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Parting was worse than he thought. It was much worse. The first hour of his drive was alright. Bad just sat there, no thought in his mind, staring out on the road. Then the tears came. And they didn’t stop. It was like a dam had been broken and there was no going back. Suddenly all the pent-up emotions came rushing in.
The way Skeppy had looked when he told him good-bye. The way he smelled, when they hugged for the last time, and the way his arms felt around him.
The way, it had only been for a week, and still it felt like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and thrown it haphazardly onto the streets of Florida.
He pulled the car over. He couldn’t see anymore, the world had gone blurry, blocked out by the tears streaming down his face. Sorrow, he thought to himself, that’s what it was. Maybe fear and loneliness too. And most of all: love.
Bad sat there, sobbing for a long time, until the tears dried up. Until he was so exhausted, he could barely think. It had only been a week. How was it possible to feel so much, to love so much, when it had been nothing but a mere week?
Did Skeppy feel the same? Was he sitting at home right now, crying too? A selfish part of Bad was ecstatic at the thought. He didn’t want him to be sad but he also didn’t want him to not be sad.
Bad didn’t remember much from the rest of the way. He just remembered arriving home, eyes tired and stinging, letting Rat out, shooting a quick text to Skeppy and face-planting into his bed.
-
“Bad, Bad, Bad,” Skeppy said two days after. His voice sounded different in person, Bad thought, warmer. More real.
“Yes, Skeppy, I’m here,” He answered, sipping on his coffee. It was late in the evening, he had just ended his stream when he saw Skeppy call him. The rising mix of emotions had almost stopped him from picking up.
There was a pause.
“So…,” Skeppy said, “What have you been doing today?” He sounded awkward. Unsure maybe.
“Nothing much. I just streamed.”
“Wanna play some Bedwars?” Skeppy asked, and Bad could hear the clicking of a keyboard.
“Sure, okay” Bad said and then Skeppy was there. Well, not Skeppy-Skeppy, but Minecraft-Skeppy. Good enough.
“Hello, Bad,” Skeppy squealed and for a moment it was almost as if Bad could see his smile through the voicechat. Skeppy shifted in front of him, “Hi, hi, hi,” He said excitedly.
Bad felt warm inside. Skeppy and him could still hop around in Minecraft together, at least he had that. That was enough, had to be enough. He would take what he could get, like a greedy dragon, hording all the treasure, except his treasure wasn’t gold, it was Skeppy’s attention.
His hand reached out for the necklace Skeppy had given him. He squeezed it in his hand. The cold metal felt warm against his skin. He hadn’t taken it off since Skeppy had put it on him. For some reason it felt like so much more, than all the money and all the other things Skeppy had given him. It felt like he had a part of Skeppy with him. And he liked that.
They didn’t win the first game. Nor the second. Nor the third. It didn’t seem like Skeppy was really trying and Bad was way too tired to care. It felt good though. Hanging out with Skeppy, even if he wasn’t really there. It was all he had had for five years, why did it suddenly feel like it wasn’t enough?
“I miss you,” Skeppy said. The words startled Bad out of his thoughts and he almost hit his knee on his desk.
“Wha- Aw, I miss you too, Skeppy,” His heart fluttered and his cheeks suddenly felt a lot warmer. He missed Skeppy. He missed him so much, his whole body ached.
“I wish you were here,” Skeppy sounded sad and tired. It made Bad want to reach through the screen, grab Skeppy by the shoulders and shake him. He wasn’t allowed to be sad.
“I wish I was there too," He said instead. It was the truth. There was little Bad wouldn’t do to get back to Skeppy in this moment. “You know, we’ll meet again soon, okay?” The words felt empty, even though he meant them.
“And then what?” Skeppy snapped suddenly. He sounded angry, ready to fight. “We meet and then you leave again!”
There was a loud bang as if Skeppy had hit his table. “Fuck.”
Then it was silent. Bad’s hands were shaking, he didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry,” Skeppy said softly, “I’m tired. Forget it.”
Bad closed his eyes and exhaled.
“No, no Skeppy. I’m sorry. I didn’t- I’m sorry.”
“For what? Leaving? Don’t be an idiot, Bad, of course you had to go back home at some point. I’m just being stupid. Ignore me.”
“I didn’t want to leave, you know.”
A pause.
“Well, I didn’t want you to leave. Sucks for us, I guess.”
The light of his desktop screen was bright, almost bright enough for Bad to find an excuse for the tear that involuntarily slipped down his face. When had he become such a cry-baby? He wasn’t usually like that.
“I just wish- I just wish you’d have stayed.”
The words hit Bad like a punch. The air around him got tight and his lungs squeezed, he couldn’t breathe for a moment.
“Stay?” his voice sounded faint, even to himself but Skeppy didn’t call him out on it.
“Yeah.”
“Oh.”
“Yes. You know, I have a spare room.” Skeppy started to sound surer of himself. Like he found his confidence again.
“Skeppy, what? I can’t just move in with you.” It was ridiculous to even suggest such a thing. Right?
“Yes, you can. What’s the worst thing that can happen?”
What’s the worst thing that could happen? Would it be so bad? Living with Skeppy? Waking up every day, knowing you could spend it with the one person you lo- no, no Bad wouldn’t go there.
Waking up every day, knowing you could spend it with your best friend. No, it wouldn’t be bad. In fact, it was all Bad wanted. His heart raced at the thought and he felt heat rise up to his cheeks. What would that be like? Would their friendship grow stronger? There was no way it wouldn’t. But they were best friends, it was impossible for them to get any closer. Unless,…
Bad felt almost giddy at the thought. Skeppy and him, him and Skeppy. But Skeppy didn’t know, and if it were up to Bad, he never would. So that was impossible. Even then, getting to spend more time with Skeppy sounded so, so good.
“Bad are you still there?” And just like that, Bad was ripped out of his thoughts.
“Yes, I’m still here. Just thinking.”
“About us?” Skeppy’s voice turned high.
“No- why are you saying it like that?” He coughed.
“Saying it like what? Oh my god, Bad, can I not be excited for my best friend to maybe, move in with me?” he laughed. The strange, sad mood from before was completely gone.
“I still don’t think that’s a good idea, you know.” Someone had to be rational and responsbile about this, and it wasn’t going to be Skeppy. So Bad shouldered the burden. “Moving on a whim doesn’t end well.”
“What about-,” Skeppy paused. He didn’t sound particularily discouraged. “Oh my god!” He squealed, “I’ve got it! What about a trial?”
“A trial?” What was Skeppy on about?”
“A trial. Move in with me- no shut up,” he said as soon as Bad opened his mouth to interject, “Move in with me temporarily. Oh my god, I’m such a genius,” Skeppy laughed.
“What do you mean ‘temporarily’?”
“I mean temporarily. For, like, a month or something. See how you like it here.”
Maybe Skeppy was actually a genius, Bad thought.
-
Bad was flying. The world was stretched out underneath him and there was Skeppy next to him, a warm hand in his. He felt light and happy, and the colors were bright, wind caressed his cheeks and- and there was a buzzing, like the buzz of a bee. A very annoying bee. The buzzing got louder somehow and with a startling bark, Bad was ripped out of his dream.
Rat looked up at him indignantly, his phone was vibrating next to him. He didn’t have his glasses on and the world was blurry but he could still read Skeppy’s name on the screen.
“Skeppy?” he asked quietly. His voice was gravelly from sleep.
“Oh. Did I wake you? I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” came the stuttered reply.
“It’s fine. Are you alright?” It was still dark outside and Bad curled back down on his bed, phone pressed against his ear.
“Yes, it’s just-,” Skeppy went quiet. There was a rustling sound, “I’ve been thinking. About, you know, how you said you wanted to move in with me.”
“We said we’d try for a month,” Bad reminded him gently, “It’s not like a permanent thing.”
“I know it’s-,” he sounded frustrated and tense. “There’s something we need to talk about before. It wouldn’t be right. I can’t just-,” he huffed.
Bad sat up. Nerves buzzing and the last remnant of sleep were wiped away instantly.
“Skeppy, are you okay?”
Skeppy snorted, “You have no idea, Bad. And it never mattered before, you know.”
Bad stayed quiet.
“Promise you won’t get mad?” Skeppy asked softly, “Promise me.”
“I- I don’t know what you’re going to say.”
“Just, please, promise me. I need you to promise me,” he sounded desperate.
“Okay, okay, fine, I promise.” He could deal with whatever Skeppy would tell him. It was fine. If Skeppy wanted to cancel the moving in- Well, it would suck, obviously, but he wouldn’t be mad at Skeppy. Never.
“You promise you won’t get mad?”
“I promise I won’t get mad,” He repeated.
“Okay,” Skeppy took a deep breath and there was more shuffling. “I didn’t want to tell you. It’s dumb. It’s so dumb. But I can’t just let you move in without- what if you don’t want-.” He went quiet again. “I never meant to tell you. I never wanted you to know,” He whispered, “It doesn’t even matter really, it didn’t matter so far.”
“Just tell me!” Bad snapped, he shouldn’t raise his voice but Skeppy was starting to stress him out.
“I love you.”
“Yes, I know, I love you too, now tell me.”
“No, Bad, I love you.”
The room went quiet. Bad could feel his heartbeat, there was a ringing sound in his ears and it was like the world had suddenly tilted around its axis. He misheard. He must have.
“Wha- what?” he asked faintly, “What did you say?”
“I’m in love with you, Bad,” Skeppy answered calmly. Bad didn’t feel calm. Bad felt very much not calm.
“No, no you’re not,” were the words that came out of his mouth. It was like he was moving on autopilot. He couldn’t think.
“Yes, Bad, I do. I have for some time.”
Bad didn’t dare to move. He was still dreaming, right? Soon Rat would wake him up and demand her breakfast. And then he would call Skeppy and they would film a video and laugh or something like that. A normal day, and definitely no talking about love.
“Bad, are you still there?” Skeppy asked carefully.
“Yeah, I’m still here,” his voice was strangely monotone.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t, there’s- I don’t understand,” he admitted quietly, “I don’t understand.”
“Understand what?” Skeppy asked. Why was he so calm? Why was he not freaking out wen Bad felt like someone had pulled the rug out from beneath his feet.
“You don’t mean that, right?”
“Why wouldn’t I mean it?” Great, now he sounded frustrated. As if all of this was somehow Bad’s fault.
“You’re trolling again, right? Or you’re sick. Are you sick?” Bad started to anxiously bite his nails.
“Oh my god, are you serious right now?” Skeppy screamed. “I just confessed my feelings to you and that’s all you’ve got to say.”
“No, Skeppy, you’re being very nonsensical right now. I’m just concerned.”
“Bad, I’m in love with you. I love you. I fucking fell for you, what else do you want me to say?”
“Language,” Came the automatic reply, “and you don’t mean that.”
“Bad, I realized that I loved you like a year ago. And I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you for way longer than that.”
A year ago? A year ago? Bad’s mind was racing. What happened a year ago. He couldn’t even remember. Did Skeppy ever start acting different? He didn’t think so. Skeppy was always Skeppy. But Skeppy had never noticed him act different either and he had been in love with Skeppy for ages.
“You, you, wha- How is that possible?” Bad sputtered, “You never said anything!”
“What, you expect me to be like ‘Oh my god, Bad, I love you, you’re so hot, let’s go smooch,’” Skeppy cooed in a high-pitched voice, “Because that would have gone over so well, right, Bad? You almost didn’t meet me as it is!”
“I- that has nothing to do with anything!” Bad huffed. “I didn’t wanna meet becau-,” He stopped.
Because he was in love with Skeppy.
“Because what?” Skeppy asked lowly, “Because what, Bad?”
“I can’t tell you.” He closed his eyes as if he could block out Skeppy like that.
“Bad, I swear to god, I’m going to strangle you! Tell. Me,” he growled.
He needed to tell him, owed it to him.
“I didn’t wanna meet you because I’m in love with you and I was scared you'd find out.”
“What?” Skeppy asked faintly.
He didn’t answer.
“What?” Bad almost dropped the phone from the scream Skeppy let out. “You love me?”
“Yes.”
“Love love me?”
“Yes, Skeppy,” he sighed resignedly, “I love love you.”
“Then move in with me."
And they did.