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There's a whole lot that he won't let himself feel.
It doesn’t matter, though. That box had been shut and locked a long time ago. It is rusty and discolored now. No use opening it.
Ringing fills his ears at exactly 8:15 am. He turns to his side, stretches an arm out to punch his phone. Silence. There’s banging and pots clanging downstairs. A boyish, distant voice floats into his ears. Kazui. Probably protesting whatever new breakfast concoction Orihime is trying to convince him to eat.
Bathroom. Wash face. Brush teeth. Change clothes. There’s a steady hum in his head, like his brain was still not fully awake enough to form words. The noises downstairs have subsided considerably. Yuzu and Karin have probably left, dropping Kazui at school before continuing on their own route.
He pads down the stairs as he ties his tie. His satchel hits his knee with every step. He needs to shorten the strap. It’s getting annoying.
“Good morning.” Orihime pauses on the dishes as she turns her head. “Breakfast?”
He hums and shakes his head, looking at the clock. Dammit, he should’ve left ten minutes ago. “I’ll grab something on the way. I’m a little late.”
Orihime turns back to the sink. “Is your alarm still messing up? I thought you fixed it.”
No. He woke up on time. What exactly was he caught up in for forty five minutes?
“I don’t know.” He sighs, tying his shoelaces.
“I’ll wake you up myself tomorrow.” She offers.
“Okay. I’m leaving.” There’s no point in telling her to not bother and that she already has Kazui on her plate. He’ll just tell her at night.
Work is as mundane as it has always been. The monotony doesn’t do much for Ichigo, but at least it’s comfortable. His coworkers mind their own business and he can work as silently as possible to meet his deadlines. Given the circumstances, it’s not a bad gig at all.
The hours go by as slowly today as usual. Ichigo spends his free moments daydreaming about the bowl of ramen he had for dinner last night and if it would be a good idea to have it again today.
His phone buzzes in his pocket and breaks his thoughts. He shuffles and pulls it out, placing it to his ear.
“Hm?” The writing on his desk is getting kind of blurry. His eyelids are heavy with boredom.
“Ichigo?”
He freezes.
Phones ring in the distance. Papers are shuffling and there’s a steady hum of people working in the cubicles around him. He can smell ink and newly photocopied papers in the air. Yet they seem so far away.
There’s tapping on the other line and a huff of frustration. “Sentarou! This thing isn’t working! That guy from Squad 12 duped you!”
“R-Rukia.” His voice is strained. He clears his throat. The tapping abruptly halts.
“Ichigo? Hey! Can you hear me?!”
Ichigo flinches and pulls the phone slightly away from his ear. “Stop shouting, you idiot. I can hear you.”
He can hear some whispering and shuffling on the other end, before Rukia speaks again, this time clearer. “Don’t call me an idiot! Do you know how many strings I had to pull to get an unauthorized phone from Squad 12? Be thankful!”
Ichigo breathes out, only then realizing how tight his chest feels. He leans back in his chair and hangs his head. “Yeah. Thanks.”
There’s a pause. “ How are you, Ichigo?”
Her voice has gone soft, as opposed to the rushed and exasperated tone earlier. Ichigo closes his eyes. Nope. No.
“I’m fine. How’s Renji?”
He almost slaps himself. He should’ve asked about her first. What’s wrong with him?
“He’s okay. He wanted to chat with you too, but he’s off with Nii-sama somewhere.” Ichigo can hear a door slide open and shut.
“Oh.” Ichigo feels lame, not saying anything else. A silence stretches between them. Static crackles in the phone.
“How’s…. how’s Inoue?” She sounds hesitant now.
“She’s fine.” Ichigo’s throat tightens.
Silence again. Then another huff.
“What's up with you? I can practically hear you moping over the phone. Straighten your back!” Rukia barks through the line suddenly.
Ichigo blinks and instinctively sits up. “I am sitting up! And even if I’m not, mind your business!”
“Who do you think I am?! When have you ever been able to fool me?”
Ichigo feels his cheek twitch in annoyance. He leans over his desk, resting his arms on the cool surface. “So you just called me to tell me off?”
“No. I called to have a chat with an old friend but it seems you’ve become pathetic and sad so I have to knock some sense into you again.”
This time, the corner of Ichigo’s lip twitches. He feels the horrifying urge to burst into laughter. Inappropriate, he thinks. He holds it back. “So you’ll come to Karakura?”
He can almost hear her rolling her eyes. “If it means kicking your ass? Sure.”
He’s grinning fully this time.
……………..
Ichigo decides to have that bowl of ramen he kept thinking about all day. He keeps Rukia on the phone while he waits for Keigo to make it. She brings him up to date with what’s happening in Soul Society. He nearly chokes when he hears she’s finally being considered for a Captain position.
“I think it’s Nii-sama’s doing.” She muses. “I still think I have a long way to go.”
“And I think you haven’t grown out of that habit of underestimating yourself.” He wipes his mouth. “Ukitake always wanted you to be the Captain after him.”
There’s a hum of acknowledgment. The shop around him is bustling and full of life. He presses the phone closer to his ear so he wouldn’t miss anything Rukia said.
“What about that Bankai of yours? Any progress on how to control it better?”
“Oh, yes. Renji and Captain Hitsugaya have been helping me with it. And I am getting better. There’s still a long way to go, though.”
Ichigo pauses and stares at his bowl. He feels caught off guard. Why did he, for a brief chunk of time, almost forget about Renji? His scowl grows and his grip on the phone tightens. He can almost feel, very painfully, how the rust on the box was slowly chipping away.
…………………..
She calls every other day after that.
Ichigo questions it in his head sometimes. Why she calls frequently and why, for some reason, they talk for an hour or so continuously, about mundane things and people they know. He tells himself they’re just catching up. After all, they haven’t talked in almost eight years.
Eight years, since he closed and shut it all up in a box in his head. Two weeks, that was all it took for the lid of the box to come flying off its hinges.
She’s rambling about some new device Kurotsuchi has been advertising around the Seireitei when it comes bursting out of him.
“Why did you marry him?”
She stops talking instantly, silence stretches between them. Ichigo stares out of the window he’s sitting on. There’s a steady hum of the TV downstairs. The sun is beginning to set.
“Ichigo.” There’s a warning in her voice.
His throat tightens. There’s a pang in his chest as he shifts on the windowsill. “S-sorry.”
“Would you have done anything even if I hadn’t married him?”
There is an orange tint around the clouds. He can make out small black dots gliding across them. Birds returning to their homes. He knows the answer was no. He had vowed to himself, the night that Yhwach disappeared, that he would never let himself be happy.
“Maybe I shouldn’t call anymore.”
“Oi!” Ichigo feels his back stiffen. He can't help the little tremble in his voice.
“I know you did everything for a reason.” Rukia’s voice sounded almost rigid. Cold. “I’m not blaming you. And you shouldn’t blame yourself either.”
He’s heard that too many times. It angers him. He grits his teeth to avoid bursting. The box has to stay shut.
“Maybe I’ll visit someday.” Rukia continues. “But until then, I think it’s best if I don’t call. Ichigo!” She warns when he begins to protest. “You know where this will go. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to Inoue.”
Ichigo wants to punch the window. He wants to scream at her about how unfair all of it is. How he had to meticulously destroy his whole life just to make sure Yhwach never came back. He feels like a petulant child, wanting to cry and scream his frustration.
But of course, he doesn’t have to. She understands. She always did. All that time ago too, when he was just a disgruntled punk who just wanted to pick fights. She had shown up and she had understood parts of him that even he was scared to explore.
The box inside him is creaking and groaning in protest as memories washed over Ichigo, begging to burst open until he is buried in his own sorrow. On the other line, he focuses only on her quiet breathing. He lets out a shaky sigh when he hears her last words. The Pandora’s box just couldn’t stay closed any longer.
“Just so you know, if you had asked, I would’ve said yes.”
The line dropped. The phone let out a steady beep.