Work Text:
D: i think i’m going to be sick
D: she’s going to say no
D: fUCk what if she says no
P: she’s not going to say no, you idiot
Z: breathe, mate, she’ll say yes
T: have u been to the loo?
T: u sure u got the ring on you? i do think the other ring would’ve been better
Z: not the time theo honestly
Z: also the ring you suggested fucking sucked
D: fuck fuck she’s ready, i gotta go
D: merlin’s balls i’m gonna throw up
Z: good luck mate
P: you’re going to be fine draco, you drama queen
T: i hope you cast a breath mint charm lol
Z: THeo shut up, i beg u
—
G: wanna get your nails done with me?
H: when have i ever wanted a manicure?
the next day
H: HOLY FUCK GINNY.
H: GIN
H: HE ASKED ME
H: IN THE LIBRARY WHERE WE HAD OUR FIRST DATE
H: HE– I’M OH MY GOD
H: I’M GETTING FUCKING MARRIED
H: HE PROPOSED
G: AAAAAAAAAAAAA
G: THIS IS WHY U SHOULD’VE GOTTEN UR NAILS DONE
H: YOU KNEW?
G: Ofc i knew!!1 he needed my permission, didn’t he!!!!
G: i want u to call me asap i want every single detail
H: i can’t promise how soon that is because i’m going to be too busy having sex with my fiANCEE
—
—
D: holy shit i’m getting married
Z: congratulations mate!! told you she’d say yes
T: now u gotta start on that wedding speech man
P: fuck sakes theo!!!
Z: tHEO
D: oh fuck he’s right
D: merlin i’m shit at public speaking
—
Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy would like to cordially invite you to the union of
Draco Lucius Malfoy & Hermione Jean Granger
10th of June 2008, Malfoy Manor
—
Hermione dear,
please send me your shoe size at your earliest convenience! Gaultier has a waiting list, but I have a contact that can bump you up.
Best, Narcissa
—
Dearest Hermione, I know you said you didn’t want an overly fancy wedding cake, but Pierre is the most renowned baker in wizarding France, and the birds that fly around the top tier are edible, and not real, so there are no animal welfare concerns. I think it would be lovely.
- Narcissa
—
Dear, I have us booked in with the florist next tuesday at 1pm. Have you had any chance to review the music options I sent you on Friday?
- N
—
H: i might have to divorce draco before we can even get married if i have to answer another question about whether we should have silk or satin covers for the chairs in the reception room
H: i wanted to know what the fucking difference was but i think if asked that i would’ve sent his mother to an early grave
HP: well it’s to do with the thickness of the thread, and the origin of it’s sourcing, according to Theo
H: HARRY DON’T U DARE
HP: lol
HP: wedding prep going well then i take it
H: i fucking hate it harry
HP: i thought u didn’t want all of this faff
H: i don’t
HP: then why…?
H: because if it’s what draco wants then i’ll gladly do it for him
H: and his mum means well i know i just
H: she’s trying to make up for the fact that mum and dad can’t;.. you know
HP: yeah, but if you don’t want all this… you don’t have to have it
H: i need to see it through harry
HP: well i’m here for you whatever you need, ok?
H: <3
—
D: my mum is driving me up the wall
P: that isn’t surprisng at all
D: she keeps asking me if i want italian leather or french suede for my wedding shoes
D: i honeslty couldn’t give a fuck if i was barefoot i don’t know why she can’t just choose
P: draco, darling, if you don’t want all this fuss then why are you doing it?
D: so i can give hermione the wedding she deserves
D: her parents can’t be here, and i think organising this with Mother is good for her?
D: i just want her to be happy pans
—
the day of the wedding
HP: how we feeling? we good?
HP: Hermione?
HP: you awake?
HP: this is why you should’ve asked ginny to be your maid of honour thingy idk what the rules are
HP: but i’m pretty sure you need to be awake right now
H: i don’t think i can do this
HP: shit
HP: ok not shit, it’s fine, you’re fine, this will be fine
HP: second thoughts? that’s fine
HP if i can walk you down the aisle I can help you become a runaway bride
HP: i literally have the invisibility cloak in my pocket
H: why on earth do you have your cloak at my wedding
HP: theo wanted to try it out, you know
H: i don’t want to know anymore thank you
H: fuck harry, i just, oh god what a mess
HP: do you want to marry him?
H: yes, a thousand times yes
H: i just can’t do it like this
H: i thought i could but i can’t–
H: i could hardly even get the dress on
H: narcissa is going to be here soon
H: and i’m going to have to wear a fucking flower crown
H: and shoes that are so painful that they need fourteen charms to make them even remotely wearable
HP: hermione, tell him
HP: he’ll want to know
—
H: i need you
D: i know baby, me too
D: soon, and then you can have me whatever way you want me ;)
H: draco, no i need you now
H: I can't…
D: it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding isn’t it? ;)
D: wait what do you mean you can’t, what’s wrong?
D: baby?
H: draco i thought i could handle this all
H: but i’m wearing this disgustingly expensive wedding dress and just even thinking about the people who are going to be sitting down there and watching me and i just—
H: i’m sorry but this isn’t what i want
D: you don’t want to get married?
H: no
H: not like this
D: ok but you do want to get married to me though right
H: yes, sweetheart of course I do
H: but i just want you
H: i don’t want all of this
D: ok
D: let's leave then
H: what?
D: grab a bag, i’m coming to you right now
H: but don’t you want this?
D: baby, i would get married at windsor castle if that’s what you wanted
D: i would marry you behind the bins at the leaky cauldron
D: sign a piece of paper at the ministry
D: i just want you
H: so why have we been doing all this?
D: because i thought you wanted this?
D: why didn’t you say anything to me?
H: god we’re fucking idiots
D: lets get out of here
D: go to the ministry, sign the fucking certificate just for us
D: that’s all i need.
D: you. Us.
H: that’s all i need too
H: fuck i love you so much
D: good, because you’re stuck with me
D: that proposal was too nerve wracking and gave theo far too much ammunition against me, i could never handle doing that again
D: you’re it for me baby
D: Let's get married shall we?
—
Excerpt from the daily prophet:
Breaking news: the most highly anticipated wedding of the season has just been completely upended by the bridge and groom themselves
Sources tell me that the pair were spotted in a small restaurant in muggle london, surrounded by their friends. They were in their wedding finery, but there was no suggestion of the Gaultier shoes, Pierre Levarre’s cake, or anything else that had been rumoured to be a part of the original celebration.
When asked for a comment on the ruination of her meticulously planned wedding, Narcissa Malfoy had (rather rudely) told this writer that as long as her son and daughter in law were happy, then she was happy.
I was not offered a slice of cake.