, in front of Vi’s siblings, and every encounter with a guest who said that they complimented each other beautifully. She never really grew used to that overwhelming feeling of pride that she felt while on Vi’s arm. When they exited the privacy of Caitlyn’s rooms and made their grand entrance into the already packed ballroom, she was positive that her heart was going to beat itself out of her chest and onto the dance floor. All eyes were on them as they descended the staircase and immediately joined Cassandra and Tobias for the first dance. Vi’s free hand gently wrapped around Caitlyn and rested at the small of her back, pulling her in with ease as the opening notes to a waltz were played by the string quartet. 

Caitlyn sucked in a deep breath, and waited for the dance to start. Her gaze nervously landed on Vi’s and she relaxed as their eyes met.

With a slow step, the dance began. It was far different from the one they shared at their wedding. Their first dance as wives had been mechanical, dispassionate — an obligation to check off a point on an itinerary. That had felt like moving under a dazed spell, more of a mindless command and muscle memory than anything else. Caitlyn could barely remember that first dance because she was so devastatingly heartbroken that her mind was trying to picture herself anywhere else.

The opening dance to the Keystone Ball showed not only the guests, but also Caitlyn and Vi, that they were made for each other. Caitlyn allowed her to feel the dance this time, not just move through it. She let Vi lead her through every step, feeling the pull of her hands as Vi twirled her through the spins in a way that kept their eyes locked, and always effortlessly brought them back together without using force. Caitlyn let their bodies settle into each other instinctually, inhaling Vi’s ocean scent every time their faces grew close. The room faded away throughout the dance they were no longer in the ballroom surrounded by guests, but instead were on their hill, alone, with the soft wave of blooming wildflowers tickling the hems of their outfits.

Caitlyn could smell the flowers around them. She tilted her head back for a moment, closed her eyes, and felt the sun on her face. Vi’s face momentarily nuzzled into Caitlyn’s exposed neck as they felt a summer’s day wash over them. When Vi laughed, the vibration of her lips on Caitlyn’s skin sent shivers down her spine, making her head spin. 

Or were they actually spinning? 

Caitlyn did not care anymore. When they separated again, she opened her eyes to see Vi, her soulmate, grinning at her, like Caitlyn was the most precious thing in the whole world. Vi had traveled the whole world, and she was staring at Caitlyn like at the end of the night, she would choose them over anywhere and anything else. 

At the end of the dance, when Vi dipped Caitlyn back as the last deep cello note rang in the air, Caitlyn’s heart was racing. She stared up into crystal-bright eyes that roamed her face quickly. Vi’s cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of pink, and Caitlyn could not catch her breath. She glanced down at Vi’s lips, focused on the scar there, and questioned if now would be the perfect time to kiss her. They had not kissed yet. Caitlyn had been saving her first kiss for her soulmate, and this one singular moment in time felt right. 

She raised a hand up to Vi’s cheek, using the tips of her gloved fingers to tilt her wife’s face ever so gently closer. Gray-blue eyes dropped down, glancing at Caitlyn’s own mouth just for a second, and a question shifted into Vi’s expression. Caitlyn lifted her chin, her eyelids softly closing until they were half-lidded, and without uttering words, she said, Yes, please, finally, kiss me.

Butterflies fluttered in Caitlyn’s stomach. The nerves in the ends of her fingers and toes all tingled with want and excitement. Her breath completely halted as Vi’s hand tightened around her waist, holding her back in a low dip that paralleled the feeling of falling. Vi’s lips parted, soft and pink; the tip of her tongue poked out to lick them once. Her wife’s own body seemed frozen, stuck there on the edge of this precept that they had yet to tumble over. The air grew thick and heavy as they lingered there, and although the anticipation was killing her, Caitlyn would happily exist there forever: eyes, lips, bodies, souls.

The crowd burst into applause as the song and dance finally came to an end. Caitlyn was stunned back into the moment as she remembered where they were. The steady hand around her waist faltered for a second as Vi startled out of her daze as well. Caitlyn scrambled embarrassingly to save herself from hitting the floor until Vi tightened her grip again and helped her stand upright. They bowed together before the crowd, but neither looked at the other. Out of the corner of her eye, Caitlyn could see her parents eying them both. Her father was grinning broadly, but her mother scowled so slightly, she doubted anyone else could tell her mother was cross with her. 

The rest of the ball was chaos after that moment. Besides a few moments with Vi’s siblings, both women were pulled in opposite directions. They still had roles to play besides being wives. Caitlyn was still an heir to a high house, and therefore had to trail after her mother so she could make small talk with their guests. Even when her mother plastered on a pleasant smile for a lord or viscount, Caitlyn still did not miss the look of we’ll talk later that she received any time a guest turned their attention elsewhere. 

Vi mostly trailed after her father for the majority of the evening as he made connections and solidified trade routes with rich entrepreneurs. Caitlyn thought that Vi would be bored, but she handled the conversations with a gleaming smile and captivating charisma that Caitlyn could tell charmed her guests, even from the other side of the ballroom. She was the picture of Prince Charming in her elegant suit and handsome face, and Caitlyn could hardly look away. Vi only caught her staring once, and she had the audacity to wink, which only made Caitlyn’s heart flutter worse than it already was because she was still worked up from their almost kiss. Caitlyn received a harsh, quiet scolding from her mother for letting her attention wonder. Her mother must have also shot Vi a glare because when Caitlyn turned around, Vi was conveniently nowhere to be found. 

It was not until the end of the ball that the soulmates reunited. Caitlyn had not realized how desperate she was for Vi’s attention until her wife’s arm slipped around her waist again as they said their good-byes to the remaining guests. Vi tugged her in carefully once the final carriage began to make its way down the road, and Caitlyn sank into her side. Exhaustion suddenly weighed down her body, and Caitlyn heavily sighed as she relaxed into the embrace.

“Are you alright?” Vi asked. Her lips pressed into the exposed skin of Caitlyn’s shoulder, and the ghost of her words made goosebumps prickle down her arm.

Caitlyn hummed softly. “I am only a little tired,” she answered. “I am ready to retire for the evening.”

Vi’s grip on her waist loosened and her hand slipped to her back. She pulled away so that she could look up at Caitlyn through her thick lashes. Her bottom lip was sucked into her mouth and she worried at it with her teeth. Caitlyn’s attention was drawn to it, and she found herself thinking about sucking her bottom lip into her own mouth instead. The thought made her yearn for that kiss they never had, and maybe now that they were alone again, they could maybe, finally, try for that first kiss she was craving for all evening.

“Hey,” Vi said, pulling Caitlyn out of her thoughts. Caitlyn snapped her gaze from Vi’s lips to her eyes. Her brow was dipped down slightly, twisting her face into caution or worry; Caitlyn wasn’t sure which. 

“Yes, Vi?”

The hand at her back twitched, fingers dancing along her spine as Vi hesitated to speak her thoughts. Vi’s shoulders rose as she inhaled, then slowly sank as she let out a long breath through her nose. “Can we-” she cut herself off, shook her head, then tried again. “Caitlyn, since it’s our last night-”

Caitlyn’s heart instantly plummeted to the floor at the reminder that this was their final night. In the chaos of the ball, she had let herself forget because she had somehow fooled herself into believing that Vi was going to stick around. At the end of their first dance, in that moment where it was only the two of them, Caitlyn had made her decision. However, the deal was not one sided. Vi still had a choice to make and Caitlyn had no idea what her answer would be.

Caitlyn’s fingers flew to the sapphire ring she had worn on her left hand, and she twisted it anxiously, just to comfort herself with its presence. 

“-do you think tonight we could-”

But Caitlyn never found out what Vi was going to ask. 

Before Vi had a chance to finish, Vander found them outside and separated them, pulling Vi away to talk about farewell plans for tomorrow. Caitlyn watched Vi go as Vander began discussing shipment plans and making sure they had their departing documents in order. Vi only glanced over her shoulder once as they headed inside; her bright eyes were wide, mouth hanging open as if she still had something she wanted to say, but couldn’t get it out. 

A gut wrenching stab of pain shot straight through Caitlyn’s stomach as Vi turned away.  She wanted to tell Vander and her mother to call off the separation. She wanted to shout and tell Vi to stay. There would be no separation anymore. Vi could not go away on her great journey to find her soulmate because her soulmate was right here, and Caitlyn could not bear the idea of allowing Vi to be departed from her, even if they were only starting to fall truly in love.

For whatever reason - doubt, fear, nerves, it did not matter - Caitlyn’s voice stayed silent. She could not bring herself to stop her wife from leaving. The front door of the manor shut silently behind Vi and her father, and Caitlyn was left standing outside alone. She stared up at the moon, gazed at the stars twinkling in the sky, and thought about her star-crossed fate. A few tears slipped down her cheeks as she took deep, desperate breaths. Caitlyn screwed her eyes shut as tightly as she could until she saw her own version of stars behind her eyelids and let herself be reminded that this was her choice. No one else suggested that she and Vi split. That decision was all hers. If come morning, Vi chose to leave, then Caitlyn would have to accept that. Caitlyn gave them a chance to fall for each other, and if the month had not been long enough for them to find the love they were destined to have, then she would have to let Vi go. 

How was it possible that one month ago she was completely fine being alone for the rest of her life, and now she could not imagine her life without Vi in it?

When she opened her eyes, the stars winked down at her. The moon lit the world in a beautiful silver glow. Her heart yearned for her soulmate, and Caitlyn was not satisfied with this ending anymore. She went and locked herself inside her boudoir, lit her candle, fetched her ink, and she wrote. 

She wrote until she broke her quill and she had to find a new one. 

She wrote until she ran out of ink and she had to steal a fresh pot from her mother’s study.

She wrote until her hands cramped and she fought through the pain. 

She wrote until the sun rose.

She wrote down her feelings, trying her hardest to get everything out, until-

There is a knock on her door.

Caitlyn startles to attention at the sound. She blinks several times, regaining a sense of her surroundings and finds herself squinting at the harsh sunrise now blazing through her open window. 

How long has she been there?

There is a second knock, a little louder this time, and she hears a quiet, “Caitlyn?”

It’s Vi, awake and seeking her out. Caitlyn stares at the door for a long time because she had to imagine it, right? Vi is supposed to be tucked in her bed, slumbering in peace before she prepares to sail away in a few hours. Exhaustion must be clouding her head because there is no reason Vi should be -

“I don’t know if you’re awake, but I am letting myself in,” Vi announces moments before the door squeaks open and she steps in.

Caitlyn launches to her feet; the legs of her chair skid back into the pile of discarded papers. Vi stares at her with wide eyes that roam over the scene. She must think Caitlyn is crazy as she is framed by a litter of ink blotted pages, still dressed in her gown from last night and clearly sleep deprived. 

God, Caitlyn should have at least called her lady’s-maid down to help her undress. 

However, Vi clearly had not changed either. Her jacket and vest are gone, but she is still in her dress shirt and pants. Her shirt is unbuttoned nearly all the way down so that the corset she wore was the only thing covering her modesty; one side of the shirt is sloppily untucked from her pants. She looks just as crazed as Caitlyn does, especially with her red hair disheveled and falling into her eyes.

Caitlyn’s breath hitches because Vi is radiant in the morning light. The bright sunrise is washing her in the most beautiful gold and pink tones. Her heart aches wonderfully in her chest at the sight.

“You’re awake,” Vi says simply when their eyes meet. There is a gold glimmer to Vi’s irises. Her freckles stand out across her nose.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Caitlyn answers, and finds her voice hoarse from spending hours in silence. 

Vi’s attention strays to the floor, and she smirks. She lets out a small scoff and shakes her head. “I can tell.”

Heat floods into Caitlyn’s cheeks and she follows Vi’s gaze to the mess around her. “Oh god.” She hastily drops down and starts to scoop up the pages, desperately trying to sort through them. “I was trying to- I wanted to- I meant-” She tries to suck in a breath, but her lungs refuse to fill. 

Which page was the first one? Where had she started? She should have numbered them, or laid them in order. When had she become so carried away that she neglected to keep track of how many pages there were?

“These are all for you – what I wanted to say,” she continues as she feels the panic begin to make her fingers shake. “Give me one moment as I sort these out. You have to read them. I have to tell you-”

“Caitlyn,” Vi says gently. She grabs one of Caitlyn’s shaking hands and forces her to stop. 

Caitlyn looks up suddenly and finds their faces inches apart. She sucks in a breath finally, chokes it down, and smells Vi’s sea breeze scent and candle wax. “I- I have to-”

Carefully, Vi tugs her to standing. “Forget the letters-”

“But- but you need to-”

Softly, Vi shushes her and brings their foreheads together. Her skin is warm, the touch comforting, and Caitlyn presses gently into her. Freckles fill Caitlyn’s vision. 

Papers quietly rustle as they fall to the floor. 

“Whatever you must tell me,” Vi whispers, “just say it.” She slides their fingers together, lacing Caitlyn’s ink-stained ones with her own. Caitlyn grips them like a lifeline and she squeezes her eyes shut as she pressed her forehead harder against Vi’s.

She spent all night writing. How does she boil it all down into something she can easily say?

“Tell me what your soul is saying, Cupcake,” Vi presses.

Something wet slides down Caitlyn’s cheek and she makes no effort to fix it.

She thinks about everything and sighs. 

There is only one thing to say, isn’t there?

“I love you,” Caitlyn answers.

And the flowers bloom. 

And the earth turns.

And the stars shine. 

“I did not think I could when I met you,” she continues as she brings their hands to her mouth. She kisses Vi’s knuckles as she speaks and revels at the feeling of her soulmate’s hands in hers. “I still cannot believe that I found you, but here you are.”

Vi laughs softly. “Here I am.”

“I love you, Vi,” Caitlyn says again, words coming out quicker and easier this time. She starts to laugh as tears begin flowing down her cheeks. “I have wanted to say that for a very long time. It feels so good to finally tell you out loud,” she adds through a bubble of giggles. The weight that has been sitting on her chest for years lifts with the sound of Vi’s and her laughter.

“You have no idea how good it feels to finally hear it,” Vi replies. Her eyes shimmer with her own happy tears.

Caitlyn untangles one of her hands from Vi’s and swipes her thumb across a freckled cheeks. “You are so beautiful,” she whispers, awe lacing her tone. Lightly, she kisses Vi’s cheek and lingers there. “In whatever way you will have me, Violet, I want you and only you.”

Vi loosens her own grip on Caitlyn’s hand and lifts her chin up carefully. They are so close, their noses brushing, and Vi’s eyes are so bright that they sparkle. “You already know my answer, Cupcake,” she whispers. “All you have to do is ask, and I am yours.”

That makes Caitlyn realize that Vi is right. She does know Vi’s answer. She has always known what Vi’s answer would be — she was just too stubborn to see it. She was too afraid of Vi changing her mind, but Vi had been the one who stepped into this planned engagement with an open mind, and when she learned the truth of who they were to each other, she had wanted to make it work. It was Caitlyn who needed time to adjust and learn and accept what she wanted — what she has always wanted. All at once, it all clicks into place, like the last piece of her heart was finally finding its home. 

The burning in Caitlyn’s chest reaches such a fever pitch that it would put fire and lightning to shame. She imagines what they must look like if they were a painting, and she pictures a universe. 

The stars could never.

“Stay,” she whispers. Her hands slide into shaggy red curls, tangling and twisted them into her fingers. “Kiss me and promise to stay.”

Vi’s smile widens until it stretches the scar at her lips. Caitlyn knows that this is how her soulmate has looked at her since the first day they met in their dreams. Even if they never truly saw each other, Caitlyn knows, and as her mind flashes through every dream she had growing up, a figure finally comes into view.

Vi as a child, chaotic and unpredictable.

Vi as an awkward teenager, dashing and unafraid.

Vi as an adult, confident and brave.

The same person finally forms in her memory, whole and real, and meant for no one else but her.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Vi answers. One of her hands slide to the back on Caitlyn’s neck, warm and calloused and solid, and she pulled their faces together. 

Soft lips finally, finally, meet Caitlyn’s. Vi tastes like sea salt, and golden sunlight, and freedom. Caitlyn lets out a satisfied, content sigh as their mouths slide and press together, and she melts into Vi, feeling safe and whole for the first time. It is everything she has ever wanted. She revels in the first kiss with her soulmate, and it feels like the world has finally come into focus. She allows herself to get lost in Vi’s kiss, and she knows — she knows — that she will never find the words to describe this. There will never be enough letters in the world to capture what finally being with Vi feels like. They kiss in a sea of love letters — Caitlyn’s attempts at her confession — but all it took were three words, said true and out loud, for their souls to be at peace at last. 

Chapter Text

“Have you ever met a person

Who at first glance

You’re not attracted to 

But then you talk

And with every word

Every smile 

Every laugh

They become more beautiful 

Until you can’t believe 

There was a moment

You didn’t think they were.”

— Atticus

Dear Soulmate,

Caitlyn is nervous. 

I met you in a dream.

Although,

“Met” has never been the right word 

For the beginning of our love story.

That is the simplest way to put it. She is windswept and sun-drenched, and anxiety rolls off of her in waves greater than those created by her ship. 

I heard you 

Before I met you.

Her ship. It still feels like a punch to the gut every time she thinks of that.

I knew who you were 

Before we ever locked eyes.

Two years have passed since Caitlyn set sail with her sailor wife and her family of vagabond merchants.

You were my best friend

Before we ever made introductions.

Caitlyn never thought she would leave home, never thought that she would ever get to meet her soulmate and see the world with her, never thought she would know true peace. 

You were my wife

Before you became my lover.

Now, she stands on the bough of their ship, sailing across open water, free and in love, and perfectly happy. 

We never got the fairy tale ending that we wanted.

Caitlyn basks in the sunlight, feeling it wash over her. The shoreline of Piltover glitters in the midday sun; the blue of the rooftops beckon her home.

I want to give us

Our happily ever after.

Glancing back, she is blinded by the sight of her captain’s smile.

I love you.

Vi catches her eye, and winks. The world fades away to a single focal point. The sun and the moon radiating their love over the open sea.

Marry me,

And seal your promise 

With a kiss

This time.

The ceremony is simple this time – elegant and intimate. The guest list is small: seven guests only, plus Jayce to officiate. The venue is familiar; a single tree on a hill, the sun, the wind, the blooms of spring. The brides are beautiful, dressed in pale purples and sky blues; shirts and dresses rustling in a cool, gentle breeze. 

Eyes sparkle.

Faces flush.

Caitlyn loves.

She loves, and she loves, and she soaks in the attention of her soulmate, the right person, her person, as she is waited for at their makeshift altar.

They finally had a chance to make up for lost time.

Marry me.

You truly get to know a person when you live on a cramped ship together.

And promise to love me

Through every stormy night

And scorching, endless day.

Caitlyn had never left home before Vi, but her soulmate made her feel brave and free.

No matter if we are lost in a foreign, crowded city;

Or if you are found in the bed only we share.

She had been shy and timid as a child. Fairy tale books and songs about true love were her real companions.

Continue to help me feel alive.

Vi is stunning at the top of the hill in the back of the Kirammen’s lands. Just like the first day they discovered the truth, she is haloed by the golden sun that pokes through the swaying leaves.

Continue to help me be happy.

Her lover’s jaw twitches ever so slightly, and Caitlyn does not fight her giggle as she knows that Vi’s face most definitely aches from all the smiling. 

They cannot help it. They are happy.

Caitlyn wants to kiss her jaw to ease the pain, but she resists the urge.

Continue to make me laugh.

They hold hands, and the feeling of their skin touching, even after two years, sends sparks racing up Caitlyn’s arms.

Make my heart race.

Jayce is speaking, but neither woman hears him. They are lost in each other’s eyes; one a pool of blue as deep as the ocean, the other as bright as a clear sky. 

Make my soul sing.

There will not be vows exchanged this time. Everything that needs to be said is already written and sealed in letters that are only for the two of them.

My Darling Violet,

They are only waiting to say two words.

Vi,

Jayce prompts them when it comes time, and when they do, they only say it for those who matter the most to them.

I love you.

I have loved you.

I will love you.

Then when my body is spent,

And they lay me to rest,

My soul will continue to love you,

As I know that your soul

Will also love mine

Endlessly.

“I do.”

On a hill, under a willow tree healthy with foliage, a freckled, calloused hand brushes a flower behind her ear. The hand moves slowly down her face as a sigh passes wistfully through her mouth . 

They kiss, and the lips that meet hers are soft, and warm — solid and there.

Caitlyn melts into her soulmate’s embrace, pulling Vi closer even though their real bodies rest cuddled close on the other side. 

This is not their first; it is not their last. 

It is perfect, as it always has been. 

As it always will be.