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"You want me to… what?!" Ed asks, unable to even finish his question.
He must have misheard Al, right? There 's no way…
"I want you to teach me how to kiss… please?" Al asks in a sweet voice, fluttering his eyelashes as he smiles, no doubt trying to look adorable.
As if he needed to try.
Ed swallows once, twice. A light pink dusting his cheeks as he looks around the room, everywhere but Al. "Why… why do you… is there someone you like or something?" he questions in a low voice, almost a whisper.
"Oh? Ah- yeah, yeah." Is Al's response.
"Someone from school I suppose?" Ed asks. Why? He doesn't know. He doesn't really want, or need an answer. It wouldn't change a thing anyways.
"Um yes, so, teach me please?" Alphonse tries again, a sheepish smile as he gently scratches his cheek.
Ed swallows again.
This is normal, he thinks to himself.
Well- not the teaching your younger brother how to kiss part, but Alphonse falling in love with someone from school? That is normal. Is what normal teens should be doing.
Ed wants Al to have the normal life he couldn't have before.
Before coming to this side of the gate, to this new world, they didn't get to experience normal lives. With training with their sensei, then the transmutation, working as state alchemists… and Al was trapped in that metal body for years. Unable to touch, to sleep, to feel- to be human.
And as if that wasn't enough, he then lost his memories. Years of his life simply vanished, as if they had never happened.
And it was all Ed's fault.
So now it was just fair for Al to have the opportunity to experience all that he couldn't before, right?
Now there's no need to run around for their lives. They can finally have some peace (as much as this new world offers them) and Al can just worry about going to school, getting good grades, and having friends.
Falling in love
It 's just fair. It's how it's supposed to be.
So, even if it hurts, Ed will do everything he can to provide him with this normalcy.
Despite his uneasiness, his lips curls up in a smirk. "Oh I see. So my little brother is now trying to get some action I see?" He teases, in a way that an older brother would.
"Well- I just- ugh, nevermind. Forget it" Al tries to back pedal.
This is fine , Ed tells himself.
He will swallow down his feelings and help Al however it is that he needs to. Because Al deserves to be happy and normal. He deserves to get a partner and experience relationships and just- live his life.
He doesn't deserve this sick brother who is in love with him. Who wishes to always be by his side because he's too selfish to let go of him.
Al doesn't deserve Ed, who has dreamt so many times before of being able to taste those lips, who constantly fantasizes of how it must feel to kiss Al. That is now picking up little crumbs, eager to finally have this opportunity, even if he knows that there's gonna be another person in Al's mind as they kiss. Al deserves so much more than him.
You're doing this for him, not for you .
"Ok, so, I am no expert 'kay? But uh… " Ed slowly approaches Al. His flesh hand gently caresses his rosy cheek before cupping it. "You need to be gentle" he whispers, eyeing Al's face, searching for any indication that he should stop.
There 's none.
Instead, Al also lifts his hand, placing a strand of Ed's hair behind his ear and then placing that same hand over his cheek. "Like this?" he asks in a small voice.
Ed nods. "Now you just… well, just remember to breathe through your nose. Relax and follow my movements" Edward takes a mouthful of air, trying to follow his own advice and relax before finally leaning in, closing the short distance between them.
Their lips collide in a soft, sweet kiss. Ed moves his lips, Al follows his movements as best as he can, which is not too difficult considering how slow and tender the kiss is.
A spark, an ember, and suddenly a wild fire grows inside Ed as he finally, finally gets a taste of those thin, rosy lips, a taste of Al's mouth; soft, warm, and so delicious. Just as the fire grows, it dies. A bucket of cold water puts an end to it as Ed realizes that he is kissing Al. His brother.
He's- he's taking advantage of him, right? Fuck. Fuck. He's so sick, so disgusting.
He parts away from the kiss, eyes wide even though he tries his best not to appear too bothered or affected. Too guilty.
He clears his throat, his gaze lingering over Al's confused expression. He looks adorable, with his lips shiny due to Ed's saliva; cheeks painted red, slightly panting as his big doe eyes focus on his older brother's expression.
"Uhm- uh well, that's- that's basically it. You got it?" the older Elric asks, trying his best to avoid looking directly at the other's eyes.
Al swallows and nods slowly "y-yeah… I think I understood" he mutters. He still looks a bit lost after the kiss, as if his mind was hazy, cloudy.
Ed nods again, turning around, ready to make his way towards his room and make an attempt to sleep, but Al's voice grabs his attention once more.
"Brother?" he calls softly.
Ed hums in acknowledgement.
"Can we… do this again?"
No , is what he wants to say. He wants to cry and apologize a million times.
He doesn't turn around to answer. "Sure Al. As many times as you need to," is all he said before leaving the room.
Sick bastard.
He won't get any sleep tonight.
(...)
Two weeks.
It was two weeks ago that he kissed Alphonse for the first time, and since then, his brother has been asking to kiss at every small opportunity.
At first it was always under the excuse of wanting to learn how to properly give a kiss. After a couple of times (well, a couple dozens maybe) he just gave up on explanations, and Edward also stopped asking for them, just obliging his sibling every time.
He can't keep going like this.
He had no idea what to do, but he couldn't just keep doing this; it wasn't normal. His head hurts from thinking and overthinking this situation.
Which is why he's currently at a small, dimly lit bar; forehead pressed to the cold wood of the bar, a glass of… Something , almost empty in front of his face.
"You good pal?" the bartender asks, filling his glass without him asking for it. Ed mentally thanks him.
Maybe he could… if he omits some details, he could get some advice, right?
(...)
Ed hums a melody, a song that was probably playing at the bar a while ago. He furrows his eyebrows, focusing on the door in front of him. He glares at it, as if the door had slapped him across the face or something. What was he…?
Oh yeah! Keys. His keys.
He fishes them out of his pocket, and after the third try, he finally manages to insert it and open the door to his house.
He enters the place, walking in a zig-zag as he giggles. Maybe, maaaybe he drank too much.
"Brother…?" A soft, warm, young familiar voice calls. Ed turns around, gaze moving around the room until his eyes land on him. On Al.
The only person he really wanted to keep at least 100 kilometers away, but also the only person he really wanted to see.
"Brother, where were you? Were you drinking?" the boy calls again, walking towards him. He feels Al's arms around him, helping hin make his way towards his room.
"Brother, you- ugh. Just- rest, okay?"
Ed looks at the ceiling.
"M' sorry," he manages to say.
He hears Al sighing. "It's okay, just… is everything alright?" his voice sounds low, concerned.
It hurts.
"I… I don't know," a humorless laugh escapes his lips, "I guess I wanted to not think for a while" he mutters, closing his eyes.
Al looks at him, concern evident on his face. His mouth opens, and closes again as he finds no words to say. He's about to turn around and leave the room, Ed needs to rest after all, but what sounds like a sob makes him stop mid-step.
He turns around as, as he feared, Ed is now crying. He's just laying there, stare lost on a non existent spot, crying, no, sobbing and looking absolutely helpless.
"Ed- what- what happens?" He asks, in a heartbeat, he's already kneeling by his side, taking Ed's hand in his, his other hand trying to clean the tears.
It hurts, Ed thinks again.
"What hurts, brother?" he hears in a tiny whisper, and realizes he said that out loud.
"I'm sorry Alphonse," his brother's name comes out in a broken sob.
The dam has opened.
"I made you like this. I'm so-sorry. I- I shouldn't, but you wanted to learn how to kiss. And I really wanted- I am so so sick. So sick and disgusting. I can't-'' hiccups and wails interrupt each phrase that comes out of his mouth. Not like it made much sense though, he's so drunk thar he can't think, can't formulate a coherent, complete thought, much less express it in words.
Al stares.
And Ed's stomach twists and drops to the floor.
He hates me. He's disgusted.
"Edward… what are you saying?" He tries to ask, his voice soft, as if he was talking to a vulnerable animal, trying not to startle him so he won't run away.
"I- I shouldn't. It hurts. It's okay if you like someone, b-but I wish it was me. I'm sorry I kissed you… so selfish, I'm so selfish. I did this…"
"Ed, Ed it was you," Al tries to say, but the drunk dumbass he has for a brother wouldn't listen, too busy rambling.
"-did this. I wish I-"
"Edward, it was you who I like!"
Now, it's Ed's turn to stare.
"... What?"
Al scoffs. "Brother, I- there's no classmate, okay? I like you. I didn't want to learn to kiss, I actually just wanted to kiss you…" his voice goes a little bit softer, more quiet at the end of his explanation, cheeks painted red, obviously embarrassed to admit it.
"I just- I know it's dumb, but I wanted to make sure… that you wouldn't be disgusted by it, by my feelings" the younger adds, his eyes locked into the puddles of melted gold that are Ed's irises.
"B-but.. It's been a month…"
"I just- ugh, won't you just accept my confession already?"
Ah.
He had forgotten that part.
"Fuck… I wish I hadn't drank so much… I probably won't remember this tomorrow." Is what he says. Stupid .
Al rolls his eyes and hugs him, giggling as he accommodates himself on the bed, by Ed's side. "Don't worry dumbass, I'll make sure to remind you, word by word."
Ed smiles, and kisses Al. And Al kisses him back. And it's imperfect, and clumsy. Ed's lips taste like alcohol, like whisky probably, and Al decides he doesn't like alcohol. They can't stop smiling, and giggling. And that's what makes it perfect.
"That's my answer, by the way. I like you too, Al."
Al laughs. And Es thinks that's the best fucking sound on the whole world.
How could he resist? How wasn't he supposed to fall in love with this little ray of sunshine by his side?
"Sleep, brother. You'll be hungover tomorrow."
"Yeah yeah, g'night Al. Love you too."