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i'm at one with the silence (i'm at peace with your violence)

Summary:

She's always dealt with things on her own. She never wanted to burden anyone with how she felt.

But why can Lumine see herself in the 11th Harbinger?

Notes:

Hey everyone~ Just call me K!

This is my first ever work here in Ao3 so I hope you'll like it

It's a songfic based on Silence by Marshmellow, which is actually incorporated in the story itself

I apologize in advance in case you feel like the characters are OC, I sort of projected my current feelings to these two, but when I listened to this song again recently, I think it definitely fits the ship. Also, I did not fact-check with the lore, so i'm sorry if some things are inaccurate 🙏

The following is the format of the story itself to help with confusion

*italics- song lyrics*
*normal- present time*
*bold italics - flashback*

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:




Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter (fighter)

"The moon looks beautiful tonight~"

The sea breeze blew across the peaks of Guyun Stone Forest as Lumine and Childe decided to take a rest after their weekly sparring.

"Girlie, is that a pick-up line?" Lumine could already hear the smirk evident on Childe's face without having to turn her head. She pushed him on the shoulder, eliciting a chuckle out of him.

'Cause all my life, I've been fighting

*beginning of flashback*
Her mind rushes to memories from long ago. Since she could remember, she's had to fight battles over and over again. Even when she had Aether, there was never a moment in her life that she didn't wield her sword. A never ending battle~ perhaps this is what her life was meant for.

Never felt a feeling of comfort, oh

An enemy on the left, a traitor on the right. Gashes and wounds, blood flowing from each cut. Peace was not in her vocabulary, it never was, so when they arrived in Teyvat, such a seemingly ancient planet, barely evolved, she thought she'd finally get a second to breathe...

Then the cataclysm happened.

The people of Khaenri'ah suffered the most from that battle. They couldn't help the people that welcomed her and her brother when they first arrived. They were told to flee, then perhaps Celestia might spare the people of this godless land.

So they ran...

And yet, the Heavenly Principles caught her and Aether, caged them, and separated them.

And all this time, I've been hiding

Upon waking up, she was confused. But she knew one thing... she had to hide. Just like before, just like most of her and Aether's long, long life. She needed to find her brother and they needed to leave this world. Teyvat needed to be another closed chapter in their immortal lives.

And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah

And yet, after waking up, she found a new friend in Paimon, and all the people she's come across in the lands of Mondstadt, Liyue, Inazuma, and now, Sumeru.

Still, loneliness was a constant companion of hers, despite all the people who she'd now consider as her friend. She couldn't share the truth about herself. The lingering feeling of fear that she tried to remove for the longest time was still there.

I'm so used to sharing

She was never the one to make friends easily. Aether's been the more social one between the two of them. She usually just followed him. His friends were hers as well, even if often times they'd just ignore her altogether and focus on Aether.

Love only left me alone

But now, he's gone, leading the Abyss in some sort of vendetta she's yet to understand. And she's stuck roaming around this world, trying to unveil this mystery revolving her brother.

But I'm at one with the silence

And that's how she met him...


I found peace in your violence

That hunger to gain strength. The lust for bloodshed. The look in his eyes that tells countless battles.

She knew, the moment she laid eyes on him. He was a kindred spirit.

Can't show me, there's no point in trying

Of course, that freaked her out at first. Just how was there someone who reflected such back to her.

So she preferred to avoid him, in the beginning at least.

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

Until she saw another side of him that wasn't just the war-hardened weapon of an Archon gone rogue.

I found peace in your violence

His willingness to avoid ruining Teucer's innocence and protect him at all costs, even at the expense of his own life... she, for some odd reason, found respect for the Harbinger.

Can't show me, there's no point in trying

Of course his insistence on not seeing the younger Snezhnayan off because he didn't want to look weak in front of his brother made her raise an eyebrow.

I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

But really, who was she to judge, when she's done the same thing for the longest time. Be it with her brother, Paimon, or her new found friends.

I've been quiet for too long

She suffered alone in pain...

I've been quiet for too long

She buried her agony with false strength...

I found peace in your violence

His beaten body almost appearing lifeless if it weren't for his heavy breathing...

Can't show me, there's no point in trying

His insistence on doing things on his own, that he didn't need help...

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

They're the same...

I'm in need of a savior (savior), but I'm not asking for favors

With their eyes screaming for help, but the deadness of the color in them made them appear emotionless.
Hoping someone, anyone would see beneath the shell they've built and reach out a hand to grab onto, a supportive arm to lean on.

My whole life, I've felt like a burden

But they'd never ask for help. Not when they've learned the pain of rejection from asking for it.

I think too much, and I hate it

The cacophony of voices in their head.

"You should get stronger. You're too weak that's why that happened to you."

"Don't bother other people."

"Your feelings don't matter, just swallow it down and consider someone else's situation."

"Others have it harder than you."

"You know your being a brat, stop it."

I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring

They'd always say they've gone numb from all of it. That their hearts have hardened through all these years of suffering alone and in silence.

But those are all lies. Lies they tell themselves to stop themselves from crying, to stop them from sharing who they really are to others.

It's easier that way~

Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence

Far easier than getting one's heart shattered into pieces from the fall, expecting an arm to catch them, and picking up those same pieces afterwards to put them back together and get a semblance of what once was, but could never be again.

I found peace in your violence

So they fight. To get stronger. To be occupied. To be better.

Because stopping only reminds them of what they don't have...

Can't show me, there's no point in trying

And yet

By some miracle...

Or maybe the mockery of the gods in Celestia

They found each other...

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

To hell with what others would think

I found peace in your violence

Celestia be damned that they found comfort in each other despite being enemies fighting for different sides

Can't show me, there's no point in trying

Because at the end of the day...
They're simply a means-to-an-end by those they serve

I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

But they're still their own person
Condemn them for finding what they couldn't with others...

I've been quiet for too long

Every swing of their blade...

I've been quiet for too long

Every throw of their element...

I found peace in your violence

Every heavily dealt blow...

Can't show me, there's no point in trying

Is their way of communicating...

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

"I'm here for you~"

*end of flashback*
Childe wraps an arm around Lumine and leans her head on his chest as he rests his head on hers, finally answering her question, "It certainly is~"

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading my work! If you want to chat or talk, you can find me on twitter @OyaOyaOmiOmi

If you'd like to read more of my work or even tell me what you think about this story, feel free to comment and lmk 🩵

Stay safe and have a good day~